Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[mrt (imported)]

138 (Shudder) I mean ahh! thats GREAT! For you.... I was a train wreck at an even higher level but of course your "mix" is now female so you not just tanking on everything at once. "Balance Grasshopper" My Zen thought for the day...

Anyway I'm very pleased to her your good to go for Estrogen Stage 2!!!

DD:D

[Danya (imported)]

This is based on the whole 15 minutes of R&D I've done so take this with a huge grain of salt. Try DHEA maybe 25mg before bed and a small dose of melatonin and see if that helps you sleep. DO expect vivid dreams (Great fun for me btw) when your DHEA levels are healthy.

I have not tried the DHEA but...

Since my estrogen dose was doubled a mere two days ago, I have had very vivid dreams. Of course, it is way too soon to conclude that this is due to the estrogen and not something else entirely.

[Danya (imported)]

"

As of tonight, then, I am able to double my dose of estrogen.

"

Yay! That should be quite nice.

Hi tanglog,

I sure hope so! I suspect it will b

e several weeks before I notice anything different.

138 (Shudder) I mean ahh! thats GREAT! For you.... I was a train wreck at an even higher level but of course your "mix" is now female so you not just tanking on everything at once. "Balance Grasshopper" My Zen thought for the day...

Anyway I'm very pleased t

o her your good to go for Estrogen Stage 2!!!

DD:D

MrT,

I always enjoy your sense of humor. I may be experiencing a bit of the 'train wreck' effect myself. My T is finally lower. My estrogen level, however, has shown only a slight increase over two months ago. At that time, I was taking spironolactone for T suppression but no E at all.

So, two months ago my estrogen (estradiol) level was 38 pg/mL. After two months on estrogen, it had increased only very slightly to 40 pg/mL. The normal range of estradiol in adult men is 10 - 60 pg/mL. Of course, my starting dose of E was low. Something certainly happened during those two months on E, though, because my T plummeted.

I return to the doctor's office in two months for more blood tests. If all that is again fine, we will double the estrogen dose a final time.

[Danya (imported)]

I have read a number of online accounts of transitioning women. One of the things many of these describe is the huge costs that can be incurred in the effort to become 'passable'. I haven't discussed these much but I will tonight. Watching a set of DVDs on voice, hair and makeup tips for trans women got me thinking.

The videos are largely narrated by well-known Calpernia Addams. Calpernia used to be a makeup artist and is herself transsexual. In her opening remarks, she voices her objection to the use of term 'passing' to describe trans women fitting in and not being 'clocked'. That is, if they pass well people accept them as women and look no closer. Calpernia's problem with 'passing' is that it is dependent on how others view us, rather than our own feelings. She prefers to use 'blending' instead of 'passing'. I find the difference in terms too subtle to be useful. Her point is valid, though, in that it is how a transwoman feels about herself that is most important.

An interesting aside: a local trans female friend told me months ago that if people saw three cues (i.e., objects) on me that were clearly womanly, they would tend to accept me as a woman. I have found this to be a good rule of thumb and I use it whenever I get ready to leave the house. Examples of cues could be earrings with gems, eye shadow, well done makeup and feminine jewelry, among others.

At any rate, the videos are well made and address number of concerns specific to the transsexual community. Many women start electrolysis to remove their facial hair only after they have transitioned. So this obvious sign of masculinity remains. I am nowhere near finishing electrolysis but most of my facial hair is gray anyway. It is not usually very visible. The makeup video describes the most effective techniques for covering over facial hair.

Ms. Addams spends a lot of time describing differences between the typical male and typical female facial structures. Males tend to have a prominent brow ridge, for instance. Women generally lack this. Ways to highlight existing female-like facial features will be discussed later in the video.

There was a discussion in the video of facial feminization surgery (FFS), electrolysis, SRS, voice exercises, face lifts, dermabrasion on the face, orthodontics and breast augmentation surgery. Ms. Addams' emphasized in this discussion that many trans women either cannot afford or do not feel the need for FFS and complete electrolysis. This is perfectly fine

If I were to go through all of the procedures possible to look more feminine, I would likely spend something in the range of $80,000 to $100,000. There is no way I have the resources to do this. Besides, I already feel I 'blend' ('pass') well. For the most part, it doesn't matter to me if anyone else agrees with my self-assessment. The only thing that matters in the end is my own comfort level and I am fine there. Two therapists have stated I pass well, though, and women at work comment on my attractiveness. Of course, some of them are making a comparison between the woman I am and the man they used to see. There is no hiding the fact that I am 56 years old, though this can be an advantage. As men and women age, their features tend to become more similar. This doesn't mean I don't want to look as good as I can. I will spend some time learning more about makeup techniques. The creative use of makeup is any easy and relatively inexpensive way to highlight existing desireable facial features while making more masculine ones less noticeable.

