Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

BTW my new code name for you is Miss E... Estrogen? Or maybe not...

Hi MrT,

I'd be delighted with the code name of Miss E, or better yet Ms. E!

Take care,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I was going to work from home tonight. I've been doing far too much of that lately, though, and I am stressed out. So, I'm taking a break by posting on the Archive.

My company is in the process of forming a new Diversity Council. The mission of the Council is rather broad but well-defined. It will not be part of their charter to dictate corporate policy, of course! The council will advise upper management, however, and I think this is one committee that may end up being quite effective.

Part of members' responsibilities will be networking with employees across the organization to learn their concerns, participating in recruiting efforts and working with outside groups. I don't usually get enthusiastic about committee work but this group sounds promising and it fits in with my one of my own passions. That is, creating a welcoming environment for everyone whatever their age, ethnic background, sexual orientation, gender, partnered status and so on.

So when the call went out for volunteers (specifically those well-respected and known to be caring and committed), I was very interested. When I contacted the leader of the council, she was very glad I would be applying. I have life experience as a married man (20 years), a gay man (about 11 years) and now a woman! I also feel a debt to the company for the perfect way they handled my transition. Working on the council would enable me to help others in the same way, I hope. At the very least, my own proactive participation in my own transition team (which included upper management) has given me insights on how to get things done.

Now that I have transitioned, I am very comfortable with people from all walks of life and with very different backgrounds from my own. I filled out the application to be a council member tonight (Sunday evening). In a few days, I should learn if I made the cut! If I don't make it this year, there is always next year.

I did not include on the application the fact that the Archive has played a major role in expanding my horizons on diversity. Somehow, I didn't think 'Eunuch Archive' would work too well on the form. If there were room to explain what it is all about, though, who knows?

[mrt (imported)]

Well part of what the Archive is about IS transexual people. I know that most of them so far have been m2f but I think its valid to have m2e and m2M!

But your correct. They probably think it about guarding Harems and singing in high pitches.

SIGH

[Danya (imported)]

I always thought my own sexuality would remain relatively fixed. Since I was a teen, I have always had an erotic attraction for men and next to none for women. That hasn't changed. What is different now, though, is I think I could be happily involved in an intimate relationship with a woman. I doubt that I would have a strong physical attraction for any woman but maybe that isn't necessary. I am sure I would want to please her physically if she desired that. What has always mattered to me most in any relationship, or even casual sexual encounter, is an emotional connection. I wonder if I might develop a physical attraction for a woman if a romance develops. It may be that once I feel a strong emotional bond, the plumbing of a partner will not matter.

About six weeks ago, I went to the arboretum with a female consultant friend. She carried my camera tripod for the roughly 90 minutes we were there. That alone endeared her to me. She patiently waited while I took many pictures. I even got one of the two of us. We had a terrific time together, she laughed at my sometimes pathetic attempts at humor and she appreciated my explaining things about different plants and tress. Actually, she made gentle fun of my tendency to want to teach. I loved it!

Toward the end of the evening, I started to feel a strong attraction to her that was very confusing. Never in my life have I felt such an easy attraction for a woman. I wanted to kiss her and I felt as if I were starting to fall in love. [I have known her, through work, since January 2008.] There was no kiss. She has a (married, not to her) boyfriend at home in a far-off state. Besides, I would never get involved with someone who is essentially a co-worker and I doubt she wanted a girlfriend to further complicate her life.

About two months ago after church, a lesbian woman I know saw me for the first time as Danya. She said I looked so attractive that if she didn't already have a partner (of 24 years, no less) she would be chasing after me! I found the idea of being sought by a woman rather nice.

I still find that I am physically attracted to men and not women. When I look at women, it is often to see how they are dressed. There isn't the tiniest spark of physical attraction. I definitely make a much easier, usually effortless in fact, emotional connection with women than with most men. Perhaps this is the source of my confusion about my own sexuality.

This is not something I need to figure out right now and in the end it really doesn't matter. If I fall in love with someone, man or woman, either we will be able to work out the physically intimate parts of a relationship or we won't. I am open to a wider expression of my own sexuality than ever.

Tomorrow night I will be at the monthly gal's after work get together for drinks and dinner. I was first invited to this when th

e announcement of my transition

was made throughout the company, three months ago. These gatherings have been really fun and I look forward to tomorrow evening.

[twaddler (imported)]

I always thought my own sexuality would remain relatively fixed.

Eek. That is what I thought until a little over a year ago when I was dating guys and someone fell in love with the most amazing woman. It was so confusing. Being with a female felt really strange but I have enjoyed it very much.

I had lots of girlfriends in my early teens, but never felt about any of them like I feel about my current love, and really only really been in love with a male before. Now my sexuality is completely spun around and I just assume that I am attracted to people, not particularly to a specific gender.

[Danya (imported)]

Now my sexuality is completely spun around and I just assume that I am attracted to people, not particularly to a specific gender.

Your comment explains how I feel exactly! At least attraction on an emotional level and that's the most important part of me.

[Danya (imported)]

Today, a female coworker greeted me at an off-site conference with 'Hey, freak'. A former coworker of hers was present when she said this. When she made the remark, I was feeling really calm, as I have for the last month or two. So I wasn't really bothered. I simply responded "I don't think so.".

The thing is, this woman and I almost always get along very well. She has been extremely supportive and wrote me a very sensitive, caring note when she learned of my upcoming transition. Several months ago, she even gave me a leather dress she used to use when she went out to clubs. Once she married, she had no need for the dress. If I lose about 8 pounds I might fit into it!

She often makes what I consider outlandish comments about her own husband, whom she seems to adore. So when I heard 'Hey, freak' I wasn't thinking she meant this as a judgement. It was more like the phrases she uses when joking about her spouse. Her sense of humor is definitely edgy.

She is chronically short on sleep, having a 2-month old old son at home. There are a number of reasons, then, why I could see her slipping up and saying something she really doesn't mean.

Now I wonder if I should briefly mention to her that, while I know she meant no offense by it, I did not consider her remark at all funny. If I wanted, I could report this to human resources and they would have her in for a little chat to ensure that this would not happen again. I really don't think that is needed here and besides, I always prefer to try to deal with problems directly with the 'offender' myself before resorting to other solutions.

I will probably let this slide since I doubt she intentionally meant to be hurtful. Besides, I do not want to get in the habit of taking my situation too seriously. Now, though, I will be prepared with a better response should she say something similar again.

[twaddler (imported)]

Regardless of whether she meant offense by it I would consider that insulting and would have smacked her upside her head with my opinion right there. :/ For me being called freak is one of the things I do NOT tolerate and go off.

[Danya (imported)]

Regardless of whether she meant offense by it I would consider that insulting and would have smacked her upside her head with my opinion right there. :/ For me being called freak is one of the things I do NOT tolerate and go off.

Hi tanglog,

I agree with you and I will talk with her about it tomorrow. I was hoping for some feedback and I appreciate your response.

This is the first time this sort of thing has happened to me and I simply wasn't prepared. I am now and won't let that kind of remark go unchallenged again.

Thanks for writing.

Hugs,

Danya

[mrt (imported)]

I heard Bill Cosby say something about Black people saying "Hey Niger" and how offended it was that any black person would use this term as regular conversation.

I would simply tell her that your right in the middle of some serious changes and that there are some dense people who really DO call people Freak and mean it.