Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Sun May 30, 2010 4:46 am Take care of yourself Danya...smooches dragonfly

Hi Butterflyjack,

Thank you! I am again taking good care of myself, after going way overboard for several days. I got a good night's rest and I am feeling back to normal. Happy and confident.

Hugs,

Danya
Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

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After getting a good night's sleep, I feel back to my normal self. I will get everything to work out.

I am even more pleased with the electrolysis results. Nearly all hair regrowth is now very fine and it has been three weeks since I have needed to shave. I still don't need to. :) My skin looks better, too. I know, though, that I have months of electrolysis work remaining. My electrologist is using a higher current than what is typical, which helps to speed the process. Since I have no job, I do not have to worry about more severe swelling and red marks. These still are gone after two days or so.

If I decide I need to leave Chicago for better opportunities elsewhere, my time here will still have been a very good experience that I will always remember. I am doing what I want with my life.

This afternoon, I met 'X' at his place to spend a day doing 'mundane' things as he put it. No museums, time downtown or gardens were on today's schedule. Instead, he took me to a very nice little 'ma and pa' joint, as he calls these places, for brunch. I had one of today's specials, the "Italian scrambler."

Then we went to Woodfield Mall, where I got a manicure but otherwise did not spend any money. Even though we spent over 90 minutes at the mall as I looked at women's clothing. He picked out some things he thought I would look great in. I tried them on and did not agree! 😄

I like a lot of the clothing at Coldwater Creek and everything in the store was 40% off. I was content to simply look at the nice clothing. 'X' sighed at one point, seemingly disappointed that I was not going to buy something he liked. If he wants to buy it for me, I will not object.

We also looked in Penneys and Ann Taylor. I looked at shoes in Lord & Taylor and told him what I liked.

Then we started heading back to his place. We were in my car as his is a very old gas guzzler with poor air conditioning. He filled up my car's gas tank.

We stopped at WalMart so he could pick up some things he needed. Then I dropped him off at his place.

I felt completely relaxed after my time with him, doing simple every day things. I was just as relaxed Wednesday evening after spending time together. For the first night ever, I was able to sleep well without my prescription sleep aid. This is not addictive but it would be great if I could stop taking it altogether.

Being with 'X' is teaching me a number of things. One that I was totally unprepared for is how sensitive me breasts are to his touch. I might be able to orgasm with nothing more than breast stimulation. That's all the detail I'll go into. 😄

I will spend most of tomorrow on job search and related activities. I will spend Memorial Day with 'X.' We are going to a national cemetery to hear the president speak.

Speaking of the president, when we left
Danya (imported) wrote: Fri May 28, 2010 7:58 pm the Museum of Science and Industry
on Friday we soon found that Lake Shore Drive headed back downtown to the north was nearly grid locked. Then there was no traffic at all in the south bound lanes. Soon, a series of at least five military helicopters came in low over the
Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:15 pm blue-green waters of Lake Michigan,
heading for a landing at Soldiers Field. The downtown skyscrapers formed a dramatic backdrop. We watched as the presidential motorcade later passed us, heading south on Lake Shore Drive. No doubt they were going to the Obamas' Hyde Park home.

'X', by the way, is not thrilled with downtown Chicago. He will occasionally admit that parts of it are very nice. I, of course, absolutely love downtown Chicago. We work all this out. :)
Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

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If I move away from Chicago, my decision will of necessity be based to an extent on educated guess work. I found a web site linking unemployment rates to educational levels of major US metropolitan areas. Regions with a more highly educated population tend to have lower unemployment rates. So I cannot base a decision entirely on unemployment data. I can look up data on average education level in different metropolitan areas.

The Chicago region falls right in the middle of the pack on education. The Twin Cities region is much higher. I concluded the Chicago area is more blue collar before I moved here, deciding there might be less competition in my field of work despite the higher unemployment rate. In addition, the types of jobs in my field more closely match my experience than those in the Twin Cities, with its significantly lower unemployment rate. I have noted this before and I am generating more interest here. Nonetheless, I still may decide that I will be more successful, and more quickly, someplace else.

