Molested

[weh12660 (imported)]

I am a first timer, I have followed this and like others I know the difference between sex and rape. I seem to be an easy mark for some reason. Now at 48 yrs I am searching for the person I am. I feel sad and lonely all the time. I have been married for many years but it has just been an existence not a life. I know the rapes in my life has changed me for sex to me is just an empty act that I perform for someone else. In 2001 I had an industrial accident and both testicles were removed. I guess all I want is to find real love I do not even know if I want a man or a woman. How messed up is that?

[Mac (imported)]

I don't recall ever being sexually molested. However, I knew that I had the wrong parts even before I knew what girls had that made them different.

If I had known before puberty what kids know today I would have found some way to prevent the adverse effects of male puberty, with the hope of getting complete SRS when I was old enough.

[weh12660 (imported)]

I have a question for Milkman what are you looking for? I feel your pain and I hear what your saying.

[Paolo]

First time poster?

Welcome to the zoo.

I think you'll find it a nice place.

[tugon (imported)]

I am a first timer, I have followed this and like others I know the difference between sex and rape. I seem to be an easy mark for some reason. Now at 48 yrs I am searching for the person I am. I feel sad and lonely all the time. I have been married for many years but it has just been an existence not a life. I know the rapes in my life has changed me for sex to me is just an empty act that I perform for someone else. In 2001 I had an industrial accident and both testicles were removed. I guess all I want is to find real love I do not even know if I want a man or a woman. How messed up is that?

I am glad you are here. This is the best group of people when you need to figure out your place in the world. I can relate to being an easy mark. Rapes have also changed me. I am not the person I was but I am becoming better than I thought I could be. Healing can happen and if I can help in any way let me know.

[Danya (imported)]

I am a first timer, I have followed this and like others I know the difference between sex and rape. I seem to be an easy mark for some reason. Now at 48 yrs I am searching for the person I am. I feel sad and lonely all the time. I have been married for many years but it has just been an existence not a life. I know the rapes in my life has changed me for sex to me is just an empty act that I perform for someone else. In 2001 I had an industrial accident and both testicles were removed. I guess all I want is to find real love I do not even know if I want a man or a woman. How messed up is that?

Please hang in there, WEH12660. I would think the industrial accident must have been a very traumatic experience.

You are simply unsure of who you are, not that I mean this is not a major issue for you. Perhaps you never really had a chance to explore that. I am 56 and have been trying to figure out what I want sexually, and who I am with respect to gender, for years. Now, I finally have answers to who I am, but I will always be discovering more. The answers I have are not the final answers because I am still exploring.

There have been times in my life when I have felt extremely sad and lonely. Even when I was living with my my ex-wife.

Please continue to post. Be gentle on yourself, too, and give yourself some slack. You have been through a lot and now you are trying to deal with a number of important life issues. Many people never address their issues at any age. You have made a start and that is very important.

Take care,

Danya

[weh12660 (imported)]

Thank you all for your kindness and I will continue to read and post.

[chilliwilli (imported)]

I think many of us have been molested. Perhaps the sexual molestation was not central in our developement, but I would venture to guess that there were other shades of abuse going on when a child is being sexually abused.

It really does mess up any opportunity for a normal life, but then we can't all be normal either.

I've spent years working on myself and the whole sexual thing is just a can of worms. Sexuality is so ingrained I think that castration is right for alot of people whose wiring got all screwed up as a child. Castrating yourself is like cutting off a rottong toe in a way.

I took that survey and got all messed up in the head. Had to go in the shop play the radio and build something. I apologize if it upsets anyone but really would love to hear from any guys with similar experience as mine.

[cordonone (imported)]

I can see that this discussion is clearly too complicated for an easy answer.

Certainly, age 'differences' of lovers IS significant. It is especially significant in today's modern world. However, there are historic times when it is more blurry. Also, there are times when it is obvious that society ENFORCES its irrational rules upon those who express LOVE to each other and forsake family and society to be true to that love.

Take for example the most often discussed Shakspearian play "Romeo and Juliet"

Some sources place Juliet at age 13, almost 14 while Romeo is 15, maybe 17?

SOURCE#1 (http://www.shakespeare-online.com/faq/romeofaq.html)

SOURCE#2 (http://www.questia.com/googleScholar.qs ... 5001636493)

Then, there is THIS (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/04/ ... 4606.shtml) sort of problem...

The problem with 'young love' is primarily sociological. The Western world with a 50% divorce rate hardly qualifies as a perfect sociological example.

So, as age differences of over 5 years make western societies VERY nervous, none can deny from the EVIDENCE (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... -cent.html) that minor ARE having sex, with whom they have it seems to be their decision. Just because there may be laws against it does not mean that it is not happening.

Then, of course there is THIS (http://women.propeller.com/story/2008/0 ... -two-years) opinion by a blogger...

If the girl consents, especially if she has a history of molestation by a family member or a close friend, the act of getting pregnant by a male of her choice is a statement of claim to her own body.

I shall not comment on Gay relationships, but similar psychological mechanisms are undoubtedly in existance in these, too.

BUT THIS IS PURE BULLSHIT... (http://www.unionleader.com/article.aspx ... derage+sex +incident&articleId=0bf55a89-dbba-489f-8555-cc30d7e81e71)

If I was the goddamned judge on this case I'd marry these two in open court...

But truly, this is OVER the TOP...

