Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

I certainly agree.. they are hipocrites and they could noy possibly really believe what they saw they do.. otherwise they would be expecting Divine retribution for their false but convientient lip service..

Families can, unfortunately, be sources of much pain for transgender people. I posted on this thread, some time ago, Lynn Conway's response to her own situation with a brother.

[Danya (imported)]

Just a few words...

I haven't written in some time because I have been focusing my energy on finding new employment. This is, in many ways, a very difficult time for me.

But...I want to point out that I am still amazed at how happy I am, having transitioned well over a year ago. In fact, in some ways I am even happier now. Something that is quite remarkable given the ongoing stress in my life.

Being my true self also makes it easier for me to handle my unemployment. I have some difficult days, something that is normal for people in this situation.

I also have terrific days like today when a valued friend calls, making a great ending to my 'find work' day.

[JesusA (imported)]

I want to point out that I am still amazed at how happy I am, having transitioned well over a year ago. In fact, in some ways I am even happier now. Something that is quite remarkable given the ongoing stress in my life.

Being my true self also makes it easier for me to handle my unemployment. I have some difficult days, something that is normal for people in this situation.

Danya,

This is an extremely important statement that I hope everyone on the Archive will eventually read and understand.

An important goal in life is to discover who we really are, and then to become that person. Your journey of self-discovery, and then self-realization, has led you to feeling comfortable with yourself and to happiness despite your current stressful situation. I wish everyone could do so well as you.

It is always a joy to talk with you.

J.

[Danya (imported)]

There have been other times in my life when I have been forced down paths I never would have chosen to travel. There was the 6-month period when I underwent chemotherapy for Hepatitis C. At that time, the treatment was considered experimental.

For years, the virus had been sapping my strength yet I still managed to complete two graduate degrees. When I started chemo, I experienced side effects so bad that I needed to take short-term disability from my job.

Despite the hemolytic anemia that left me gasping for breath, the high fevers and other debilitating side effects, I continued the treatment. I was fortunate in that the chemo cleared the virus from my blood and it hasn't been detectable since I finished treatment.

It was only after I finished chemotherapy that my doctor told me that the level of the virus in my blood was so high it was considered unlikely that the treatment would be successful. I also had the most difficult to treat of the Hepatitis C genotypes.

So, in many ways I felt myself fortunate. Left untreated, the virus had a high potential of eventually leading to cirrhosis of the liver or cancer. In the end, the difficulties of going through chemotherapy were worth the end result.

In most ways, I consider my current unemployment to be a more difficult road than chemotherapy. But even now, there are opportunities for personal and professional growth. In the midst of all my concerns about not having a job and how it may affect my life, there are times when I find it very difficult going.

On the other hand, there are other times when I feel very much at peace with myself and who I am, Danya. There are some relatively little things that make me very happy, I'm attending training classes that will, I hope, make it easier for me to obtain a new job. When I go to class, no one knows about that other person I masqueraded as before I transitioned. Of course, at my former job this was not the case at all and the difference is very nice.

I'm also reconnecting with old friends and, gradually, making new ones. This is also a very good thing.

When I relax in the evening after a busy and often stressful day at class or looking for work, I curl up on the recliner under some blankets to read a good book. This is hard to explain, but the way I curl up on the recliner reinforces my femininity or perhaps better said, comforts me in the way I feel so at home being me, Danya. I know I've found myself and no one and nothing happening in my life can take that from me. Then I am content.

So I am hopeful that, despite unemployment's 'side effects' of stress caused by lack of my regular income, bills coming due that I may not have the money to pay at some point, isolation from others brought on by not having a job to go to and other factors things will turn out well in the end.

Here in the near-Arctic , we may receive an inch of snow tonight. I am hopeful that it will soon melt tomorrow morning.

[Danya (imported)]

I am excited because I will leave Thursday to spend several days visiting Erica Ann. She's such a sweetheart. She knows it is difficult being unemployed and that it will do me a lot of good to have a change of scenery over a long weekend. I can hardly wait! And she's got all kinds of fun things planned.

Unlike my first visit, when I flew into O'Hare, I will be driving. On that first trip I felt like a star arriving at the airport and walking down the long terminal to baggage claim. The ceiling was covered with long lighted tubes of various colors. That was my first flight as my true self, Danya.

I enjoy driving, so while I may not get the same star feeling I will still have fun.

I am spending a lot of time on my job search and I've had three in-person interviews but no offers. This isn't surprising in the current economy where there are an average of 6 applicants for every position. Let's see, that should mean that I will be offered a job after my sixth interview!

From what others tell me, my measly three interviews is actually a lot in this economy for the type of position I'm looking for.

About an hour ago, I submitted an online application to a well-known company in this area. Unlike the first time I applied (but for a different position), I have not received a rejection email within minutes of clicking the Submit button. This may be a good sign! Perhaps I had more of the key words they were looking for this time.

Although friends have advised me to have fun doing the things I enjoy during this time, I haven't listened nearly well enough. I do take time every evening to read a novel and relax. That's something I never had time for when I was working. Now, if only I could find a nice, wealthy husband and become a housewife! I'd have a lot of time for reading. I wouldn't really enjoy being home all the time and I want to work.