[Danya (imported)]

I will send in the paperwork Saturday to start the process of legally changing my name. The county court should contact me within a week or so to set a court date. After the court approves the name change, I will have 30 days to get a new license. My HRT doctor told me Monday that she will have no problem providing the required documentation to permit m

e to have my gender changed to female on my license.

For awhile now, I thought I would go with a first and last name only. Now, I have chosen a middle name that is age appropriate. It is one I have always liked, besides. I still haven't made up my mind on whether to go with a new last name or not. By Saturday morning, I will make a decision. If I change my last name, it will be to one I have thought of using for several months now.

I have been invited again to join some of the gals from work for a once-a-month get together at a local restaurant on Tuesday of next week. I really enjoyed this before and can't wait to meet with these women again.

On the way home from the office, I stopped at Penney's to get a new purse. The zipper on the one I've got broke. This store always seems to have a sale going on so I got a really nice purse for $23. Of course, being a woman (or at least being a certain type of woman ), I couldn't resist looking at the dresses. I tried on three and bought one that was reduced in price by 75%. I had looked at it weeks ago when it had the higher price tag. It is very nice and the really low price made it impossible to pass up. They must be trying to move out their warm-weather clothing.

I saw my gender therapist today. Once again, I read to her from things I have written here on the Archive. She said again that I should write a book. Perhaps one day I will but for now I am just at the start of my journey. The story is a long way from being finished. I am giving some thought to starting my own web site. I would post my own experiences there but I would also like such a site to serve as a resource in a number of areas related to TG people and sexuality. There is a lot of misinformation out there, even on some sites started by trans women. I'd still continue to post on the Archive, which has been a haven for me.

This last Sunday, I was substitute organist at my home congregation. I had a blast and people noticed. One woman who hadn't heard me before said I made the organ sing and she hadn't heard it played that way before. I had chosen simple music because the service fell on the last day of the Midwest MoM. I didn't want to be tied up with a lot of practice time that would take me away from MoM activities. The music was still effective. Everyone treated me very well, which is typical for this Christian, mainline congregation which is unusual in a number of ways. They openly welcome everyone wtihout reservation or restraint. Pastors there have stated in sermons that non-Christian faiths are equally valid paths. That I particularly like because as I get older I find that my own faith is, perhaps, too confined by Christian doctrine.

My asthma attack is finally in remission and I feel terrific. I also feel much more emotional and I like that. Whether or not that is tied to the estrogen I am taking is in a way irrelevant. Whatever is going on, I feel at home with who I am

[quote="Danya (imported)" tim

e=1213357320]
for the first time in my life.
[/quote]
Things just don't get any better than that.

[mrt (imported)]

I'm not saying this because I'm your friend but I would anyway! You blend fine! If I was in a store and didn't know before hand I would not be "wondering" what gender you were... Its very obvious that what your doing works. Don't start loosing confidence!

Re: The E2 test... This is good technique to measure and go slow. I suspect the women who have problems with hormones are often because they are jump started with super high doses. Adding it in a gradual way has got to be easier on the body and more natural.

Forget my PVT question on Names you answered that here!

[OneBallBoi (imported)]

Meeting Danya at the Midewest MoM, She looks great. It takes a real lot of courage to transform from Male to Female. Courage that I do not have. I have to hand it to her and Erica Ann on their transition. They are two wonderful people. I look forward to meeting both of them again someday. Both sure do amaze me.

[Danya (imported)]

I'm not saying this because I'm your friend but I would anyway! You blend fine! If I was in a store and didn't know before hand I would not be "wondering" what gender you were... Its very obvious that what your doing works. Don't start loosing confidence!

MrT, old (er, much younger) pal ,

I appreciate your comments. I have always felt I blend well. It's just that I want to look my best. Must be a bit of feminine vanity coming in. I have made some minor changes to makeup and I like the difference. There are a few other things I want to check into in the makeup area but I am not going to spend a lot of money on fancy products.

Thanks, too, for stating that what I am doing works. I agree. In a few days, it will be three months since I transitioned to 24/7 as me, Danya. In all that time I have felt confident. I don't see that ever changing.

