Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

...

Of course it's bad science. It is after all sociology. There are few studies in sociology whose methodology would meet the standards of hard science, or even the much less strict standards of psychology. You would be hard pressed to come up with a dozen sociological studies in the last fifty years that would pass hard science standards.

I may wind up responding to all of your points yet tonight and it is now after 3:30 AM. I really do need sleep to look for a job, you know.

I discussed this very issue with a friend and respected social scienctist, sometime yesterday. I thought that, perhaps, I was being too hard on these social scientists because of my 'hard' science background.

While social scientists typically cannot run the types of controlled experiments freely available to physical scientists, sound methods should still be used to design the studies and interpret the results.

If some or most social science studies are bad science, as you state, the reported results are unsubstantiated observations or opinions. They may have value, but they are not science and should not be labeled as such. This misleads the public. It is also a disservice to those social science studies that are well planned, executed and interpreted according to scientific principles.

The Scientific American - MIND piece on transsexuals would not have bothered me so much if the author had presented other viewpoints in addition to those of Blanchard and Lawrence.

I think we need to agree to disagree on this.

Got to get to bed now.

[Danya (imported)]

I think you need to think that through. Before you transitioned, if you had no libido or fantasies, then you have a much larger problem then simply being transsexual. Assuming that you did actually have sexual fantasies, if you weren't female in them, then I don't think you are actually transsexual. And if you were female in your fantasies, then trying to decide whether you were aroused by HAVING A FEMALE BODY making love to a man, or by MAKING LOVE TO A MAN while having a female body, is less productive tha

n deciding how many angels can dance on the hea

d of a pin. Another red herring to waste our energy.

Hi Transward,

I got 90 minutes of sleep and now I am raring to go again. The reason I was up so late was the computer problems that were preventing me from doing what I need. I have solved those. Later in the day, I will take a nap.

When I first read your post, and responded, I had been awake roughly 19 hours. So I was not at my best. Still, I do not think I would change what I wrote in response then.

I am being very sincere when I say I would like to know more about you, although not necessarily anything personal. Your response is the first in awhile that engaged me in a thoughtful yet challenging way on a critical topic of importance to many on the Archive. Whether they self-identify as a transsexual, a cross dresser, a transgenderist, a eunuch or a variety of other expressions of gender identity.

This is the last time I will write about my most definitely being transsexual. That's a promise. All I will add now is the contents of an email from my gender therapist for most of the time I lived in Minnesota. I moved from there two months ago. I don't usually do this, but she knows about this site. Besides, I am not identifying her.

I had written to her to update her on my job situation and life. Her note gives what I hope is a reasonably objective look at who I am, in a small way.. And I wrote this therapist five days ago, not asking for any support or confirmation of who I am. I did let her know I had not yet found a gender therapist as good as she is. Here is her response. I have not corrected spelling errors. I make enough of my own :

"Danya!!! So glad to hear you are well. Thank you for the picture, your awesome. I hope you find a therapist soon that you like. Not that I think you NEED a therapist but you have had a lot of changes and it's good to have someone to assist with your continued "changes". Chicago sounds very exciting! I think you could find excitment in any place you lived. You truely work to live life to the fullest. You are a strong woman and I have missed our talks...Yes, therapsit do miss some of their clients . Please take care of yourself and remember your story is just being...so much more to write. I would love to hear how your doing from time to time if you wouldn't mind. I hope you have a great week!"

My only change to what she wrote was to replace my real name with my screen name. I've had several therapists over the years who remain friends, to a greater or lesser extent. Including one from the mid-1990s.

This therapist, when I started seeing her, tried her darndest to convince me to join a transgender support group. She finally believed my protests that I did not need one. I still do not. OF course, I need support from time to time and friends provide that. That support is for all kinds of things, not limited to transgender issues.

I started my journey with a gender therapist at the well-known program

[quote="Danya (imported)" time

=1262432520]
at the University of Minnesota.
[/quote]
The only reason I left there was because their services were considered 'out of network' by my health insurance carrier. I could no longer afford it.

When I am better rested, I will try to find time to comment on some of your other points. Or someone else here may.

Anyway, I wish you well.

Hugs,

Danya

[transward (imported)]

Hello again Transward,

I had to comment on this one before going to bed. I feel no need to defend who I am, my life history, whether I had sexual fantasies before transitioning or if they were of the right type, how I got to this point or that I am, indeed, a male-to-female transsexual. I have no intention of going down this path, ever, on this site. Although, as and aside , if you followed some of my other threads before I created this one,

you would know that I have addressed th

ese very things.

I am very glad you responded to my post,

and I always enjoy hearing differing points of view and discussing these. I ask, though, that you leave your musings about my identity out of your comments. It's great to discuss and

debate ideas. I thrive on that.

