Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

Just REMEMBER Caitlyn Jenner spent $Money$ like water. And Caitlyn Jenner boobs are not natural in any way, to short of time period to have natural breast growth! And to boot I was told Caitlyn Jenner did not have any bottom surgery (I do not know if this is true )

_g

Absolutely, Caitlyn Jenner's experience is far removed from that of nearly all other trans* people. Caitlyn was on estrogen for a time, I think in the 1980s when she first attempted transitioning. She has stated that she had breast development during that time.

To my knowledge, she has not had sex reassignment surgery.

[Danya (imported)]

It's exciting to know that some of the Midwest MoM folks are arriving today. "D" and I will attend tomorrow night's festivities at Kristoff's place.

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After no two-way communication with my immediate family over the last 7 - 8 years, I'm going to attempt to start a real conversation again. I have contacted them several times over

the years but gotten no response. Once a month I se

e a psychologist who specializes in pain management. It happens that he was one of the co-founders of the university's Center for Human Sexuality, now a world-famous center for transgender counseling and treatment. He suggested ways that I might reopen talks between our (mine and their) opposing camps.

When I last visited one of my brothers, he judged me as mistaken in my identity, flawed and, perhaps, bound for hell. Part of the problem for him may well have been my exuberance over everything about the 'new' me. This was shortly before I actually transitioned. I was truly wrapped up in the evolution of my new (true) self. Anyway, those heady days at the start of my transition across genders ended several years ago. It may just yet be possible to gradually reopen communications with both brothers and their families by giving them updates on my life while avoiding all mention of gender identity. That's something they may confuse with sex. Sex is not something most people discuss with family. At any rate, whatever the outcome, attempting to restart communication, with the eventual goal of meeting, is worth the risk that I will hear nothing in return. Or, that one or both brothers will respond by rejecting me. I am strong enough to handle that.

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Over the last several months, I've been networking with a number of people to learn what they do and to seek their insights on what I might do as a new career. I had another of these meeting this morning, at a local coffee shop. As I prepared to go, I thought "I wish I were through with networking." It's not something I look forward to and, besides, I'd been unable to fit into two of my favorite business outfits. I'd hoped to wear one to the meeting.

Turns out I have gained 15 pounds in the last several months. Yikes! One of the pain control meds I take increases apetite, decreases metabolism, or both! This is not a good thing, particularly given my family history of heart disease and diabetes. I've cut the medication in half. Now I'm much less prone to binge eating.

So instead of wearing formal business attire, I arrived at the meeting wearing more casual, summer clothing. This was exactly how my business contact was dressed.

The most important result from the morning was that the meeting was very successful. I am very excited to be redirecting my fledgling business to include advocacy/education/training for trans* issues within certain business environments. That's all I can say about it hear, other than this is exactly what I've wanted to do for several years.

[Danya (imported)]

I am feeling down about the 2015 Midwest MoM finish. It was wonderful seeing a number of Archive friends again, and having the chance to talk and relax together.

[Danya (imported)]

I may have reached a point in my life where I am truly happy, most of the time anyway.

The longer I am married to "D" the happier I am. I've likely written this before - my current marriage is much saner than my first marriage (that ended long before I transitioned, after 20 years together). I cannot see how either my 'ex' or I lasted through two decades of marriage. Certainly "D" and I have disagreements which some times cause heated arguments. What I find, though, is that I don't have sufficient emotional investment in most of our arguments to let them last. One or the other of us fairly quickly calms down and we then have an adult conversation to work out the problem. I am very lucky to be married to "D".

My pain problem continues. Acupuncture was no help. Walking offers temporary relief of a few hours if I walk at least 3 miles. This was easy in the warm summer months. Thanks to our relatively warm fall, I've continued my walking. We have yet to have a hard freeze here in the city. I don't know about the 'burbs. Scattered fall colors remain along with the blossoms of begonias, marigolds, yellow cone flowers, morning glories, and zinnias. I will try to walk outside through the winter, although there will be some days when the wind chill make it unbearable. I can always use the treadmill.

Starting a new business has proven to be more difficult than I expected, although I'm still optimistic. These things take time.

So I have some challenges, although I welcome them. In a way, these barriers create a similar opportunity to what I faced in transitioning. Then, I had to let go of thinking and go with my feelings. It worked then and it is working now. My life is so good.

