Our new Security Amazon

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Yoleeeeee is Freeeeee!

Well, until Tuesday, anyway.

Was in the office by 5:30AM, out by 9, at the Rim (new high-end shopping area wayyyyy too convenient to my dwelling,) by 9:25, scorching a credit card. Then I wandered over to the nearby Bass Pro Shops store to say "hi" to the fishies in the aquarium and the duckies in the indoor "stream"...I love them! Of course, I TRIED to avoid the fudge shop in BPS but somehow wound up there anyway. And I confess I bought a new rod, some lures, and three fishing shirts, some shorts, a cute BPS fishing hat and some obscenely $$$ polarized sunglasses...well, they look great with the hat, so there!

Now I'm home, wearing only my widdle panties, bra, and one of the pairs of new shoes I bought...devastating...and the hat! I have this urge to go to a movie just as I am. Not a good idea. Instead, I think I'll put a reel on the new rod and test the new lures in the pool. Get the net!!!

(God! This fudge is sooooooo good. Another 25 laps in the pool worth...darn it.)

Oh, almost forgot; About the new security guard at the office, that is.

I sometimes stay at the office until the wee hours or go in really early. I do this to get ahead on my work so I can scoot early or to avoid the rush hour traffic. I'm given to towering road rages, you see.

So, when I leave late a security person escorts me to my car. If I arrive early, I call ahead so that a security person is at my personal slot when I show up. I give them most generous cash gifts at Christmas and on their B'days, you see, and that pays great dividends. When I got there this AM I got quite a surprise.

Some here may remember the "Northern Exposure" episodes that featured the big, but kind of sexy, female law officer? She was the one that Maurice, the former astronaut, was in love with. Well, her clone now works for our security contractor. In fact, when I saw her standing there by my parking place, I thought it WAS that actress.

She was wearing gray slacks and a navy blazer, "sensible" shoes, and a SHOULDER HOLSTERRRR! I later discovered that she is by no means undergunned...it's a .40 Glock, and she has a .380 in a holster in back of her slacks...WOW!

So, I shut off the motor and unlock the door and before I can open it she opens it and extends a helping hand. I assure you I expect that from a gentleman but not from a "lady".

She says "Good Morning! You must be Yolanda. I've heard much about you." Huh? Well, I had not been there for a few days and so someone must have mentioned me. Hmmmmm.

I chirped a cheery response and we exchanged handshakes (the broken bones will heal soon, I hope.) We set off to the elevator and shared small chat until we reached my office door. I have my own key card and know the alarm system code but she beat me to those chores as well. She's a big girl, but moves like a cat.

She told me she's retired from the Army, enlisted at 17 and served 16 years before being medically retired (have no clue, unless she grew a penis or something,) and (I could have guessed) was an MP.

She entered the office ahead of me and took a look around, then said "I smell coffee!" Well, one of the bosses had set the coffeemaker to fire up at the time he knew I'd arrive. Nice gesture!

Of course, I offered "Big Girl" a cup of coffee and some of the pastries I'd picked up on the way. So there we sat, exchanging nothings. For some reason, I was fascinated by her. I think it showed. Can't wait to tell Ash(leigh). She'll roll her eyes and say "Here we go again!".

I keep imagining this person in some sort of skimpy outfit, carrying a sword or a bow, sorta like Xena, LOL, with a very special knife at her waist. You can guess what the knife is for, giggle.

I'm already wondering if it would be possible to, somehow, recruit her into the KKK (NOT THAT ONE! The Kinky Kastration Koven, sillies!) I'll also admit that she turns me on. I have this little fantasy of her actually carrying me into a cave and making love to me on a bear skin, in my bare skin. Nurse! More Valium!

Will report as things develop...if they do at all.

Am leaving later today to spend the night in Big D, then on to Norman OK for OU's first football game tomorrow evening. Will try to log in Sunday IF I've made any more progress on the penectomy tale I promised someone here.

Love to all, and all to Love.

Yoli The Imp, up to more mischief.

San Antonio

[DeaconBlues (imported)]

Oh my, oh my my my! That IS an interesting story!

Oh PLEASE do tell, would there be any openings there for me? (for EMPLOYMENT you pervs!) I don't work, really, I don't do a damn thing, it's against my religion to "work" but I might just be tempted to go to work if I could work there!

Oh, by the way, I absolutely LOVED the series "Northern Exposure" and all the characters. Which one was your favorite? I think I look a LOT like Maurice, but my personality is more like Chris Stevens (the radio disc jockey). I always loved to hear what ever comment "Ruth Ann" had on any subject though....

[micropenis (imported)]

Please tell me more about your "Kinky Kastration Koven". I have an interest in Wicca. I once read a reference to Wicca and religion as for reasons to be castrated. I have read many books on Wicca and done a few Google searches but can't fing any references to castraion cerimonies or the spiritual reason for castration.

