Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Danya,

Regarding Illionois Secretary of State policy about changing the gender marker: The physician letter merely has to state that a transition is in process (starting RLE, for instance). My letter reiterated the S.O.C. requirement for a 12-month full-time period in the new gender role, then went on to state: "consistent documentation with congruent gender designation will contribute to a successful outcome."

Here is the clipping from the web which emboldened me prior to visiting the Secretary of State:

http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/dlchange

(NOTE: If you go to the link, you'll may have to scroll down to the Illinois section manually. The link at the top of the page didn't work in my browser.)

My visit to the Secretary of State last June was fairly short. Although the change in gender required a supervisor's attention, the physician letter and legal name change court order sufficed. Didn't even have to lie about anything.

Hoping for your success,

Terri

Hi Terri,

Thank you very much for passing along this valuable information. I am much relieved and hopeful that I can do the same thing. Since I transitioned and started estrogen nearly two years ago, this shouldn't be a problem. I will need to show my new doctor proof, since he has only known me a little over a month. I think I will make an appointment with him and show him the information you provided.

Hope you are doing well!

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Last night, I spoke with a good friend in Minnesota about today's job interview. I was considering going without nail polish, of all the things! From what I have read, this is acceptable as is clear nail polish. Color is absolutely forbidden, though, because you don't want people distracted by any hint of flashiness. Unless you are looking for work in the fashion industry. Everything must be done in a classy, yet understated, way. You want interviewers to focus on what you are saying, not what you are wearing.

She also insisted I go out and get linen paper. I was preparing a 'leave behind' package with my resume, 31-page PowerPoint presentation and my color portfolio. Foolishly, I had intended to use ordinary printer paper. Truth is, I knew she was right.

After my friend called, I realized my plan of getting to bed by 9:30 PM was now impossible. I drove to another one of the endless Chicago suburbs to stop at OfficeMax (for the paper) and at the mall where I was hoping to squeeze in my first ever manicure and polish. By this time, I didn't have the energy to do my own nails. I absolutely love the way my nails look now, even with nothing more than clear polish. The manicure was very relaxing, too.

When I got home, I had to print all the @!#$% stuff for the 'leave behind' package. There were other things to complete so I would feel confident at the interview.

I didn't get to bed until 12:30 AM and got up at 6 AM. Not only am I not a morning person, but I do not do well with only 5 1/2 sleep, either. Nonetheless, I managed to pull it all together and make it to the train station on time. I won't mention what I did with the shoes I drove in after I half ran in them to the station. I couldn't very well carry them with me when I had to be at the interview in heels. I hated this. It's all part of adjusting to life in a very large urban area, though, and learning to properly prepare.

On the train, I reviewed my notes about the company and job description. The interview went very well. I was completely relaxed and confident. This company, and many others, now do second interviews. I'll hear by the end of this week or early next if they want me back.

The (younger) man I'd be reporting to takes the train downtown and then hops a water taxi for the final leg of his morning commute. Very cool!

After the interview, I took time to walk to Millennium Park before heading to the train station.

Right now, I'm waiting for a phone interview about a contract to hire position.

I have been contacted by email by two new recruiters today, so it seems I made a reasonably sound decision to move here.

Then there's the possibility of working for a large financial services firm and a media company, both downtown. Anyway, I feel blessed and hopeful that my period of unemployment will come to an end before long.

[Danya (imported)]

I am totally crazy about Chicago. I knew I would like it here but I need to take things a bit easier. After spending hours in this city, for my interview, this morning and early after noon, I returned home. I applied for more jobs and had dinner.

For most of the week, I am putting in very long hours on my job search. So I am working very hard to land a new job. At the same time, I play hard.

After dinner, I decided I simply had to see Chicago at night. I haven't seen the downtown lights for roughly ten years. So I made the 96 mile round trip this evening and spent quite a bit of time navigating around the city streets. I wanted to become more familiar with the layout. Rather than further tiring me, the trip was energizing.

Most Chicago cab drivers are relatively timid compared to those in Manhattan, where near outright aggression is the rule. I noticed a few exceptions today. In New York, I enjoy driving and showing the cabbies that I am not intimidated,

I would love to take my camera and tripod downtown at night for some photography. But I do not feel safe enough to do this by myself in the dark. Perhaps I can convince my roommate to go along.

There is no way I can continue to make these long drives into the city. Once I have a job, assuming it's in the Chicago area, I want to live much closer to downtown so I can visit more often and at much less expense. Ideally, I'd live in the city near downtown. When I searched for places to stay here, I ran across some nearly reasonable rents for very small apartments.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

Take it easy, slow down You need to be at your best to deal with getting employment. It is good to see that you are so happy and buoyant. --FLO--

[Danya (imported)]

Take it easy, slow down You need to be at your best to deal with getting employment. It is good to see that you are so happy and buoyant. --FLO--

Dear Flo,

You are such a sweetheart.

You are correct, I do need to slow down. I have got to balance things so I am having sufficient fun while not tiring myself out. As long as I am not overdoing it, being out and about helps clarify my thinking. It gets rid of the cobwebs and stimulates new ideas. Even when I am enjoying the city I am thinking of new approaches for my job search and interviews.