Best wishes,

Danya

I think, in your fatigue you may have misread the point I was making; I was in no way questioning your life history, your status as a transsexual and I would have to know you much better to want to explore your sexual fantasies. What I was pointing out is that the whole question is bogus. My statement was structured as a logical proof. (Disregarding the posssibility of fantasizing that you are intersex) there are only three possibilities. 1) You have no libido or sexual fantasies. 2) In your fantasies you have a male body, or 3) In your fantasies you have a female body. In the first case you are more asexual than transsexual, though you might come under the M2 eunuch label. In case two, you have a male body and fantasize sex having a male body, you are, suprise, male. Only in 3) having a male body and fantasizing having sex with a female body are you clearly transsexual. Since by definition, transsexuals have sexual fantasies in which they are female, your statement, that you are a M2F female, but never had sexual fantasies where you have a female body, is the structural equivalent of the classic "Cretan Paradox," "All Cretans are liars.""I am a cretan." which can be true only when it is false.

Regards.

Transward

[Danya (imported)]

I think, in your fatigue you may have misread the point I was making; I was in no way questioning your life history, your status as a transsexual and I would have to know you much better to want to explore your sexual fantasies. What I was pointing out is that the whole question is bogus. My statement was structured as a logical proof. (Disregarding the posssibility of fantasizing that you are intersex) there are only three possibilities. 1) You have no libido or sexual fantasies. 2) In your fantasies you have a male body, or 3) In your fantasies you have a female body. In the first case you are more asexual than transsexual, though you might come under the M2 eunuch label. In case two, you have a male body and fantasize sex having a male body, you are, suprise, male. Only in 3) having a male body and fantasizing having sex with a female body are you clearly transsexual. Since by definition, transsexuals have sexual fantasies in which they are female, your statement, that you are a M2F female, but never had sexual fantasies where you have a female body, is the structural equivalent of the classic "Cretan Paradox," "All Cretans are liars.""I am a cretan." which can be true only when it is false.

Regards.

Transward

Hello Transward,

I have a better understanding now of what you meant, but I do not entirely agree. I'm still getting by on little sleep so I will save any additional comments for another time.

Best wishes,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I have a feeling I will soon have a job. But I will not define what 'soon' means to me. Things are going well with my job hunt. Perhaps I am being overly optimistic.

Tomorrow afternoon, I have a phone interview that is bypassing a recruiter. I will speak directly with the hiring manager. She let me know the interview will last 45 minutes, about twice the average length for phone interviews. I need to prepare thoroughly for this.

This afternoon, I got a call about a permanent job I applied for. The recruiter wanted to know what I am looking for. Answering "I am looking for a job" is not what this person will want to hear. Before I return the call, I need to review the job description.

This morning, I checked on the status of my application for two other permanent jobs I applied for last week. I am still in the running for both.

I spoke with two recruiters this morning and both think I am a good match for two contract jobs, so they are submitting my application.

Anyway, I was up at 6 AM this morning and worked until 1 PM. I needed a break, so I went downtown. There are places in Chicagoland, other than downtown, that I like to visit by the way. I spent 3 1/2 hours walking and went to the observation deck of the John Hancock Center, on the 94th floor. The greeter noted that the building is known as "Big John" by the locals. A local friend, Erica Ann, clued me in on another name for this building several months ago. All I will say is, it is a more suggestive name.

On the way to the city, I thought of stopping to flirt with Sonny. He is the man who first flirted with me at the gas station convenience store. If I had not been two lanes of traffic too far to the left as I passed the station, I would have paid him a quick visit.

I worked more when I returned home. Tomorrow morning, I will get up at 6:30 to look for more jobs and prepare for tomorrow's phone interview.

Wednesday evening, I will attend a networking event at a downtown university. To avoid the traffic and save on gas, I will take the Metra train or drive to the nearest 'El' station. Both trains stop near the university.

As I drove home this evening, dusk had arrived. The sky was nearly cloudless and I had a perfect view of Venus, Mars and Saturn. When I was a child, there was far less light pollution. Back then, even though I lived in an east coast suburb, on moonless nights I could easily see the Milky Way.

The days of seeing this small part of our galactic home with the naked eye are long gone. Except in remote regions far removed from the lights of civilization. About five years ago, I hiked in Arches National Park in Utah. As darkness approached, I was struggling to find my way back down the trail from Delicate Arch. By the time I neared the parking lot, the stars seemed to have set the sky ablaze. The Milky Way shone brilliantly in the cloudless sky. The light from the smallest sliver of the waxing moon did not interfere, but added to the beauty of the scene. The visible night area of the moon shone gently with earthshine. It took my breath away. I sat watching the sky for half an hour before I reluctantly returned to my car. There is so much beauty in the world and, at times, in the sky that opens up after darkness arrives.

[kizahakan (imported)]

As I drove home this evening, dusk had arrived. The sky was nearly cloudless and I had a perfect view of Venus, Mars and Saturn. There is so much beauty in the world and, at times, in the sky that opens up after darkness arrives.

At this point, you are blessed



cheers,

hakan upps Dorian Gray

[Danya (imported)]

At this point, you are blessed



cheers,

hakan upps Dorian Gray

Hi Hakan,

How right you are. I consider myself very fortunate in that I am blessed in many ways. One of those is the many new friendships I have found since I transitioned genders two years ago. I realized a few days ago that, with a few important exceptions, these new relationships are deeper and more rewarding than just about any friendship from my earlier pre-Danya days. And some of these friendships started right here on the Archive.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I ended the afternoon having completed four phone interviews instead of the one I expected. For one of the opportunities, I will hear by early next week if I will be invited for a personal interview. For another, I am meeting the recruiter for coffee tomorrow morning at 8 AM. I will manage this even though I am not a morning person. The remaining two phone interviews went very well and I should hear more about these opportunities soon.

