Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[JessicaH (imported)]

If you need contact info in a certain company let me know. I have a heck of a database that has info on people from every company of any size!

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Hi Danya,

You have peaked my curiosity now after reading your last several posts, so if I could ask what is a "leave behind" package that you mentioned and what type of information would be contained in such a document? I'm not familiar with this term.

[Danya (imported)]

I just returned home from a fun evening in downtown Chicago. There's really quite a lot I'd like to write about this. I want to spend time, though, in the chat room on the dating site I found last night.

When I checked my email, there was a note from the corporate recruiter at the downtown company I interviewed with Wednesday. They said I clearly had valuable talents but I was too experienced for the job level. I suspected this at the interview and afterwards spoke to Erica Ann. I told her I hoped I had not intimidated the hiring manager. That was not my goal but I was simply being my usual competent self. I could not 'dumb it down' for the interview and that would not get me to where I want to be.

I am totally fine with this positive rejection, even after all my late night hours of preparation. All of that can be put to good use elsewhere. I am also aware that 'too experienced' could be code for 'too old.' Perhaps not in this case, since I had clued them in to my age when I first connected with the corporate recruiter. I got the interview anyway.

In addition, the interview gave me good practice. Now it is important that I write a thank you note to the hiring manager. Not only is this proper etiquette, but he may be able to serve as a networking contact. If he is on LinkedIn, which is likely, I will ask him to be a connection.

I'm still waiting to hear about interviews for two other permanent positions. Then there is a contract position I am being submitted for in the health care industry. I need to have a permanent job for the benefits, but I still have 10 months of COBRA coverage for health and dental insurance. Like the contract to hire position I am waiting on, this contract job would get me in the door with the health care industry.

If I take a contract position, it would look good on my resume. While I was over qualified for the downtown job, the requirements for the contract job are high. My Twin Cities friend, a project manager and former boss years ago, says I can do everything they want. I agree. But the annualized pay rate is extremely low if they truly want everything they ask for. Including managing large projects. Nonetheless, this would be better than unemployment.

While holding down a contract job, I can still look for permanent employment. I know beyond a doubt that I will succeed.

Stacy and Erica Ann, I will respond to you later tonight or tomorrow. I need to see if 't' in Chicago is in the dating room chat!

[Danya (imported)]

When I started my nearly 50 mile journey downtown this afternoon, my intent was to see the Matisse special exhibition at the Art Institute. Unfortunately, just as on my first attempt to visit the Shedd Aquarium, the exhibit along with the entire new modern wing (which I have never seen) was closed for a private event. Over two years ago, I saw the older part of the museum. While it is quite fine, I did not want to pay admission without seeing the Matisse works.

Instead, I walked around downtown Chicago yet again. My roommate was right when she told me I would regret not taking my camera. While I wandered around the spectacular Millennium Park, I was sorely wishing I had it with me. Night had not yet fallen and I could have easily gotten some spectacular shots without a tripod. When darkness came, I still felt quite safe. The Loop is generally considered safe even after dark. Besides, there were people around.

I have got to point out that it is easy to get terrific photos in Chicago. The place is so photogenic. It's often rated as having one of the best skylines in the world.

The park was filled with gorgeous spring flowers and flowering trees. The lakeside area is often cooler in Spring than the more inland area where I live. Here, some of the plant types blooming downtown are already fading.

Yet some tender plants had already reached 18 inches in height. There was one flower I could not identify, which bothered me a little. I think it was a late blooming Helleborus species. It at least superficially looked like one and had a Ranunculus family type flower. Just like buttercups. But I may be wrong here. It has been too many years since I studied the anatomy of flowers.

The beds were ablaze with tulips, daffodils and narcissus blossoms. The park is filled with unusual and fascinating modern sculptures, following the tradition in Chicago for vibrant public spaces. I did not want to leave, but nature was starting to call.

I knew I should return to the car so I could get back on the Kennedy expressway, a non-toll section of I-90 that switches to a toll route near O'Hare airport. Soon after entering the expressway, there was a sign noting that the drive to O'Hare was 20 minutes. I thanked God because on I-90, near O'Hare, is the Des Plaines Oasis. Restrooms!

When I see signs for Des Plaines, I am reminded of the long ago show "Fantasy Island." The side kick to Ricardo Montalban always opened the show with "the plane, boss, the plane!" How appropriate that Des Plaines should be near O'Hare.

