Chemically castrated and wanting to explore sexuality

[Danya (imported)]

Just wanted to add here what I put in my second post here. The forums are not a place for making dating arrangements and that's not at all why I've posted this. Just looking for suggestions on how to explore my sexuality through dating. Like where, how, etc. Thanks! I just changed the title to reflect this.

My gender therapist, who's certainly aware of my low T condition, recently suggested that I should be exploring my sexuality. Seemed like a strange idea at first.

OTOH, I'm actually feeling somewhat sexual even now after 9 weeks on Androcur. Seems I'm even feeling more sexual the longer I'm on the stuff. I've made the, for me, bold admission elsewhere that I still get pleasure and comfort using a dildo. Not that I have any urgent need to ejaculate, not by a long shot I can, however, usually get just as hard as ever with stimulation. I haven't noticed any change in ball size or penis length. I've measured the latter and it's absolutely the same I'm almost embarrassed to admit it (OK, not really , but it just somehow doesn't seem right) - I've ejaculated twice in the last week. The first time with only about 10 minutes of stimulation. True, there's nearly zero ejaculate and what's there is the very clear stuff with the consistency of water. The first time was enjoyable, just not in the same way as in the past. A month ago I couldn't ejaculate at all. Strange.

So, in view of my dildo experiences and the above, I think I'd have no problem enjoying anal sex. Thing is, that isn't something I do with any cute guy or eunuch or happens to walk on by. I'm absolutely strongly attracted to men even now. There's just no erection response. Before Androcur I didn't always get that, though, either. That leaves other types of sexual exploration, like mutual JO, etc.

I'm finding that I'm becoming increasingly interested in dating and exploring this sexuality, which has mostly disappeared in the normal male sense but seems to be increasing in other ways. I've even given a little consideration to dating women. Clearly, if things got much beyond having coffee, I'd need to let the person know my status. It's likely I'd be open about my status before things even got to coffee. If that's a deal-breaker, that's just the way it goes.

I've put an ad on a relatively sleaze-free site that is gay-oriented but also has transgender ads. I'm totally open there about where I'm at. In fact, I had more fun writing this ad than any in the past.

Just not exactly sure where to go from here. Seems like a whole new world of possibilities. I'll figure out something but welcome any suggestions.

[Danya (imported)]

Just a reminder...the forums are NOT for making dating arrangements. That's not what I'm trying to do here. What I'm looking for is suggestions only on how to go about exploring my new sexuality.

[DonFL (imported)]

The vast majority of my sexual experience is auto erotic. My current partner also loves using the below toys on me and i enjoy her doing so. My orentation before chems for 6 years was straight as an arrow, now im more bi and can appreciate men, although Ive only had a very few experiences with them.

I like Aneros to "dildos" for prostatic stimulation, its specifically made to stimulate the prostate, for a small beginner the helix is fine, if you've taken a dildo the maxiums is good, im a big guy and prefer the progasam. The things dont even LOOK like sex toys, most people wouldn't guess their function, and they are atomically designed specifically to massage the prostate.

They take a little practice to use hands free but once you do....!

While some sex shops have them, this site offers them at 100% no risk money back.

http://www.aneros.com/default.php

Just explore the site, read the learning section, etc.

The devices:

http://www.aneros.com/category.php?id=2

and the How To Guide:

http://www.aneros.com/instructions.php

(there are 5 pages with # buttons at the top)

the 1st few times i just manually pivoted it with my hand, but once i learned "hands free" it was much better.

Selection Guide Evidently freshly added:

http://www.aneros.com/chooser_modelnotes.php

You dont have orgasms in the normal sense, you have more feminine often multi-orgasmic experiences. This really relaxes the mind and body, T or no T. They are almost always dry T or no T, but those with T often express allot of prostatic fluid as it builds draining the prostate and cleaning it out (the health application and reason I required it in the beginning)

Made of an FDA approved material and the base company which is getting FDA approval as a prostate health device. When I needed bi-weekly prostate massage due to a clog issue, my urologist recommended this when the procedures caused me allot of embarrassment, to my great eventual delight after using it several times. My sexual issues therapist also recommend the device for prostate orgasms since i have penile stimulation problems (dorsal nerve dammage, not willingly or in CBT session), or men having trouble reaching orgasm. She started mention it to me and I'm "already got one (2 actually, maxiumis and progasam)!".....