Thanks for your kind words. I am incredibly happy. What a fortunate woman I am.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Danya,

Regarding Illionois Secretary of State policy about changing the gender marker: The physician letter merely has to state that a transition is in process (starting RLE, for instance). My letter reiterated the S.O.C. requirement for a 12-month full-time period in the new gender role, then went on to state: "consistent documentation with congruent gender designation will contribute to a successful outcome."

Hi Terri,

I just double-checked with my doctor's office. The letter that will enable me to be designated as 'F' on my license, at least if I choose the right license office , is on the way.

Hope to handle this next week.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I do need to take things easier. After getting only 5 1/2 hours sleep the night before Wednesday's interview and going back downtown Wednesday night, I am totally whipped.

Earlier in the day, I went to pick up pants suit #2 from Woodfield Mall. If that second interview comes, I will look terrific.

This afternoon, I briefly toyed with the idea of going downtown this evening for a concert. I was going to drive to an 'el' station for the ride to near Michigan Avenue. There is absolutely no way I have the energy for this.

When I am this tired, my jobless situation can start to seem really bad. I will get to bed by 9:30 PM and I should be back to normal in the morning.

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Hi Terri,

I just double-checked with my doctor's office. The letter that will enable me to be designated as 'F' on my license, at least if I choose the right license office , is on the way.

Hope to handle this next week.

Hugs,

Danya

Hi Danya,

I too had the same letter you're referencing and was still asked the big question "Have you had a procedure?" Hopefully they will not ask, but if they do, you have better be prepared to tell a little white lie.

I know some girls that have not been asked and others that have. It all depends on which clerk you get at the desk. I know that it seems a bit unreasonable, but this State's a little tougher than others on this issue.

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Danya,

I too had the same letter you're referencing and was still asked the big question "Have you had a procedure?" Hopefully they will not ask, but if they do, you have better be prepared to tell a little white lie.

I know some girls that have not been asked and others that have. It all depends on which clerk you get at the desk. I know that it seems a bit unreasonable, but this State's a little tougher than others on this issue.

Hi Erica Ann,

A mutual trans friend suggested several license offices that tend to be quite friendly towards trans folks. According to her, all the state of Illinois requires is that a letter state you are undergoing irreversible treatment to change gender.

The problem, according to said friend, is that individual license offices have the power to do what they want at least to an extent. She recommended several that are known to favorably treat cases such as mine. If I fail at one office, I'll try another - in a different county if necessary.

She also told me the office I went to has one of the worst reputations on these things.

I think this is very important because she also noted that in Illinois there is protection for dressing as any gender. Public bathroom use is another matter. You are, at least technically, expected to use the bathroom that matches the gender on your drivers license. I have never had a problem with this, but I would prefer to be protected.

If I fail on the license issue, I hope that the 'safe passage' letter I will obtain will do the job. I am returning to the gender therapist you used, and I had one appointment with in March, middle of next week. This letter is one of the things I told her I need.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Writing helps me relax and sort through issues.

Today, I feel a little stuck. I am waiting to hear if I will be asked in for a second interview at the downtown company. I may not hear until early next week. I noted in an earlier post that this interview went very well. Typically, I interview very well but there is always the possibility of inadvertently saying something that nixes the entire process. I cannot read a hiring manager's mind, but I do look for clues to his or her thinking and reactions in body language.

I am also waiting for an interview to be set up with the company near Milwaukee. This is one of the places that chose to skip the phone interview because they thought it unnecessary. The corporate HR department is involved in some way. That's slowing things. The recruiter just told me I am the only candidate they submitted for this job because they are so confident in my abilities. I hope they are not over selling me. I am confident in the abilities I have but at the same time I am aware of what I cannot do. Anyway, I am sure other agencies have submitted candidates.

Earlier in the week, I may have mentioned that yet another recruiter told me I should be able to at least equal the salary I was making last year. This is good news, if it turns out to be correct. She thinks I am well qualified for the company she is working with. I may not hear anything about this one until late next week. The HR department is known to be slow.

When I visited downtown Chicago Wednesday night, I drove by many companies that might have an interest in what I can do. I am considering contacting these directly, to try to arrange 'informational interviews.' I might even just walk in their doors and ask to speak with someone in the XYZ department. I would have my 'leave behind' packages along.

Sometimes, direct action like this can pay off. It is time consuming and expensive but I am considering it as a form of networking. A potential problem is that many, if not most, buildings have security so without a name you are out of luck. Without a name and appointment you may be out of luck. I will research this to see if it is feasible.

I spent a little time last night trying to find a good transgender dating site. Not one that is all about sex. I may have found it. They have a chat room where discussions of sex are strictly prohibited. I spent about 10 minutes in chat and a 50 year old man from Chicago was there.

The site has a section specifically for trans women looking for long term relationships. They also offer realistic advice to men seeking to date trans women. Like how we want to be treated as exactly who we are: women! Whether we are pre-op or post-op.

Most of Thursday evening I worked on my job search, continuing until nearly 1 AM. I had planned to get to bed early, but there was too much to get done.

This evening, I will do something fun and it may involve the city.