Forget my PVT question on Names you answered that here!

I am nearly certain now that I will change my last name. This afternoon, I was reading over what I need to submit my application to the county court. Tomorrow, I will get the forms notarized before putting them in the mail. The notary public will want a picture ID and other forms of identification. This means I will need to go out one more time as my former male self. I don

't like that but that's the way 'the pickle squirts', as a former high school teacher used to say!

Meeting Danya at the Midewest MoM, She looks great. It takes a real lot of courage to transform from Male to Female. Courage that I do not have. I have to hand it to her and Erica Ann on their transition. They

are two wonderful people. I look forward to meeting both of them again someday. Both sure do amaze me.

Hi OneBallBoi,

It was a real pleasure to meet you at this year's Midwest MoM and I enjoyed talking with you. I appreciate your kind remarks. It will be really good to meet again.

Erica Ann has been an inspiration. She got going on planning and then starting her transition long before me. I am very glad she posts here. She also gave me much needed words of encouragement when I needed them, especially right before I transitioned. She is quite a woman.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Its very obvious that what your doin

g works. Don't start loosing confidence!

It takes a real lot of courage to transform from Male to Female. Courage that I do not have. I have

to hand it to her and Erica Ann on their transition

It was only within the last two weeks or so that I started to think perhaps I really am displaying some courage by transitioning. I have tended to down play this when others have posted comments similar to OneBallBoi's and MrT's statement that I not lose the confidence I have. I certainly appreciate their comments and those of others who have said similar things.

The reason I haven't felt particularly courageous is because I am doing what makes me truly happy for the first time. Once I realized how happy I would be if I transitioned there was almost no option but to proceed. Does that require courage? I don't know the answer but I think one thing that is essential is letting go of fear.

There is also the reality that my employer and the place where I live make transition easier for me than for many others. My gender therapist has told me that some of her trans clients have moved here from other parts of the country because they were not at all accepted in their home towns. So maybe one does not have to be that courageous in these parts to transition.

I guess any courage I may have is in facing and accepting who I really am after a lifetime of hiding, even from myself. Perhaps it is courage that gives me the confidence MrT mentions. I am unfailingly confident when I am in public. I cannot think of one moment, once transition day arrived, when I lost that confidence in my dealings with others. Privately, I have occasional concerns about money, finishing electrolysis and similar things. At home, then, my confidence may waver just a little as I wonder how I will get from where I am to whatever the end of this journey will be. I don't dwell on this long and I am generally happy alone at home.

Earlier this evening, I spoke with a close female friend, J. J had heard from a mutual friend, L, who heard me play the organ last Sunday in church. L had commented to J that she admired my calm self-confidence and courage as I played music in front of the entire congregation as myself for the first time. My reaction to this was basically 'huh?'. This is a very accepting congregation, why wouldn't I feel exactly as L described? Anyway, I am myself in every part of my life so why should church be any different? J said her own word for my behavior was 'chutzpah'. I am certain she was referring to the positive connotations of that word!

The thing is, I'm not certain I fully understand where this self-confidence comes from. I am sure it is related to finally being myself. Somehow that doesn't seem a sufficient explanation for what is a profound change in the ways I interact with people and proceed with my life. It seems too easy but maybe being true to who I am, at last, explains everything quite well after all. I accomplished a lot in my life before I transitioned although nothing else has come close to giving me the same sense happiness I now feel.

For a number of reasons, I am starting to accept that I am showing some courage in transitioning. This realization is made easier by the feedback of people on the Archive.

[mrt (imported)]

Your a brave lady to do this. I can think of a lot of people who just can't make that step to going so open? Mainstream? Can't think of the term... But its apparently very difficult for the typical jane or joe to just walk out there. And I think there are 20:1 (200:1) who just do this without being public to avoid the spotlight. One thing I think your doing is helping this not be seen as such a circus that some people still make GID to be. Its just a medical thing! Yes, it involves the "sex" word and people private parts - sooooo some people are going to have to put their stupid heads in the sand to avoid the topic.

Anyway As Dr Marci said its a very different thing to walk into a store wearing a cute minidress. Thats the real deal! And you done it! Err Dooed it!

I suppose for a transman to do the same sort of thing he would what? hummm? Walk into a bar burp loudly (or do armpit noises) and grab some waitress's ass?

BTW my new code name for you is Miss E... Estrogen? Or maybe not...