Places like the Twin Cities, Washington, DC and Seattle have a significantly higher percentage of people with bachelor degrees than the Chicago region. They also have significantly lower unemployment.

Basing my decision on a combination of unemployment rate (as a rough overall measure of the health of the local economy), number of open advertised positions in my field as related to population and transgender friendly environment I have narrowed my list to four regions. I am also considering opportunities for my alternate career path
Danya (imported) wrote: Wed May 19, 2010 2:01 pm , which I will discuss in another post.
I fully intend to stick with this list unless I happened to offered a great opportunity someplace else. I cannot afford to spend more time on research while I continue to look for work here.

1. Washington, DC - by far the greatest number of jobs, per capita, in my 'current' and alternate fields. Also, it is within easy interview distance of Baltimore, Philadelphia, New Jersey and New York City. I am a native of the central core of this region and would feel right at home.

Drawbacks include lack of TG protections by the federal government, which posts a fair percentage of the jobs I seek, and a relatively high cost of living. DC and Montgomery County, MD have TG protections.

2. Boston, MA - high number of jobs per capita in my field and very high number in alternate field - far higher than the Twin Cities. Very TG friendly.

The high cost of living is a drawback.

3. Seattle, WA - much higher number of jobs in my field and alternate field than Chicago. Very TG friendly.

I find the unemployment rates in San Francisco and Portland, OR to be too high for my comfort level to justify a move. In addition, these areas do not offer enough opportunities to overcome my discomfort.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

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Although I had planned to spend the day on my job search, I met 'X' instead. He wanted to go to western Illinois to hear a concert, but I thought that was way too far to travel. Especially since I need to get up early tomorrow to meet him for our trip to hear the president speak at Lincoln National Cemetery. That's about 50 miles south of Chicago.

Today, we visited the Lincoln Park Conservatory and spent a little time at the Lincoln Park Zoo. We then drove north to Willmette to see the beautiful Baha'i House of Worship for the North American Continent. Then 'X' surprised me with dinner at a nice Greek restaurant near downtown.

I relax so much when I am with him that I often feel sleepy. I think it is the release of all my built up tension.

I am close to deciding to partially abandon or modify the specific search I have been on, at least if I stay in Chicago, for several reasons:

1. Although this was part of my job at my last employer, and I have had recent training in the field, nearly all advertised jobs here and in the Twin Cities require specific domain or vertical business knowledge in fields such as health care, insurance, financial services, etc. that I do not have. Ideally, I would not need this knowledge and, at least in theory, it is considered an advantage to not be a domain expert. Still, in this economy nearly all of these jobs expect significant domain knowledge in the types of industries I listed.

2. Soon after I transitioned and then started estrogen therapy, I noted to my therapist that some of my life interests had changed. During one visit, I told her that I was disturbed because I no longer found Information Technology (IT) as interesting or enjoyable as before. IT was one of 'his' interests, not mine. My career was no longer a comfortable fit. This does not mean I cannot perform my particular IT role well. It is just that I would rather be doing something else.

In a better economy, companies would put less emphasis on domain knowledge. They would be forced to by a smaller pool of available workers. In the Twin Cities, businesses that employ people with my skills are heavily represented by the health care and financial services industries (domains). In Chicago, it is a combination of health care, insurance, financial services, commodities trading, banking and e-commerce.

If I move to an area with a much higher demand for my IT skill set, such as Washington DC, there will probably be lower expectations for specific domain knowledge. I may well find a suitable job that will pay well and be sufficiently satisfying.

On the other hand, I am considering trying to move into an executive assistant type of position. In academia or a science intensive industry where the skills and experience I already have would be valued. I can take some very short-term training to get certified. I have found executive assistant jobs that pay at least as well as the IT role I am seeking. Most do not, but even if I make significantly less money than I am accustomed to I will have more than enough. I may very well be happier, too.

