Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[transward (imported)]

Hi Transward,

Thanks for the information. Your post has got me thinking that I should investigate Moorhead a little this weekend. Although I have been in that area several times, I never checked out the environment for trans folk there. Do you know anything about it? Perhaps I will apply for this permanent job. I want to be working so I can get on with my life.

Thanks!

Danya

Richard runs a speech clinic there for trans folk, so I know there is some trans presence. Small university towns are often much more diverse that other towns the same size. From Dr. Adler's blurb on his book. "About the Author

Richard K. Adler, Ph.D., CCC-SLP, F-ASHA Dr. Richard K. Adler, CCC-SLP, has been a speech-language pathologist for 36 years. He has worked in a variety of employment settings including public schools, university clinics, hospitals, private practice, and private clinics. He is currently Professor of Speech Language and Hearing Sciences at Minnesota State University, Moorhead (MSUM), where he also directs the Voice Disorders Clinic and supervises undergraduate and graduate students in the MSUM Clinic. In the past three years, he started a Transsexual/Transgender Voice and Communication Program within the MSUM Speech and Hearing Clinic. He has presented many workshops and seminars at local, state, and national speech and hearing conventions in the areas of transsexual voice and communication, traumatic brain injury, multicultural issues, listening skills, interpersonal communication, and gender issues in the voice clinic. "

Transward

[transward (imported)]

...

Being unemployed is not good! Although I have adapted to my circumstances, I need to do everything I can to get my life back on track.

As a trans person and someone prone to depression (unfortunately a too common combination. Several trans women I know claim antidepressants are more to blame for lack of libido than T-blockers and estrogen,) I can testify that it is not good to have too much time to brood. Periods of unemployment tend to cause spiraling depression and self doubts, which in turn makes it much harder to get out and get a job. (Though I must say you are showing much more initiative in your job search than many) Good luck.

Transward

[Danya (imported)]

As a trans person and someone prone to depression (unfortunately a too common combination. Several trans women I know claim antidepressants are more to blame for lack of libido than T-blockers and estrogen,) I can testify that it is not good to have too much time to brood. Periods of unemployment tend to cause spiraling depression and self doubts, which in turn makes it much harder to get out and get a job. (Though I must say you are showing much more initiative in your job search than many) Good luck.

Transward

Fortunately, I take a very effective antidepressant. I first started this medication in early 2007. It is the first that has totally relieved my major depression, at least for extended periods. In addition, it does not typically interfere with libido. When I started gender therapy

at the University of Minnesota,

in late 2007, my therapist concluded her interpreation of my MMPI-2 results with a comment that my life-long depression appeared to be in complete remission.

Since losing my job, there have been times when depression has returned. Those have been, for the most part, short-lived episodes.

During my first few months of unemployment, I had lots of self doubts. Even then, I took a series of six classes in my area of technology and did well.

These days, I am upbeat about my prospects. I did very well at the interview in downtown Chicago a few weeks ago. That was important, because it showed me that I still have the confidence I need. I also firmly believe I will get to where I want to be, both in my job search and my life. I will do what I need to for this to happen. Certainly the sooner I have a job the better.

Thanks for writing.

[Danya (imported)]

I am experiencing the poof regrowth of facial hair that my electrologist said might happen about now. I wrote her about it this morning, hoping she could give me more time than the 2 1/2 hours we have scheduled for tomorrow. She cannot. I'll speak with her tomorrow about getting significantly more time next weekend, possibly by getting her partner in crime electrologist involved again.

The regrowth is mostly much finer hair than what I started with, so things are definitely going in the right direction.

Earlier this evening, I spoke with my close woman friend in Minnesota. I wanted her take on the job in Moorhead, MN. Her initial reaction was Moorhead would not be a good place for me. As we continued talking, however, she could see some advantages. The end result is I will apply for this job and if they offer an interview, I will go and see for myself what the area offers. I agree with Transward's opinion that smaller university towns can be good places.

I also did some quick research on economic conditions with predicted job growth around the country and came up with a preliminary list of desirable places, should a good opportunity arise. I think most if not all of these have transgender protections of some type in place. At a state-wide or city level or both. That is important to me.

Here is my preliminary list:

Philadelphia, PA - I have spent lots of time in Philadelphia, although not at all recently

Pittsburgh, PA - I am very familiar with Pittsburgh and like it. I cannot remember how many times I have been there, from when I was a young child through my teens.

New York, NY area - I love NY! The museums, music scene, the mobs of people, the ethnic variety, the great food of all types, the tremendous variety of things to do.

Boston, MA - very nice, although difficult to navigate the convoluted streets. Great place for walking, though, with lots of great history sites. Beautiful Cape Cod is not far.

