This evening, I feel a need to write about some of the things going on in my life. I really don't know how much longer I will post. It all depends on, well, a number of factors I don't have time to explain.Besides, I was starting to feel that my posts on this thread were getting repetitive and, therefore, boring. I have often written that my life continues to get better even though I am unemployed. There seems to be a limited number of ways to describe this while remaining interesting.
I will start with my paraphrase of a quote of what an overseas trans woman friend was told when she was about to transition.
Here goes:
During and when you finish the journey which you are beginning, you will find that barriers that may have existed in the past to creativity, joy and continuing growth will melt away and leave you with the capacity to achieve, essentially, anything you wish with your innate talents.
Years after embarking on her journey, she reports that this turned out to be very true and that her life continues to improve far beyond anything she could have imagined.
She ended her note by wishing the same for me.
It is this almost indescribable happiness, and the knowledge that the incredible freedom of finally letting go of fear and being who I was born to be will lead to an even fuller life, that I have written about many times.
A good friend on the Archive rather brashly, or so I thought at the time, told me when my company laid me off that they were forcing me to do something I should have done many months before. I'm not sure I could have changed jobs before then. I always had the excuse that I was so over worked that I simply lacked the time for a job search. I truly was very overworked and a former boss apologized for this in my annual review, citing the abusive demands on my time. Nonetheless, there was likely a way I could have at least tried to find different employment.
Back then, until my last two or three months with the company, I was too comfortable. Despite warning signs that all was not well, I thought I could survive there. I was even assured of this less than two months before 'the end.'
I am still looking for a job and, because of this stretch of unemployment, I have had to make some difficult decisions. The end result is my move from the 'near tundra'
of Minnesota to the not quite so cold Chicago area. A good friend said the move will be another adventure. I agree!As a trans woman, there are a number of advantages for me in Chicago. I think I've written about some of these already.
I also thoroughly researched the employment situation there and, after consulting with some knowledgable friends, concluded the Chicago metro region offers me a wider variety of career options.Then there is the simple fact that I love Chicago and have since my first short visit back in 1969. It reminds me in many ways of the eastern megalopolis in which I was raised.
In order to survive, and ensure I will continue to thrive, I have given up most of my possessions. These include the fine digital piano that I love to play.
Somehow, disposing of most of what I own has given me an additional sense of freedom beyond that of transitioning. I have made a conscious decision to live more simply and will rent a room in a 'trans friendly'
woman's townhouse.Having fewer possessions also gives me the freedom to easily move again should a great job opportunity arise. In addition, I expect to have the resources within 1 - 3 years for GRS. If I do not plan for what I want, the higher the risk that I will not get it.
While I can certainly be happy if I never have GRS, as I have been for nearly two years now, I long for my body and mind to mesh. I totally agree that my gender is who I view, who I know without a doubt, myself to be. On the other hand, at least for me, my mind and body do not exist in isolation.
I also would like the option of marriage one day. From what I read, most woman who have had GRS never have a sexual relationship. I am very realistic about this, even more so because of my age. After GRS, I may never meet a man I would want a relationship with. Whatever happens, I fully expect my life will continue to improve and in ways I cannot yet imagine.
My overseas trans woman friend has said she has reached the height of the heavens. I know exactly what she means.
