I've been a memeber here for the past seven years, with a couple years inactive. Seven years ago I did a stint on androcur with great results...then back to focusing on work for a few years. More resolved than ever to get cut, back on androcur with a greater apreciation for eunuchism and less invested in my "potency" as a man.
Pretty much my desire to be castrated has been present from about eight years. Although I have a few neonatal memories, I can not say I've had a lifetime desire for castration.
Now, closing on forty, I am more resolved than ever to become a eunuch. It's really great to read the post by the eunuchs who are pleased with the result and how becoming eunuch has enriched their lives. Equally important, is hearing about some of the negative outcomes.
I never thought that becoming a eunuch may make someone more interested in having children. Something any man contimplating castration needs to ponder. I had a vasectomy at 26 and only briefly wanted children there after.
So my desires are likely similar to others and not in others.
So aside from saying hello and that my self castration interest is deeply rooted in sense of idenity (past and present) with a healthy dose of fantasy, I look forward to responses from eunuchs who use my introduction to further express their satisfaction/or not with their life, and anyone else who feels eunuchs have improved or disrupted their lives.
hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
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chilliwilli (imported)
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twaddler (imported)
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Re: hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
"
The fact that I've shrunk in 1.5" in height in the last 1.5yrs is prolly not healthy. :/
"chilliwilli (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:30 pm Equally important, is hearing about some of the negative outcomes.
The fact that I've shrunk in 1.5" in height in the last 1.5yrs is prolly not healthy. :/
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cb2000user (imported)
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Re: hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
I also lost 1.5 inchs in height over the past two yearsbut my bone denesty test came back normal. The loss in penis size was wanted(down to an inch), not the loss in height.
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chilliwilli (imported)
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Re: hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
I took the survey and look forward to reading the results of both the 2005 and most recent survey. (Their were some questions that could trigger disturbing remebrances of past abuse). Since I have put my past to rest I look at things that happended with a point of pride rather than pity.
While I have spent years settling the demons from my past as well as improving my lot in life, I believe that sexuality is so extremely deep rooted, all but fixed, that it defies treatment. Ultimately your sexuality is something you just have to accept good bad or indifferent.
Since this is still an introduction, and the survey rekindled old memories, I'll share some of my childhood expiriences. Expiriences that I would not change for the world. And I'm not someone who wants to go door to door and save the world either. I don't feel sorry for myself, and while I have been on the archive for some time, I already processed what many would call a childhood of abuse. I understand my childhood and young adulthood as fundamental in my drive for castration. If any guys have similar expiriences I would love to communicate.
Abuse of boys in this country is misunderstood and if it occurs at the hands of the mother, completely denied. I do not like the word abuse though because that instills the "victim-idenity" and if your happy with how your childhood shaped you, than what do you have to complain about? I guess your supposed to declare yourself a victim so that you can be accepted. Instead of being a freak, or a frankinstien your a poor victim. Yes, if I was going to settle down, get married, work nine-to-five and have a few kids I would say I was abused, both then and in the present. I think I'd make a much better parent without balls than with, anyway.
As well as emotional, physical and mental abuse I got a healthy dose of sexual abuse by my mother. Mom was in control, always in control. Chores or not, I was a year away from high school and knew when it was bath time. My mother would bathe both my brother and myself until I was about fourteen. My poor little brother, I would pull his feet and shove my longer leg in his grion. My mother would do nothing. Once the bath was done she would ring out our hair twisiting until the follicles at the nape of the neck tore from the skin. When we yelped, she sometimes would stop. I'm not a woman hating gay man. Anyway mom would also always check out my genitals, even if I scraped a knee. I can still remember her hot breath on my tiny penis and fondling my testicles to "see" if anything was wrong. I was a soph/junior in high school when I had my last examination. She administered whippings with a thin black leather belt just after my tighty-whites hit the floor. A few times she stripped me down and whipped me from the bedroom door. (Those are the ones you remember). They say scents are the most vivid memories. The other day I smelled play-dough for the first time in more than 30 years. I still remember the smell of my mothers wine scented breath, the scent of marlboro cigarettes her hands running through my hair and the taste of her lip stick on my mouth and tounge. (When she was drunk she went a little far). So I have never denied or suppressed my memories. The only time it bothered me was realizing the lacking of loving parents, not the "abuse". It also bothered me that the "abuse" shapped me in such a way that I was unable to enjoy my early adult life.
