Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[joanne-f (imported)]

I can sympathise with having debt/financial issues, it's a pain especially when you are also trying to make important personal changes. As if changing gender isn't enough to keep you occupied...

Good luck with the estrogen. I hope your breasts sprout as quickly as mine have. If I wear a t-shirt it's rather noticeable now.

[Danya (imported)]

I can sympathise with having debt/financial issues, it's a pain especially when you are also trying to make important personal changes. As if changing gender isn't enough to keep you occupied...

Good luck with the estrogen. I hope your breasts sprout as quickly as mine have. If I wear a t-shirt it's rather noticeable now.

Hi joanne-f,

I appreciate your understanding with debt and financial problems. It is indeed a pain and you are absolutely correct in that changing gender is a lot to deal with without complications in other areas of one's life.

Even before I started estrogen, I was having some minor breast development from the spironolactone. I think I have some increased development now. It is definitely noticeable if I wear nothing more than a t-shirt. Noticeable to me, anyway! I always use a bra when I go out now, even if I do pad it.

-danya

[Danya (imported)]

If you want a phone at home with a number and an answering machine check out MAGICJACK

If I understand it the cost is $20 for the pod that plugs into your USB port on the computer and $20 a Year! For service. Now, if your internet goes down the phone won't ring but.... For that kind of money? Sheesh! I heard that if you sign up for three years service the cost is $10 a year? How can you beat that?

Ahh... other then no phone at all.

Clip coupons! Some Rainbow foods have double coupon Wed! Enjoy poverty its makes you more creative, healthier and so on...

Hi MrT,

I will definitely check out MAGICJACK. Sounds like a great deal.

Until now, I have never used coupons for groceries. From what I read online, if you shop carefully and use coupons, sometimes for off-brand items, you can save big bucks. I've always thought it a waste of time to spend an hour searching through the Sunday paper to find coupons that will save you a few pennies. Seems like you can save a lot more.

-danya

[Danya (imported)]

I can relate to the debt issues. At only 23 I already have accumulated a five-digit number in debt. And that is not counting student loans, the total of which is higher than my regular debt.

I'm not sure what it is that causes spending to be so tempting these days. Americans have record, previously unfathomable levels of debt, and we only seem to be accumulating more. But I do know that spending is fun , and I know that it is going to be tremendously difficult to get out of the old spending habits and start getting rid of debt rather than only taking on more.

In your case, it seems you have tied your spending and debt to a specific issue in your life, which you are in the process of overcoming, and that tells me you are going to have good luck changing your ways

Glad to hear you are doing well Keep up with the updates.

Hi plix,

It is strange how various federal officials have, for some years now, tried to justify the growing national deficit as a good thing after all! All I can say, from my personal experience, is debt is sometimes a necessary evil but one should try to avoid it at all costs. Certainly student loans have helped many get educations that otherwise would have been unattainable. I was a beneficiary of those some years ago and I am glad I was able to borrow the money.

Spending is fun but I am now learning that not spending can yield its own rewards. Things like peace of mind are important, too. I am still adapting to spending less, though, because not spending is unnatural for me! Or at least it's a new way of life and it takes awhile to adjust.

I took the bus to work for the first time Friday and discovered when I got to work my choice of bus route meant I would have to stay at the office 10 1/2 hours! I chose this bus because the stop is 'only' 1.7 miles from home and has parking. This location has very limited service, though.

Starting tomorrow, I will drive 3.5 miles to a park-and-ride location that has more frequent service. I can sleep a little later in the morning and leave the office after putting in my 8 hours.

-Danya

[mrt (imported)]

Hi MrT,

I will definitely check out MAGICJACK. Sounds like a great deal.

Until now, I have never used coupons for groceries. From what I read online, if you shop carefully and use coupons, sometimes for off-brand items, you can save big bucks. I've always thought it a waste of time to spend an hour searching through the Sunday paper to find coupons that will save you a few pennies. Seems like you can save a lot more.

