Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[mrt (imported)]

Dear Danya:

PLEASE do NOT sweat your refill. They always run out after 3 or 6 months. The only reason they do that is to insure your seeing the doctor and getting regular labs done. All that will happen is they will call it in. Your doctor will probably ok it for a month (Because you have pending labs / visit) and you will get a new dose and new script updated with your next level whatever that is. I'm 99.999999999999995% Positive your doctor is NOT going to cut you off. That would be really bad. Once you go on HRT its normally for life be it TS or Guys like me.

There is a chance that the Doctor will have the new labs on her/his desk and will phone back your new dose. Its possible (probable) they will want to talk to you first to make sure your not having bad symptoms from your current dose.

Get on the phone to your Pharmacy and get them jingling your doctors office asap. My advise with hormones is first...

Never let them run out! Going cold turkey SUCKS... And it probably not good for you? I'm not sure. Anyway it sure feels bad.

Always refill as soon as you can. After a few refills you will have a little extra so that you can "forget" to refill and it won't be a disaster.

Ask about doing refills in 90 day qtys. Every month is one more thing thats easy to forget. BTW if you do have 90 day refills I think you can refill a week or more early. Check with the pharmacy. Anyway just never wait until the bottle / box is empty...

[mrt (imported)]

My first day as a woman at work, a woman in another department commented that I looked much better as a woman than I ever had as a man. I was very pleased by this.

I think its more proof your transition is the correct path. Humm... As to the no before after comments.... I think it might be that issue of some trans people wanted to be known as the gender they become and not be reminded of the before and or transition. I sort of understand that. I mean the brain is saying "I'm XXXX" and transition is a process to make that effect more apparent to everyone else. Sort of a major Body Image make over? Very interesting I suppose.

In regards to SRS I would say that I'm confidant you will be a way to get it done. I think your going to find the right resources if you look and I have a good feeling that your workplace WILL modify its medical to allow that to happen without major costs for you. They would seem (to me anyway) to be the poster people for being diverse and open to this? If not them? Who???? How they could NOT? Well that would be hard to see. Anyway hopefully not wishful thinking on my part.

Anyway I was going to say that never having met you in male mode I think I would find THAT to be rather odd and weird....

[mrt (imported)]

Sorry... Three replies. I'm not reading the threads here enough. I wanted to make one last comment.

Your brother who is religious. Has he ever said what exactly about you violates his religion? I mean people can decide to worship a statue or bow to the sun. So maybe he is part of some wacky Space Alien cult. But if he is in some Christian religion what about your being transexual is "wrong"?

I know for example that ultra right wing 700 club leader Pat Robinson said that there is nothing sinfull about being transexual. Check out this link.

http://etransgender.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=57

So. If your brother wants to "blame" his bigotry on God? Well ask him to spell out the biblical reference(s) and when that doesn't work (As I'm quite sure it won't) ask him to look inside himself. Is he upset that he is loosing his "brother" and doesn't know how to treat you suddenly being his sister? Is he just freaking out because its uncommon or that it involves sex? Is he upset what others will say about you?

[Danya (imported)]

Dear Danya:

PLEASE do NOT sweat your refill. They always run out after 3 or 6 months. The only reason they do that is to insure your seeing the doctor and getting regular labs done. All that will happen is they will call it in. Your doctor will probably ok it for a month (Because you have pending labs / visit) and you will get a new dose and new script updated with your next level whatever that is. I'm 99.999999999999995% Positive your doctor is NOT going to cut you off. That would be really bad. Once you go on HRT its normally for life be it TS or Guys like me.

Ask about doing refills in 90 day qtys. Every month is one more thing thats easy to forget. BTW if you do have 90 day refills I think you can refill a week or more early. Check with the pharmacy. Anyway just never wait until the bottle / box is empty...

Hi MrT,

I appreciate your writing and encouragement. I think it is likely the doctor will refill this before the lab results are in. If I need to wait for those, I will have been off E for several days at least. We wanted to start off at a lost dose of E to be cautious and I am fine with that. This woman physician is very understanding and when I first went on E, she even double-checked with me about the 'go slow' approach.

The quarterly refill approach is a good idea. I think with my plan I can only do that by having the Rx's delivered by mail, but I will check. I have never been comfortable with the idea of getting meds through the post office. At least at the pharmacy if they know I have run out, they will generally give me a few pills to tide me over.

With my usual once a month refills I can get a refill up to five days before the month is up. This is a good thing since I sometimes have to get after both the pharmacy and the doctor's office to be sure I get the medication.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

In regards to SRS I would say that I'm confidant you will be a way to get it done. I think your going to find the right resources if you look and I have a good feeling that your workplace WILL modify its medical to allow that to happen without major costs for you. They would seem (to me anyway) to be the poster people for being diverse and open to this? If not them? Who???? How they could NOT? Well that would be hard to see. Anyway hopefully not wishful thinking on my part.

Anyway I was going to say that never having met you in male mode I think I would find THAT to be rather odd and weird....

I agree, my company is a great example of support for a diverse work force. Over the years, I have worked at a variety of corporations ranging in size from 45,000 employees down to a few hundred. My latest employer is by far the best on many levels.

One thing I have learned, though, from reading many TS peoples' stories is 'hope for the best, prepare for the worst'. This is a realistic attitude for many of the steps involved in transitioning. I appreciate your optimistic outlook that my employer will eventually cover SRS. I believe that but I am just not sure it will be for next year. Everything will work out in the end.