I understand where my folks came from, what they lost in life, and harbor no ill will. I am not an angry person and feel that people should be able to raise their children however they wish without state intervention. Let the morman polygamists do what they want and let me do what I want. You won't see me on the Most Evil program or FBI files. I just want my balls cut off so that I don't feel so useless. Anyway, I'd love to hear from any straight eunuchs or wannabe with similar expiriences.
While I have spent years settling the demons from my past as well as improving my lot in life, I believe that sexuality is so extremely deep rooted, all but fixed, that it defies treatment. Ultimately your sexuality is something you just have to accept good bad or indifferent.
Since this is still an introduction, and the survey rekindled old memories, I'll share some of my childhood expiriences. Expiriences that I would not change for the world. And I'm not someone who wants to go door to door and save the world either. I don't feel sorry for myself, and while I have been on the archive for some time, I already processed what many would call a childhood of abuse. I understand my childhood and young adulthood as fundamental in my drive for castration. If any guys have similar expiriences I would love to communicate.
Abuse of boys in this country is misunderstood and if it occurs at the hands of the mother, completely denied. I do not like the word abuse though because that instills the "victim-idenity" and if your happy with how your childhood shaped you, than what do you have to complain about? I guess your supposed to declare yourself a victim so that you can be accepted. Instead of being a freak, or a frankinstien your a poor victim. Yes, if I was going to settle down, get married, work nine-to-five and have a few kids I would say I was abused, both then and in the present. I think I'd make a much better parent without balls than with, anyway.
As well as emotional, physical and mental abuse I got a healthy dose of sexual abuse by my mother. Mom was in control, always in control. Chores or not, I was a year away from high school and knew when it was bath time. My mother would bathe both my brother and myself until I was about fourteen. My poor little brother, I would pull his feet and shove my longer leg in his grion. My mother would do nothing. Once the bath was done she would ring out our hair twisiting until the follicles at the nape of the neck tore from the skin. When we yelped, she sometimes would stop. I'm not a woman hating gay man. Anyway mom would also always check out my genitals, even if I scraped a knee. I can still remember her hot breath on my tiny penis and fondling my testicles to "see" if anything was wrong. I was a soph/junior in high school when I had my last examination. She administered whippings with a thin black leather belt just after my tighty-whites hit the floor. A few times she stripped me down and whipped me from the bedroom door. (Those are the ones you remember). They say scents are the most vivid memories. The other day I smelled play-dough for the first time in more than 30 years. I still remember the smell of my mothers wine scented breath, the scent of marlboro cigarettes her hands running through my hair and the taste of her lip stick on my mouth and tounge. (When she was drunk she went a little far). So I have never denied or suppressed my memories. The only time it bothered me was realizing the lacking of loving parents, not the "abuse". It also bothered me that the "abuse" shapped me in such a way that I was unable to enjoy my early adult life.
I understand where my folks came from, what they lost in life, and harbor no ill will. I am not an angry person and feel that people should be able to raise their children however they wish without state intervention. Let the morman polygamists do what they want and let me do what I want. You won't see me on the Most Evil program or FBI files. I just want my balls cut off so that I don't feel so useless. Anyway, I'd love to hear from any straight eunuchs or wannabe with similar expiriences.
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chilliwilli (imported)
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Re: hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
Being a bit older has advantages. I've done personal growth and introspection stuff for years. The stuff I mentioned earlier was only joked about briefly 20 years ago. Some guy told me a male relative molested him and I'd joke back "Hey, but that's not my knee" we'd both laugh.
