My Bio

[jeff_macadams (imported)]

Hello! I kinda started something in another thread, in another section, which I think belongs more here than there really. So here is my auto-bio. Some cut and paste from the other thread to get things started (for those who did not see the other thread):

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I'm new to the archive and after reading philip1's true story "becoming a eunuch" I felt I could/should share my complete story here as well. Like philip1 I too hated what was "down there" from an early age. It really became an issue in adolescence when I also discovered I was gay. Not only did I have issues with my testes and penis but also with my attraction to other boys. I was miserable from 12 until about 17.

However at 17 I discovered "him." "He" was another boy in school, just a year younger than me, and I fell in LOVE. This distracted me from the hatred of the penis and testes. I worked my way into his clique and finally we became good friends. After a time we became lovers. Although as many things in youth are bound to be temporary so was our relationship. After we broke up and I graduated I started to think about getting out of the small town where I lived. I joined the Air Force and went on a whirl wind tour of the world ending in 1991 in the desert of Saudi Arabia. After the war I returned to the US and got out of the service (good riddance).

In my post Air Force period I managed to finish up my college education and settled down in one of the larger cities in Ohio. I adopted a "gay" lifestyle and started "clubbing." I eventually settled into a relationship with a man about my own age. We had a few good years but eventually my "gender dysphoria" started to reassert itself. I started seeing a psychologist who worked with mostly transgendered people. Although I did not fit the normal "trans" profile it helped quite a bit to talk to this person and her support group once a week. During this period my relationship with my lover became strained. He was not comfortable with my desire to have my testes (at least) removed. We broke up and went our separate ways. We later became friends again, and are to this day, but we will not be lovers again.

After our breakup I was devastated and needed to run as far away as possible. I moved in with some friends in the UK (I had been stationed there during my AF time and had made many friends there). I stayed there for nearly two years getting in touch with myself before making the decision to return to the US. It was in that time I discovered Dr. Felix Spector in Philadelphia. I moved back to my home in Ohio and soon made an appointment to have Dr. Spector take care of the "boys" for good.

I arrived in Philly late in 1999 (what a way to end a decade ). Dr. Spector and his staff performed my castration (strangely after my castration I no longer wanted the penis removed) and I spent the next several days getting to know him and Elease, his assistant RN. Felix (Dr. Spector) was not one to tell his patients to "take it easy" after the surgery and so I had a different experience than many who have had Dr. Kimmel do their surgeries. Kimmel's way is better though. I returned to Ohio, but kept in touch with Dr. Spector for a time. Sometimes in your life you "click" with someone and I "clicked" with Felix. About a year later Felix' lover (I guess lover, I never really figured out their relationship) left and he invited me to move there with him. I did. We had a good time together and I noticed there were tons of ways to improve his practice. One thing was to get the surgery OUT of his personal apartment and into a proper doctors office on Broad Street.

Unfortunately, even with the new office and new policies, Felix was declining in his abilities. By 2001 he finally decided he needed to retire. An opportunity to go to Ohio and start a business presented itself and so Felix and I moved to Ohio. He continued to support the transgendered community for some time, in fact turning over his patient base to his old friend, Murray Kimmel, who then started to do the castration surgeries.

By 2003 Felix had been diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. A lung condition with no known cause that eventually fills the lungs with scar tissue. On my birthday in 2006 Felix fell and broke his hip. This soon put him in a nursing home as I could not properly take care of him at home. One year later, this very December 2007, he passed away from pneumonia.

So this brings me to the current moment for me. I now have the time to become more involved with the eunuch community and decided to join this forum. My experience as a eunuch has been somewhat different from many of the stories I have read here. Of course the first couple of years were full of all that BS "hot flashes" / mood swings, etc. that everyone goes through. And although there have been times of depression my overall life as a eunuch has been very rewarding. It has been so far everything I had hoped for. I have the body I wanted (although I gained a good bit of weight - I am on a diet now, a promise made to Felix and have lost 40 lbs as of this writing). I have the "eunuch calm" and the feeling of being "in control" I always desired. So for me at least, life as a eunuch has been pretty ideal.