It used to be, and still is in many cases, that executive assistants needed nothing more than a high school education to be successful. More employers are looking for a least a bachelors degree and they highly value software and computer knowledge, which I have in abundance. As with posted jobs in my IT area, many executive assitant postings are looking for education and experience related to industry/academia. For exceptional executive assistants, there are opportunities for advancement and even further career changes.

I have strived much of my life to achieve quite a few things educationally and in career advancement. At this point, particularly since transitioning, I am no longer as concerned with climbing the corporate ladder. I am less willing to put in long hours because I want to have enough free time to further develop my talents in music, photography and graphics. I want a life and at least the opportunity to try find a life partner. These things require time.

In addition, I am concerned that if I stay in IT-related roles I may wind up going through a series of jobs because of intermittent lay-offs. My close Twin Cities friend, although now a very highly paid project manager, has been unemployed roughly half of the last 7 1/2 years. This scenario is not one I want to replicate in my own life. She was an executive assistant for a time when the IT job market was not good. This was before the current recession.

I am also tired of playing corporate politics, something I have never been good at anyway. As an executive assistant, I would know about the politics but it would be up to my boss(es) to play the game. 😄

I've used the Bureau of Labor Statistics web site to investigate salaries and projected demand for executive assistants. Even if I make less, initially, as an executive assistant I would have free time to hold down a job as a staff organist. Music, more than anything else, is my core passion. I would not consider this work but I could bring in another $12 - $15K a year for such a part-time job.

There are several friends here on the Archive who have told me I should sell some of my photographs in different ways. These people are in a position to know the quality of my work. So photography is another potential income source, even if it provides only enough to support my photography 'habit.'

As an executive assistant, I would have time left over to start a side business in some other area. When I ran my own business for two years in upstate New York, it started out as 'Art & Science Consulting.'

Nothing in life is absolutely secure, not by a long shot. I am beginning to think, though, that I would have more security or at least be more in demand as a very capable executive assistant. I would also get the benefits that often do not come with contract IT work that many information workers are forced to take. Particularly in difficult times.

The cities I have been looking at all have a much higher demand than Chicago for both my IT role and executive assistants. If I am offered a job here in the Chicago area in the next few weeks I will be very happy. Otherwise, I have decided I must move and soon. There is no other realistic option. I am not happy about this. I love this city, its cultural offerings, it bold and interesting architecture, the extensive public spaces, its stunning setting on Lake Michigan and the much greater ethnic diversity than found in the Twin Cities. The results I have been getting with electrolysis are more than I hoped for. If I move, I will soon be thriving in my new location. Just another adventure on my path through life.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

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'X' and I went to Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery for Memorial Day observances. We arrived at a remote parking lot to board a shuttle bus for the cemetery.

The day started out sunny and hot. There were men dressed in uniforms from wars throughout American history. We heard very good local bands play traditional, patriotic American music. One of the speakers recited Lincoln's very short, extraordinarily effective Gettysburg address.

As the proceedings continued, and a helicopter landed beyond a distant line of trees, the sound of distant thunder reached our ears. Just before the president arrived at the podium, the first drops of rain fell quickly turning into a deluge. We sought cover in the White House press corps tent.

We knew rain was a possibility so we had arrived with umbrellas. We were not permitted to take these to the cemetery, so there were many people who had no shelter from the storm.

President Obama, of course, was assisted by someone holding an umbrella over him. 😄 If we had been able to remain in our seats on the lawn, I would have been able to see him 'in person.' From the press tent, I saw him on the correspondents' large LCD monitor.

The president's speech was very short, perhaps deliberately shortened because of the severe weather. People were starting to disperse, although the program was far from over.

The storm continued for quite awhile. When it finally stated to let up, we headed toward the shuttle buses. Along the way, it started raining harder and we were soaked as we waited for a shuttle bus that was not already overloaded with equally wet passengers.

In the car, we used the heater to help dry our clothes. 'X', always a gentleman, took me to an early dinner at a family restaurant.

I spent most of this evening in quiet discernment of how I need to get to where I want to be in my life. Until now, I have kept myself so busy with job applications and researching alternative locations that I have given little thought to what I really want in my life in its entirety. I may take an additional day or two as a break from the intensity of my job search, so that I have enough distance from it and am sufficiently relaxed to make the best decsions.