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Taaaake her wrap, fellas.

Find her an empty lap, fellas!

Yoli'll never go away agaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnn!

Well, not until next weekend...back to Norman, USA, for the game v. U. "Myammy".

We watched "Hello Dolly" on DVD in the motor home on the way back (Not the driver, sillies! Just the crew!) from Oklahoma. So I just changed the name.

As the .0017 percent of you that watched the game know, well, it certainly was not exactly suspenseful...79-10 over U. of N. Texas. I think the coach put the Flute Section in for the fourth quarter. Now that, my loves, is MY kind of game!

I'm told that the camera caught me for a sec too. I'll need to check the TIVO'd rerun. Probably harder to spot than Waldo.

Maybeeeee, if I'd flashed my bewbies.

The pregame tailgating was wonderful. Lots of nice people, grilling, booze, singing of "Boomer Sooner" (ten million times.)

The victory party lasted until 4AM...moan. At least the brunch before we left was faaaaaannnnnntastic (except I shouldn't have had those Muddy Blarys...errrr...Bloody Marys.)

Anyway, I hope you missed me. ('Cause I missed you!)

I seem to be increasingly incoherent (decreasingly coherent...wot-tever!)

Now, if you'll 'scuse me...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

(Miss Yolanda is sleeping. Please tiptoe! She will address preceding questions when she comes out of the coma.)

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Micro and Deacon, (+ Salami)

Yoli here!

It's almost 4AM here and I can't sleep. I napped (see: Party-induced coma) in the motorhome on the way back from Norman USA and that's really messed me up. Had a great time at the game...Oklahoma 51 Miami (Fl) 13...great! Also partied hearty post-game (and the night before!)

Soooooo...here I am, answering your questions.

Micro, you first;

Our little group is NO way related to Wicca or any other similar beliefs or cults. No slam at Wicca, but that's just not for us.

Since we organized (that's a stretch!) a few years ago we've grown a little and, amazingly, there have been no dropouts or slackers. We have all bonded to various degrees, in some cases physically as well as emotionally, and maybe that's the secret to our stability.

We used to meet roughly every two to three weeks, as our individual situations dictated, at some nice place for Happy Hour, then to dinner. We've changed our venue, however, and now meet in private, usually at my home. The facilities here at BigGuy's "palace" include total privacy, indoors and out, swimming, tennis, badminton (was there ever a GOODminton?), BBQ-ing, and sunbathing. We also play Twister, even Spin The Tequila Bottle, fairly often and that usually leads to a little hanky-panky between some of us.

The problem with public places should be readily apparent. If someone ever really figured us out...uh oh!

The ONLY male who has been allowed to attend is Barry when he's in town. Having a genuine eunuch present adds to the fun and he's such a sweetheart. We all love him.

Deacon,

Thanks for offering to join our firm, or the firm that provides security, but...

My favorite on "Northern Exposure"? Well, I was kinda drawn to Holly(?), the owner of "The Brick". I liked them all, really.

When Joel wandered off into the wilderness and Dr. and Mrs. Capra appeared, I admit I had the absolute hots for both of them. If I had to make a choice between the two I'd opt for a night with Teri Polo (Mrs. C.) My bisexuality definitely ran wild when I saw her! Still does! I hope my other "flame", Alyssa Milano, doesn't find out...teehee.

Speaking of "Charmed"...Holly Marie Combs lights me up too.

Salami, you have 24 hrs with her and I'll have to put on my little black dress and attend a funeral.

Yoli, to funeral director: "Errrr, couldn't you get smile off his face?"

Funeral Dir., to Yoli: "We'll have enough trouble getting the lid closed."

Yoli: "SHE did that to him?"

FD: "No, it wasn't like that until YOU walked in wearing that little black dress!"

Yoli: "Mwaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Well, I've got to drive to Corpus Christi for a deposition tomorrow, luckily not until 2PM, so better take a little pill and get some ZZZZZ.

Love to all,:boobies:

Yoli

The Sooner Fan! (Who wishes she could enroll at OU and become a pom girl!)

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Yoli the loafaholic here, toiling away at home. Don't have to go to the office today...Wheeeee!

Onward!..I had thought about inviting the Amazon to last weekend's little KKK (not THAT one!) party. I wasn't confident that she'd approve of the primary interest of our little flock so I just let the idea slide. I thought she'd never even know we had a gathering. Seems I was mistaken, in part at least.

As I was slaving away at my desk y'day, the " 'Zon" called me. That was a surprise to say the very least. Anyway, she said she just wanted to tell me she'd be handling another security project for a few days and that she wanted me to meet the guy who'd be covering for her during that time.