-danya

Ahh I can speak to this. One of the best days I've had was 100 dollars in groceries and I saved nearly $50! Coupons on everything but store specials. Another thing is to buy ONLY what you want and avoid impulse shopping. Rainbow is one of the few stores that has a store band that is tasty AND inexpensive. I won't buy anything "Flavorite" It should be called "Stale&wrong"

Today you could have bought a dozen eggs for 79 cents (Two cartons max) and milk and butter for a dollar something. Keeping your eyes open when you in the store for special. Like I think it was today 5 pepsi 12 packs for $10? Is a good deal.

Uh I could go on and on....

[Danya (imported)]

Ahh I can speak to this. One of the best days I've had was 100 dollars in groceries and I saved nearly $50! Coupons on everything but store specials. Another thing is to buy ONLY what you want and avoid impulse shopping. Rainbow is one of the few stores that has a store band that is tasty AND inexpensive. I won't buy anything "Flavorite" It should be called "Stale&wrong"

Today you could have bought a dozen eggs for 79 cents (Two cartons max) and milk and butter for a dollar something. Keeping your eyes open when you in the store for special. Like I think it was today 5 pepsi 12 packs for $10? Is a good deal.

Uh I could go on and on....

I went to a grocery store this evening and bought a number of items that were marked as two for the price of one. I could tell by comparing with similar items that these were really good deals. I had always thought eggs at the regular price were a bargain source for protein. I did get a dozen large for something like $1.89. Not nearly as low as what you paid. I love olives and to save on the per ounce cost, a lot, I got the largest size jar of the store brand. I was actively looking for specials.

I also picked up the Sunday paper to look for coupons. I'm not sure if I'm overlooking something but there didn't seem to be that many coupons there. I found a total of 3 for things I use. Together, they'll save me about $2. There were other coupons but mostly for prepared food items that I would not normally buy. I must be doing something wrong. It certainly sounds like I could be saving more.

Nonetheless, I still got most of the food to carry me through July 15 for about $60.

[Danya (imported)]

I have to conclude it certainly does not mean, at least for me, the absence of what many would consider to be male traits. Tonight, I put a fair amount of effort into several threads on the Archive. Some of those, to my own biased eye, seem decidedly male in tone. By that I mean logical, very technical arguments made with the goal of solving problems or at least providing information and possible answers.

Men, from what I read anyway, tend to want to solve problems they hear from women. A woman will say she is unhappy about something and her male partner will provide a way to fix it.

Women, on the other hand (or so I read), first and foremost want nothing more than someone to listen and empathize with them when they are bothered by something. They first want a sympathetic response to the problem and to know they have been listened to.

From my own experience of having been a male and married to a woman for 20 years, I think these generalizations tend to be true for many interactions between men and women. Of course, there are many variations on the basic interactions but where does this leave me, someone who now identifies as female?

The truth is, I will never be entirely female but I doubt there are very many 'pure' females out there who show no evidence of masculine gender characteristics. The nature of my job and educational background have followed my inclination to be an analytical thinker. I don't see that ever changing. I do feel more male, though, when I'm in heavy-duty analytical thinking mode and I am more stressed besides. Some stress can be good. Too much is certainly not.

On the other hand, I have been told by a number of therapists that I am very left-brain, right-brain balanced. What I like to think of as my ability to, at least in my better moments , develop logical arguments is only part of who I am.

I am still by and large female in gender identity, and I am not basing that just on the simplistic views I present here. Nonetheless, I have always been very empathetic and verbal. I feel more relaxed in this mode, even if I am listening very sympathetically to someone's major life crisis. I can easily get distraught right along with someone who is suffering.

Someday I hope I will find an intimate partner who will listen to me as the woman I am. I will not, though, repress the male characteristics that I value to allow that to happen. If ever someone loves me, it will be for the whole package of 'me'.

[gpb3aol (imported)]

Danya, hello, long time.

Here's my two cents. Women, after 1000's of generations, beening treated as second class, like they can't think, like they have no reasoning ability, and are only an emotional being, they have adapated. If the "man" won't trust you to do something, you just make him think he figured it out and do it for you.

Just think about it. If your a woman, and you want to do something, and you know your "man" well give your a ration of Sh-- about it, why not just say oh, I need this and I can't do it, boo whoo.

If you train a woman like you train a man (from birth) they'll act like men. (baring social pressures).

In summary, treat someone like a dummy, they'll act like a dummy.

Just because you can think, reason and act, doesn't mean your not a woman. It just means your smart.

