streetglide (imported) wrote: Thu Jul 16, 2009 4:21 pm My castration was beyond my control. I actually didn't know it had occurred until 8 days later. Talk about a shock to the system!
Castration was something we did to livestock, it was never something I had thought about or even imagined happening to me. Yet, here we are!
It's been 3 years 4 months and 11 days...not that I'm keeping track or anything. The first year was brutal. Accident, financial crisis, then divorce and even more financial crisis.
Not knowing what was going to happen to me physically was one of my biggest problems. I've come to the conclusion that I'm vain. It's not intentional, but I am. I've always been built well, and I guess I'm proud of it...and I REALLY didn't want to lose that in a short time.
Guess what, with proper HRT I haven't, I'm probably ahead of the game at this point. I'm leaner and stronger than I was a year ago, I know that for certain.
So when it comes down to it, yes I'd rather have my testicles back, but in actuality I can survive just fine without them. The only problem I have with it is other people knowing.
There's this strange stigma attached to being a eunuch. To some it might be a turn on, for me it's something I try desparately to keep secret. Not because it's really a problem, simply because I don't want to be looked at as different. That's probably insecurity on my part, but that's the way I feel.
I'm not a loner in a big city, I'm a country bumpkin in a small community were I know everybody and they know me. I'm seventh generation on the same farm!
So in answer to the original question....physically I'm probably better off, but the mental aspect of having this stupid secret eats at me, so mentally I'm worse off. Does that make any sense?
Thanks to this site, I get to vent and let the stupid secret out...that has helped me incredibly, I want to thank anyone who has listened, read, or given me advice or information! You guys can't imagine how much I've come out of my shell the last year or so! I thank you all.
Thank You for the post & sharing
I had wondered how it might be similar and different for guys who do it
1) voluntarily
2) legally required vs incarceration,
3) sudden & unexpected.
Thanks again