For a smaller part of the evening, I searched for nonprofit jobs outside the IT field. I found several in the Chicago area that I can apply for that sound fulfilling. At least two of the organizations work on environmental issues.
mrt (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by mrt (imported) »

Hi Danya:

It does my heart good to see your seeing a nice guy and enjoying life. Living the life you want to rather then the one "expected" is a great gift. Sorry your still working on working. We are still doing the odd part time jobs. We are trying hard to deal with the old bills and see some light ahead. But sheesh.... This economy is still a disaster.

I'm not following the issue on Mr X and GRS? Hopefully you will be going with what YOU need and not what he is into? Is he freaked out about a June and Ward type hetrosexual relationship? Tell him that Mrs T and I highly suggest it and perhaps your the right women for him.

Anyway, had a nice chat with some folks from Chicago and we talked for a long time about local foods.

Scala's Italian Beef

Real Chicago Hot Dogs. *Where DO you get sport peppers, and Hot dog buns with poppyseed buns?!???

Then I admitted that I (cough) liked NY style pizza better the deep dish Chicago Pizza and was called a "TRAITOR!" SIGH.....

Anyway, while your looking for work maybe you can set up a UPS shipment of various area foods???? PLEASE!???? :D :D :D
Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

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Hi MrT,

I will do what I want with GRS, and that is to have surgery. :) No one has influenced my decision to go ahead with surgery and no one will cause me to change my mind.

I am not sure GRS is an issue with 'X.' Anyway, we have known each other only two weeks today. He knows I plan on having GRS. This is a time to have fun together and see if things may progress further. It is also quite possible that I will move by the end of June, too. He knows this, also.

What 'X' has done, in part, is to open my eyes to a possibility in my life that I have been neglecting for a long time. That is, meaningful relationships with people and I do not necessarily mean physically intimate ones. At my last job, I was working at least 60 hours a week and had little time. Since then, I have been so focused on finding a job I have not felt I have the time to get to know people better. I realize this has been a mistake.

I am not sure meeting someone like 'X' would have happened for me had I remained in the Twin Cities. In the time I have been here, he is the second man to be interested in me. There was a third a Hunters nightclub but I do not think there was any possibility of dating with that one. :)Neither has been shy about letting me know this, although the first did not know I am transgender until I told him. Perhaps if I had spent more time in Minneapolis instead of Saint Paul things would have been different there. While in Saint Paul, I did get admiring comments, wolf whistles and so on. 😄

Knowing that I am taking a few days to reconsider where I want to be in several areas of my life is freeing. I will still spend a little time searching for jobs during this time of reflection. If I see something that looks very promising, I will apply. I expect that by late afternoon Wednesday, I will return to very actively pursuing employment.

I also like New York style pizza, while I still appreciate much of the fine Italian food in Chicago. If I had the money, I'd gladly send you and MrsT a care package. ;)

Hugs,

Danya
Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

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I worked through what I need to today and have a plan to follow for the next month. I'll start working on this modified search tomorrow. It includes:

1. Creating an executive assistant resume, checking with local recruiters on how well this will fly in the local market given my background, and applying for jobs. I'll also start networking on this.

2. I will continue to look for IT positions, although for reasons I have already outlined, I am not very optimistic about my chances in the Chicago job market. Although I am getting more interest here than in the Twin Cities, it is not enough to count on. There is a networking meeting tomorrow near O'Hare that I will attend.

If things here, in one or both of these career paths, do not look promising by June's end, I will move. The economy is in rough shape everywhere. But there is no sense in remaining here when the situation is a whole lot better in several other metro regions.

It is important for me to get a position with health insurance by early next year, although if I do not I will survive. I will continue to consider contract work before then.

