Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

As time goes by the "new" is often less odd. I think for people our age the possibility that someone could change from male to female (or female to male) is pretty amazing. Medical and surgical changes have made it more complete but like everything new it takes time for people to get used to the idea. I think even some TS people pinch themselves for a while until it sets in.

I am one of those TS people who still can't believe how amazing transitioning is.

I would hope that as far as transgender people go the passage of time will normalize people's views. As far as my family goes, I have major doubts that they will ever see this as normal. My main purpose in contacting them was to let them know about my change of last name. If I didn't notify them, they would have more trouble finding me should they ever want that. That could cause them unnecessary grief and I have no wish to do that.

I'm really happy for you on the name change. And I hope you don't get upset by anything your family says. Lets face it family headaches are so common in just ordinary life.

When the negatives of family relationships outweigh the positives, there are no children involved, no obligations, little support over the years and a lot of aggravation I tend to doubt the value of maintaining anything more than superficial contact. I am not at all sure that the balance is positive with anyone except my niece.

All I did by writing them is let them know a bit more about who I am. In a way, I felt they deserved to know about the change in my last name. Beyond that, I do not owe them anything.

I appreciate your hope that I not get upset by anything my family may say. If I feel my mental health is in danger by contact with them, I will end that. I do wish them well and care about them but I must look out for myself first.

I continue the process of letting go of them that I started several months ago. I have to do that for my own peace of mind.

[mrt (imported)]

Bad family relationships "can" be like High School Bullies. Once you graduate you can decide if you want to allow them to bug you or not. And "some" high school creeps do grow up (at some point) and it "may" get better.

As I told our oldest "High school is over soon. All the drama you think is so important is going to be an option now."

[Danya (imported)]

Bad family relationships "can" be like High School Bullies. Once you graduate you can decide if you want to allow them to bug you or not. And "some" high school creeps do grow up (at some point) and it "may" get better.

As I told our oldest "High school is over soon. All the drama you think is so important is going to be an option now."

Whatever happens with my family is, for the most part, irrelevant to me and my happiness. I am not anxiously checking my email to see if they have responded. As I've stated before, I really don't see how my life could get any better than it has been since I transitioned. Anything additional, including hearing something positive from the relatives, is simply icing on an already delicious cake.

I appreciate your comments, my friend. I realized last night I was expending way too much emotional energy on this. That's when I decided to post something funny in the 'Jokes....' section.

I will update this thread if I hear anything from the relatives. Otherwise, I need to move on to other things.

[Danya (imported)]

I posted this sometime before my official transition day:

I saw my doctor Tuesday because I wasn't feeling well.

The appointment was the perfect time to discuss future medical care. He already knew I am transgender but hadn't been brought up to speed on the transsexual part. As I told him the latest news, he crossed his arms and had a slight frown. I asked if he'd be comfortable continuing as my physician and he responded 'yes'.

At that point, I asked him 'then why do you have your arms crossed?' and I mirrored his behavior back to him. He immediately relaxed, a little anyway, and said he really didn't understand transsexuality at all although he has a post-op female patient. He started asking questions about transgender/transsexual life experiences and I could tell he was truly relaxing. I told him that he really didn't need to fully understand at all. He just needed to be open-minded and accepting. He agreed he can handle that.

He and I have always gotten along well. I'll see how things go, though, and may switch to a physician who regularly deals with trans folks and has a clear comfort level.

I've got to give my doctor credit for his reaction when I told him how my California brother had treated me. He was very concerned on how I was handling that and I assured him I'd discussed it with a therapist, had lots of support and was dealing with it fine.

I also told him the part about my brother wanting me to go to church with him. I had told my brother I did not want to go to a church where I am not accepted for who I really am. My doctor joked that he probably wanted to get me into ch

urch so they could perform an exorcism

It sounds as if you may have the right doctor. He's accepting, willing to learn, and has a sense of humor. You may get better treatment from him than from a doctor where you are just one of many trans

patients to be run through in assembly-line fashion.

