Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

I convinced my undergraduate college to put my new legal name on my official transcript. They will also issue a new diploma with my new name. In order to do this, they are officially changing the college policy on name changes for alumni.

This has never been allowed before and, in fact, a dean just last year stated there was little likelihood of this happening anytime soon. He was addressing the issue specifically as it related to transgender persons.

All of this is the direct result of my pushing the college administration, where at least one person is an active supporter of GLBT rights. I was told I presented a very compelling case for making the policy change. The administrator who sent me the news said he considers this a big stride forward for the college.

I was so excited when I got the news this afternoon that it took me hours to calm down. People at work were excited for me.

One school down, two more to go! School #2 already has a policy in place to handle this so I just need to send them the court order for my name change. School #3 may be a bit of a fight, but I am up for it.

[Danya (imported)]

This is really 'Friday' for me as I am taking tomorrow off. I will use the time to work on my new web site and continue the process of getting my name changed on a (small) pension plan I have from a previous employer, government documents, etc.

A significant portion of my snail mail is now coming addressed to me with my corrected name. This is very nice.

This shouldn't surprise me, but it does. Since the day the court order was issued for my new name, I have not once had to remember to sign a check or anything else with that name. This has come very easily to me because I know deep in my heart that I truly am this 'new' person, without any doubts.

For the last few months, I have been seeing my gender therapist twice a month. This is not because she wants to see me that often. It's simply that I really enjoy talking with her.

Today I announced that we would need to go back to the once-a-month schedule, at least for a while. This is all part of my effort to cut back further on expenses. She said she wasn't at all worried about me and I did not need to see her even as frequently as once a month. She is very confident in my own ability to handle whatever problems may come along related to my transition.

I also discussed with her the steps I am taking to bring in more income. She knows that an early version of my web site will be up soon and she wants to put a link to it on her own site. She is familiar with some of what I have written here and likes what I have to say.

Periodically through last week and the weekend, I felt my confidence in my own abilities waning. Especially in those areas related to bringing in more money. Part of this goes back to my childhood when nothing I accomplished ever seemed to please my parents. This doesn't happen too often anymore and I am typically quite confident. The support of several friends on the Archive helped me shake off my self-doubt. Now I am confident I can and will start to bring in more money. It probably won't happen immediately but I only need to be patient and persistent and it will happen.

[Danya (imported)]

Hi MrT,

The hormonal changes are profound and I'll post another observation on that later. This one is from my dentist, of all people!

I saw my new dentist (he has a number of trans patients) this week and he noted that my gums are inflamed. I told him I floss every day. He responded that that they often see this problem in pregnant women! The cause, he said, is undoubtedly the estrogen I am taking. I don't think I'm pregnant. One can never be sure, though, until the pregnancy test comes back negative. After all, I did have a blog post some months back with a title something like 'Why do I look pregnant?'.

Another apparent effect of estrogen: colors seem much more vivid and rich to me now.

Although I have tended to cry easily throughout my life (even watching comedy movies, no less), I am crying more often now. Each crying spell tends to last longer than ever, besides. I will write more about this later, too.

Seemingly very small things can get me crying. We had a potluck lunch in my department last week. I was admiring a male coworker and ardently wishing he would make love to me. Of course, it figures he is married so making love is out! If he were single, I have no doubt that he would want to get in bed with me tonight! Anyway, just seeing him and admiring his masculinity and gentle nature I felt the tears start to flow. I really did want him to make love to me. This was an office event, so I quickly turned off the tears spigot. I doubt anyone noticed, but I do need to be careful. I don't want to be seen at work as a weepy female. No, I want to be recognized as Wonder Woman!

Over two decades ago, several therapists helped me recognize that I had never been a child. There was no childhood for me. At that time, I knew that I had to be a parent to myself to heal some of the wounds from that time. This technique really help me to heal.

I never fully accepted though, on an emotional level, the significance of this missing childhood for my life. Now

that I have transitioned and

finally arrived at who I really am, I am starting to grieve for that child who never was. I have experienced brief episodes of this grief in the last several months. Now, I find the grief is really coming out. I often sob uncontrollably for 10 - 15 minutes at my loss of any youth. This is a very necessary process for me to go through. I am not depressed when these crying sessions start but I am immensely sad. Once I have stopped crying, I feel fine and glad that I am at last able to let out my feelings.

[Danya (imported)]

I convinced my undergraduate college to put my new legal name on my official transcript. They will also issue a new diploma with my new name. In order to do this, they are officially changing the college policy on name changes for alumni.

This has never been allowed before and, in fact, a dean just last year stated there was little likelihood of this happening anytime soon. He was addressing the issue specifically as it related to transgender persons.

One school down, two more to go! School #2 already has a policy in place to handle this so I just need to send them the court order for my name change. School #3 may be a bit of a fight, but I am up for it.