There is at least one Archive member who has met me in both male and female mode. There will be one more after the August MoM. Their situations are different from yours in that you have never seen me in male mode. I can understand how you feel. I would find meeting myself in male mode now uncomfortable at best.

Take care,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Sorry... Three replies. I'm not reading the threads here enough. I wanted to make one last comment.

Your brother who is religious. Has he ever said what exactly about you violates his religion? I mean people can decide to worship a statue or bow to the sun. So maybe he is part of some wacky Space Alien cult. But if he is in some Christian religion what about your being transexual is "wrong"?

My brother very definitely identifies as a Christian. He apparently believes that homosexuals and transsexuals are sinners on a level that compels him to speak out against them. Frequently and with conviction. I have tried having reasonable discussions on this over the years to no avail. I have no wish to revisit these topics with him again.

I think he feels insecure in life and the comfort of some absolute 'truths' is necessary for his sense of self. I do not blame him for that. It is simply something I have no control over so I let go.

So. If your brother wants to "blame" his bigotry on God? Well ask him to spell out the biblical reference(s) and when that doesn't work (As I'm quite sure it won't) ask him to look inside himself.

My brother knows I am very familiar with the Bible. He has certainly never given me an argument based on biblical text that I could not refute. When we have discussed biblical references, I have been able at least get him to imagine alternative interpretations. Nonetheless, whenever his discomfort level rises he cannot maintain anything but a rigid view of right and wrong. This is really something I cannot help him with and he may not want help. He finds comfort in his beliefs and needs that. It would be pointless for me to readdress this.

My other brother and I learned within the last ten years that 'conservative' brother was physically abused as a child. I never witnessed this but I absolutely believe him. When I visited him in California earlier this year, I was starting to feel very sisterly toward him and wanted to hug him. He insisted I be the person he has always known, though, so hugging was off-limits.

I know he is hurting. He is beyond my reach, though, because he cannot see me for who I am.

Is he upset that he is loosing his "brother" and doesn't know how to treat you suddenly being his sister?

Is he just freaking out because its uncommon or that it involves sex? Is he upset what others will say about you?

All of the above are likely true. Again, though, these are his issues and beyond my control.

[Danya (imported)]

Today, I saw my gender therapist for the first time in over a month. I missed speaking with her, but not because I have any major psychological issues to work through! We get along well and it is good to have someone who knows where I am coming from.

She knows I use a web site to write about my experiences and has asked more than once for me to bring some material to an appointment. Today I took three recent, longer posts from the Archive and read them to her. Two were written within the last week. One came from the week before that.

Several times, as I read to her, I found myself unable to continue because I was sobbing. Some of these were happy sobs, some not so happy but everything was related to why I am transitioning. I was sharing some very intimate things about my life. Somehow, speaking the words had a different impact on me than writing them. That, too, can be an emotional experience but of a different quality.

When I had finished, I made sure she understood that what I had written reflected my feelings at the time I wrote. The fact that I was sobbing did not mean I was on the edge of an emotional breakdown. I am not in any way. She clearly understood that.

She was very appreciative of my sharing this material. On my first visit, she said she would have 'a million questions' for me before she could know who I am. At the end of the hour today, she said what I had written gave her far more insight into my reality than all of our other visits combined.

It was very good to talk with her. She has known how happy I am in my new life. After today, she more clearly knows why.

[mrt (imported)]

I think the insurance you have is the same company as me and yes, you ought to be able to do 90 refills at your pharmacy. Yes, mail order is an option but it does not mean you can't still ask the people at the pharmacy for help. Its just less "nice" of you to ask them! Don't PLEASE just stop HRT. I'm talking from experience here. Knocking off a day her or there is an invite to things going weird. Our bodies are "used" to a really regular flow and HRT is close but not quite to start with. When you just quit? Eek... On 90day refills I "think" you can refill a couple weeks early? Not sure... Also note they do Auto-refills at some outfits (Snyders for example) so you can't forget easily.

Good for you on the Therapist. "riters" like you think out loud better on paper I think. Its good therapy for me to write it sounds the same with you. Sharing that with her has to be a good thing.

Well your correct. Insurance is NEVER for sure until they either pay the bill or decide its not going to happen.

[Danya (imported)]

Don't PLEASE just stop HRT. I'm talking from experience here. Knocking off a day her or there is an invite to things going weird. Our bodies are "used" to a really regular flow and HRT is close but not quite to start with. When you just quit? Eek... On 90day refills I "think" you can refill a couple weeks early? Not sure...

Turns out the estrogen refill was called into the pharmacy late yesterday. I will pick it up tomorrow, leaving me plenty of breathing room...or something.

[Danya (imported)]

I usually get nearly as much enjoyment out of anticipating vacations and big events as I do from the actual activities themselves. I expect the MoM to be different. True, I am already excited which is good and not unusual. What is different with this is that I fully expect I will get far more pleasure out of this event than I can imagine. It is also likely it will be very difficult for me to see people leave as things wind down.

It will be great to get together with fun people who accept me for who I am without reservations. I can't wait to meet members that until now I have known only through their posts and reputations. Then there are several I already know and it will be good to reconnect in person.

In my earlier life, even considering attending a social gathering of this size would intimidate me. I felt too separated from others to be able to comfortably connect. That is no longer the case and this is one of the best outcomes of becoming who I really am.

I'll still probably be on the quiet side when I first meet people. I am much more social now but I still tend to be introverted. Once I get going, though, things will be very different.