There were a few days last weekend and into the beginning of the week when I thought I had lost the happiness I have felt
It seemed it was gone, for good, and I felt very upset about it. Silly me, this has happened once or twice before and my very positive emotions always returned. Just as they did this week. I just had to wise up and cut back on some of the many extra hours I have been putting in at work for weeks. I wasn't feeling happy because I was burned out. I also wasn't having any fun.
Now I am trying to get in the habit of looking ahead and planning fun things to do. They don't have to cost a lot of money but allowing time for enjoying life has got to be a priority for me.
The second half of the work week went very well. I spent nearly a day-and-a-half at meetings for the newly formed diversity committee. Normally, I dislike committee meetings but this one was very different from most. Its scope is way beyond anything the company has ever done before in this area and it has the clear support of senior management, two of whom were active participants at the meeting. We had a nationally recognized trainer in, with 30 years experience, to help get us started.
Management considers the success of the diversity committee critical to corporate success. The demographics of the US are rapidly changing and the company has to change, too, if we want to continue to grow and prosper.
I volunteered to be on a subcommittee of three that will go out into the community to start the long process of building lasting connections with under represented groups in the metro area. I felt very energized to be a part of this process.
Yesterday (Friday, Sept 19) marked the 4-month anniversary of my work transition. A younger female coworker, an immigrant from Laos, spoke with me about my transition for the first time yesterday. We have known each other in passing for years. She works in a part of the building I don't frequent and we rarely see each other. She is very shy, besides. So I was surprised when she came up to my desk and told me how happy she is for me, how terrific (she actually used the word beautiful) I look and she gave me a hug.
Right after work Friday, I met several female coworkers at a local gay bar. We had a really good time. They even managed to talk me into a game of pool. I warned them that I have played a total of three times in my life. Their response was 'we all suck at pool, so it's fine!'
The only ball I managed to get in a pocket was the black '8' ball. Of course, that meant my two-woman team lost. No one was bothered by this and it was a lot of fun.
When I got home, a neighbor from down the street was walking his dog in front of my place. The dog was small with white curly fur and quiet. The man, who obviously saw me as a woman, told me his dog always barks at men but gets along well with women. His dog did not bark at me and was friendly. When even a dog accepts me as a female, I know some good things must be going on!
On Wednesday, I walked from the office to the pharmacy to enjoy the beautiful weather. At the pharmacy, a woman I don't know stopped me to say how 'darling' my hair looks!
I smiled and thanked her for her comment. I did not tell her that my 'hair' is a $14 wig! People generally agree, though, that it does look good.
Yesterday, a female coworker I work closely with commented on how I am still 'glowing' four months after transitioning.
The camera lens I broke a while back, when I dropped it on the kitchen floor, was returned to me this week fully repaired. This is my favorite lens, for outdoor photos at least. Today I will go to some of my favorite outdoor locales to get pictures. The exercise will be good and this is a lot of fun for me.
This Monday is my court date to legally change my entire name, last name included. I am very excited about this now. I bought a new outfit several weeks ago that I have been saving to wear Monday. It's a nice black dress with a white and black patterned jacket. I may also wear, for the first time, nice black shoes I bought several months ago. They have 3 1/2" heels with a base somewhat wider than stilettos. I have weak ankles but these shoes should be fine for me as long as I pay even the slightest attention to how I am walking. My height is 5' 9" so even with these shoes I'll only stretch to about six feet! The heels I usually wear are only 2 1/2" with an even wider base.
My name change is another step on my journey and an official recognition of who I am. I will be thrilled to have a new driver's license with my a new picture of the true me. I'll also be able to change the gender on my license to female.
At court, my boss and a coworker will take the risky step of testifying to my sanity in front of the judge.
Afterwards, I will treat them to breakfast as a way of thanking them and to celebrate.
Writing this as a list will help me stick with that intention.
I want my life back where I can be active outside without fear of aggravating my breathing difficulties.