Love Pauline.

I have to conclude it certainly does not mean, at least for me, the absence of what many would consider to be male traits. Tonight, I put a fair amount of effort into several threads on the Archive. Some of those, to my own biased eye, seem decidedly male in tone. By that I mean logical, very technical arguments made with the goal of solving problems or at least providing information and possible answers.

Men, from what I read anyway, tend to want to solve problems they hear from women. A woman will say she is unhappy about something and her male partner will provide a way to fix it.

Women, on the other hand (or so I read), first and foremost want nothing more than someone to listen and empathize with them when they are bothered by something. They first want a sympathetic response to the problem and to know they have been listened to.

From my own experience of having been a male and married to a woman for 20 years, I think these generalizations tend to be true for many interactions between men and women. Of course, there are many variations on the basic interactions but where does this leave me, someone who now identifies as female?

The truth is, I will never be entirely female but I doubt there are very many 'pure' females out there who show no evidence of masculine gender characteristics. The nature of my job and educational background have followed my inclination to be an analytical thinker. I don't see that ever changing. I do feel more male, though, when I'm in heavy-duty analytical thinking mode and I am more stressed besides. Some stress can be good. Too much is certainly not.

On the other hand, I have been told by a number of therapists that I am very left-brain, right-brain balanced. What I like to think of as my ability to, at least in my better moments , develop logical arguments is only part of who I am.

I am still by and large female in gender identity, and I am not basing that just on the simplistic views I present here. Nonetheless, I have always been very empathetic and verbal. I feel more relaxed in this mode, even if I am listening very sympathetically to someone's major life crisis. I can easily get distraught right along with someone who is suffering.

Someday I hope I will find an intimate partner who will listen to me as the woman I am. I will not, though, repress the male characteristics that I value to allow that to happen. If ever someone loves me, it will be for the whole package of 'me'.

[Danya (imported)]

Danya, hello, long time.

Here's my two cents. In summary, treat someone like a dummy, they'll act like a dummy.

Just because you can think, reason and act, doesn't mean your not a woman. It just means your smart.

Love Pauline.

Dear Pauline,

It is good to hear from you and your note here made my day. It was a good day but long - I just got home from work and it's 10 PM. Despite the fact that I had to be very analytical much of the day, I still feel very feminine tonight

I very much appreciate your comments and agree. Thanks for writing. I hope you are well.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I kind of hate to keep repeating this. I am truly

happy for the first time in my life.

Although today was a stressful one at the office, I still felt really good about where I am in my life.

Throughout the day, I sent occasional emails to someone on the Archive about my observations on one of the threads here. This really didn't take much time but I am very interested in some of the topics here and felt a need to 'chat'.

One of our female consultants, who has been working with us since January, is finishing her work with us this week. She will be back in November but that's a long way off. She was one of the first people I told that I am transgender.

This evening, she invited me to her hotel room where we shared some room service appetizers (charged to her expense account), shared some wine from my special stash and generally had a good time with lots of 'girl' talk. We hugged at the end of our visit.

Ah, I forgot. We also went out to lunch together. I am watching my budget closely but occasionally I need to kick up my heels.

Then I went back to the office to work some more! That was really OK, though, and it is not often that I need to work late.

Tomorrow evening, my consultant friend and I will go to a local arboretum run by the state university. I'll take along a camera to get some good flower shots and, I hope, one or more really good sunset pictures. This arboretum is a truly beautiful place that not only has gardens but a natural prairie area, long paved trails through old stands of forest, a wild flower garden and a swampy area that has wild orchids. Those may be finished blooming for the season.

I feel so at home with my new friend and will be sorry to see her go. Turns out she will be back in this area periodically before she returns to us in November. She will work for another client in the same city periodically through the summer. This is amazing because she lives on the other side of the country and typically works all over the US and in Europe.

This evening, I received some good news. I will be the substitute organist at my own church for several Sundays this summer. This will bring in some extra cash but even better, I absolutely love playing music for others to hear and I do it well. I mean, I really get off on this - well, not quite literally but it is a powerful experience. It goes without saying that I will practice very hard to almost guarantee some really good feedback. I pour my emotions into the music I play and people typically take notice and mention it. I just lap up that kind of attention!