Top 10 Reasons Why God Created Eve

[Mac (imported)]

Subject: Top 10 Reasons Why God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden, because he wouldn't ask for directions.

9. God knew that, someday, Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote.

(Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV.They want to see WHAT ELSE is on TV.)

8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.

7. God knew that, when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.

5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply. But,He knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.

4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools.

3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident and for anything else that was really his fault.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."

1. And the No 1 reason of all . . . . . . . God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared ... " I can do better than that! "

[krysta (imported)]

Subject: Top 10 Reasons Why God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden, because he wouldn't ask for directions.

9. God knew that, someday, Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote.

(Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV.They want to see WHAT ELSE is on TV.)

8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.

7. God knew that, when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.

5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply. But,He knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.

4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools.

3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident and for anything else that was really his fault.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."

1. And the No 1 reason of all . . . . . . . God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared ... " I can do better than that! "

and She said" I can create perfection", and She created woman in Her image.

(and I think She did well)

[twaddler (imported)]

I cry misandry! I am offended.

[tugon (imported)]

I thought God created Eve because sheep can not cook.

[Zoroaster (imported)]

The original story the biblical genesis is based on is particularly weird. "Adam," when originally created, was in the exact image of God, which was to say both male and female (although not usually described as hermaphroditic, but instead a man and woman joined at the hip). This apparently didn't work very well, so god decided to split Adam into two beings. The male kept the name Adam, and the female was named "Lilith" (hence where the name Lilith fair for that whiny music fest). The problem (at least, from the point of view of adam and apparently god) was that Lilith was still really a man, simply in female form - she was identical to Adam, mentally speaking, and insisted on being his equal. The last straw came when, during sex, she wanted to be on top (the "male" position).

As punishment she was expelled from Eden and wandered off to the East to the land of Nod, where she consorted with demons and monsters (which, as an aside, is one of those weird fantasy-novel things some really really ancient jewish thought had - that there were other beings beside "god" when he created the universe, and in doing so, pushed them out of it. these were likely related to the djinni myths and are one of the way back bases of the concept of demons, pre-"Satan").

Back in Eden, Adam still wanted to get laid, so god went ahead and made him a new woman, this one guaranteed to be subservient ("know her place," as it were). The problem with this one was that god let Adam watch him make her, from inside on out, and seeing the bones go on and then muscles and guts and such before the skin totally grossed him out. Evidently losing a rib didn't bother him quite so much, tho' heh. He wouldn't touch her, and she, having been rejected by the one for whom she was created, was sad beyond measure, so god unmade her (which in the story was considered an act of mercy).

Then the regular Genesis story kicks back in, which is why, even in the biblical version, god waited until Adam was asleep before taking out the second rib, not to mention how that evened out how many he had on either side...

Personally I think this version is waaay more interesting.

Plus, if you've made it this far, a homochauvinist rebuttal:

10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden, because he wouldn't ask for directions.

Adam named everything. He made the directions. Eve couldn't even follow the one "direction" they were given.

9. God knew that, someday, Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote.

If it weren't for Eve, the remote would be right where he'd left it, instead of stuck up in some godawful obscure location because she insisted on having everything "tidy."

(Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV.They want to see WHAT ELSE is on TV.)

To paraphrase a great philosopher: this is because we are unwilling to sit there and watch corporate America try to sell us their horrible Things. Being genetically conditioned as a result of your chromosomes to be servile, women are less annoyed by this.

8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.

He wouldn't have ever needed one if it weren't for Eve, now, would he?

7. God knew that, when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.

See #8.

6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.

There was no garbage. They ate the fruit and dropped the seeds on the ground. Huzzah, new plants. See #8.

5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply. But,He knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.

He handled having a few ribs yanked from his torso pretty damn well, I'd say, without a word about any bitching or moaning from him.

4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools.

He only had one, and I doubt he had any difficulty finding it.

3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident and for anything else that was really his fault.

Uh...yeah. Right. It's totally not your fault that you decided to pick the stupid thing and start eating it. Totally not your fault that a large, muscular, undulating, tubular creature somehow magically took over your mind and just forced you to eat the fucking apple. Riiiiight.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."

Hence the appearance of "Steve" on day 8, when Adam realized that when he was hung over, all he really wanted a blowjob and a buddy, without any bitching, moaning, asking for money, or menstrual fluids.

1. And the No 1 reason of all . . . . . . . God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared ... " I can do better than that! "

See "Steve" under #2.

Misogynistically yours, Z

[sapient (imported)]

I have read that some of the inuit legends contain stories about gods that are very queer. Acording to one that I read about, in the begining there were two gods, both male. One of the male gods made the other pregnant. Then they realized they would have a problem when it was time for birth. Together they came up with the plan to invert the pregnant gods sexual organs, so instead of a penis he had a tube were the baby could pass. That way they invented the female sex.

Appearantly this queer trend continued because the first shaman, according to tha same source, had a name that would translate as "big in his ass"...

[I Worship Women (imported)]

and She said" I can create perfection", and She created woman in Her image.

(and I think She did well)

I like that. I agree with you completely on this krysta. I worship God totally as female, as Goddess, and I like that statement. God said "

I can create perfection", and She created woman in Her image.

I'm very comfortable with that. Others have the right to disagree, but that view of God and of women is what I'm comfortable with.

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

I thought Zoro (sp) wore a mask, dressed in black, used a foil and chased Spainiards around at night?

[twaddler (imported)]

I just realized, as I'm reading about Creationism right now, that if Adam were the first human then he would have no nipples or belly button. And why would he have to wear a leaf to cover his penis since if he was the first person he would have no use for a penis, yes? And therefore would have no penis. So Adam had no nipples, no belly-button, and no penis. I want to see a painting depict him that way. Oh, and it goes without saying that he had no balls -- what would be the point of them? So according to the bible the first human was a hardcore nullo eunuch, right?

[JesusA (imported)]

I just realized, as I'm reading about Creationism right now, that if Adam were the first human then he would have no nipples or belly button. And why would he have to wear a leaf to cover his penis since if he was the first person he would have no use for a penis, yes? And therefore would have no penis. So Adam had no nipples, no belly-button, and no penis. I want to see a painting depict him that way. Oh, and it goes without saying that he had no balls -- what would be the point of them? So according to the bible the first human was a hardcore nullo eunuch, right?

There have certainly been some Christian groups who have believed exactly as you have suggested.

The Skoptzy (Russia from the early 18th century at least until WWII – and maybe longer) believed that after Adam and Eve sampled the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, some of the remaining fruit was grafted onto them as breasts and genitals. Penis and testicles are part of our punishment.

They believe(d) that God is sexless. What use would He/She have of sex anyway....