I saw my personal physician for the first time today as my true self! Despite some of my earlier concerns that he might be uncomfortable continuing to work with me, the visit went very well.

Today, he was clearly comfortable with me. He even told me I looked great and added that I looked better than I had before I transitioned. He referred to me as a woman several times and asked how things were going. He called me by my new name. I teased him about some things, just as I always used to do. It was good to see the easy relationship we had once enjoyed has survived my transition.

As Jesus suggested, my doctor is teachable after all! I am glad the visit went well. This doctor is a fine physician and I would hate to have to go to someone else.

[Danya (imported)]

I heard from the county today. The date of the court hearing for my legal name change is over three weeks away. It is set for Monday, September 22 at 9 AM. This will mark exactly 18 weeks

since I transitioned at work.

I will need to take two witnesses to confirm that I a

m sane and not hiding out from the

law. They need to have known me for at least a year. Fortunately, I have many volunteers willing to do this.

[mrt (imported)]

I really adore my doctor because she has been willing to listen. I know that sounds simple but the previous ones? Sheesh... And she encourages me to learn and ask those questions. For some people the best doctor might be a guy that just tells them what to do. For me I have to be a "part" of the process so that I have a clue what I'm doing and why. I've also learned that doctors don't always know everything and some of the good ones are willing to admit this and even listen to dumb patients who bring in books or medical papers and ask "Why can't we try / do this?"

And most important I think for you in your position its going to make the world a better place now that one more doctor is NOT freaked out about patients with GID issues. Think how much nicer it is going to be for the next scared person who talks to him and when he says "Oh, don't worry about this I've got other patients with the same problems lets figure this out and get you taken care of."

And for my own issues with Orchialgia (and Orchiectomy as a solution) I think I've tried to help make it easier for the next guy that needs this kind of extreme solution.

Anyway a long way of saying GOOD ON YOU! (Ala my Australian friends)

- T

[mrt (imported)]

I heard from the county today. The date of the court hearing for my legal name change is over three weeks away. It is set for Monday, September 22 at 9 AM. This will mark exactly 18 weeks

[quote="Danya (imported)" tim

e=1213085340]
since I transitioned at work.

[/quote]

I will need to take two witnesses

to confirm that I a

m sane and not hiding out from the

law. They need to have known me for at least a year. Fortunately, I have many volunteers willing to do this.

Me Me!!! Pick me!

[Danya (imported)]

I really adore my doctor because she has been willing to listen. I know that sounds simple but the previous ones? Sheesh...

Charles, as I think of my doctor and even occasionally call him, is a superb listener. He has no problem admitting he doesn't know something about a medical problem. He is a very good internist in that he likes to track down the answers. The only occassional friction between us, and this has been slight and short-lived, has been when I have read so much on a medical concern that when I discussed it he felt I was questioning his judgement. I always explain that I trust his judgement but I need to feel comfortable about treatment options.

And most important I think for you in your position its going to make the world a better place now that one more doctor is NOT freaked out about patients with GID issues. Think how much nicer it is going to be for the next scared person who talks to him and when he says "Oh, don't worry about this I've got other patients with the same problems lets figure this out and get you taken care of."

MrT, my friend, if by 'the next scared person' you are implying I was nervous when I first spoke with my doctor that is not the case at all. I have almost always felt comfortable saying all kinds of things to physicians. It is true that I sometimes find the anticipation of doing or saying something scary, but once I am in action everything goes very well. He forwarded his notes on my first disclosure visit to my HRT doctor. She showed me what he had written. That was basically how confident and happy I was to be transitioning. If his increased comfort level with me helps a future TS patient (scared or not), as you suggest, that will be a good thing.

I went to a woman for a makeover Wednesday night. She has fully transitioned from male to female, including GRS. I mentioned that I had turned in my name change application at court the Friday before. She was surprised I was able to go by myself to do this. She had insisted a friend accompany her because she was too nervous to go by herself. I wasn't at all nervous.