After the hassle to get my name changed on my transcript and diploma at my undergraduate college, I was expecting at least a few road blocks at one of the remaining schools. I checked today, and getting everything changed and new diplomas issued at my other two universities is quite easy. I am relieved although I was prepared to fight for the changes.

Unlike my undergraduate college, the two other schools have no church ties. I have no doubt that this is what will make the changes so easy at the latter.

I suspect I am getting near the end of getting records, credit cards, etc. switched over to my new name. This has been a lot of work and I am glad I am nearly finished.

[mrt (imported)]

I saw my new dentist (he has a number of trans patients) this week and he noted that my gums are inflamed. I told him I floss every day. He responded that that they often see this problem in pregnant women! The cause, he said, is undoubtedly the estrogen I am taking. I don't think I'm pregnant. One can never be sure, though, until the pregnancy test comes back negative. After all, I did have a blog post some months back with a title something like 'Why do I look pregnant?'.

Another apparent effect of estrogen: colors seem much more vivid and rich to me now.

Seemingly very small things can get me crying. We had a potluck lunch in my department last week. I was admiring a male coworker and ardently wishing he would make love to me. Of course, it figures he is married so making love is out! If he were single, I have no doubt that he would want to get in bed with me tonight! Anyway, just seeing him and admiring his masculinity and gentle nature I felt the tears start to flow. I really did want him to make love to me. This was an office event, so I quickly turned off the tears spigot. I doubt anyone noticed, but I do need to be careful. I don't want to be seen at work as a weepy female. No, I want to be recognized as Wonder Woman!

Over two decades ago, several therapists helped me recognize that I had never been a child. There was no childhood for me. At that time, I knew that I had to be a parent to myself to heal some of the wounds from that time. This technique really help me to heal.

I never fully accepted though, on an emotional level, the significance of this missing childhood for my life. Now

[quote="Danya (imported)" ti

me=1221463980]
that I have transitioned and

finally arrived at who I really am, I am starting to grieve for that child who never was. I have experienced brief episodes of this grief in the last several months. Now, I find the grief is really coming out. I often sob uncontrollably for 10 - 15 minutes at my loss of any youth. This is a very necessary process for me to go through. I am not depressed when these crying sessions start but I am immensely sad. Once I have stopped crying, I feel fine an
[/quote]
d glad that I am at last able to let out my feelings.

So THATS why women cry when they see me? Hummm...

Well as a person who missed having a childhood I suggest you do what I did and start a band. That gave me 3 or 4 childhoods worth... Now I need to get an adult life...

[Danya (imported)]

So THATS why women cry when they see me? Hummm...

You are always very funny and I appreciate that a lot!

Well as a person who missed having a childhood I suggest you do what I did and start a band. That gave me 3 or 4 childhoods worth... Now I need to get an adult life...

I have thought I might start singing at gay clubs sometime! I can sing very well. The band part? Well, would a quartet for classical music, with me on the piano, have the same beneficial effect??

The deal with me is I have been an adult my whole life, starting from about age 4. I'm not sure I would recognize a newly developing childhood of my own if I tripped over it!

[mrt (imported)]

I dunno, the kind of Band I was in was mostly about dressing up in strange costumes, drinking, falling down, special effects exploding and singing songs with really demented lyrics.

And NO I was not a member of Kiss nor am I Alice Cooper.

[jamesmc (imported)]

Congrats. It sounds like everything is moving along smoothly for you. I hope you continue on an enjoyable path until you are able to become the person you have always wanted to be.

James

[Danya (imported)]

Congrats. It sounds like everything is moving along smoothly for you. I hope you continue on an enjoyable path until you are able to become the person you have always wanted to be.

James

Hi Jennifer,

I am using the name you mentioned in your own thread.

I am doing remarkably well and I am fortunate in many ways. Last night, I had dinner at a friend's home and she commented that I looked better in the very feminine clothing I had on than she ever could. She has always been more of a tomboy type. I was at her place nearly four hours and it was the most relaxing evening I've had in weeks, most of it was one long conversation. We are now two girl friends who really enjoy each other's company

in a way that was not possible

before. I am MUCH more talkative now that I am able to be my true self.

She is my best friend locally and we have known each other for about seven years. Over dinner, she told me she could not even remember what I looked like before I transitioned. That's OK by me!

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I dunno, the kind of Band I was in was mostly about dressing up in strange costumes, drinking, falling down, special effects exploding and singing songs with really demented lyrics.

And NO I was not a member of Kiss nor am I Alice Cooper.

Hello MrT,

I think I might have enjoyed being in that kind of band! The only part I'm not sure about is the demented lyrics. I seem to remeber your telling me about some of those.

Hugs,

Danya