Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

I am doing much better, emotionally, than I have been for most of the last 7 - 10 days. Both yesterday and today were very good days.

Thursday afternoon, I saw my gender therapist. We had a very good hour together. I described my strong emotional response to the movie "Antoine Fisher" and how it brought back the feelings of abandonment I had as a child. I explained how I had worked through these feelings in my 30s, while I was still that other person. :) The male person who was not truly me.

I am a different person today, really in many ways a new person - a woman. I have different feelings, a different psychology and new interests. Now, I see my childhood in a new way, too, and I need to find another path through the pain of that long ago time.

We discussed how I am working through these feelings and the actions I am taking to restore my equilibrium. I need to work through my grief, and not repress my emotions, but I don't want things to spiral out of control in the process. I told her how I am managing that.

She was very kind and said a number of affirming things. She also told me I am taking the right approach.

Several other things helped lift my spirits. Some migrating birds have started to appear. I've heard them chattering the last few morning. The snow is melting. The temperature may reach into the 50s over the next several days, too. Spring is almost here (the vernal equinox occurs on Friday, March 20).

We might still get a significant snowfall later in the month or even in April. There will be more cold days ahead but warmer days are on the way. I am looking forward to the chance to get out and go skating. That may come by late April.
John (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 122
Joined: Mon May 17, 2004 1:08 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by John (imported) »

Danya (imported) wrote: Sat Mar 14, 2009 7:05 pm We might still get a significant snowfall later in the month or even in April. There will be more cold days ahead but warmer days are on the way. I am looking forward to the chance to get out and go skating. That may come by late April.

Hi!

That´s great, as a woman you do it in figureskates i guess, would think they are easier to wear than hockeyskates as you have those teeths in the front.

Greetings

John
mrt (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1657
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 12:00 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by mrt (imported) »

I've seen what real experts can do with Martial Arts and its impressive. I think a basic self defense class however is far more simple. Think choice places to disable a person and learning that running away really fast and screaming for help is the best bet.

Fair fights are rare. Fight dirty!

I know there are a lot of heavy thoughts on firearms but mine are pretty simple. Its fun! I just go target shooting at a range. I think guns are tools. They make holes in things far away and as a weapon are pretty good.

Frankly I wish everyone was more familiar with them from an early age and knew them well enough to know what to do with them.
Danya (imported) wrote: Fri Mar 13, 2009 9:10 pm Hi MrT,

It's good to hear from you.

My friend Tugon suggested, some months ago, that I take a self-defense class. It was a good idea then and it is a good idea now. I just haven't done it yet. Instead, I tend to stay home at night where it's 'safe'.

I have trouble imagining myself in a martial arts class, let alone ever using the techniques in self-defense. I have this picture of myself merely tapping someone on the shoulder and rendering him or her powerless, or worse. I know there's a lot more to any of the martial arts. This is a good idea, though. I first need to adjust my thinking on it.

I am surprised, for some reason I find the idea of firearms training appealing. I have never fired a gun and I definitely would not want to carry one. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I have ever touched a gun or rifle.

To practice shooting, though, sounds like fun. I cannot believe my reaction to this idea! 😄 Let me give this some thought and I'll get back to you.

I need to heed both your advice and Tugon's on this self-defense training.

Hugs,

Danya
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

Hi!
John (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 15, 2009 12:43 am That´s great, as a woman you do it in figureskates i guess, would think they are easier to wear than hockeyskates as you have those teeths in the front.

Greetings

John

Hi John,

The kind of skating I'm talking about is inline skating on my Rollerblades. They have wheels. I had roller skated as a kid and so I thought inline skating would be easy when I first tried it in about 1997. I was wrong! 😄 I kept at it, though, and I skate well now. I hope to get up to 25 - 30 miles at a time this summer. I like to go very fast, too. :)

I haven't been ice skating since I was in college. I had a very good pair of figure skates then.

Take care,

Danya
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

mrt (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 15, 2009 7:58 am I've seen what real experts can do with Martial Arts and its impressive. I think a basic self defense class however is far more simple. Think choice places to disable a person and learning that running away really fast and screaming for help is the best bet.