So we don't know the particulars of this case, clearly the boy may be acting like a 25 cent stud and in which case, he DESERVES to be accused of molestation.

However, they may be IN LOVE and the girl's family may be trying to split them up.

...you just don't know.

That is why mandatory laws with mandatory penalties are NOT a good idea. This is why we have judges. However, the religious fundaMENTALISTS insist on NO flexibility or discretion on the part of the judge, unless, the judge adheres to the fundamentalists philosophy. A bit like an Arab Muslim-dominated country.

Yet, with a straight face they tell the story in Genesis of Lot and his daughters, after they left Sodom and Gommorrah and Lot's wife is turned into a pillar of salt, who get 'daddy' drunk, take him into a tent and BOTH get pregnant by him... So, lot was 'saved' from fire and brimstone destruction to molest and impregnate his two daughters... so do they burn incest...er... incense at your church?

Do you REALLY want your morality in the Judeo-christian or MUSLIM tradition? Need I remind you about Mohammad's SIX YEAR OLD WIFE?

Therfore, I wish to suspend judgment. Suffice it to say that I know molestation when I see it.

It is a bit like the old lady who calls 911 and tells the operator, Hello! There is a naked man in my bedroom. The operator responds, we will send the police right over. The woman replies, no hurry. Just have them stop by in the morning after breakfast...

So, yes, a pattern of a preditor implies molestation guilt but lovers with only an age difference implies something else entirely.

It is very hard to sit in judgment on these things with mandated laws and still claim to have a shred of humanity...

However, then there is the PREGNANCY PACT (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080620/ap_ ... nancy_pact) and the SUBSEQUENT DENIAL (http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/06/22/pregnancy.pact.ap/) story...

:shakemitk

Then, there is the story of the mistake that never goes away. (http://www.talkleft.com/story/2005/10/21/111/94392)

When you look at it in a certain light it is ALL FUCKED UP... beyond repair...

:shakemitk

Thank you for such a long and thoughtful response to my post. We're just going to have to disagree. To me, it doesn't matter how old Romeo and Juliet were in Shakespeare's imagination or in whatever historical facts may be related to their characters five centuries ago. It doesn't matter to me whether the Hebrew Bible endorsed or implied child marriage several millenia ago or whether the Prophet's wife was six or sixteen five hundred years ago. It doesn't matter whether the rest of us "adults" succeed or fail at marriage or whatever committed relationships we choose to contract. I still believe that civil society today, nationally and across borders, has an inherent interest in protecting children. This applies not just to domestic laws but to international standards of Human Rights. This is not a matter of sociologically relative standards but of the rights of children to assume that society will protect them.

There will always be annecdotal events or stories that might challenge this or any sensitive societal norm, but they do not change the underlying values that are at stake. And, I have no doubt that there are many other legitimate conundrums beside those that you cite.

The only place where I took a little offense at your comments (the rest was mostly reasonable people disagreeing reasonably) was in the implication that it is only "the religious fundaMENTALISTS" who

insist on NO flexibility or discretion on the part of the judge, unless, the judge adheres to the fundamentalists philosophy.

" Religiouisly, I am neither a fundamentalist nor a fundaMENTALIST, but I firmly believe that the overriding interest of society lies in assuming that children below a communally specified age are assumed not to be able to give consent. I don't want judges to have too much "discretion" when it comes to establishing guilt or innocence in these regards, but I am willing to concede that there might be some benefit to allowing the proximity of a defendant's age to that of a victim to be taken into account in any mandated treatment or sentencing. (As an aside, it is ironic in the context of this discussion that it is contemporary christian fundamentalist sects that have publicly been associated with creating cultures of alleged child rape. Recall also that it was a typically conservative religious institution, the Roman Catholic church, that has been most credibly and publically associated with the protection of child molestors and rapists.)

As for what might or might not be "ALL FUCKED UP...beyond repair...," I think that failing to have laws that make the assumption that children need to be protected is far more fucked up than the alternative.

[chilliwilli (imported)]

...so last nite I was riding my bike thru the park, a park where they play movies for the public at night. Riding thru a parking lot, next to the field where they play movies, I rode up on a small boy of less than two years. He was hispanic with a dark shirt and hair. Obviously he had wandered away from his parents and know found himself twenty feet from the audience in the middle of a dark parking lot. I paniced, the little guy could easily get run over by a car in the dark. I dismounted my horse (actually my bike "woody" a heavily modified beach cruiser with a custom phalice on the front fender.). I asked the little guy in both spanish and english if he wanted to hold my hand, he spoke english fine. He was so scarred that when I picked him up his look of worry immediately disappeared. I walked him the twenty or so feet over to a table with some organizers.

Problem was chilli was decked out in his eunuch garb...cammo bonney cap, flowered shorts and a white tee-shirt with huge letters that simply declared MONSTER in huge purple letters.

I told the youth worker at the desk "I found him wandering around the parking lot, and I can not keep him, someone here needs to take him"

But when I tried to hand the little guy to the girl, he panicked and reached for me, it was such a precious moment. Except for all his crying got everyone's attention. So there I stood handing off a screaming child that obviously was not mine with a Tee-shirt that broadcast monster, riding a penis bike with a hunting cap.

Dispite the momentary embarassment/humiliation I may have been subject to I knew I could not leave him in that situation. I'm just glad I was there, it's not everyday you get to be a hero.

chilli