See linked video to see what I mean:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd_JOTSJkDM
Transward
Transitioning at work and in all of my life
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transward (imported)
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
transward (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:05 am See linked video to see what I mean:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd_JOTSJkDM
Transward
Wow, Pierre is most handsome.
I wonder if he's married?? 
I'm very happy that I am moving forward with scheduling GRS. If I find I need to postpone surgery because I have a permanent job, that will be fine. I'll still know I've got things rolling to get to where I want to be.
I will email Pierre Brassard's office in the morning, with some questions. I have informtion his office sent in mid-June.
Tomorrow, Sunday, I have another three hour electrolysis session. After five months of intense work, I am delighted with the results but I could also use a weekend off. I have not missed a single week of electrolysis since I started treatment on March 6, just two days after I moved to the Chicago area. In addition to weekend visits, I've also had some mid-week appointments.
I have very little regrowth on my upper lip, perhaps the most difficult area to treat. After a few more sessions, I hope we can cut the weekly treatments back to two hours. My electrologist continues to tell me that, because of the higher current and additional hours of treatment I have had, I am much further along than typical for 5 months of work. This is good!
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
A thoughtful person here sent me a private message telling me that he knows someone who got terrific surgery results with Dr. Pierre Brassard.
Being with 'X' taught me a number of important lessons. Although I have always wanted GRS, I truly regretted not having had this surgery when 'X' and I were intimate. I am a sexual being and I find this wait for surgery to be difficult. Even after I set a surgery date, there is a high probability I will need to postpone it. If my boss extends the contract, for instance, I will not be able to turn this down unless I have found a permanent job someplace else. Were I to turn down a contract extension, I would not be eligible for unemployment. In the end, the absolutely critical piece is that I survive financially. As much as I want GRS, it is not my ultimate consideration.
There are several secondary reasons why I believe GRS would be beneficial at this time in my life. I may discuss these at some point soon.
My electrologist told me today that soon we will be able to reduce our time from three to two hours per week. Much of the work she is now doing is on very fine hair. For the first time, I could have skipped shaving altogether this week and no one would have noticed.
Being with 'X' taught me a number of important lessons. Although I have always wanted GRS, I truly regretted not having had this surgery when 'X' and I were intimate. I am a sexual being and I find this wait for surgery to be difficult. Even after I set a surgery date, there is a high probability I will need to postpone it. If my boss extends the contract, for instance, I will not be able to turn this down unless I have found a permanent job someplace else. Were I to turn down a contract extension, I would not be eligible for unemployment. In the end, the absolutely critical piece is that I survive financially. As much as I want GRS, it is not my ultimate consideration.
There are several secondary reasons why I believe GRS would be beneficial at this time in my life. I may discuss these at some point soon.
My electrologist told me today that soon we will be able to reduce our time from three to two hours per week. Much of the work she is now doing is on very fine hair. For the first time, I could have skipped shaving altogether this week and no one would have noticed.
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
I don't know if this will go beyond one post. I have already noted why GRS is so right for me and much of this post will not be new. I absolutely agree that by far
It is one of life's great tragedies that so many people never accept who they are and fail to live in a way that brings joy. Too many fear what others will think if they are at all different. Or they never bother to go on the journey into self-discovery.
Despite everything I have been through over the last year, I know I am fortunate because I am living life as me. Danya. I am now at a job where no one knows of my life before transitioning. This gives me a wonderful feeling of freedom.
Yet I find this time anticipating surgery, during a period of considerable uncertainty in my life, to be challenging. I accept that I can continue to enjoy the happiness I have known since transitioning even if I never have surgery. My life is already richer, since I transitioned, than I would ever have imagined possible. I already had a rich life, too, before I transitioned. It just didn't fully correspond with the real person I am.
But I have no regrets. For whatever reasons, it took me a very long time to know myself w
I am challenged now because I want to move my life to what is, for this male-to-female woman, an important next step. I want to be able to fully express myself physically as a woman.