Fair fights are rare. Fight dirty!

I know there are a lot of heavy thoughts on firearms but mine are pretty simple. Its fun! I just go target shooting at a range. I think guns are tools. They make holes in things far away and as a weapon are pretty good.

Frankly I wish everyone was more familiar with them from an early age and knew them well enough to know what to do with them.

Hi MrT,

The director of my division at work, a woman, had suggested a whistle last fall. I agree with running away and screaming for help. My problem is that I have trouble believing anyone would want to hurt me, despite my being assaulted in 1984.

A self-defense course would be useful, I hope, to help make me more realistic about this type of thing. There are people who would want to hurt me, even if I am a random victim (or potential victim.) Some easy methods to help thwart an attack, when running away and screaming is not an option, would be very useful.

Hugs,

Danya
paulault (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2008 8:05 am

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by paulault (imported) »

Hi Danya, doesn't matter if I'm Paula or him i seem to be much more aware of my surroundings these days and cautious, i always have my car keys ready by the time i get to my car, doesn't matter if it's daytime or nighttime. I took Judo when i was small but didn't keep at it and even if i did not sure how much damage i could do seeing i have lost some strength. There are people that want to hurt us weather we are Transsexual or not, seems before i transitioned i was not as aware as i am now and that's a good thing. Yelling or screaming, running away or blowing a whistle are good ideas, ones the police and experts say to do, i bike ride all summer and even though i go pretty fast i always keep an eye out for danger.

Paula.
mrt (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1657
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 12:00 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by mrt (imported) »

I think criminals seek easy targets. Thus women rather then men. Old people rather then young. When Florida passed its "carry" laws for guns my very anti gun friend said "I was wrong" which was maybe the second time in history. Apparently they had a "Show us your handgun" (like the Saturday Night Live skit) and showed a few very very old ladies with firearms. Crime went down quickly except for those done against tourists. *They being the one group known to NOT be armed.

I was up in Canada which has very strong anti gun laws including no one being allowed to even own pistols and revolvers. Naturally there IS gun crime and pretty regular murders. I tried talking to some Canadians about this and was told "its the fault of the US for not following the same laws they have"

I was a bit insulted. This being a bit like blaming a building for housing crack dealers. Anyway... I'm way off tangent. Being Female = a greater risk of assult (I think) as sad as that is to say. I trained my oldest girl how to shoot and she is a black belt. Anyone doing anything to her against her wishes will probably be in traction. *I hope!
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

paulault (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 17, 2009 5:48 am Hi Danya, doesn't matter if I'm Paula or him i seem to be much more aware of my surroundings these days and cautious, i always have my car keys ready by the time i get to my car, doesn't matter if it's daytime or nighttime. I took Judo when i was small but didn't keep at it and even if i did not sure how much damage i could do seeing i have lost some strength. There are people that want to hurt us weather we are Transsexual or not, seems before i transitioned i was not as aware as i am now and that's a good thing. Yelling or screaming, running away or blowing a whistle are good ideas, ones the police and experts say to do, i bike ride all summer and even though i go pretty fast i always keep an eye out for danger.

Paula.

Hi Paula,

It's so nice to hear from you. I hope you are doing well.

Since my first solo trip to Manhattan, in about 1974, I have always had my car keys at the ready long before I reach my car, even if I'm in the country. My future mother-in-law of my now ex-wfe gave me that tip. She had another which I no longer need: Keep your wallet in a front pants pocket. Makes it harder for pickpockets!

Speaking of cars, another good thing is to check the back seat when you get in. You want to be sure no one is hiding there.

I appreciate your advice. As I said, my problem is accepting that someone would choose to hurt me. When I was assaulted, by several people, I stood there while they attacked and said something like "What's going on, can't we talk about this?" I am totally serious about this. That was my response. I won't attempt to explain it. If my ex-wife had not run into the middle of this, pulled on my arm and told me to run, I might not be here today. Fortunately, there was one bystander attempting to hold off my attackers as we fled to our car. This is the first time I've written anything about this without crying. Now, I am totally calm. I'm not sure what that means either. Maybe nothing more than I'm still recovering from a bad cold. I'm feeling a bit out of it.