We're in the middle of a thunderstorm. Cooler weather will arrive tomorrow, but it's not expected to last long. We may not have our first hard freeze until just before Thanksgiving. This is very unusual for Minnesota.

One other thing. "D" and I stayed at a very nice hotel for as part of our first anniversary celebration. For the first time since my SRS over five years ago, I got a well lit and full-length view of my body. I loved what I saw. "D" reminded me that he's been loving my body, and telling me how good it is, ever since we got together. I'd like to lose 15 - 20 lbs. That may or may not happen. What counts most is that I can love the body I'm in today, without conditions.

[Danya (imported)]

I have received no response to the letters I sent to my two brothers a month or so ago. In both letters, I congratulated the family on the marriage of my niece (I learned of the marriage indirectly.) But I wasn't really respecting replies. One of my brothers birthdays is coming up soon. I will send a card. I will send Christmas cards, too.

How friends and families react to a transitioning loved one can be difficult to predict, although I expected my brothers would have issues with my own transition. Even at my advanced age, and many years living as an independent adult, family rejection is painful. I can only imagine how difficult it is for younger people who may be much more dependent on family for validation and support.

If I do not receive Christmas card replies to my cards, I likely will not contact my brothers again. Every time I send them something, I feel that I'm setting myself up for more disappointment if not outright pain. I will not continue to put myself in this position indefinitely. My pain management therapist tried to convince me that I can be like Ronald Reagan, the "Teflon" president. In his view, I can simply let my families (potential) negative reactions roll off my back. To an extent, I have been behaving this way for years with folks who seem to have a problem with me. With outsiders, their rejection does not matter to me. Although I cannot remember the last time I experienced a bad reaction from a friend or a stranger. I told my therapist that the Teflon approach is less effective with family. He told me that I am strong and able to handle negative family reactions. Perhaps I can, but my Teflon is worn and scratched after family rejection years ago over my transitioning.

[Danya (imported)]

I have received no response to the letters I sent to my two brothers a month or so ago. In both letters, I congratulated the family on the marriage of my niece (I learned of the marriage indirectly.) But I wasn't really expecting replies. One of my brothers birthdays is coming up soon. I will send a card. I will send Christmas cards, too.

How friends and families react to a transitioning loved one can be difficult to predict, although I expected my brothers would have issues with my own transition. Even at my advanced age, and many years living as an independent adult, family rejection is painful. I can only imagine how difficult it is for younger people who may be much more dependent on family for validation and support.

If I do not receive Christmas card replies to my cards, I likely will not contact my brothers again. Every time I send them something, I feel that I'm setting myself up for more disappointment if not outright pain. I will not continue to put myself in this position indefinitely. My pain management therapist tried to convince me that I can be like Ronald Reagan, the "Teflon" president. In his view, I can simply let my families (potential) negative reactions roll off my back. To an extent, I have been behaving this way for years with folks who seem to have a problem with me. With outsiders, their rejection does not matter to me. Although I cannot remember the last time I experienced a bad reaction from a friend or a stranger. I told my therapist that the Teflon approach is less effective with family. He told me that I am strong and able to handle negative family reactions. Perhaps I can, but my Teflon is worn and scratched after family rejection years ago over my transitioning.

I sent the Christmas cards to both brothers in early December. Here it is, with one mail delivery day before Christmas, and I have received no cards from my family. This is very painful.

[Hopeful1 (imported)]

Danya, I haven't experienced this yet but I fully expect to. Most of my family is scattered around the country. I don't see them very often so I have my letter written and I expect my remaining brother, a homophobic, red neck deputy sheriff to want nothing more to do with me. And as far as my wife's family, well my wife has already said if they disown us, too bad for them. The only ones I worry about are my son's family including my grandchildren and one of my cousins. He and I are less than three months apart in age and losing him would really hurt.

I'm sorry you going through this but sometimes, it's just better to cut your losses and walk away. It's easy to say they are the ones losing but in reality it's true.

[GenChick (imported)]

...

sometimes, it's just better to cut your losses and walk away. It's easy to say they are the ones losing but in reality it's true.

Very difficult decision to make during transition!

[GenChick (imported)]

I sent the Christmas cards to both brothers in early December. Here it is, with one mail delivery day before Christmas, and I have received no cards from my family. This is very painful.

Keep your chin up sister! Accept warm wishes and happy Merry Christmas from me!

[jcat (imported)]

Hi Danya,

You have a great family here, we love you. Merry Christmas from JCat!