Mismatched - in surgery

[DonFL (imported)]

24 hour psyc watch guys, my therapist decided I am not a danger to myself anymore and sent me home. Thanks for all the nice comments, it really helps alot. The hospital urologist cleaned up a bit but nothing significant, 2 courses of antibiotics as precautionary.

My councilor sure bailed me out of this one, heh, I do not recommend my course of action to ANYONE.

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PS, when i showed my record to the hospital urologist, he recommended I file a ethics complaint against my old doctor for what he did, he felt it was VERY improper. Im filling out the paperwork right now...

I also want to apologize to my friends i have met on this board for alarming them so much. Im very sorry i did that and cant stand the thought of causing others pain. Some of you guys have helped me when no one else understood, I cant express enough how much that means to me.

Im not the first person to do this, i doubt i will be the last. Im lucky i have a therapist who understood my breakdown and why i did it, otherwise i would be in a glass front room for a long time. The people at the hospital were the best i have ever encountered, and i got more rest last night than i have in weeks thanks to pain meds, lol. Except for some follow-up work, my journey is now over. I had lupron depot and testosterone last week, bad timing but it is making me feel great already.

MrT has a point about TRT, its not a bad thing, im already loving its effects and im only 5 days on it. Of coarse I've never had a healthy level of testosterone before, so i dont know what to expect. Since the source of the excess T is gone now, no more expensive lupron shots, but the T shots will be for the rest of my life, i think, i cant believe it feels this good already.

My pain is gone except for some soreness in my groin and the sharpness of my stitches, which will pass, I feel like everything is different now.

[mrt (imported)]

I'm glad your ok. If it means anything YES you scared the hell out of me:( and I DO understand goofy doctors. With that said - I'm very glad your telling others not to do any Do It Yourself surgery. This is SO scary and dangerous. You could have died!:-|

I'm glad they finished the surgery and got out the cords. For guys with Orchialgia this is a serious part of the problem (if they go to the step of surgery)

[DonFL (imported)]

Im so sorry MrT.. you cant believe how sorry i am...

Anyone who is thinking "well he did it so it cant be that hard"

After I did what i did, and went to the hospital, my vascular ligation technique was considered crude and the urologist had to re-do it, I was having minor leakage on one side. My ligation of the vas-defrans wasn't too bad, but of course he still re-did it when he re-cut me up high to the abdominal wall. I realize how close I was to killing my self with the procedure, even though i preformed it with old trained reflexes, but they were unused for the better part of a decade, and it resulted in a minor hemorrhage. One major mistake in my emotional haze and i wouldn't be here typing this right now.

One of the primary reasons i was released is because i had a clear medical need for the procedure and I was a victim of a doctor who for reasons unknown decided to flip out on me. My assigned urologist from the hospital took over my case and i see him this morning. Then its off to my therapist for what I'm sure will be a very intense 2 hour session. My therapist advocated for me and signed my release order about 3 hours before the hospital shrink agreed that i was no further danger to myself, i have a hospital phobia that was making me more agitated as time went on, and even with lots of sedation and morphine I was still coming unglued there. I hate to think how my state would be if i was moved to the psych ward for an extended stay.... My conditions were the most optimum that one could hope for and i still had my freedom taken from me for my own safty for a days observation, and only with the condition that im to have daily 2 hour sessions for the next week. If she feels im becoming unstable again im right back in the hospital.

Without my therapist, I would be stuck in the hospital still, possibly for weeks. What judge wouldn't sign a confinement order for someone who cut off their bits? I would.

Im up this morning so early, not because of pain, but because i cant stop thinking how stupid this was for me to do it. I have the means to just call Dr Kimmel and fly up there, i even had an appointment with a urologist Thursday to take my case over, but i did a very stupid thing in my breakdown. I dio not want ANYONE to follow in my foot steps. Without the anesthetics i had, this would be so painful that you could not do it without causing major damage on the first cut to yourself. Is a trip to Philadelphia worth more than your life? I think not.

Most of you who read my earlier attempt of self treatment know i have poor impulse control, its very evident by my previous action and mondays. Im sure that is going to be a topic of discussion today at my session. Im sure my recent injection of testosterone had a significant destabilizing effect, im not used to its influence over me. I make not claimes to mental stability.. lol.. I would say im nuts but...

Now what the hell im going to tell my GF when she comes home in 3 more hours, i dont know. My biggest worry is how this is going to affect her.

[tugon (imported)]

I am glad you are safe and receiving the care you should have had in the first place. Thank you for warning others but I can understand the desperation so please do not be so hard on yourself. We all make the best decisions we can at the time. I am glad you are feeling better than you have for a while.

[Kangan (imported)]

My prayers go out to you. Desperation can make people do really stupid things, but in your case, I think it was justified. I, too, faced similar barriers, took things into my own hands, and now I am free of T, but not my balls. Heal, grow older and wiser and live life to its fullest, for tomorrow you may die....

[jlc9292 (imported)]

Hadn't heard from you in a while. I am truly sorry you have had to go through all this just because doctors are so worried about their peers and legal action. Yours appeared to be clearly a medical necessity and yet the docs stuck their heads in the sand. I know how testicular pain can drive you to do things you would otherwise not do. I was getting there myself prior to having the doc agree to the procedure. Afterwards he got a lot of grief from the other docs in his practice and probably will be reluctant to help another medically qualified candidate for the surgery. I want to get the survey results from Jesus and send them on to him. I have encouraged him along the way and let him know he had done the right thing.

Our prayers are for your quick recovery and complete resolution of the pain you have been having. Chin up. Move on with life. Hopefully your GF understood and supported you also.

Good luck my friend,

Jerry

[DonFL (imported)]

thanks everyone. I dont think that i would be able to get though this as well as i have without this community, here an the chat server.

My pain levels are really low, the nerve blocks are still highly effective evidently. Some minor soreness and my stitches itch, i have 4 runs of them as i used dermabond to seal mine and the urologist did not want to try to remove it since more than 6 hours had passed since my procedure.

GF is good, some crying and some cuddling, she is relived my ordeal is over. She did want to smack me though, she knows about Dr Kimmel... lol... A spanking is reserved for after i heal up.. lol

The T shot was a really bad piece of timing, function and libido is starting to wake up and i wish it would hold off a bit more, but that's a choice i don't have.. lol...