When my marriage ended, in 1995, I thought for a time I was gay. I never enjoyed gay sex, although I had many partners over several years. I certainly tried to enjoy it! I still do not enjoy what many gay men view as the most intimate expression of their sexuality: penetrative anal sex. And as trite as it may sound, I do not want to be
Before 'X', I thought a relationship might be nice. Now I know an intimate relationship is something I would like. I want to know I can perform as a woman, even if the right man never comes into my life.
There are a few other secondary reasons for wanting GRS. I may send private messages to a few folks here to get their take on these. In the end, only I can know what will work best for me. I do not want to make this thread a battleground of competing ideas.
One of the things that concerns me about not having GRS is that I might experience employment discrimination. Particularly if I am not offered a permanent position where I work downtown, but instead find myself working in the typically more conservative suburbs.
Until some point in the early 2000s, the social security administration would change your gender from male to female if you were transitioning. They probably required that you be on cross gender hormones.
My legal name is a female one, my drivers license shows that I am female and all of my degrees have my new name. Both my Minnesota and Illinois gender therapists have told me that when I get to serious hiring discussions, I need to inform someone in HR that I am transgender. Friends in the corporate world agree.
If I do not, once my social security taxes are submitted, the SSA will send the company a notice of the discrepancy between their 'male' marker for me and the company's female designation.
Withholding this information is viewed by some companies, probably with justification, as lying. In theory, I should be able to tell an HR department that I am trans and HIPPA regulations will prevent them from passing this information along.
What I have read on a number of reputable sites, operated by very successful trans women, is that many pre-op trans women are initially welcomed by new employers. After a time, though, coworkers can start to feel uneasy with a not fully transitioned woman in their midst. Some may view the woman as simply a man in a dress, not understanding the difference between cross-dressing and transitioning genders.
Both my Minnesota and Illinois therapists have told me the situation for trans women can be difficult in the suburbs.
My Minnesota sweetheart of a therapist, however, echoes what others have told me. My educational background and work experience will compensate for any such negatives. These people may be absolutely correct.
They also note that the situation for trans women is generally better in the world of IT. My new job is not in IT, however. It's not even in the technology group. All is well, though.
Another important factor on any job, most particularly for this trans woman, is not to make a big issue of being trans. I do not mention it at all. I dress relatively conservatively, too.
One also needs to be competent, helpful, a hard worker and so on. I have read that trans women need to work harder than anyone else to overcome any stigma. Many say that no matter how well one passes, you will be clocked or 'read' at some point.
I am confident I can do my job well and this also helps.
If I have GRS, however, there will be no need to identify myself to HR as a transgender woman. In the eyes of employers and (most) coworkers I will be a woman. I won't need to announce anything.
My Chicago area therapist strongly agrees with this outlook for post-op women. She says she speaks to corporations about accepting trans workers. Some remain great places for the transgender employee. Many do not. Corporations can find all kinds of reasons for firing someone they no longer want on the payroll.
I will be able to honestly mark my 'sex' as female on applications, too. This is something I have had to work around to this point.
This issue has not bothered me until recently. I simply felt I would succeed. I had to.
But as the economy continues to struggle along, I am thinking about the best ways to ensure I continue to succeed. In a society that still has little understanding of trans folk.
My electrologist, herself a trans woman, does not agree with my therapist. She transitioned before the Social Security Administration changed its policy, however, she they see her as female. She points out that she knows pre-op trans women in the burbs who have found jobs.
My point is not that I'd be unable to find a job. I want to find one and keep it. I do not want to have to worry that an initially welcoming company will turn unfriendly.
Perhaps I am making too much of this. I have been told I pass well and I am almost always 'ma'amed' on the phone. Then there's that education and experience stuff which will supposedly work in my favor. But right now, I am unable to shake my concern for what seems to be a potential roadblock to long term employment. I'm not losing sleep over this, at least.
I welcome thoughtful comments, as always.
person (male-to-female, female-to-male or some other less polar identity) is self-knowledge and acceptance. For that matter, this is critical for everyone's growth and fulfillment, trans or not. We are who we know ourselves to be, regardless of outward appearances or anyone else's thoughts of who we are or should be.