I expected her to A: Ask me to come to the parking area. B: Bring him to the lobby.: C: Bring him to my little realm. Wrong on all counts.

She asked me what time I planned to flee the environs of the legal empire and I told her I was gonna disappear..."POOF!"...at lunchtime and would be off on a short (I meant it to be short, I really did!) shopping jaunt then off to home to prepare to hostess a dove hunt for one of our HUGE-ticket clients, which takes place tomorrow some 90 miles from home.

With me so far? Good!:D

Instead, she asked if I could meet them at Schilo's, a famous German restaurant not too far from my orifice...errr...office. I was a bit surprised but agreed. It's not common for the "hired help" to issue such an invitation. Mind you, I'm NOT being a snob, but you get my drift.

When the appointed time came I wiggled out of the office, hailed a cab (I didn't want to take my car and seek parking. It was warm and humid, etc, and I could take a cab back to get my car post-lunch.), and was deposited at Schilo's in a few.

The Mighty Goddess was already there, her buddy in tow, and introductions were made. Nice guy but wayyyyy to short, IMHO,...Height, not length! (How the heck would I know about the other...yet?)

I must tell you; If you are ever in San Antonio PLEASE have the Split Pea Soup With Bratwurst at Schilo's. It is Mmmmm-mmmmm good! The bread and desserts are excellent, of course, and a nice German beer is the perfect accompaniment. End of "Commercial".

When were finished eating the male component took his leave. So, there we sat; Little Yoli and the " 'Zon ". For some reason I just knew something was up, and it was. She looked me straight in the orbs, (the ones in my face, not in my bra,) and said (Drum roll please.) "I was wondering (Ruh-Roh!) if you might like to show me around that shopping area (The Rim) you seem to love so much. I hear you like the BassProShops too and I'd for sure like to wander through there."

I admit I was both surprised and a bit hesitant but, ever America's Sweetness Queen, I said "Uhhh...errrr...ummm...OK!"

We took a cab back to the office and mounted up in my wheels. I asked where her car was and she told me she'd rode in with that fellow I'd just met.

Now I'm thinking she had everything carefully planned. Either we'd be doing what she suggested OR she'd hint that she needed a ride home. Well, she has a place off IH10 and that's my route to The Rim and, ultimately, home so just giving her a lift home would have been alright...right?

Anywayyyyy...We wandered about The Rim, from shop to store to shoppe to boutique.

Oddly, I didn't buy ANYTHING! Well, that held up until we got to BPS, across a boulevard from The Rim. There, I waved my plastic at the ladies in the Fudge Shop and also at the cute guy at the checkout 'cause I'd found yet another pair of shorts, a hat, and some various-colored licorice "rope" for our pool guys...they LOVE that stuff...YUK!

When we left BPS I said "Well, I can take you home if are ready." She said "Damn! I was kinda hoping for an invitation to see that fancy place where you live, maybe even take a dip in the pool." Pretty up-front, if you ask me.

I thought for a moment then said "Sure! I was gonna suggest that anyway!" Liar, Liar, Pants on fire!

Ooops! There's the phone. For sure it's Ash(leigh) calling from McAllen TX to remind me to get licorice for the pool guys...already done!

Back! It was not Ash(leigh) after all but it WAS one of the bosses telling me to get my guns and gear together and go, a day earlier than originally planned, manage that dove hunt at his ranch southwest of SA. Yayyyyyy! I love that part of the job, especially when a guest freaks out when a little old girl outshoots him on dove or quail.

I've got 90 miles to cover, so I'll finish this when I return from the hunt..either tomorrow or Saturday depending on the bosses' wishes.

Remind me to tell you about a question I'm often asked..."Aren't you worried about being the only female on these hunts? What if some drunk guest gets frisky?" The answer when I get back!

Love and widdle wet kisses on your (insert choice)!

Hiyoooooooo...landa! Awayyyy!

[A-1 (imported)]

Yoli,

You Are Hot!

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Yoli, Goddess Of The Hunt, has returned!

(Well, late last night, but too tired, overfed, and slightly buzzed to drop a line.)

I'm happy to report that all went well at the Boss Dude's ranch. BTW, remember that this is not one of BigGuy's places. I was the Bwana-in-Charge until the great one himself appeared y'day late morning. (Shouldn't that be "Bwanette" or "Bwanita"...Hmmmm.)

The camp cook, a slightly illegal immigrant lady (she's lived on the ranch since she was 12 and is pushing 40 now, so I guess she's staying there until they bury her in an unmarked grave, LOL!) kept us all-too-well fed. I helped, of course, but mainly in a secondary role. One of the men took care of outdoor grilling and did a fine job.