Somethings you can not change. It sure is a blessing to know stuff you have no control over. I was all busted up over that survey, it awoke memories of the few molestations at my mothers hands, and how the greater physical and emotional abuse took its toll. However it allowed me to look over the past twenty years and how my fixations, frustrations and failures are all tied to the emasculation at the hands of mum. (and other crap from growing up with two alcoholics).
Anyway at 39 I'm not putting my self through 20 years of counsling so that I can expirience intimacy. Sexuality is pretty well fixed, and all the rehab ain't gonna change a thing. Just ask Haggert or take a look at child molesters recidivism. In twenty years I could be a eunuch anyway. So mine just might be the next set to hit the chopping block!
Somethings you can not change. It sure is a blessing to know stuff you have no control over. I was all busted up over that survey, it awoke memories of the few molestations at my mothers hands, and how the greater physical and emotional abuse took its toll. However it allowed me to look over the past twenty years and how my fixations, frustrations and failures are all tied to the emasculation at the hands of mum. (and other crap from growing up with two alcoholics).
Anyway at 39 I'm not putting my self through 20 years of counsling so that I can expirience intimacy. Sexuality is pretty well fixed, and all the rehab ain't gonna change a thing. Just ask Haggert or take a look at child molesters recidivism. In twenty years I could be a eunuch anyway. So mine just might be the next set to hit the chopping block!
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twaddler (imported)
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Re: hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
cb2000user (imported) wrote: Sat Jul 12, 2008 6:03 am I also lost 1.5 inchs in height over the past two yearsbut my bone denesty test came back normal. The loss in penis size was wanted(down to an inch), not the loss in height.
I'd gladly lose some more height if only I could be assured it would be proportionate. With my luck I'll end up 5'6" a few years with great longs gorilla arms. :O
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chilliwilli (imported)
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Re: hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
"
Are you doing anything to help increase bone density? I'm an advocate for taking control of those things you can. I work out in the gym anyway and absolutely hate may car, so eight months outta the year it's riding the bike. Fluctuations in weight lifting and diet cause my weight to vary twenty pounds a year.
I guess as you age the bone density thing would be of a concern. I know their are some newer osteoclast ( or blast) drugs you can take that seem pretty good. Altough western medicine and all the drug recalls and new drugs would scare me a bit. Last year I went to China. Those holistic medicine docs are a trip. He evaluated me for back pain and gas, both of which I had. (He diagnosed my problem right away as did a few close friends on the bus.) But seriously, my buddy had high cholesterol and elevated liver enzymes (Big time drinker he is! Tries to get me into that stuff too, bad boy) Anyway, he went to China with his wife six months earlier and bought some chinesse herbs at the clinic. He took 'em for three or four months went back to his doc and his cholesterol and liver enzyme are fine. Keep in mind the chinesse doc had no idea he had these problems, diagnosed him with little more than a hands on interview, no stethescope no blood work either! Those guys are amazing. Anyway, he went back to his doctor just last week, his enzymes and cholesterol are fine! The doc said he doesn't know what happened but something fixed his problem, and he no longer has to take meds! I know the chinesse are opening a eunuch muesum. They must have encountered osteoporosis in three thousand years of castration. Look for that info to resurface, I 'll do some digging and if I ever go back ask about it. Wish I was a eunuch last year when I went.
On the other hand a set of long arms right now sure might help me catch this mouse I got in my kitchen. He's built a nest in the wall, or at least was doing some major remolding. I went to Wal-Mart and got some traps. Some are the kind with the red V on 'em, theirs peanut butter on those traps. I'm thinking my mouse can lick the butter of without triggering the trap. He's pretty darn crafty. Other traps are clear square tubes. I call the clear plastic tubes the Bates Motel, but not really;)
The loss in penis size couple with a signicant scrotal would be a welcomed change here. Couple with a significant, but not complete scrotal reduction and I'd be set! Very happy indeed.