It is one of life's great tragedies that so many people never accept who they are and fail to live in a way that brings joy. Too many fear what others will think if they are at all different. Or they never bother to go on the journey into self-discovery.
Despite everything I have been through over the last year, I know I am fortunate because I am living life as me. Danya. I am now at a job where no one knows of my life before transitioning. This gives me a wonderful feeling of freedom.
Yet I find this time anticipating surgery, during a period of considerable uncertainty in my life, to be challenging. I accept that I can continue to enjoy the happiness I have known since transitioning even if I never have surgery. My life is already richer, since I transitioned, than I would ever have imagined possible. I already had a rich life, too, before I transitioned. It just didn't fully correspond with the real person I am.
But I have no regrets. For whatever reasons, it took me a very long time to know myself w
ion to transition. All I have is today and the future, and those promise to be very good.
I am challenged now because I want to move my life to what is, for this male-to-female woman, an important next step. I want to be able to fully express myself physically as a woman.
When my marriage ended, in 1995, I thought for a time I was gay. I never enjoyed gay sex, although I had many partners over several years. I certainly tried to enjoy it! I still do not enjoy what many gay men view as the most intimate expression of their sexuality: penetrative anal sex. And as trite as it may sound, I do not want to be
man while I still have male plumbing.
Before 'X', I thought a relationship might be nice. Now I know an intimate relationship is something I would like. I want to know I can perform as a woman, even if the right man never comes into my life.
There are a few other secondary reasons for wanting GRS. I may send private messages to a few folks here to get their take on these. In the end, only I can know what will work best for me. I do not want to make this thread a battleground of competing ideas.
One of the things that concerns me about not having GRS is that I might experience employment discrimination. Particularly if I am not offered a permanent position where I work downtown, but instead find myself working in the typically more conservative suburbs.
Until some point in the early 2000s, the social security administration would change your gender from male to female if you were transitioning. They probably required that you be on cross gender hormones.
My legal name is a female one, my drivers license shows that I am female and all of my degrees have my new name. Both my Minnesota and Illinois gender therapists have told me that when I get to serious hiring discussions, I need to inform someone in HR that I am transgender. Friends in the corporate world agree.
If I do not, once my social security taxes are submitted, the SSA will send the company a notice of the discrepancy between their 'male' marker for me and the company's female designation.
Withholding this information is viewed by some companies, probably with justification, as lying. In theory, I should be able to tell an HR department that I am trans and HIPPA regulations will prevent them from passing this information along.
What I have read on a number of reputable sites, operated by very successful trans women, is that many pre-op trans women are initially welcomed by new employers. After a time, though, coworkers can start to feel uneasy with a not fully transitioned woman in their midst. Some may view the woman as simply a man in a dress, not understanding the difference between cross-dressing and transitioning genders.
Both my Minnesota and Illinois therapists have told me the situation for trans women can be difficult in the suburbs.
My Minnesota sweetheart of a therapist, however, echoes what others have told me. My educational background and work experience will compensate for any such negatives. These people may be absolutely correct.
They also note that the situation for trans women is generally better in the world of IT. My new job is not in IT, however. It's not even in the technology group. All is well, though.
Another important factor on any job, most particularly for this trans woman, is not to make a big issue of being trans. I do not mention it at all. I dress relatively conservatively, too.
One also needs to be competent, helpful, a hard worker and so on. I have read that trans women need to work harder than anyone else to overcome any stigma. Many say that no matter how well one passes, you will be clocked or 'read' at some point.
I am confident I can do my job well and this also helps.
If I have GRS, however, there will be no need to identify myself to HR as a transgender woman. In the eyes of employers and (most) coworkers I will be a woman. I won't need to announce anything.
My Chicago area therapist strongly agrees with this outlook for post-op women. She says she speaks to corporations about accepting trans workers. Some remain great places for the transgender employee. Many do not. Corporations can find all kinds of reasons for firing someone they no longer want on the payroll.