I would hope I would be more street savy now. I am more careful when I go out alone and very aware of my surroundings. Still, I need to keep in mind the things you an
mrt (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:35 am d others are saying about being safe.

Hugs,

Danya

...Being Female = a greater risk of assult (I think) as sad as that is to say. I trained my oldest girl how to shoot and she is a black belt. Anyone doing anything to her ag
ainst her wishes will probably be in traction. *I hope!

Greetings MrT,

I won't address the gun issue (i.e., carrying concealed weapons with a license) tonight in part because I don't have the energy! :) I also don't want to turn this thread into a discussion of the pros and cons of gun ownership.

All I will say is this. I knew someone whose house was broken into. His wife was home alone at the time. If she had not had a gun and killed the intruder, she very likely would have been killed herself. This guy had already murdered several people. I'm still not sure I would ever carry a weapon. Target practice is something else.

I agree, women are more likely to be attacked than men. You have done your daughter a service by seeing that she was trained to defend herself.

Hugs,

Danya
Danya (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 1971
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:28 pm

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by Danya (imported) »

I'm starting to have a problem that I need to solve soon. Let's just say it involves a certain leftover male appendage that I'd rather not have. I have to live with it, for now at least, and lately it has been causing problems. This is, strangely enough, a result of it's being somewhat smaller than it used to be. Yuck! I can't say more about it than that. 😄 I may be contacting Erica Ann soon for advice on this. :) Not that she has to worry about it herself, not since her surgery in September at least. Besides, Erica Ann knows a lot about all kinds of issues that I must face.

As I thought about this problem, I remembered hearing about 'tucking'. So I did a search and came up with nothing that seemed very useful, unless I wanted to... Well, never mind for now! 😄

I found something very interesting, though, that had no more than a brief reference to tucking. It's from an essay by the writer/director of the movie "Transamerica", Duncan Tucker. (http://www.movienet.com/transamerica.html) I've added my own comments in bold font.

A brief transsexual lexicon by Duncan Tucker

High Intensity Transsexual: Twenty people out of every million. Someone motivated to undergo the cosmetic and medical procedures necessary to change their sex. This number may be WAY too low, Duncan. Please refer to the Lynn Conway paper I site elsewhere on the EA (
632&highlight=Gender+identity+development&page=2) 😄

Transgendered: Anyone who doesn't sit in the center of the boat.

Gender Dysphoria (aka Gender Identity Disorder, or GID): A state in which one’s anatomy does not correspond to one’s gender.

SRS: Sexual Reassignment Surgery. The cure for gender dysphoria.

MTF (Male to Female) Transsexual: A Woman made by God with a little help, from Man. An MTF transsexual is sometimes called a transwoman. I am absolutely convinced I was created by God (or some higher power) as a woman. I am loved. I am not an abomination. I do have a birth defect that could use some serious corrective action. Part of that is underway with aid from Humans (versus Duncan's 'Man')

FTM (Female to Male) Transsexual: A Man made by God with a little help, from Woman. An FTM transsexual is sometimes called a transman. Also a loved creation of God. My only problem here is I can understand why someone in a woman's body identifies as male in gender. I know why these individuals would want to correct their bodies to match their core gender identity. Emotionally, though, I just don't get it. I'm going to a lot of trouble to go the other direction!

Transpeople: Human beings who happen to be trans.

Trannie: A word best used only if you are one. If then. I'm not sure on this one, Duncan, although I know you interviewed lots of trans folks as you wrote your screenplay. It may be just me, but when I identified as gay I didn't see the point of gay guys addressing each other as 'homo' or 'fag' either. Yes, Duncan, I've read all about that stuff about pre-empting the negative language of the oppressors.

Transvestite: Clothes make the woman.

