An old Monty Python skit

[Lovey (imported)]

I'm a huge fan of Monty Python, and I just remembered a segment in one of the Monty Python movies where a dad who had a butt-load of children considers "accidental" castration since he's Roman Catholic and the Pope condemns birth control.

It's actually kinda funny how the dad ponders having his nuts pulled off.

There is a song and dance number in the skit declaring that every sperm is precious.

At the end of the skit, a neighbor shakes his head in disbelief since he is Protestant and can wear condoms.

[Paolo]

Monty Python, The Meaning of Life. The song they sing is called Every Sperm Is Sacred I think. I do believe it's on the album/CD Monty Python Sings. There are several Python albums/CD's actually, so check closely.

I don't recall the accidental castration line though. I do recall them telling the kids that they were being sold for medical experimentations.

There was also the Sex Ed. class with live visual aids.

And of course, "Can we have your liver?"

:p

[JesusA (imported)]

Thank you Paolo. I ran off to check my video collection to be certain that was the proper film title before responding and you beat me to it. I last watched Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life at a memorable “Python A’thon” with beer, a group of friends, beer, pizza, and beer. The session was prompted by meeting a medieval English historian who claimed NEVER to have seen a Monty Python flick. We started with Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I though we were going to have to rush her to the emergency ward, she was laughing so hard she could barely breath. The third in the series was The Life of Brian. Not really movies relevant to this forum, but some of the funniest ever filmed.

[Paolo]

Very relevant to the Archive Staff though!



The Spam Sketch from the second series of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" and

"Monty Python's Previous Record"

(Spam = Spiced Pork And Ham, a sort of cheap luncheon meat)

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned

helmets on. A man and his wife enter.

Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.

Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.

Man (to Waitress): Morning!

Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam;

egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage

and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam

bacon spam tomato and spam;

Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...

Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked

beans spam spam spam...

Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a

Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with

truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife: Have you got anything without spam?

Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in

it.

Wife: I don't want ANY spam!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon

spam and sausage without the spam.

Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it.

I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam

spam and spam!

Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and

the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful

spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam!

Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam

spam spam!

[Bboy]

PENIS SONG (NOT THE NOEL COWARD SONG)

Sung by Eric Idle

From `Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life'

Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Here's a little number I tossed off

recently in the Caribbean..

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?

Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?

It's swell to have a stiffy

It's divine to own a dick

From the tiniest little tadger

To the world's biggest prick!

So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas

Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake

Your piece of pork

Your wife's best friend

Your Percy or your cock

You can wrap it up in ribbons

You can slip it in your sock

But don't take it out in public

Or they will stick you in the dock

And you won't a-come a-back!

Uhh-thank you very much..

[Paolo]

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?

Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?

Out of character for Bboy isn't it?!

[Xan (imported)]

Then there is the poem Horace which is in the 2002 Monty Python calendar: 'April"

I'm cutting out a few lines but it goes something like this:

"Much to his Mum ans Dad's dismay,

Horace ate himself one day.

And he had started on his dong...

Oh foolish child!

The father mourns

You could have deep-fried that

With prawns, some parsley

And some tarter sauce...