Emotional response to men as a chemically castrated eunuch, on Androcur almost 12 wks

[Danya (imported)]

Over the last few weeks, I've found that I'm paying more attention to men in ways I haven't before. I'm watching them even more closely than when I was male and I had considered myself a gay male.

Now, I'm picking up on an emotional, not just intellectual, level that there is this real difference between men and me. I no longer feel in any way that I'm one of them. I find I'm longing to be held in their strong arms, to feel protected and have them make love to me. Yes, I'm still feeling sexual, just not in the same way as before.

The strange part is, I never felt this strong an attraction to men as a gay male. In fact, the reality is I was never that much into gay sex although I always loved being in a man's arms. This makes me think that perhaps I was never really gay at all, at least not in the usual sense.

Perhaps my earlier attraction to men was simply a lesser felt (because my T was normal then) result of being transgendered. This is all a bit confusing to me right now. It's another aspect of being 'not male' that I can explore

-tristan

[_g (imported)]

Now you have a lack of T, your natural wiring of your brain is not being repressed by the T. I have a androgynous brain, a little on the female side, you must have more of a female brain. But I've noticed since my T stopped that I also look at man and women differently, with T it was only look at the women! Now with out T I looking at women it more like how can I look like that, and with men like he's a hunk I wish I could have him ?????????. But only if the guy is a hunk.

[mrt (imported)]

I would agree that hormones can wire your interests different. Ahh... not that I want to admit THAT!

Prof Wassersug for example reports a shift since he has been exclusively on Estrogen.

[DonFL (imported)]

um.. i can confirm that hormones tend to re-wire your sexual attractions from my personal experance..

[_g (imported)]

I edited my first post as the change form neuter to Andrigynous was more accurate. I also retook the SAGE test and instead of Andrigynous no conflicts about gender identity, I'm now after about 1.5 years of no T it's Male to Female Transsexual in doubt about your ability to successfully transition.

[Danya (imported)]

-g,

I'm not familiar with the SAGE test, I'll have to look into it.

Psychological testing at my gender clinic shows me to be androgynous. I believe, even within androgynous, there's variation, too.

I've always had an attraction to men, so that's nothing new, and may in part be a holdover from my gay male days. I've got no problem thinking I'm androgynous but more at the female end of things.

This is one of the things I need to try to figure out before I visit the gender clinic endocrinologist for the first time February 11, for several reasons.

Should I try a little estrogen? It sounds like a small amount for a very short period wouldn't cause permanent brain changes, but I'm not sure.

The other issues is my recent diagnosis of osteoporosis. It's not clear from what I've read that estrogen therapy helps postmenopausal women who already have this condition. It seems estrogen replacement helps prevent it, though.

I am concerned that, being on essentially no hormones now, I'm making it more difficult for my body to recover bone density. Even though I'm taking an expensive drug, calcium supplements, etc. to do just that.

A few weeks ago, I probably would have dismissed the possibility of my taking estrogen. Now, I'm not so sure. I don't believe I'm male to female. Androgynous, however, covers lots of territory.

-Ilya

[DonFL (imported)]

the only problem with estrogen, if you like it, you WONT want to stop taking it. Well do it safely:

Chemical Castration Protocal with optional levels of feminizing

http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showpos ... ostcount=1

[iBorg317 (imported)]

I found the SAGE test but couldn't take it. I'm a Mac user wit OS 10. It seems to have an issue with either Firefox or Safari.

The version I found was from 2002. Anyone have a more recent link?

Thanks,

iBorg

[bunnimon (imported)]

I believe that is the only version of the test online. It is fairly complex with over 100 multiple choice questions which it then generates an average of how stereotypically male, female or inbetween you are. If you are not at all confused (or even deluded) about your gender identity you should already know what the answer will roughly be.

First time I took the test I was probably transsexual and the second time I was definitely ts and a serious candidate for srs. So I have to say it's important that you know yourself first.

[DonFL (imported)]

when using these tests, especially for self evaluation, use the "first that pops in your head" reply. Don't think, just hit the button and move on. This gives the most accurate test. My psychologist has given me several "take home" tests to do to monitor my identity progression as i take hormones, each a different set of questions, this is for her and me, NO ONE gets unfiltered copies of her records. I have gone from the very feminine side to a Androgynous male, according to what type and level of hormones im on. I will prob never be a "firm male" but who would?!