Intersexual: A person with partially or fully developed male and female sexual organs. The term “intersexual” is preferred to “hermaphrodite.” This is a much more common condition than most people realize.

Transsensual: Sexual attraction to transpeople. Although, on an emotional level, I simply cannot fathom why someone with a wonderful woman's body would want to be a man, I'd still be thrilled by the attention of any man, trans or not.

Passing: What happens when others take you for what you truly are. This is a good thing, but not essential to one's happiness as a trans person. That is, if you view 'passing' solely as looking like a natural born woman (or man). We tend to idealize what this looks like, when in fact many natal women don't look anything close to our own ideal. Similarly, many genetic males look rather feminine. Knowing who you are, feeling it in your soul, and self-confidence are the most important things. With these, people will tend to see you for the woman (or man) you are even if you are far from whatever the ideal woman (or man) looks like. Makeup helps, especially for transwomen.

Being read: What happens when they do not. I will admit it. I've been happy when told I 'pass' well. There have been times when I have not passed well, though, like when I have some obvious facial hair under strong overhead lights. This happened a few weeks ago at my eye examination. I basically said, to hell with it, I'm me no matter what the eye doctor may think. He was very polite.

G.G. (“genetic girl” or “genuine girl”): A term used by women of trans experience in referring to women of the other sort.I can live with the 'genetic girl' part, but (excuse me, Duncan) I feel entirely genuine.

Genetically Gifted: For an MTF, being of small stature, with small hands and feet, delicate features and a slender frame. For an FTM, the opposite.Again, I will fess up here. While I am probably 'genetically gifted' in some areas, I'm not in others. I would love to have fuller lips, for instance. I'm not losing sleep over not having better lips, though, nor is this keeping me at home.

Proper pronouns: Respect and metaphysics dictate the use of pronouns that correspond with the gender as which the referenced person self-identifies. A male to female transsexual woman is always “she,” never “he,” and vice versa. I have a strong suspicion that some people have a genetic predisposition toward proper pronoun usage. There are people I know who get this immediately and never get it wrong. Others, well.....perhaps some gene therapy might help. They never seem to catch on, consistently.

Tucking: A temporary measure.Duncan, some instructions would have been nice. Other than those in the next part. Does that really work? Seems kind of lame to me. I may give it a try.

How to tuck: Stand with your legs apart. Push the penis and testicles down and back, then bring the legs firmly together. Hitch up your pantyhose and reinforced girdle to bind and moor all loose objects to the pelvic hull.

Monthly nosebleeds: vicarious menstruation. I have not heard of this one before. At this point in my development, I can live without it quite easily.

Baldness: a genetic defect that can sometimes be corrected with estrogen therapy.

Baldness: a genetic gift that can sometimes be acquired with testosterone therapy.

Sexuality: Who you desire and, according to some, what you do about it. Sexuality is unrelated to gender identity. True, although I suspect there is some overlap. This idea may get me into trouble with the authorities. :)

Sex: Something easier to change than your sexuality.

Normal: A concept largely irrelevant to anyone’s life. It took me way too long to accept this one.

From elsewhere in this essay:

"Stealth Transsexual: A transsexual secret agent. You might be sitting next to one."

"Two Kinds of People:

1) People who think there are two kinds of people.

2) The other kind."
paulault (imported)
Articles: 0
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2008 8:05 am

Posting Rank

Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life

Post by paulault (imported) »

Ah yes Tucking, well thanks to being diabetic and the meds i have to take from when i had my heart attack in 2001 i have severe ED and MR. unhappy never comes to life and has really shrunk, none of the Ed meds worked either. The boys have shrunk to less than half their original size from the anti-androgens. I can push Mr unhappy inside and put a piece of medical tape over him and it eliminates the slight bulge i have normally, of course that means you have to be shaved down there or in my case all hair has been permanently removed, but most of the time i don't bother. Actual tucking is not an option cause everything is too small, i assume you have a similar issue.

Paula.
Post Reply

Return to “Blogs & Life Stories”