At the first toll plaza, I was tempted to take the side detour to the cash toll plaza. Just to have someone smile at me and say "have a good evening, ma'am." I've had the very cool I-Pass for at least a month now, so I can proceed through the overhead detectors without having to slow down. Given the urgency of my bladder situation, I opted to forego manual payment.

On much of the trip, in both directions, I was listening to Beethoven's Missa Solemnis. I am not a huge fan of Ludwig's choral writing, at least not when I compare his sung works to those of Brahms. Johannes was a master writer of songs and his large choral work, Ein Deutsches Requiem has extremely fine choral writing. I keep in mind that Beethoven was deaf when he wrote this transcendent piece.

Beethoven's monumental mass is wonderfully moving and I felt like I was transported, almost, to another dimension. I got so close to extra-dimensional travel that I needed to rein things in. I was driving, after all .

I also find the very difficult choral sections finely written and appreciate them more than those in the last movement of the Ninth Symphony. There are certainly recognizable traces of the slightly later symphony in the mass, though.

All of this music made me realize how much I miss my piano. When I practice, especially for several hours, I start to get my own original musical ideas. When I play the piano or pipe organ, I am part of the artistic process. I simply don't get quite the same result when listening to music. I try, though.

In part because I am considering taking up again something I have wanted to do for many years. That is, compose my own music. I have dabbled in this over the years and have arranged some of the hymns I have played in church.

This longing to create is, perhaps, one of the curses of being a Myers Briggs type INFP. Although I am much less of an introvert than before I transitioned nearly two years ago. INFP's typically seek to be 'their truest selves.' Indeed, this can become an unattainable life goal. To 'be' completely and totally express every aspect of one's being. By transitioning, I've certainly gone a long way along that path!

Anyway, curse or obsessive compulsive disorder , I was listening to the music with an intense concentration, trying to pick apart the construction of Beethoven's mass. Particularly the Credo third movement and especially the lead in to the Et incarnatus est section. I have the orchestral scores for a few symphonies and I would love to have the score for this work.

The music leading up to this is quite energetic and loudly exhuberant. It ends fairly abruptly on an unresolved chord, followed by one or more flutes alone left holding a single note before 'and is made flesh' begins very quietly and with exquisite beauty. I suspect it is a solo flute that leads into this section because it is barely discernible.

This extended rambling may be the result of that coffee I had late this afternoon. Anyway, I long for an outlet for my creative energies. There was a time when I could play passably well Beethoven's last piano sonata (#32). I cannot pretend that I ever had this wonderful piece of art ready for a recital, but I could play through it with energy and sensitivity.

Then there is his piano sonata #30, my absolute favorite. It is easier than #32 but still quite difficult. I first heard this performed by the late, great Beethoven interpreter Ruldolph Serkin at Carnegie Hall in New York City. I was blown away by the performance.

I gave my first organ recital at an Episcopal cathedral in upstate New York. Several members of the church choir I directed, and where I was also the organist, attended. This experience was a high point of my life. I had practiced for several months and I pulled off the recital, on a four manual pipe organ, without a hitch. Including a difficult Bach chorale prelude.

Through all this writing, I am sharing more of what it means to be me. That is all.

In other matters, I did not run into 't' in the dating chat room. Perhaps tomorrow night!

[Danya (imported)]

If you need contact info in a certain company let me know. I have a heck of a database that has info on people from every company of any size!

Hi Stacy,

Thanks for the offer! I may very well take you up on it.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Danya,

You have peaked my curiosity now after reading your last several posts, so if I could ask what is a "leave behind" package that you mentioned and what type of information would be contained in such a document? I'm not familiar with this term.

Hi Erica Ann,

A leave behind package is a marketing tool to keep your name and information in front of a hiring manager. It helps your submission to stand out among a number of competing applications and typically contains much more than your resume. The color of the folder helps keep it visible, too. Most people do not use this technique and that makes it even more effective for those who do.

As an example, the leave behind package I left with the hiring manager Wednesday consisted of a medium green translucent plastic folder with inside pockets. In the pockets, I had my resume, my portfolio and the PowerPoint presentation I created. One of the pockets had a slots to hold my business card. I could have also included a JIT card - a summary of my qualifications on a 3 x 5 inch card. Everything was kept together in one neat, colorful and attractive package.

