"Why Yoli Shot The Clock", a stirring Texiz tale.

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Yoli here,

Here it is, almost 4AM. Guess who's going fishing!

Before I leave I want to confess to a rare but, some might say, heinous crime. I used a gun to commit the offense too!

Y'seeeee, Ash(leigh) and I had this huge and ugly grandfather clock in our little nest. It was a gift from one of her relatives, now deceased, and we felt obliged to keep it so long as said relative drew breath.

This clock had a chime that was the most irritating I've ever heard and when it sounded off late at night it sometimes startled the pewp (female equivalent of "poop") out of us, especially if we'd watched some creepy movie before going to bed. In the six years we had the cursed thing we never got accustomed to it.

Sooooo...Ash(leigh) and I got up at 5AM yesterday, wrestled the beast into the Hummer, then Ash(leigh) returned to bed as I put my pet deer rifle into the vehicle and hightailed it all the way to the ranch.

Once at the ranch, three hours later, I drove to a small pasture that had a hill mass on one side, dragged the clock out and stood it upright just where the ground (See: Rocks) started to rise, and then drove about 150 yards and took up a position that would assure that bullets would impact the hillside (and the damned clock!)

As I was loading my rifle the ranch foreman rode up on horseback and asked "Wot de fock are joo doing, Mees Yolanda?" I replied "Watch this!" and drilled a round into the clock, at about 3 on the dial. He was stunned, and his horse, "Guerilla" was a bit taken aback...about ten feet, in fact...suddenly.

I invited him to take a shot and handed my rifle up to him. He put one almost dead center in the dial.

By the time we'd used up the 20 rounds of ammunition I'd brought for the rifle, and a dozen or so rounds of 45 caliber pistol ammo (his), the clock was a shattered wreck.

Yes, the grandfather clock, and a rather valuable old one it was, has gone to the afterlife where, I hope, it has joined it's donor and is making her eternity a living Hell!

True story and not one intended to upset clock fanciers or antique aficionados.

Well, the boat is already hitched. My tackle and snacks are packed. My partner for the day just called (to Ash[leigh]'s annoyance) to confirm that he's running on schedule so...Off I go! Look out, Bass!

As ever, your loving Yoli

[Arab Nights (imported)]

By the time we'd used up the 20 rounds of ammunition I'd brought for the rifle, and a dozen or so rounds of 45 caliber pistol ammo (his), the clock was a shattered wreck.(to Ash[leigh]'s annoyance) to confirm that he's running on

OMGY (Oh my God, Yoli). So much bullets, one clock. Next time you call me!. I bring you RPG from Yemen. I have connections. My friend Achmed - his estate have many things you like.

[Arab Nights (imported)]

OMGY (Oh my God, Yoli). QUOTE]

So sorry. OMMY.

[A-1 (imported)]

O.K.

This proves it!

NEVER call Yoli to clean anyone's clock...

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Well, A-1, it's like Ash(leigh) told some bubblegummer after she knocked him into the San Antonio River (on the RiverWalk) one night, "Let that be a Lesbian to you!"

Seems he came up behind us, having seen us steal a quick kiss, and grabbed our hineys, saying "Hey, Ladies. Good news! I'm available for a threesome."

He climbed out, urping up deceased tadpoles and a tasty melange of harmful bacteria, and ran off. There must have been 50 people laughing at him as he fled.

Ahhhh, the good times!

Yoli

Eyewitness to the event!

PeeYess: The fishing was decent until A: It got HOT at about 10AM. B: The a55holes on jetskis and ski/wake boats showed up.

One jetskier dogged us, wanting to jump our wake. Well, when I floorboarded the Hot Foot Pedal and hit 77.8 mph (GPS reading) he fell far behind. I still had a few RPM to give but I believe in moderation, especially at 4 bux per gallon!

We trailered the boat and convoyed to a beer 'n burger place near the lake, ate (I had iced tea with my double bacon burger with chizz [my Dad's pronunciation] and BBQ sauce and some O-rings.), relaxed in the delightfully air-conditioned environment for an hour or so, then parted company and headed home.

The swimming pool felt GREAT!

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

OH! She shot the clock. Sorry, I mis-read that word. --FLO--

[tugon (imported)]

OH! She shot the clock. Sorry, I mis-read that word. --FLO--

Without spell check it could have gone either way.

Yoli I hope it was not a fine mechanical movement. I am a horologist.

[kristoff]

Without spell check it could have gone either way.

Yoli I hope it was not a fine mechanical movement. I am a horologist.

I once knew a couple of whorologists. Interesting fellows....

[tugon (imported)]

I once knew a couple of whorologists. Interesting fellows....

I was one of them back when I still had chimes.

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

...

Yoli I hope it was not a fine mechanical movement. I am a horologist.

Tuggles,

Wellll, are you sitting down? Yes? Good!

A clock collector here in SA once "appraised" the monster at well into four figures, based on age and maker (some foreign dude in some foreign place.)

That was done for insurance purposes by the previous owner. We did not continue the coverage on the thing since we planned to auction it after a decent interval after the giver's passing OR find some other way to be rid of the accursed noise-maker. Well, I DID find a way to be rid of it!

Had we needed the bux we would, of course, have taken the road more traveled in such matters.

Had the thing been less large, obtrusive, and otherwise and irritant it would be alive today. As it is, coyotes are gnawing it's bones as we speak.

Sorry 'bout that!

Yoli