My doctors rate my overall health as 'fair.' I am considered uninsurable under typical plans. I checked this out to be sure with a friend who was a director at one of the major insurers in this country. I also looked at insurance web sites to see if I could get individual coverage. I cannot. With the new federal plan for those who are uninsurable, I would have to go six months without insurance to be eligible. Some of my prescriptions are very expensive.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

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I just got off the phone after speaking to my close woman friend in the Twin Cities for over an hour. She confirms that the IT job market has not been good for much of the last 7 - 8 years. She is in a position to know. Fortunately for her, she found a very high paying project manager position earlier this year. But that was after years of going through cycles of unemployment. Some of the earlier jobs she had did not pay at all well.

She remains convinced that I can find an IT job. I explained
Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 30, 2008 6:26 pm my concerns about continuing to w
ork in IT. She agrees IT can be a poor field for older workers, at least in the parts of IT she and I work in. My field is related to her project management area. She also thinks I could be giving up on the Chicago area too soon. I do not agree. She thinks I am being impatient. If being concerned about not having work after ten months of unemployment is a sign of impatience, then I am guilty. :)

I explained to her, at length, my reasoning behind a possible move and how I arrived at my conclusions. It sounded like, by the end of our conversation, she more clearly understood my position. She just wanted to be sure I had thought everything through. I should give her the URL for this thread. :)

Anyway, if I am somehow still without work when unemployment coverage ends (heaven forbid), or if I decide for some other reason to return to Minnesota (something I would much prefer not to do), she repeated that I am still most welcome to stay with her. I have that one safety net and I am very glad for it.

Part of our difference of opinion is that her health is excellent, although she is several years older than me. It has never bothered her to be uninsured. In addition, her family health history is terrific. Mine is not. She has, in fact, turned down COBRA coverage when she was eligible.

She understands how difficult it can be to be unemployed for an extended period. At one time, she was without work for 13 months. That was at a time when there were no emergency unemployment benefit extensions. She was also very depressed during several periods of unemployment. I have mostly avoided this depression, with the assistance of an excellent, expensive medication.

People who know me, and my history, well keep insisting I will be a success where ever I go. They base their opinions on the way I have persisted through difficult times before and, in the end, prevailed. They are also going by their personal interactions with me and their perceptions of my 'character' and capabilities. I can be a character at times. :) Transitioning genders, too, takes a lot of persistence and will power. Tuesday evening, my gender therapist commented on how at peace I seem about everything I am planning. She also thinks I will be a success. Are all of these people just blowing smoke up my dress?? 😄

I damn well hope all these folks are right! 😄 In the end, I alone can choose the best path for me. No one else on the planet knows me as well as I know myself and my needs.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

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So far today, I have applied for 5 IT jobs in the Chicago/Milwaukee region. Of these, one requires traveling every week. This job was posted nationally, so it is likely a long shot. Another job is with a university in Wisconsin. Both of these are permanent positions. The rest are contract jobs.

I have been so busy with IT applications that I have not done anything for executive assistant jobs. I will in a day or two.

After freaking out a bit last night over my lack of a job and potential health insurance issues down the road, I am very calm today. I simply have to accept that there may be a time when I have no health insurance coverage. That possibility is still eight months down the road. There is no sense in worrying about it now. I will manage, whatever happens.

Besides, my health is better since I lost my job. This may be mostly due to the fact that I am not in daily contact with hundreds of people, many of whom are busy spreading one illness or another. 😄 My last asthma attack was in August. If I get a cold, it will trigger an attack. My allergy to all types of mold can also trigger an attack. So can exposure to cold air - a good reason to move to a warmer climate! 😄 Most years, I have attacks in mid to late winter and early Spring. Not so this year, even though I'm taking less asthma prevention medication.

Early this evening, I will attend the networking event for the local chapter of a professional society related to my IT profession. Since the meeting is not far from 'X,' I will see him afterwards. I have already stressed to him that I cannot be out late. It is important that I get enough rest. I expect he will try to keep me out late, nonetheless. I must be strong. :)

I decided not to attend any part of Be-All, the large transgender convention being held this week in Chicagoland. None of the topics is new to me and, more importantly, it is expensive to attend. Anyway, I am already 'being all.' :)
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