I will be able to honestly mark my 'sex' as female on applications, too. This is something I have had to work around to this point.
This issue has not bothered me until recently. I simply felt I would succeed. I had to.
But as the economy continues to struggle along, I am thinking about the best ways to ensure I continue to succeed. In a society that still has little understanding of trans folk.
My electrologist, herself a trans woman, does not agree with my therapist. She transitioned before the Social Security Administration changed its policy, however, she they see her as female. She points out that she knows pre-op trans women in the burbs who have found jobs.
My point is not that I'd be unable to find a job. I want to find one and keep it. I do not want to have to worry that an initially welcoming company will turn unfriendly.
Perhaps I am making too much of this. I have been told I pass well and I am almost always 'ma'amed' on the phone. Then there's that education and experience stuff which will supposedly work in my favor. But right now, I am unable to shake my concern for what seems to be a potential roadblock to long term employment. I'm not losing sleep over this, at least.
I welcome thoughtful comments, as always.
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
...I welcome thoughtful comments.
I am not surprised no one has responded. This is something I need to figure out on my own and I will. There is no easy answer. I also realize this may be a sensitive topic for some other people here.
This evening, I finally sent additional questions to Dr. Brassard's office. For some reason, this process of contacting GRS physicians seems unreal to me. Almost as if this remains an impossible dream.
Just got an automated reply to my email to Pierre Brassard's office. They are on vacation until August 16th! I must be patient.
I am not surprised no one has responded. This is something I need to figure out on my own and I will. There is no easy answer. I also realize this may be a sensitive topic for some other people here.
This evening, I finally sent additional questions to Dr. Brassard's office. For some reason, this process of contacting GRS physicians seems unreal to me. Almost as if this remains an impossible dream.
Just got an automated reply to my email to Pierre Brassard's office. They are on vacation until August 16th! I must be patient.
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John (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 03, 2010 6:02 pm ...I welcome thoughtful comments.
Just got an automated reply to my email to Pierre Brassard's office. They are on vacation until August 16th! I must be patient.
Hello!
Then after surgery you have to be a patient patient!
Greetings
John64
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butterflyjack (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hi Danya..Sorry for not replying sooner...I just now read your post...
Sexual orientation is a wild and weird topic... I'm a cross- dresser and consider myself sort of bi-sexual...although I've never had a gay experience....There's just parts of it that look delicious..if you know what I mean, and I think you do..
You're gender dysmorphic??/ or whatever... I know where you're
coming from...
You mention that many people are afraid of "coming out" and showing the world what and who they really are..I'm one of those people...You, on the other hand are one tough cookie...No one has ever seen me while taking pleasure in my little secret...a few close female friends know...One, in particular I am completely open with...and I find joy in that...
These decisions you are making all seem so well thought out...I concur with all your ideas..Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes...(10w?) hehe...which reminds me...I need a pedicure...think I'll go with pale pink...what do you think??
smooches dragonfly
Sexual orientation is a wild and weird topic... I'm a cross- dresser and consider myself sort of bi-sexual...although I've never had a gay experience....There's just parts of it that look delicious..if you know what I mean, and I think you do..
You're gender dysmorphic??/ or whatever... I know where you're
coming from...
You mention that many people are afraid of "coming out" and showing the world what and who they really are..I'm one of those people...You, on the other hand are one tough cookie...No one has ever seen me while taking pleasure in my little secret...a few close female friends know...One, in particular I am completely open with...and I find joy in that...
These decisions you are making all seem so well thought out...I concur with all your ideas..Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes...(10w?) hehe...which reminds me...I need a pedicure...think I'll go with pale pink...what do you think??
smooches dragonfly
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hello!
Hi John,
I had no idea you were such a comedian! I needed a laugh tonight and reading your post gave me that. I've been far too introspective today.
Hugs,
Danya
John (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 10:30 am Then after surgery you have to be a patient patient!
Greetings
John64
Hi John,
I had no idea you were such a comedian!
I needed a laugh tonight and reading your post gave me that. I've been far too introspective today.Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:56 pm Hi Danya..Sorry for not replying sooner...I just now read your post...
