Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

A very disappointing encounter for you. It is too bad that he reacted so badly but I'm sure that it won't deflect you from your path. --FLO--

[mrt (imported)]

Whew... Its hard for him to grasp this but I suggest you ask him how he would feel if he woke up in a female body and people were telling him to get over his "problem" and start acting like a women and please have a normal sexual relationship with a man because it is "normal." Oh, and tell him that in your case this "problem" started when you were very young and he probably was able to see there was a problem even then.

In short its a medical issue not a social activity!

Then let him really think about it for a long while. If he is not a total dunce he may get an idea of whats going on with you and why its important for you t odo this. You might then explain how dialing down the male hormones has helped you where for many people it would make them feel awful etc.

[gpb3aol (imported)]

Danya,

Once before I said you and I are very much alike. My brother disappointed me. He attempted to steal from me. I know it's not the same thing but the feelings of being hurt, of betrayal, the rage of how could he, second guessing my own feelings, are probable the same.

I (I’m not saying you should) just ended up making the decision to end all interaction with my brother (over 20 years now). I sometimes feel bad about it, but I know my life is better not spending all that time in turmoil.

You have found a way to become who you really are. You don’t need anyone to approve your decision.

As always, with my love and support.

Pauline.

[_g (imported)]

Danya, Just remember you did all you could. Your brother will have to come around in his own time. If he is a Christian, is not being a very good Cristian. He my be in one of those Christian Far right or left churches were your not a member of my church your going to H#%%.

[Danya (imported)]

To all of you (Joanne, Uncle Flo, MrT, Pauline and _g),

Your comments and support are extremely important to me and I am most appreciative. You folks are, in a very real way, my family.

[Danya (imported)]

This is what I wrote to a friend at work who asked if I was surprised by my brother's reaction, slightly edited:

I was a little surprised because he said he wanted to work on having a better relationship. Yet he thinks what I'm doing is a choice, I should accept his opinion and be who he wants me to be. Fat chance for that.

The gender stuff came up for the first time during my visit over dinner on Saturday. My brother asked if I wanted to go to church with him. He is a very conservative Christian. I stated that I would not go to a church that did not accept me for who I am. He then came out with "Remember the old song 'Jesus Loves Me This I Know'" ? I hadn't a clue what he was getting at but I clearly stated that I absolutely know I am loved by God. I just don't need a church where the people are not truly loving, or at least giving it an honest effort.

He then told me what I was doing is bizarre. I stopped him, still calm at this point, and said it would be more helpful to hear something like he's having difficulty dealing with it but was trying. Instead he told me I had absolutely no support in this 'choice'. I then told him there was no sense in continuing the discussion and that we couldn't have a relationship under his conditions. I then told him I was catching a cab back to his place to get my stuff and I'd be leaving immediately. As I was waiting outside for the cab, I got Jesus on my cell phone and he helped me calm down and said some terrific things, as he has a habit of doing . He totally understood and said I'd done all I could, which is certainly true. At that point I thought I understood a little how a gay or trans teen might feel who's been disowned and thrown out of the house for who he or she is.

The only down side of leaving was I drove back to LA and it was dark when I arrived with no map. I drove around an hour and a half before I found a place to stay that seemed to be in a good neighborhood.

You are correct, in learning how to deal with people reacting this way, although I'd already thought this out in advance. I never raised my voice or sounded angry (although I was seething inside). Realistically, I cannot sit through dinner with someone who refuses to accept me for who I am and is insulting about it besides. I did tell him I hoped someday he'd see things differently and I'd always be open to hearing from him.

BTW, he is a physician and yet has no clue about so many things in people's lives.

[Danya (imported)]

Again, many thanks to everyone who responded here and others I spoke with over the phone.

It helps me a lot to post what's going on here and since last night I've been feeling much stronger and back to my usual sense of well-being about where I'm headed. I'm still feeling somewhat nauseated, literally sick, from my brother's response but that will pass soon.

I've read an article online with a title something like "Transitioning isn't for Sissies" Very true but I am up for it.

There was one thing I found funny in my brother's list of my life-long character flaws, sent to my sister-in-law and me. He said I was acting like a whiny teenage girl Hooray, I thought, perhaps he's getting it after all! Nah, I don't think so.

[Danya (imported)]

I am totally into this minor breast development and enjoy the pain and sensitivity simply because it shows something is really going on. If I could only find the right guy, well maybe I'd settle for any guy for this minor a deal , to suckle them, I know I'd be in heaven!

That first breast development, along with the pain/sensitivity is an awesome time - enjoy it as it is short lived!!!

I'm kind of between an AA and A cup, if I ever go the T-blocker route again I will go all out, B cup perhaps...

Another pleasure I hope you will enjoy is having some suckle on them.....that is a VERY pleasurable sensual feeling!!!!!

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Danya,

I'm so sorry to hear of your ordeal with your brother. It's hard to understand those who consider themselves "Christians" yet offer no understanding or acceptance, for they don't really get it.

I am a Christian and I do understand that Our Lord taught us to "Love each other as I have loved you" and "Do not judge, least you be judged." Their beliefs are like an Ala-cart meal. They pick and choose what they care to believe in and disregard the rest that is beyond their tiny souls and minds to accept or understand. Woe be unto them, for they know not what they do.

I know exactly were you're coming from, for I too have suffered the same injustices at the hands of my immediate family.

As I have said before, it's their loss, not yours for they will never allow themselves to get to know the beautiful person you really are.

Be strong and pray for them. Their going to need it!

[Danya (imported)]

Thank you, Erica Ann, for your kind and very true words. I consider myself a Christian at heart and I'm very fortunate to attend one of the few Lutheran congregations that is truly welcoming, with no reservations at all, of everyone. The essential truth of Christianity, from which everything else flows, is unbounded love.

No wonder that the many churches that don't get this drive so many away.

I agree. What they don't get is what they will be missing in knowing me.

I like your attitude!

-Danya