I've got to say, and perhaps this is a Mary Tyler Moore-ish side of me coming out (OMG, no!), "You guys!". When I got on this thread, I was in an OK mood but now I'm laughing my head off. Thanks, Mr. T (and I know you were giving a serious response here, my friend), IEunuch and Kirstoff, although I know it may not have been your intention, you've given me a much needed lift.
What I wanted to report was that, for reasons real or simply the result of my over interpretation of something that happened late last night (like maybe 1 AM or so), I was starting to get very concerned that I was getting into post traumatic stress disorder territory. This hasn't happened to me in about 15 years. I was assaulted in 1984. Although their were no firearms involved, the police thought someone had been shot when they arrived. There was so much blood, all from me! Being the naive little dude I still tend to be, as I was being attacked by 3 rather large men I dumbly (yes, I will admit that I can be dumb!
) - please resist the strong urge to comment I'm sure you're feeling now, Kristoff:) - or perhaps 'stupidly' would be more correct, I really wasn't speechless - I didn't try to flee these people but instead stood there as they continued to badly damage my body. I was saying things like 'What's going on? Can't we talk about it?' I guess by admitting to this really ineffective and 'dumb', not to say dangerous, reaction I may have now totally given up my fear of revealing too much of myself on the archive. My ex-wife may have saved my life in all this. The worst part of this experience was that after the physical attack and injuries, there was a continuing psychological assault for the next 6 weeks. All I can say about this here is that a therapist friend, actually we used to date but not for therapy
, in Minneapolis says what happened to me and my ex-wife is the most evil thing he's heard in his years of practice. Back to the real or constructed by my often overly-active imagination part. I first was experiencing extreme anger like I haven't felt in the years since my last belt of PTSD. This only went on for about 20 minutes. The end result was that I was starting to feel extremely violated, as my body had been violated when I was assaulted. I knew I was getting onto really dangerous ground for me (see, I'm really not totally stupid. Can one be partially stupid?
). This was causing a major panic. I was going to mention a public thank you to someone on this site whose right to the point, no nonsense email response to my reaction snapped me out of what was happening. Now I've concluded that he might consider that such thanks might ruin his reputation. So I won't go there.
On second thought, I'll throw caution to the wind and say "Thank you, Kristoff". When I woke this morning, I was breathing heavily and feeling the panic again. Kristoff's response from last night came to me and I felt a bit better. I also want to thank Tugon for all of his care and concern. We've had some talks about this assault stuff. He's one of the sweetest, kindest people I know. At any rate, I've got to get my act back together here or the next time I take the MMPI test the report will recommend lifetime treatment with anti-psychotics. What I'm going to do now is go exercise. I will most definitely feel better after that. It does me a lot of good to be able to talk about this here, and even joke a bit about it. This experience in no way means I have any intention of ending my Androcur treatment, BTW. If it's my destiny to be a bitch, so be it!:D Ah, I kind of don't really see that happening but if far wiser people than me have experienced this effect on low T, who knows?
This site is a terrific place.
-todd