Washington, DC metro area - another attractive area and I enjoy the museums and history.

Austin, TX - I have visited Austin a number of times, all during my 6 year period working in Houston

Denver, CO - I like Denver and I love the Rocky Mountains. I have driven through roughly the eastern two thirds of the Colorado mountain region.

San Francisco, CA - One of my favorite cities, despite the chilly and foggy conditions. Chicago is sometimes called the most American of large cities, with its midwestern values. San Francisco and New Orleans are often promoted as being unlike typical American cities. I have no desire to move to New Orleans, although i have been there many times and enjoyed it.

Portland, OR - Another city I have visited and like, a lot. While it is not very large, it is large enough. The climate is pleasant and I love the natural beauty with ocean and mountains not far off. I have wonderful memories of driving through the Cascade Mountains.

Seattle, WA - the only city on my preliminary list that I have not visited

All of these are very urban regions, although they vary widely in size.

I am starting to plan how I will have gender reassignment surgery within the next 12 - 18 months. I know I have to make arrangements for this many months in advance.

[mrt (imported)]

I think Mrs T might have made the reference about your voice? But I may have said that as well or at least agreed. I used to think Paula Prentis was whose picture you saw if you looked up "sexy" in the dictionary and she has a deeper (but very female) voice as well. Of course I'm starting to show my age when I think of her or Doris Day as being sex symbols. Humm.. a more modern reference would be the lady ahh... can't think of her name but she did Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV) Michelle Geller?

Re: the one date then bring on the hotel idea? Seems like a good idea to not get involved and I think its pretty understandable you don't need the complications of being intimate before GRS.

I am so hoping you can find work soon and HIRE ME! I'm still doing the part time stuff and its just killing me.

[Danya (imported)]

I think Mrs T might have made the reference about your voice?

Yes, MrsT at least commented on the quality of my voice and that it sounded fine.

But I may have said that as well or at least agreed.

You made the direct reference relating the quality of my voice to the movie star's voice. I think you were being overly generous, but very kind.

Re: the one date then bring on the hotel idea? Seems like a good idea to not get involved and I think its pretty understandable you don't need the complications of being intimate before GRS.

It was nice to have one date. This man would not let me pay for dinner, although I insisted several times. So I look at this as my first ever date as me. I will not see him again.

I am so hoping you can find work soon and HIRE ME! I'm still doing the part time stuff and its just killing me.

The signs are reasonably good that I will find something soon, but the job may only be the start of a series of jobs if it is contract. I need to be open to moving, too, as a longer term solution. At least a contract job would get me off unemployment and working. It would also look good on my resume.

If only I worked in an area where I could help you out, I would try. This economy is so difficult for far too many people. I hope your situation improves soon, MrT.

Hugs,

Danya

[Dana Lane (imported)]

I am experiencing the poof regrowth of facial hair that my electrologist said might happen about now. I wrote her about it this morning, hoping she could give me more time than the 2 1/2 hours we have scheduled for tomorrow. She cannot. I'll speak with her tomorrow about getting significantly more time next weekend, possibly by getting her partner in crime electrologist involved again.

The regrowth is mostly much finer hair than what I started with, so things are definitely going in the right direction.

Earlier this evening, I spoke with my close woman friend in Minnesota. I wanted her take on the job in Moorhead, MN. Her initial reaction was Moorhead would not be a good place for me. As we continued talking, however, she could see some advantages. The end result is I will apply for this job and if they offer an interview, I will go and see for myself what the area offers. I agree with Transward's opinion that smaller university towns can be good places.

I also did some quick research on economic conditions with predicted job growth around the country and came up with a preliminary list of desirable places, should a good opportunity arise. I think most if not all of these have transgender protections of some type in place. At a state-wide or city level or both. That is important to me.

Here is my preliminary list:

Philadelphia, PA - I have spent lots of time in Philadelphia, although not at all recently

Pittsburgh, PA - I am very familiar with Pittsburgh and like it. I cannot remember how many times I have been there, from when I was a young child through my teens.

New York, NY area - I love NY! The museums, music scene, the mobs of people, the ethnic variety, the great food of all types, the tremendous variety of things to do.

Boston, MA - very nice, although difficult to navigate the convoluted streets. Great place for walking, though, with lots of great history sites. Beautiful Cape Cod is not far.

Washington, DC metro area - another attractive area and I enjoy the museums and history.

Austin, TX - I have visited Austin a number of times, all during my 6 year period working in Houston

Denver, CO - I like Denver and I love the Rocky Mountains. I have driven through roughly the eastern two thirds of the Colorado mountain region.