I got a call last week asking me to play the pipe organ at a funeral today. At first, I wasn't too thrilled about this although I love music and playing. I practiced Saturday and arrived early today to warm up. Turns out I had a blast playing, which is usually the case. Now, if I were smart (ha!) I'd take this as a lesson that I need to spend time playing the piano and organ.

So, I may spend time playing but what really makes me happy is performing in front of people. Like at today's funeral. Without the listeners it just is not the same experience. Nonetheless, I'll try to get back into regular practice.

Then there's photography, which I also love. I haven't taken more than 20 - 30 photos in the last four months, which is highly unusual. Typically, on one trip to a place like a landscaped garden I'll take close to 200 shots.

Now I can use the excuse that the weather is getting too cold for photography. The truth is, I can take some very nice photos inside. I need to spend some time doing that.

On to other matters. I am checking into getting an orchiectomy. This would cut down on the amount of estrogen I take and eliminate the need for spironolactone. This would save money and, perhaps, also increase the feminization I continue to get. I hope to know within the next week or so if this will be doable.

[kennath7 (imported)]

Been a while

Sounds like your doing good despite the job thing wish you lots of lick in your search

[Danya (imported)]

Been a while

Sounds like your doing good despite the job thing wish you lots of lick in your search

It's good to hear from you, Kennath7. Thanks for the good wishes!

Hugs,

Danya

[houndstooth (imported)]

Keep up the positive thoughts and things will start winging your way. That, and being proactive in your job search will get you through, I'm sure. (I know the feeling..I work by "contract work" all of the time and sometimes wind up having to be inventive to get $$$ rolling in.)

I agree about the orchie. After years (and years and years) of not having done anything surgical about it, I've decided to just have it done and be finished with that aspect of life. Previously, $$$ and time have kept me away from it. We'll swap notes thru the winter months on the best search for an M.D., okay?

[Danya (imported)]

Keep up the positive thoughts and things will start winging your way. That, and being proactive in your job search will get you through, I'm sure. (I know the feeling..I work by "contract work" all of the time and sometimes wind up having to be inventive to get $$$ rolling in.)

I agree about the orchie. After years (and years and years) of not having done anything surgical about it, I've decided to just have it done and be finished with that aspect of life. Previously, $$$ and time have kept me away from it. We'll swap notes thru the winter months on the best search for an M.D., okay?

Hi Houndstooth,

I am generally staying positive, although from time to time I start to feel down about not having a job. Part of what helps me feel better is some volunteeer work. Another critical factor is friends. I am hopeful that I will have a new job withint the next several months at the latest.

I have an appointment next week with a local urological surgeon who will work with me because I have completed the one-year Real Life Experience. It's required of transsexuals before GRS or orchiectomy. What I am hoping is that she will be able to code it in a way that my insurance will cover the cost.

I'm delighted you wrote, and wish you the best.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I had a wonderful time visiting Erica Ann and her terrific spouse. Erica Ann had been very persistent in her efforts to get me to make the trip and now I'm very glad she was for a number of reasons. I felt completely at home during my visit and I am very grateful for the kindness of Erica Ann and her spouse.

I more fully understand that my biological family is never likely to fully accept me. The contrast between Erica Ann's family and my own, even from before the time I told them I would be transitioning, is huge. You see, prior to fully accepting that I am beyond a doubt transsexual, I had identified as gay. [ASIDE: I've written elsewhere that this is not uncommon among male-to-female transsexuals who are attracted to men. Although I knew deep down that I was transssexual, as a gay therapist suggested 12 years ago, the leap from straight married man to gay man is less than jumping across the chasm of gender change. Being gay never fit for me.] When I got divorced and identified as gay, the way my family treated me first started to change and for the worse. By contrast, Erica Ann and her spouse made me feel like part of their own very special family.

About a month ago, I discussed the possibility of sending my family a letter with my gender therapist. She agrees that, with the exception of my niece, they are never likely to come around to truly accepting me. I don't regret all I've done to try to help them understand transsexual persons or contacting them last Christmas. In fact, after the southern relatives wrote a short note at the holiday, I was encouraged. Since then, however, they have simply not been there when I've needed their support and love.

Many months ago, I quoted Lynn Conway, a pioneering transsexual woman. Lynn had spent years hoping the meager signs of support she was getting from her family would turn into something more. They never did and, after roughly 20 years, she decided she had to let go of them. She also regretted waiting so long.

Lynn made the very good point that holding on was not only painful for her, but for her family as well. Every time they saw or thought about her, they were reminded of the 'lost' person she used to be.

Now, I have made up my mind to write a diplomatic letter to my family stating what I take as clear signs that they cannot accept me. I'll leave them the option of contacting me if they view things differently. In the meantime, though, I will tell them I will not contact them again. I'll explain I am not doing this to hurt them but to lessen pain on both sides.

The fact is, I have found their lack of response to my current difficulties with unemployment very painful. I only heard from the brother who says I raised him in July. This was just a few written words, his first since I told my family nearly two years ago that I would be transitioning. There was no form of address; he did not use my name nor did he sign the note with the usual "Love, ..."

There are others on this site who are part of my chosen family. I'd mention names but I don't want to leave anyone out.