Sexual orientation is a wild and weird topic... I'm a cross- dresser and consider myself sort of bi-sexual...although I've never had a gay experience....There's just parts of it that look delicious..if you know what I mean, and I think you do..
Hi Butterly Jack,
Yes, I know what you mean.
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:56 pm You're gender dysmorphic??/ or whatever... I know where you're
coming from...
In a sense, I am body dysmorphic in that I view a certain area of my body as being incorrect!
I am gender dysphoric.
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:56 pm You mention that many people are afraid of "coming out" and showing the world what and who they really are..I'm one of those people...You, on the other hand are one tough cookie...
While I appreciate the 'tough cookie' compliment, I do not think I am any tougher than most other transsexual persons who have chosen to live their lives openly. Or many other people dealing with all kinds of life adaptations.
In some ways, I am not at all tough. For instance, I tend to over analyze my life and what I am doing. You can find evidence of this in my long posts.
This tendency to want to analyze and understand may have led me to my earlier career as a scientist. Thank God I wised up and, since transitioning, I have No desire to be a research scientist once more. Although I still enjoy writing about science and so on.While I am much more social and open than before I transitioned between genders, I still have some very instrospective periods. The last week has been one of these times. While the "unexamined life is not worth living," according to Socrates at least, I think I at times over examine mine through introspection. I'm talking about my feelings and emotions here in addition to thoughts.
Occasionally, I'm not initially aware of how intense this introspection is. My own mother, of all people, used to relate something telling (perhaps) from my young childhood days. She said I thought so deeply it frightened her.
I'm not at all sure frightening one's mother is good. Besides, she was easily frightened. More importantly, I'm not at all sure deep thinking is necessarily useful or harmless to the thinker. I'm only half joking.butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:56 pm No one has ever seen me while taking pleasure in my little secret...a few close female friends know...One, in particular I am completely open with...and I find joy in that...
It's good you can share your secret with a few female friends. This may be all you need.
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:56 pm These decisions you are making all seem so well thought out...I concur with all your ideas..
As for well thought out, please see my comments on how I can over think much of what I do.
I will admit I make an effort to carefully think certain things through. But what I had to give up, in order to successfully transition, was over thinking my actions. Instead, for the first time, for such a big life decision, I went with my feelings. Transitioning felt so completely right for me. If I had relied solely on thinking, I never would have transitioned. For others to believe you are this new person, you must believe it yourself.Just because my thoughts appear 'so well thought out' does not mean they merit agreement!
I thank you, though, for your kind remarks.butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:56 pm Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes...(10w?)
Butterfly Jack, although I think I know what you mean, the only shoes that will fit are your own, who you are meant to be.
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:56 pm hehe...which reminds me...I need a pedicure...think I'll go with pale pink...what do you think??
smooches dragonfly
If pale pink works for you, why not?
Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 7:59 pm Instead, for the first time, for such a big life decision, I went with my feelings. Transitioning felt so completely right for me. If I had relied solely on thinking, I never would have transitioned. For others to believe you are this new person, you must believe it yourself.
I may
Right now, it's late and I should already be in bed.
For much of the last few weeks, I have been experiencing some turmoil over the decision to schedule Gender Reassignment Surgery. GRS is right for me for a number of reasons, but that hasn't been the issue. Thinking about the 'meaning' or significance for my life of having this surgery has been on my mind. Also how having, or not having, surgery may affect my career, my relationships with men, how I view myself and so on. I think I understand what is going on in my head
and it is a bit more complex than the issues I list might suggest.I have noted before that writing here helps me sort through my thoughts and feelings. After I wrote the last post, I realized I had accomplished just that for this turmoil over GRS. The decision to have, or not have, GRS is a major one, at least for me. By now, I have put in more than enough thinking time on the subject. Thinking things through is good, but at a certain point it becomes unproductive for me. It can also get in the way.
Just as when I transitioned, it is time for me to let go of some of my reliance on thinking and go with what I feel is right. And I feel GRS is so right at a very deep level.