1.5" in height in the last 1.5yrs is prolly not healthy. :/chilliwilli (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:30 pm Equally important"twaddler (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 11, 2008 10:15 pm , is hearing about some of the negative outcomes.
The fact that I've shrunk in
Are you doing anything to help increase bone density? I'm an advocate for taking control of those things you can. I work out in the gym anyway and absolutely hate may car, so eight months outta the year it's riding the bike. Fluctuations in weight lifting and diet cause my weight to vary twenty pounds a year.
I guess as you age the bone density thing would be of a concern. I know their are some newer osteoclast ( or blast) drugs you can take that seem pretty good. Altough western medicine and all the drug recalls and new drugs would scare me a bit. Last year I went to China. Those holistic medicine docs are a trip. He evaluated me for back pain and gas, both of which I had. (He diagnosed my problem right away as did a few close friends on the bus.) But seriously, my buddy had high cholesterol and elevated liver enzymes (Big time drinker he is! Tries to get me into that stuff too, bad boy) Anyway, he went to China with his wife six months earlier and bought some chinesse herbs at the clinic. He took 'em for three or four months went back to his doc and his cholesterol and liver enzyme are fine. Keep in mind the chinesse doc had no idea he had these problems, diagnosed him with little more than a hands on interview, no stethescope no blood work either! Those guys are amazing. Anyway, he went back to his doctor just last week, his enzymes and cholesterol are fine! The doc said he doesn't know what happened but something fixed his problem, and he no longer has to take meds! I know the chinesse are opening a eunuch muesum. They must have encountered osteoporosis in three thousand years of castration. Look for that info to resurface, I 'll do some digging and if I ever go back ask about it. Wish I was a eunuch last year when I went.
On the other hand a set of long arms right now sure might help me catch this mouse I got in my kitchen. He's built a nest in the wall, or at least was doing some major remolding. I went to Wal-Mart and got some traps. Some are the kind with the red V on 'em, theirs peanut butter on those traps. I'm thinking my mouse can lick the butter of without triggering the trap. He's pretty darn crafty. Other traps are clear square tubes. I call the clear plastic tubes the Bates Motel, but not really;)
The loss in penis size couple with a signicant scrotal would be a welcomed change here. Couple with a significant, but not complete scrotal reduction and I'd be set! Very happy indeed.
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tugon (imported)
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Re: hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
chilliwilli (imported) wrote: Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:29 pm On the other hand a set of long arms right now sure might help me catch this mouse I got in my kitchen. He's built a nest in the wall, or at least was doing some major remolding. I went to Wal-Mart and got some traps. Some are the kind with the red V on 'em, theirs peanut butter on those traps. I'm thinking my mouse can lick the butter of without triggering the trap. He's pretty darn crafty. Other traps are clear square tubes. I call the clear plastic tubes the Bates Motel, but not really;)
When you place mouse traps they are more effective if you wear latex gloves so they do not have your human scent on them.
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chilliwilli (imported)
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Re: hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
twaddler (imported) wrote: Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:59 am I'd gladly lose some more height if only I could be assured it would be proportionate. With my luck I'll end up 5'6" a few years with great longs gorilla arms. :O
Hey-
Gorilla arms aren't so bad if you live the arctic and only drag you hands on the snow!
Chilli
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chilliwilli (imported)
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Re: hmm...OHH YAHH...whew bad idea...err maybe...ok
tugon (imported) wrote: Tue Jul 15, 2008 3:22 pm When you place mouse traps they are more effective if you wear latex gloves so they do not have your human scent on them.
Good point, my DNA is probably all over my igloo!
Time to carefully open an ice-hole and look for a dinner, this igloo building stuff gets tiring. I prefer a fish dinner with all the fixins'!
Respectfully, Chilli