My therapist ('Sally' - name changed) had recommended her. Seems like she went to the same therapist. She asked how things were going in group therapy. When I told her Sally had realized I didn't need group therapy or support, she was very surprised.

At any rate, I mention these things just to let you know how very well things continue to go for me. I am so fortunate. If I ever decide, though, that something like group therapy would be useful I won't hesitate to go. Sally agrees with me that there is no point in this now.

BTW, the woman who did my makeover did a fabulous job. She used to be a makeup artist in theater and clearly knows what she is doing. I picked up some excellent tips on how to better apply makeup.

Anyway a long way of saying GOOD ON YOU! (Ala my Australian friends)

- T

As always, my friend, i

t is good to hear from you and

I really appreciate your input.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Me Me!!! Pick me!

You are so funny, which I alway appreciate. If you fulfilled the minimum one-year requirement for knowing me, I would gladly pick you.

[Danya (imported)]

Tomorrow I will serve

as substitute organist at my home congregation

for the second time this month. I need to practice on the pipe organ later today but I need to get out and have some fun, too. I know it probably doesn't sound like much fun to many of you, but I will go to 'The Mall' (some of you know which one I mean ) first. A good long walk inside will do me good and the shops will give me a chance to further exercise my rapidly developing social skills.

It is beautiful today but I must limit my walking to inside. My asthma is really acting up again and I may have some bronchitis. Walking indoors minimizes my exposure to mold, to which I am extremely allergic. It is often the cause of an asthma attack and certainly doesn't help things in the midst of one.

When I saw my doctor earlier in the week, I mentioned how much I miss rollerblading. Last summer I was skating up to 25 miles. Since I was diagnosed with osteoporosis in December, with my risk of bone fractures listed as 'extreme', I haven't skated. I asked if he thought it might be reasonable for me to skate a bit, once my asthma improves. He doesn't think it's a bad idea at all. Weight-bearing exercise is good for osteoporosis. Falling, OTOH, isn't! I have been on the meds to help my bones recover for eight months. If I use a little caution and keep alert for other skaters who may be about to bump into me, I should be fine. I typically don't fall when I skate unless someone runs into me. So I am hopeful the asthma will leave me for the year before the weather turns too cool for skating.

I have been feeling very sexual lately, at least considering the fact that estrogen may nearly eliminate a trans woman's libido. I have channeled my sexual feelings into fantasies. Those are nice enough but it would always be good to have someone to share them with, in an intimate physical way, of course! This is something I will discuss the next time I see my gender therapist.

I still spend way too much time researching TG-related topics on the web. This morning, I ran across an L. A. Times article from November 19, 2000 on one of my heroines, Lynn Conway transsexual wonder woman! Lynn views herself very much as a woman but is now an activist for TG and TS people everywhere. The story was sensitively written by Michael A. Hiltznik and is entitled 'Through the Gender Labyrinth' (

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/

Media/Through%20the%20Gender%20Labyrinth.pdf). Lynn's site has been a going concern for many years so I expect the link will remain active for some time to come. Anyway, you have the date and newspaper reference above.

I am including just part of the piece here. In her younger years, Lynn had been in several promising relationships that fell apart because the men involved could not handle her history. I think many men and women mellow some as they age and perhaps gain some wisdom.

Lynn at last finds a good man to spend her life with. This excerpt from the article describes her discussion with her boyfriend, and future husband, about her past.

"I think there’s something you need to

know about me," she said.

"She began filling me in on things I’d

never begun to suspect," Charlie recalls. "I’ve

got to say it was a little bit stunning. I was in

a fog for a while, absorbing it. But I knew it

was probably as hard for her to get into as it

was for me to hear it."

He was a single man, never married,

distant from his family. Like her, a soul

looking for companionship and more.

Despite his confusion, he offered

reassurance. "On the Huron when we met,"

he said later, "we were both at a point in our

lives where we needed someone like the

person we saw the other to be."

I always say I am never too old for good things to happen. My happiness does not require that I be in loving relationship. With the right man (someone who can accept and love me for who I am), a relationship would be more icing on the cake.