Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Mac (imported)]

Danya,

It is good to hear from you again. Glad to hear that you are doing well.

[Danya (imported)]

Danya,

It is good to hear from you again. Glad to hear that you are doing well.

Thanks, Mac.

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Things are going very well with 'D'. We are engaged and will be married in a few months. I wasn't expecting this to ever happen and certainly wasn't actively looking for a mate. 'D' is very good for me. We have similar senses of humor (i.e., often obscure and frequently dry) and we hold similar values. He is fine knowing that I may never entirely recover from chronic pelvic pain. Having 'D' in my life brings me a lot of happiness. I am very fortunate.

We are planning a small, simple wedding in part to keep our stress down. We've both been married before, although this will be my first marriage as a woman!

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This morning, I saw my physical therapist at my usual time of 6:30 AM. Not being a morning person, I found getting up at 5 AM difficult as usual. The early appointment works well because I can get to the office a few minutes after the work day begins.

The therapist and I agreed that I have made a lot of progress since I first starting seeing her early in early 2012 or so. The pelvic pain remains a nearly constant presence, except when I am sleeping. Most days, though, it's clear I'm doing better than 2 1/2 years ago. I am very grateful for this.

I will visit Chicago for a single appointment with a physical therapist who has specialized in chronic pelvic pain disorders since the 1990s. She is also well-versed in the brain re-training exercises I'm doing to rewire the brain to not construct a pain response when it no longer serves a purpose.

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Over the last month, I've started to investigate a new career path that would combine my life, education and work skills. Three weeks ago, I started applying for jobs that are close fits for the direction I want to take. At my age, I'm becoming more interested in doing something I'm passionate about that will also pay the bills. So far, I've had at least two careers. They were more or less what I thought was expected of me. While I have gained great experience and earned a good living, I'll be thrilled if I succeed in making this planned 'transition' to a new career.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

Congratulations, I have nothing but good wishes for you and your fiance and, of course, for your continued happiness. --FLO--

[Paolo]

congratulations!

[Danya (imported)]

Congratulations, I have nothing but good wishes for you and your fiance and, of course, for your continued happiness. --FLO--

congratulations!

Thanks Flo and Paolo. 'D' (my fiance) and I enjoyed seeing both of you last night at the Convent!

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Sometime back, perhaps several years ago, I wrote about my dissatisfaction with my career. Although I felt successful about my transition, it seemed that my job hadn't transitioned with me. I will stay with my current line of work if I must. It's not intolerable and I need to work. I am taking steps, though, that will allow me to follow my life passions more fully outside the office. This afternoon, I met with a 'community organizer' for a state-wide group that advocates for the poor, people of color and other often disenfranchised and otherwise disadvantaged folks. I've done advocacy work before and it's been very rewarding. Our discussion had me really pumped to get involved.

I have volunteered to be a mentor for a trans student at a nearby university.

Along a similar line, I am pushing for inclusion of welcoming language for trans* folk at the church we attend. Come spring time, I may be leading discussions on transgender issues. Although I still consider myself an agnostic, I feel very much at home in this very progressive church. The pastors freely admit that they struggle with belief and I find that very refreshing. In at least one way, they are at the forefront of GLBT rights in the church. They have a fantastic music program. Once my pelvic pain is under better control, I will become more involved with that. Right now, I practice the pipe organ there and my spirit soars.

Increasing my involvement in advocacy work may, eventually, open doors to more fulfilling employment. If that does not happen, I will nonetheless be happier following this life passion.

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We've nearly completed the preparation for our wedding. Although it will be small, the music will be fitting for a large wedding and expertly performed. Marrying 'D' will rank among the highlights of my life. He is so good for me and I'm very happy that some of our friends will share the wedding celebration with us.

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Hormones: I've been on supplemental testosterone for about a year. My T level has been below that of natal women, post-menopause, for several years. I use Androgel although at a far lower level than a man would use. The problem is when I apply the gel, I get a T spike by the next day. My energy level is fine for two days but then drops until the evening of the third day when I apply another dose. Anyone who speaks with me on day three likely finds me a bit unfocused and listless. Without supplemental T I sleep all weekend and drag through the work week, and my efficiency is way down.

The T has also caused me to start losing what had been thick head hair. This did not happen until I'd been on T for over 10 months. I think I know what the problem is and will discuss it with my gynecologist. She prescribes both my T and E.

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If things work out job-wise here for both of us, we will remain in this metro area. A part of me still hopes to one day live on the west coast. 'D' is very willing to move if that's what I want. I let him know any such move needs to be a joint decision.