The cook has an interesting "bio". She was imported from Meh-Hee-Ko by the previous cook, her "Tia" (Aunt), who begged the previous ranch owner to allow her to stay. When my El Bosso bought the ranch the ladies came with it and he saw no reason to make a change. He'd been a guest at the ranch several times and was delighted with the food and the ladies who prepared it.

When the aunt decided to take her substantial savings and go live "La Vida Bueno" in her native town in M'ko, the girl stayed on. She was 14 then. She's not seen M'ko or her any family member since she left home ('cept for Auntie) and that suits her fine.

She never leaves the ranch except for annual dental and medical checks paid for by the boss and for a few other carefully orchestrated trips to buy clothing and personal items (also paid for.) At Christmas, there is a huge party at the ranch and she is NOT allowed to lift a finger. She is treated as a guest, in fact, and receives nice gifts from the big dogs and dogettes.

She is a virtual prisoner, sort of a bird in a gilded cage, and by her own choice. She could leave at any time and in good standing, with $$$ in her pockets.

She is NOT being held in slavery. She lives in very nice cabin with all the modern goodies, including satellite TV and internet. She putters about the large ranch in a Jeep when she wants to enjoy the view or go pick flowers or goodies from the fields.

If and when she decides to pack it in she'll have enough $$$ to live well elsewhere but is guaranteed a home for life at the ranch. She may go two weeks at a time without seeing another human being. She is safe from passing illegals 'cause the entire ranch is seriously fenced and it well-known on the other side of the Rio G. as a place where the univited may disappear on a permanent basis. Besides, there are alarm systems and she is darn good with a firearm.

This type of thing is not all that uncommon in Texas. The famous King Ranch, as an example, is home to a large number of folks whose long-dead relatives came over and found employ there. They live in a "town", a very nice and neat one, and receive all possible benefits. Many attend college on the ranch's tab but are under no obligation to return, though some do. Of course, the immigrants, legal and otherwise, and those generations born at the King Ranch, WORK and are not welfare bums...see the difference?

Well, there just HAD to be a dark side, sooo...

Not really a dark side, not at all. Here...

When she was 15 she confided in the previous owner's wife that "It's time I became a woman. I have a need." Well, the wife and owner's heads must have been screwed on correctly 'cause she was told her that she must wait until she was of legal age. Then, so the tale she told me goes, she would have the choice of any of the unmarried guests she had met, one who was willing, of course. When the time came, she chose an older man, a divorcee, who'd been a frequent guest at the ranch and who had always treated her with courtesy and respect.

I can only imagine some nice guy getting a phone call from the ranch owner and being asked to go spend a few days and nights at the ranch, no one else there but the young lady, on a "Special Mission". Well, the guy, whomever he was, wasn't married at the time and he really thought the world of the very pretty girl, sooooooo. Oh, c'mon, you know.

There's more to tell of the cook's sexual adventures, but that can wait 'til next time...if anyone wants to know.

Now, about the hunting. Everyone had a good and safe time. There are VERY strict rules regarding safety. NO alcohol is consumed until one's gun is cleaned and cased for the day. Exception...Two beers or one glass of wine at lunch, then a two-three hour wait before returning to the field, deer blind, or a boat on one of the ranch's large lakes. (We call them "tanks" actually, rather than lakes or ponds. Some are over 100 acres...some ponds!)

The doves flew well, especially at first light, coming into the peanut and native "Doveweed" patches, and in the evening coming to water. Most all got their limits daily and a lot of nice fish were caught as well...Big Fish and Game dinner Friday night. Mmmmmmmm! Did I mention the tenderloin of wild hog?

Little Yoli shot well, as did most of the guests. In fact, I had to settle for Second Place for doves hit/doves missed ratio. The "Champ" was a sexy (but totally lesbian...Hmmmm.) lady, in her 40's, who has competed at the Olympic level in Skeet and Trap. But she only beat me by three!

One look at her and I understood why one of the guys had said "What a waste" when her name came up before she arrived.

No, she and I did not hook up! She did touch me a lot...in an "innocent way"...and dropped some hints, but I slept alone behind a locked door.

Y'see, more than one guest has made a less-than-subtle approach, usually late at night and after a few drinkies. Most have mumbled an apology and tottered off but two have been barred from further visits 'cause they became too insistent. One even offered me money. Money I have, so that was a bust! LOL!

Well, as earlier stated, more to come if you wish, my loves. For now, however, gotta get ready for (hang on to your hats!)...Church. I promise not to sing too loud or snatch a "tip" from the collection plate.

Love to all, and all to love.

(A special kiss and squeeze...guess where...to A1 for his cute compliment.)

Yolanda The Intrepid Outdoor Type.

PS: I did "interact" with a rattlesnake (RIP) and a cactus. I got three spines in my right thigh, right above the knee. The cook performed a relatively painless removal as I gave an award-winning "Death Bed" performance. There should be no scarring...Whew!

Y.