There is also estim (electrical stimulation, very very advanced TENS unit with frequencies for pleasure and not just therapy), which i used since i was 15 in one form or the other (ac electrical transformers, stero-stims, battreies, TENS units, etc), now i have an advanced computerized erostek 312b with a prostate stimulating probe and several other attachments, but it might be out of your price range, the ET-312b is $479 and attachments range from $25 to $150, many people make their own, me included. some people use Tens units of various types to success, depends on the person. They have a less expensive (than the 312) digital tens that's programing has been expanded but it cant put out 2phase AC waves like the Eros Tek 312..

Here are the people i order from and their estim page:

http://www.extremerestraints.com/electrosex-gear_43/

Meeting people so far ive had the best luck on alt.com, they specilize in people with unusual tastes...

[OneBallBoi (imported)]

IEunuch is working on a Personal program. So don't loose hope. I met my partner through the chat room. And I know of others that met through the chat room as well. Where better? We are a unique group of individuals. It would be difficult at best to partner with someone who has a sex drive. So as Eunuch, the best place to look for a future partner, is right here at Eunuch Archive. You need to be partnered with someone who is an equal.

[Danya (imported)]

Hi DonFl and OneBall Boi,

Don, I've got one of those aneros devices. I'll need to give it another chance and look at the info you've provided.

Are these estim devices tested to be safe for the purpose you're using them? They do sound like they could be a lot of fun!

I've actually tried alt.com but not in quite a while. Now that I'm indeed more unusual , I'll have to go back and check it out.

OneBallBoi, I appreciate your comments. I haven't lost hope by any means. I'm very interested in seeing what the Personals program will look like. Sounds like it could be fun. I'll try spending some more time in chat, too.

Thanks to both of you for your input!

[DonFL (imported)]

the aneros takes some practice and body training, plus you need the model that fits your body. Helix is the "universal starter" but its too short to reach mine, so i have to use the progasam.

Safe when used below the waist. commercial devices are safe, but home made stuff like i used to use may not be. Estim is what helped me learn to be multi-orgasmic.

Im in a physical only relationship right now more or less with a partner, i wish to find someone I can get an emotional connection with but that's not what she is looking for right now. I too am interested in what we come up with in the personals.

[Danya (imported)]

One of the sites on which I placed an ad is alt.com. I've had memberships on alt.com before. I had more fun writing this ad than I've ever had before on this or other dating sites. This is probably because I'm feeling so comfortable with myself. I was very honest about who I am and where I'm at, genderwise and sexually.

I've gotten two winks so far. One from a very submissive man. Perhaps he thought I'd be even more submissive than him? I'd think he would be looking for a more dominant type.

The second wink was from a transgender woman who seems to want someone heavily into cross-dressing. She also wants someone who is very passable. All I've got is one dress and several pairs of stockings. No fake boobs, wigs, makeup, etc. So, I'm not at all passable. I do think I'm kind of cute, though! Of course, she's also interested in bondage type things.

I was going to respond to both of those winks when somehow the site lost them. You can see who's viewed your ad but I'm not at all sure who this submissive dude was. The TG woman I will respond to with a 'thanks, but no thanks'. Other things in her ad lead me to believe we're not at all compatible.

Perhaps when I log in tonight, the winks will be back. In the meantime, a guy in Wisconsin Hotlisted me. I hotlisted him back. We'll see if anything hotter than listing develops.

Truth is, I've definitely got an interest in BDSM. I know this is probably shocking to many of you, try not to faint I've had some limited experience. There's some possibility I'll discuss some of that in another thread.

I'm not into being hurt or harmed in any way, though, for someone else's pleasure. Perhaps what I'm most interested in is simply feeling restrained whille someone I absoslutely trust and love has his way with me. Safely and sanely. It's probably the often given explanation that letting loose of some of the power I've got at work, that I often don't want, is a freeing experience.

Whenever I find something really interesting, I'll read every book I can find on it. A number of books I've read had addressed the spiritual aspects of pain. That really interested me.

Of course, there are the many other books that talk about the proper way to wrap someone in Saran wrap loosely enough to prevent an unhealthy rise in body temp. Or the proper way to train a human puppy. I've read all those types, too.