San Francisco, CA - One of my favorite cities, despite the chilly and foggy conditions. Chicago is sometimes called the most American of large cities, with its midwestern values. San Francisco and New Orleans are often promoted as being unlike typical American cities. I have no desire to move to New Orleans, although i have been there many times and enjoyed it.

Portland, OR - Another city I have visited and like, a lot. While it is not very large, it is large enough. The climate is pleasant and I love the natural beauty with ocean and mountains not far off. I have wonderful memories of driving through the Cascade Mountains.

Seattle, WA - the only city on my preliminary list that I have not visited

All of these are very urban regions, although they vary widely in size.

I am starting to plan how I will have gender reassignment surgery within the next 12 - 18 months. I know I have to make arrangements for this many months in advance.

I live in Philadelphia and totally love this place! I work at the University of Pennsylvania. I lobbied the University Council here back in March to include trans-related surgeries, etc, to be included in our insurance policy. It was well received and students got theirs approved a couple of weeks later. It seems it isn't a question of 'if' it will happen for staff but 'when'. I am guessing in a years time I will be getting my GRS done with insurance.

Just a thought!

[Danya (imported)]

I live in Philadelphia and totally love this place! I work at the University of Pennsylvania. I lobbied the University Council here back in March to include trans-related surgeries, etc, to be included in our insurance policy. It was well received and students got theirs approved a couple of weeks later. It seems it isn't a question of 'if' it will happen for staff but 'when'. I am guessing in a years time I will be getting my GRS done with insurance.

Just a thought!

Hi Dana Lane,

The reason I am, or used to be, very familiar with Philadelphia is because it is my hometown. I lived their until I was nearly 9, when we moved to surburban New Jersey. The last time I visited was in the late 1980s. I really like Philadelphia, too.

I am glad for you! Getting insurance for GRS is a huge help. Congratulations on getting results with your lobbying work.

Best wishes,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I'm having serious doubts about even considering the job in Moorhead, Minnesota. I do not know that I can be happy in such a small, isolated place.

I had to get out today to think about this and other things in my life. Mainly, how do I get from here to there. To where I want to be. What are the best options for all parts of my life.

At first, I thought I would go to the Chicago Botanic Garden but it was late and the skies were partially covered in thick clouds. I did not want to pay admission and have poor lighting for photos.

Instead, I decided to drive south of the city. Years ago, I drove through the city arriving from the south. I remembered how dramatic the approach from the south looked. That had been in the day time. I wanted to see it at night.

Along the way, I passed a United Airlines billboard advertising the new Chicago-Beijing non-stop service. Along with 'more non-stop flights to China.' Although it is very unlikely I will ever be on a jet to China, things like this clue me into the many possibilities of a place like Chicago.

As I drove past downtown on my way south, I thought it would be great to drive into Indiana. I wanted to visit the Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore to get back to nature for a bit. Part of my motivation was to see how much I enjoyed this relative to city life. Once I got into Indiana, I thought I might very well head into Michigan to see the dunes there. I almost made it that far.

By the time I reached the National Lakeshore, it was getting dark. I finally found a turn off for Mt. Baldy and took it. This lead into a parking lot where, ahead of me, there was a dimly lit white object. I thought it might be a sand dune so I put on my high beams. It was a dune but unfortunately I was not on its lake side. Only slightly disappointed, I decided to head back to the Chicago area.

As I approached downtown from the south, I was treated to the best night view of the city I have seen so far. It was spectacular. I wish there had been a place where I could have pulled over to get photos.

I was glad to be back among the heavy city traffic on the expressways. I felt at home and more alive than on the country road leading to the National Seashore.

Saturday, I headed out for Woodfield Mall because it was a rainy, chilly day. When I arrived, the parking lot was packed and cars were lined up on the street to get in. I noticed the clouds were starting to break up, so I decided to change plans and head downtown. The rain and clouds were back by the time I got there, but I took time to drive around some neighborhoods north of downtown. Including Lincoln Park and Old Town. Despite the intermittent rain, there were crowds of people along the streets lined with restaurants and retail shops. Again, I felt right at home.

Part of the reason I drive so much is that my car is now a refuge for me. A place where I feel free of the pressures of my roommate. I realized today that I cannot stay with her much more than another month or two.

My parents often took long, spur of the moment trips and I think I 'inherited' this wanderlust from them.

[Danya (imported)]

There are roughly 200,000 people in the Fargo-Moorhead region. If this job is with the employer I suspect from the description, they may well cover GRS. That might make it worth the move. Maybe....

The average January high temperature is only about 6 degrees lower than what the Twin Cities experiences. That means it is about 15 degrees colder than Chicago in January. That can't be too bad.