One of the interviewers sent me an assignment I need to complete this evening. I promised that I would mail in my work by first thing in the morning. This will not be very difficult.

Then there are still other opportunities that I am waiting for word on, like the contract to hire position in Wisconsin. I learned yesterday that not only the recruiter thinks I am a great fit for this position. The hiring company also is extremely interested in me. I wish their HR department would get it together and arrange an interview.

I would not have done so well in today's phone interviews if I had not taken time yesterday for fun in the city. Even through unemployment, life goes on and I need to celebrate who I am and enjoy life.

On yesterday's trip downtown, I shot 157 photos. I take so many because some always turn out to be poor! I figure that, by random chance alone, some of the pictures will turn out to be decent. Actually, I put some effort into composing shots, getting the lighting right and so on. I still am never quite sure what I have until I download the photos to my computer.

Until I have a job offer, I will keep my contigency plan (i.e., moving if necessary) in mind. I don't know what Sonny will do if I leave the area.

[Danya (imported)]

Exactly two weeks from today will mark the two-year anniversary of me, Danya. Or at least the first day I went to work as my true self. The Friday before that is the day I described as something like "gently letting go of my former male self." I want to do something special to celebrate, just as I did last year. I had more money then and threw a party. Friends from work and church came, as did one or two folks from the Archive if I remember correctly. So much has changed in the year since that it seems that party was part of another life. In some ways, it was.

This morning, I had a very good interview with a technical recruiter. We met at a coffee shop. I would mention that he was very handsome, except that would be off topic. He submitted my application to a very large company in this area. This is a contract position and those are always becoming available at this place. If I don't get the first opening, I could very well get another. All of this could take several months.

Although my initial plan was to take the train to the city this afternoon, for this evening's 'networking' event, I drove. Along the way, I stopped at a certain gas station to flirt with 'Sonny.'

When I arrived downtown, I headed right for the Sears (now Willis) Tower, parking nearby. I got some very nice photos from the SkyDeck on the 103rd floor. I hadn't been there in years. They have since added four glass-like extensions to the side of the observation floor. I stood in one of these looking straight down through the transparent floor. A woman approached and told me she was just a little afraid to step onto such a seemingly insubstantial floor. I encouraged her and told her we should jump up and down on the 'glass' floor. We did, both of us laughing as someone took our picture.

I need to get out of the habit of driving downtown. The reason I drive, I think, is because it gives me a sense of freedom from what I view as a not very desirable living situation. I do not need a lot of space. That's not the problem. I have described my roommate elsewhere so I won't go into this again. I also get a lot of thinking done when I drive. I used to think a friend, from many years ago, was rationalizing when he told me he was really working when he drove and did other things away from the office. Like me, he was thinking of possible new approaches to work-related problems. While driving, I come up with new things to try in my job search.

Still, it is expensive to drive downtown. Not only is it a 100-mile round trip, but city parking rates are sky high. After I paid for parking near the Willis Tower, I tried parking close to the meeting location. As I pulled in the garage, I saw that the place charged $6 for the first 20 minutes! It was $20 dollars for the first hour, $25 for an hour and 20 minutes and so on. This was way too steep for me. I paid the $6 fee at this "pay on foot" facility and exited immediately.

I wound up parking some distance away, at an underground garage that I knew would charge me no more than $14. What a bargain!

As I walked on Monroe by Millenium Park, I passed a flower bed at eye level. There were two small Aquilegia (columbine) plants among other flowering plants. They were covered with gorgeous soft lavender and white blossoms. Made me wish I hadn't left my camera in the car.

The networking meeting had a professional society talk, which I expected. That was very good and it gave me some ideas for my job search. I thought the meeting would be similar to ones this society held in the Twin Cities, with time for networking. I was disappointed when the talk ended and everyone quickly exited. I had hoped to make some good business connections and I was ready with lots of business cards to hand out.

You might think I would be less excited about downtown Chicago the more I go there. The opposite is true. I did not want to leave when the meeting ended around 7:30 PM. The city is much more interesting, and fun, for me than the suburbs. I enjoy the crowds of people from all walks of life and of all ages. The sound of traffic and the 'el' (or 'L') lets me know I am in a 'happening' place. The architecture is stunning. I had been looking for the Alexander Calder Flamingo sculpture on other trips and only stumbled across it this evening.

I'm feeling just a little bit down. After four phone interviews yesterday, I haven't had much in the way of job search results today. With the exception of this morning's in person interview with the recruiter. I hope more happens tomorrow.

I will apply for about another 15 jobs I found on the web. In addition, I will make appointments with technical recruiters that cover the downtown regions and the western suburbs.

[Milkman (imported)]

Maybe this is not the best time to ask, but here goes: You present as female, but how does your voice sound on the phone ? Is it convincingly female?