Perhaps most exciting is how hot I find the look of leather, on men (not cows, or even bulls), to be. There was this really handsome older man with a younger blond guy I saw years ago (maybe 1996) in upstate NY at a gay bar. They were both in motorcycle gear. The blond was much taller and somewhat more muscular than the older man. They seemed to communicate entirely by facial expressions and head motions. Then there was the really cute dark-haired young man with the slave collar in Audubon Park in New Orleans (circa 1988).... Whoa, I'm getting way off track here

Thing is, the few men I've met through alt.com have been genuine sadists. That's not my thing at all as I'm not a genuine masochist! I think there's the real potential in many of these relationships for psychological if not also physical harm. Not my thing at all.

Don't get me wrong, I've read about healthy relationships of these types and I've found those accounts intriguing. I can also accept that many into BDSM as a way of life have very different needs than I do and those needs are being met in M/s and similar relationships.

I have some trouble reconciling my moderate interest in BDSM with what I consider my essential nature. Namely a naive, babe in the woods type who tends to be a gentle person. With the right man, I think moderate BDSM as part of lovemaking could be great. I just don't know if that man exists for me. We'll see. I certainly don't view an interest in BDSM as a requirement for a serious relationship. In fact, even if there were a mutual interest, I'm not sure I'd want it to be any more than a minor, occasional part of a loving relationship. All the men I've met who have ever sparked the slightest interest in me as being potential dating partners have not, to my knowledge, been into BDSM.

[Danya (imported)]

I've gotten 3 serious replies to my ad on alt.com. These guys really don't sound too far out as to their sexual interests, for my tastes, either.

The problem is, they're all married. At least they're upfront about that. I'm not interested in meeting married men for dating and sex. Besides, with married men I suspect things would be really light on the dating part! That arrangement just doesn't work for me. I'd like to meet someone who isn't available only 'over flexible hours during the daytime', for instance. I would not want to be the 'other woman'.

As far as alternative relationship styles go, I can understand that some could work. At least intellectually, I don't have a problem with polyamorous relationships for instance. If everyone's in agreement as to what will go on and no one's getting hurt, I can accept that this could be a good thing for some people.

I'm really interested in one unattached person to date and, if things go well, have sex with at some point. That point could come sooner or later. It would be great to date and have things evolve into a relationship. Barring that, I guess you'd would call me a serial monogamist.

OTOH, while I think it would be fun to meet someone nice, I'm not sitting at home wishing I were not by myself. I do very well, and am happy, on my own. So, it would take someone really special to convince me to let go of my contented single lifestyle.

[Danya (imported)]

I have two serious replies from alt.com that are from single men, or at least so they claim! Both sound interesting so I'll see what happens.

- kirit

[Danya (imported)]

I am amazed that the longer I am on Androcur, the more sexual I'm feeling. This is probably due to my feeling so much better about myself as eunuch than male.

I rarely get aroused in the male way but I feel an arousal none the less. I'm in Chicago for a week at a software training class. At noon, I went to lunch with a fellow student who's from Scotland. Very interesting fellow and we had an ongoing and lively conversation throughout lunch.

It had been hard to find seating at nearby restaurants because of the MLK holiday. We wound up sitting at the bar at a Chinese restaurant. None of the workers looked at all oriental .

The guy who waited on us was absolutely adorable. With the bar seating, he was constantly walking back and forth in front of me. I loved his voice, his hair, his beard, his hairy arms, this cute tattoo on his right forearm. Well, you get the idea. It wasn't simply a matter of thinking he was a hunk, though. I really wanted him to kiss me and make love to me. Of course, in the busy restaurant setting, that wasn't going to happen. Perhaps if I went back there tonight, we might arrange to meet when he's off work! Not likely either.

The thing is, my desire to be made love too was totally independent of being physically aroused. I wasn't physically aroused. There was some very powerful arousal going on in my head, though.

Now and then, I wonder if I'm taking the right path by transitioning. I don't wonder about it very long. I know if I returned to being male, I would not feel this strong desire for a stranger to make love to me. I never felt a strong wish for gay men I'd dated to make love to me. Despite the fact that I had identified as a gay male.

I suppose I'd better exercise extra caution. If this desire for lovemaking strikes while I'm also experiencing hypomania (I disucss my out of control emotions here: http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=12454), I might just grab the guy and rip his clothes off right there. Being a eunuch, I'd more likely gently undress him.

A word of caution to everyone. As it's often stated on the Archive, your mileage may vary (YMMV). You won't necessarily get the same results I do from low T.