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And the expanded story/bio:

I guess the first installment of my expanded story would be my late teens.

Late Teens part 1:

Everything that happened before this helped shape me but it was these years that really made the greatest impact on the adult I would be. At the age of 17 I was ready to come out of my shell and start experiencing life. I had been a nerdy, geeky kid and desired to be one of the “accepted” kids. The turmoil of the “gender identity” issues that had consumed my early puberty would now give way to the desires of my homosexual feelings in late puberty (although the gender issues did not go away, they would surface again later and lead to castration). Living in a very small Ohio town with all these confused feelings was very difficult. I had been hazed a great deal. Called “faggot” and “queer” and the usual derogatory terms that farm kids called boys like me. I was bright, a very high I.Q., very sensitive and I really was gay (although I denied it and lived in a closet).

Now, at 17, I started a double life. On the outside I tried to be the “cool” kid. I reinvented myself (as I have done many times over the years for various reasons). It seems that when you are so different you become, by necessity, an actor. You learn how to project the kind of image other people expect of you. It's little wonder that so many actual actors are gay. On the outside I was the kid who was cousin to the “bad boy” of the school and I nurtured that image. My cousin (I'll call him Jim although that is not his name) was a hard boy who hung out with the rough hot rod car crowd in a local city. On the weekends he and his buddies would race on the streets and hang out at a local hamburger shop. I guess having some of the kids fear me a little (because of my cousin's bad reputation) was as good a thing to me as respect. Especially after how many of them had hazed me in the past, it was an empowering feeling. I changed my entire image around this new persona. I stopped wearing the “break dance” clothing of the early 80s and started wearing jeans, a t-shirt and an old Army jacket.

I purchased a fast Camaro and started racing in the streets. This is when I found my friend (I'll call him Timmy although this is not his real name). Timmy was a year younger than me and at first he was thrilled to be able to cruise the strip in a very nice hot rod. As time went on we became friends and started doing all kinds of things together. Eventually I could no longer resist and on one “sleep over” I made my move. Timmy was responsive to this and we became lovers. This was a teen relationship though, fraught with all the emotional turmoil that teen relationships are prone to. After two years we broke up. By this time I had graduated and decided that I really wanted out of this small town in rural Ohio. I joined the Air Force in 1986 and this became the next part of my life's journey.........

More here later.

Jeff

[Riven (imported)]

You have had an interesting life Jeff. Thank you for introducing yourself. Most of us (myself included) lurk for a while then just kinda slide in the side door hoping to be unnoticed, then later perhaps drop the odd comment before opening up a bit.

There has been a tendency for guys on the EA who go ahead and get castrated to become quiet on the forum, which had lead some of us to suspect that they have regretted their decision. So it's particularly encouraging to know that you have been a eunuch for a few years and have become so settled in your eunuchood. (Have I invented a new word there?)

All the best

Riven

[jeff_macadams (imported)]

You have had an interesting life Jeff. Thank you for introducing yourself. Most of us (myself included) lurk for a while then just kinda slide in the side door hoping to be unnoticed, then later perhaps drop the odd comment before opening up a bit.

There has been a tendency for guys on the EA who go ahead and get castrated to become quiet on the forum, which had lead some of us to suspect that they have regretted their decision. So it's particularly encouraging to know that you have been a eunuch for a few years and have become so settled in your eunuchood. (Have I invented a new word there?)

All the best

Riven

I've never been one to be quiet

I regret not having been more active here over the years. I have lurked sporadically here without a user-id for years. I knew my input might (hopefully) be helpful to people but became so wrapped up with "life" (as you will see as my bio unravels) that I had little time for involving myself in "our" eunuch community.