[Slammr (imported)]

It was my pleasure to meet you at the convent. I wish you the best. You have my respect and admiration.

[Riverwind (imported)]

It was wonderful talking to you today on the phone, remembering when we first met several years ago and where you are today, about to be married.

Congratulations and hugs.

River

[Danya (imported)]

It was my pleasure to meet you at the convent. I wish you the best. You have my respect and admiration.

I was very happy to have had the opportunity to meet you at last, Slammr, converse a bit and hear about your inte

resting life adventures. Thanks for the good wishes!

It was wonderful talking to you today on the phone, remembering when we first met several years ago and where you are today,

about to be married.

Congratulations and hugs.

River

Reconnecting with you, River, by phone was an unexpected pleasure. We do go back a ways (over six years). You played a very important part in my transition that I will never forget. I miss having you close by but I was glad to hear things are working out so well for you in Hawaii. Thanks for everything!

[Mac (imported)]

Danya it is good to hear from you again. You have had a rough time of it and I am glad to hear that things are improving for you.

[Danya (imported)]

A lot has happened in my life over the last year. It's my first year celebrating Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday), Christmas, my after-Christmas birthday and the New Year as a married woman.

A married woman! I am still in a state of wonder, and appreciation, knowing that I literally stumbled into a new type of relationship (i.e., romantic man and woman) with a guy I knew years before I transitioned. Our relationship continues to improve.

Our wedding was one of the best experiences of my life. Although we had fewer than 50 people attending, by design, the room resounded with enthusiastic hymn singing and the gorgeous strains of Bach and other composers from the main organ.

The one downside to the wedding was the absence of my biological family. This didn't mar the day, but in the weeks leading up to the event and until just a few weeks ago I was coping with renewed feelings of loss. I thought I'd left all that in the past. I was wrong. For a time late this year, I wondered if there were something I could do to reconnect. Perhaps I somehow hadn't done enough to allow reconciliation. But I had already reached out to them, again, early in 2014 and received no response. I found several good articles that helped me work through my feelings.

Over the last year, I finally started feeling truly capable with the very different, complex computer systems on the job I've held for two years. It's been a steep learning curve, but I love learning new things.

After 'D' and I took two trips to Chicago in 2014, he said he agreed with me the the Windy City is a much more interesting place than what we're used to here in the Upper Midwest. We like where we are, but would be glad to move to a place with milder winters.

My current job will likely end soon, so I've been looking into my career options. These include:

Remaining in my current career. Always a good choice. Even though I've never felt it was right for me, I am good at it.

Moving into a new career that 'leverages' my business skills for diversity advocacy. I've applied for this type of job but haven't reached the interview stage. I have done similar work before, on a volunteer basis.

Combining business and science skills into a new career in research. I am under consideration for one such job.

Remaining in my current career, while developing a side business as a web developer. I've done web development before. It's something I could do mostly from home and perhaps from anywhere in the country. Eventually, it could offer a good living and the freedom for 'D' and me to live anywhere. I'm studying web development in what little spare time I have.

Lastly, following a passion I've had since college: teaching. I am in the process of applying for several community college teaching positions . This might work out. At least one of these opportunities would require moving out of state. I've discussed this in depth with 'D'. A move would be difficult for both of us, but we are willing to relocate for the right job for me. He is older than I am and less concerned with the direction of his career.

When I was laid off five years ago, the consensus among outplacement professionals was that it was not the time to make anything more than minor tweaks to one's career direction. This is why I found myself following a slightly different career path. One that I felt necessary to follow because it was the best of limited options.

With the improving economy, the chances of a successful major career change are much better. Although not necessarily easy.

The Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome I experience on a daily basis has not improved much over the last several years. I have learned to cope better. I continue with my daily routine of physical therapy and dilating. There are also the brain retraining exercises to, eventually, rewire my brain so it ceases producing a pain response for a condition that no longer exists. My gynecologist sees two natal women with the same type of pain. She recently told me it would be years before I see true relief, if ever. I accept this, while continuing my daily routine that may one day provide relief. She prescribed a new medication in November that is some help.

Later this year, I will lead an adult study at church. The purpose is to introduce participants to the issues trans* people face, to promote a welcoming attitude to trans* folk and to propose widening the church welcoming statement. That now includes sexual orientation but not gender identity. The pastors think modifying the official welcome will easily pass. I am excited to have this opportunity to, in a small way, advance trans* awareness and acceptance.

This is already an extremely open, welcoming and progressive congregation. I find it refreshing that the pastors speak openly about their own doubts about faith and religion. I am a heavy doubter and feel quite comfortable with non-Christian faiths, as do they.