mrt (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:38 am
I do have one question that is TMI... If you opt out of SRS err whats the plan then for physical intimacy? I mean I know there are alternatives and such but... Ahh ok, forget I asked....
Hi MrT,
At the office, I would consider this question off-limits to everyone except for two or three people who are close friends. Even with them, I would not discuss this at work. Here, though, I hope some of what I write will be informative. As usual, I will use too many words in my response.
Even better, I will not fully answer your question.
That is because I do not know the whole answer.
I will not to get into the question of whether physical intimacy is required in a loving, intimate relationship. For me it is not and never has been. I am not saying it is unimportant, by any means.
Physical intimacy has rarely been a desire of mine without there first being an emotional connection. That has been the case from my first identity as straight married male, to gay male, to my current situation as 'something' female. I may address the 'something' in another post.
I have lived happily alone for the last 12 years. If I were to get into an intimate relationship of the kind you are describing, I would need to give up or at least spend a lot less time on some of the activities that now give me great pleasure. I am not talking about solo sex here, either, btw.
but things like writing on the Archive at 1:15 AM as I am now, playing the piano, photography and reading.
The thought of physical intimacy is not enough for me to want a relationship. There has to be a significant emotional component. Without it, I will not be sufficiently motivated to give up some of what I consider valuable time to pursue my own interests. With the right person, I would gladly compromise and do just that.
If the emotional connection is strong, it would be very normal for me to want to express love physically. I do not think I would need to complete SRS to feel comfortable about that. I can understand the sense of wholeness that women who have SRS can experience, to the extent I read about it and hear personal stories. That is a very joyful experience for many but the essential piece behind all of that joy I already have. I know I am a woman and I am very content and happy about it.
SRS is often described as 'icing on the cake'. It can be a really good thing but it is not required to be a genuine woman. What matters is that I know who I am and totally accept it. This is the essential concept behind being transsexual, a cisgender person or someone else whose gender identity does not fit neatly into masculine or feminine.
So, I can already state I am a woman. What does physical intimacy require? The sharing of the physical pleasure of each others' bodies. I know with the right 'person' I would share physical pleasure now. There are many ways I could do that. I am certain I can discover others. I won't discuss any of those here tonight. As I said, I really do not know what they all might be, anyway.
Many trans women decide not to have SRS even if money is not a problem. Some straight, perhaps bi, men are attracted to trans women who have not had SRS. In all the psychological accounts I read about this, these men are not gay at all. A man may fall in love with a woman he later finds out is a pre (or non) op female. He is then able to reach the point of accepting that the plumbing is pretty much irrelevant. Others enjoy the difference but still very much consider their lover to be a woman. Again, these men are not considered to be gay. They somehow 'get' the idea that the gender of their lover is not dictated by the physical body.
One of my women friends has had SRS and is very happy with the results. She never had much electrolysis work on her facial hair because 'it hurt too much'. She is naturally blonde and opted to have only those hairs removed that are darker than average and thus more likely to be visible. I would never guess she had not finished electrolysis and in fact had only minimal facial hair removel. This was really encouraging to me. Recently, she met a man and they have been happily dating.
My first gender therapist had told me many woman transition without having started any electrolysis. This was similarly encouraging because for now, at least, I cannot afford to complete the electrolysis I started in March. Yes, I can get discouraged that I have not finished it but I get over that feeling quickly. It certainly helps that I can effectively cover what hair there is. As with having had SRS or not, what is important is who I know myself to be.
It is late (now 2 AM) and I am tired. I know this is not a well put together answer. There you have it, though, for now.
Somehow, I don't think I can blame PMS for this!