As for those who go through the procedure and become quiet. I agree. It is possible that many regret the decision after they have had an irreversible, life altering, body altering, mind altering surgery. I would like to expand on this: The decision to become a eunuch should not be made without a LOT of serious thought and actually talking to REAL eunuchs to make sure you can live with the results of castration (I'm sure this has been said here before ). I think many people who fantasize about castration and rush to have the surgery are moving waaaayyy tooooo fast. It took me a long long time to actually decide I really wanted the surgery. I had thought about castration from a young age and knew by the time I had the surgery at 33 what the effects would be and that I did, in fact, want to live like that.

I am now 7 plus years a eunuch. Never had HRT, never wanted it. My body has CHANGED big time. Let me explain that: I have small (read tiny) breasts from natural estrogens in my body. I have lost almost all body hair except pits and groin. What is left for a beard is very light and easily shaved. The penis has lost about 50 percent of it's pre-castration girth and length. The scrotum is very atrophied. My skin is much softer, and thinner (more delicate like a female). My hair (on the head) is softer and not as curly as before surgery. I gained an enormous amount of weight over the years. I have recently started a diet and so far have lost 40 lbs of 90 lbs I need to loose. I can only say that you must count EVERY calorie for the rest of your life as a result of the eunuchoid condition. If you don't - POOF - you become the Pillsbury dough boy (at least I did)! LOL That is a detractor for castration. What's not is that I look almost exactly like I did at the age of 33 and I am now 41!!!! Castration will slow down the visible aging process of the body (actually I think it is the feminizing influence of being a eunuch really, but it appears to slow the aging process). Watch out for the possible complications of being a non-HRT eunuch (like osteoporosis). Also everyone should realize that the first couple of years off hormone (for those not using HRT) will be a roller coaster ride of emotions, hot flashes, mood swings and general bitchiness.

That sums up the physical changes. As for the emotional, well as the last sentence of the former paragraph states, the first couple of years can be rough. In my experience, after that a non HRT eunuch will have "deeper" emotions than a man. More profound emotions. Depression is a constant companion of some, watch out for it. It has not been a problem for me so much. Once in a while I can get "down" but pick myself up and move on pretty quickly. I'm really the definition of the "happy eunuch." Your results may vary!

Finally I'd like to make myself available for anyone considering the procedure to speak to. Don't be afraid to ask me, PM me, e-mail me. I will frankly and openly discuss my experiences with you.

Well, lunch hour is over so.....

Cheers all!

Dr. Spector's former eunuch assistant.

Jeff

[jeff_macadams (imported)]

For the visually oriented - click the link to see a picture of me.

Jeff

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/gg18 ... ent=me.jpg

[Riven (imported)]

Hey Jeff, You look very good indeed! Seeing your lovely head of hair makes me wish I had been castrated when I was young and still had mine! (Hair, that is.....)

[tugon (imported)]

Hello Jeff, as a fellow eunuch from Ohio I wanted to say welcome. I can certainly relate to growing up in small town Ohio and dealing with all the abuse in high school. I have been a eunuch for ten years and can relate to the struggles with weight gain. Keep up the good work.

[jeff_macadams (imported)]

My auto bio:

Part 2,Early 20's :

After joining the Air Force I was sent to Lackland AFB, San Antonio, Texas, for basic training (it's their only basic training base BTW). I was there for six weeks. I must say the most difficult part of the entire experience was not getting an erection in the communal shower. After being yelled at and berated for six weeks I was sent to Chanute AFB, Rantoul, IL, for advanced training. I trained to be a aircraft sheet metal worker (airframe repair). I didn't really make any sexual contacts during this time as we really did not have a lot of time for that sort of thing. It was only toward the end of training that we started to gain a little more freedom to go off base and be more “human” again. I left Chanute for a

[twaddler (imported)]

For the visually oriented - click the link to see a picture of me.

Jeff

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/gg18 ... ent=me.jpg

Nice photo.

[Milkman (imported)]

Jeff,

I corresponded with you a few yers back.. glad to know that you are doing well..

[Paolo]

A belated welcome to the zoo, Jeff.

Thanks, and nice photo!

I envy the hair.