Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

Erica Ann is saying exactly what is going on in my head as I read your post. Don't feel you need to be the poster woman for TS people.

As to the single status. I think it "shallow" that this guy trys to define you by if you are in a relationship or not. Isin't "single" good enough? I thought that was a common issue for 1950s women who had to be married to be anyone. Sheesh!

Hey MrT,

I always appreciate your humor and advice. I don't need to be the poster woman. The fact is, I have already had a large impact on my corporation by being very open about who I am. I worked closely with upper management to make certain things related to my transition were handled well. I handed them most of the information they used to plan out the announcement and associated activities. They were very receptive to what I had to say but they lacked experience with TG people and did not have a clear picture of how to ease my transition while reducing disruptions at the office. By allowing my active involvement in the process, even to the extent of requiring my approval on the wording of announcements and similar things, everything went off perfectly. There are still positive ripple effects occuring from all this. It benefited not only me but others in the company as well. So in a very real way, I have already done a lot to forward awareness of TG people. That is enough.

A wise woman at the office told me several weeks ago that I had done more than enough and that perhaps it was time for me to simply be for a time. I agreed with her but needed the reminder you and Erica Ann so thoughtfully provided.

There were a number of aspects to the seminar, MrT, that I found shallow

-Danya

[EricaAnn (imported)]

It amazed me yesterday that one of my best male friends from work, who is generally a very sensitive and caring guy, still doesn't seem to have much of a clue about what's involved in being a transgendered/transsexual person. This is despite the mandatory TG lives training he attended at the office right before my transition. He referred to 'women who are men', meaning people like me. I calmly gave him a short explanation of what my situation really is. That is, I am a woman, no matter what my outward physical characteristics may be.

-Danya

Hi Danya,

This is a part of the stigma I mentioned to you. Its cause is just plain old ignorance on the behalf of some people that cannot open their little hearts and minds to our situation.

To comprehend the entire GID matter would cause people like this to have to think outside of their little boxes and force them to grow and expand their minds and thinking. They do not want to take the time to do so. It makes them feel uncomfortable with their established valves and concepts on life.

I have found this to be true more among men than women. Some men just feel that being a man is the best thing in the world and they look at us and just cannot believe that we would ever give up being a man. What they don't understand is that we were never men to begin with. Women on the other hand see as as coming over and joining the "girl's club."

Hang in there my sister and be yourself, for we will always encounter this type of prejudice on our journeys.

[mrt (imported)]

I used to get really angry at people who were that way and about SO many things. I think Erica Ann has is so right when she says this is due to people just not knowing what they are talking about. Wisdom is probably just staying silent about things you don't know and doing a bit more listening and reading.

Thats not to say there are not evil people in the world who DO understand and hate and do evil. But I think they are the minority. Far more are followers who would rather follow the lead of the loud mouth idiots.

I think we as a society are going in the right direction and that people with medical problems are getting less and less stigma about it. For example - I'm glad I'm not dealing with Orchialgia and ED 20 years ago!

[Danya (imported)]

Nine days ago, I started the Vivelle-dot patch at a low dose. It provides 0.05mg of estradiol a day. By days 6 and 7, it seemed I was extremely calm in a way that I had not experienced before. Perhaps this was just my imagination because the following two days that feeling disappeared. OTOH, these days have also been hectic and stressful. It will be interesting to see whether or not my mood really does change in the weeks ahead. Maybe that won't happen until the estrogen (estradiol) dose is bumped up in early August. My doctor says we can eventually increase the initial dose of 0.05 mg to .20 mg.

On the physical side of things, I am sure I have had some further breast development. My testicular volume is also less than when I started an anti-androgen in early November, 2007.

[curious1 (imported)]

Just wanted to wish you all the best as you progress through your transition!

[Danya (imported)]

Just wanted to wish you all the best as you progress through your transition!

Thanks, curious1, for the good wishes! Things are going really well for me in spite of some major life stressors. I remain truly happy and I wish the same for others.

[Danya (imported)]

Tomorrow marks two weeks since I started on a low dose of estradiol. There are still no clear signs of anything happening but some potential indications that something may be going on:

1. Last Thursday and Friday I felt very calm in a way I have never experienced before.

2. Tuesday I felt positively bitchy at work!

I am finally dealing with getting my finances in order and that has been stressful. I have some big time debt and I have implemented what might be viewed as draconian measures were this the corporate world:

1. I have eliminated nearly all travel by car to save gas and cut down on maintenance expenses. This should also extend the lifetime of my car. Nearly every day now, I take the bus to work.

2. I have totally eliminated dining out, unless I find a coupon for free food someplace. This has had an added benefit in that I've lost 6 pounds over the last several weeks.

3. By sleeping downstairs, instead of in my second story bedroom, I have eliminated the need for air conditioning so far this year. Hot air rises, so the ground floor is much cooler in the summer.