Green is a good color to use because it is often associated with growth. Red and black are both power colors. For the jobs I am seeking, these are not good choices.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

In less than a month, it will be two year[

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my true self. What a trip this has been. I wrote to a friend here last night something I have stated here many times. He's probably well tired of hearing the same story by now. Somehow, and beyond any expectations I ever had, my life continues to get more wonderful. In spite of being unemployed and some additional unpleasant events.

Certainly, when I first learned I would lose my job, and for several additional months, I was not always thriving. A number of therapist type people still commented on how resilient I was. I did not feel this way at all. I did, however, get beyond those difficult first few months of joblessness. Partly with the help of several people here.

It was not easy for me to decide to move to the Chicago area. I based the decision on a number of factors, my job search being just one.

Now, I often feel like I want to live in the city instead of a relatively distant suburb. Occasionally, I am frustrated by the metro area's hugeness. At times, it is very time consuming to get to where I need or want to go.

This remains one of the most difficult times of my life. I really have no clue as to when I will have a job. I am encouraged by responses I have been getting. These are still not the same as a job offer.

Some have written elsewhere that searching for a job, while unemployed, is one of the most difficult jobs you will ever have. I totally agree. I spend 60 - 80 hours a week on this work. I don't know if I am too much of a perfectionist and could do just as well putting in less time. Without changing the outcome. If I had to work this hard at a paying job, I might soon decide to find another. Or change careers.

I feel the need to also relax with play time, sometimes downtown. These excursions are not free. They refresh my spirit and give me the motivation to keep plugging away at my job search. I could not work so hard if I did not celebrate being alive; being me. That means getting out and being seen.

Today, I was downtown again but only for a short while. Then I returned home and worked.

I found the colorful paintings at the Art Institute to be too stimulating. I had to leave. It is difficult for me to accept that I am now totally stressed out. From both my work and play schedules. Like a fool, I am not heeding Uncle Flo's great advice.

Instead, I have gotten by on 5 - 5 1/2 hours sleep on each of the last four nights. Yet I do not feel tired. Instead, I want to do more. The stress has triggered my hypomania. I took action tonight by taking my prescription mood stabilizer.

Despite the stress, most of the time I am still amazed at how happy I am. I'm not talking about hypomania related euphoria, either. That is not a good thing. I mean genuinely happy with where I am and where my life is going. This still seems like an impossible dream that has come true and continues to get better.

I must rest more. Tonight, I do not think I will have a problem getting at least eight hours of sleep.

I also need to stop thinking I need to do everything and have everything in my life right now. Even my electrologist comments on this tendency.

What I'd really like is for an employer to pay me to fly around the world for my work. There was a sign in the Metra station Wednesday noting that non-stop flights from O'Hare to Beijing were starting soon.

Then again, I realized my driving habits are starting to match those of the downtown cab drivers. Another job possibility.

Whatever. Time to get to bed.

[Danya (imported)]

Challenge brings stress but greater happiness.

[Danya (imported)]

...the last ever appearance of the blonde Danya. I really look better with dark auburn hair.

[Danya (imported)]

I am back to 'normal' today. Mood stabilizer did the trick and I got a restful night's sleep. I also feel like sleeping again tonight.

Spent three hours at the electrologist's. She won't be in next Sunday :-\, so she wants me to see her in her downtown office on Wednesday. As many of you know, I love downtown Chicago. Nonetheless, I'd prefer not to go right in the middle of the week. She noted today that she is tired of dealing with all the fine facial hair I now have. It's that she will work on this Wednesday.

Applied for four jobs last night and several today. Ten left to go from this weekend's search. Including one from that terrific pharmacy company located nearby the begins with a 'W' and ends with 'greens.' I am a really good fit for this position and will work hard on a custom cover letter. Unlike the previous opportunity here, this is a permanent position. It is not a contract job. Plus, I am even a closer match for this permanent position. I will likely create a table in the body of the cover letter to show a comparison of what they want versus what I can offer. Employer's love this and it will more easily display what a good match I am.

It is entirely possible I will hear about setting up one or more interviews this week.

Best of all, I ran into 't' from Chicago in the TS dating chat room! We had quite a long 'conversation.'

Anyway, since I will be going downtown Wednesday I have put in extra work this weekend.