4. I've got a sensible plan to get all my debt paid off within the next 3 - 4 years, tops.

5. I am smarter when it comes to grocery shopping. Now I get more food for less money. Soon, the stores will be paying me to eat!

6. Some time ago, I eliminated all Starbucks type coffee purchases.

7. I do not go out to movies unless it's something I've absolutely got to see. So far this summer, nothing advertised has met that requirement.

8. I am considering eliminating my phone service altogether and relying on my cell phone. My company pays 3/4 of the monthly bill for that.

9. I have no cable TV now but that's no great loss. The last 6 months or so I've averaged no more than 60 minutes a month total TV viewing time. I can always watch a DVD if I want. The reception here is not good enough to get all the network stations.

10. Whenever possible, I buy new clothing items at thrift shops. The 'needed' item must still meet strict criteria before I will even consider the thrift shop purchase.

11. I am actively pursuing additional income 'streams'. In the last few weeks I have finally gotten back to spending serious time developing my photography side business. This will gradually increase my income.

12. I am applying for organist/choir director positions at churches that openly welcome GLBT folk.

13. I am considering yet other steps to take to save money.

Finally, I feel like I am back in charge of my money rather than it ruling my life. The big spending days were in that prior life as a male when I wasn't really happy. I don't feel the same need to spend now.

Both photography and music are not work for me at all but passions. They are fun!

Work is extremely stressful although I don't feel stressed when I leave for the day. There have been some layoffs within the last few weeks. My job is secure, or at least as secure as anyone can hope for. My skills are in demand at the office and there is no one who can do everything I can. I have had to work many evenings, though, but still consider myself fortunate that I have a job.

In short, life continues to be very good to me and I feel incredibly fortunate to have made it to this point where I know who I am. Or at least more of who I am than most people ever experience. I can deal with the stress because I am genuinely happy.

My life has never been better. Unlike some at my age of 56, I feel the options for the years ahead are expanding, not contracting.

[mrt (imported)]

If you want a phone at home with a number and an answering machine check out MAGICJACK

If I understand it the cost is $20 for the pod that plugs into your USB port on the computer and $20 a Year! For service. Now, if your internet goes down the phone won't ring but.... For that kind of money? Sheesh! I heard that if you sign up for three years service the cost is $10 a year? How can you beat that?

Ahh... other then no phone at all.

Clip coupons! Some Rainbow foods have double coupon Wed! Enjoy poverty its makes you more creative, healthier and so on...

[plix (imported)]

I can relate to the debt issues. At only 23 I already have accumulated a five-digit number in debt. And that is not counting student loans, the total of which is higher than my regular debt.

I'm not sure what it is that causes spending to be so tempting these days. Americans have record, previously unfathomable levels of debt, and we only seem to be accumulating more. But I do know that spending is fun , and I know that it is going to be tremendously difficult to get out of the old spending habits and start getting rid of debt rather than only taking on more.

In your case, it seems you have tied your spending and debt to a specific issue in your life, which you are in the process of overcoming, and that tells me you are going to have good luck changing your ways

Glad to hear you are doing well Keep up with the updates.

[Danya (imported)]

My air conditioner was only slightly cooling my home when I first tried it this season. By early June, it was not cooling at all but that was fine. I don't want to run it unless it's absolutely necessary. Today reached the mid 80's but when I got home at close to 7 PM it was only 76 downstairs.

I have been concerned about the possibility of warmer days ahead, though. Monday, someone was here to look at the AC. I would have to sign the check with my still male, legal name so I felt I needed to dress in male mode for a few hours to get through that. I hated the experience of 'being' male again. I was acting out a part for the benefit of someone I may never see again simply so I could sign one of my own checks and not be questioned about it. I have not minded pushing the limits out in public. I went to a UPS customer site recently to pick up a package addressed to Danya. They wanted identification so I showed them my driver's license which, of course, still has my old male photo and name. I had no problem simply stating I am transgender and haven't changed my name. The woman at the counter peered at me closely for a few seconds and then was OK with it.

In my own home, though, I feel vulnerable. I wonder if this stranger seeing me as a woman, who will then learn I am transgender/transsexual from my check, will be a danger to me in my private space at a later time. I suspect this feeling goes back to the very real transgression of my private space, in that case my body, I felt when I was assaulted many years ago.

The reason I have yet to change my legal name is the expense involved. With my new policy of being fiscally prudent , I want to have a sufficient cushion in my checking account before changing my name. I will go ahead with the change in three months, at the latest. The fact is, I just don't want to risk getting into more debt to get this done. I really do need to make the change sooner rather than later for my mental well-being.

The total cost of the name change is higher than the initial court cost. After the OK is given, there's an added expense for notarized copies of the court order. I need these as official notifications to creditors and perhaps others. If a nice, generous, handsome man were to marry me , I could accomplish all this name change stuff much more economically.