DP on the way

[DonFL (imported)]

one more close dose then start spaceing them out.. add another 3 or 4 days between doses untill your at once a month to once every 6 weeks... get your T and progestrin levels checked to make sure your still keeping the serum levens down / up...

[mrt (imported)]

I set a reminder in Outlook to offer to go down on my wife every couple weeks, so I don't forget to satisfy her, but I have half a mind to just let it go and see how long it is before she asks. Is that evil?

Well I guess by now you guys know how I feel about doing this when your married to a women with a working sex drive. I think (at best) its very poor behavour. And while I would like to suggest you put yourself in her shoes for a second I think the problem with low to no Testosterone is that you really can not except in an purely "analytical" way.

BTW Twice a month? <ugh> Sheesh! Thats not much of a sex life. At least once a week if not more! Perhapes you can view it as your Marital Duty or???

[consideringthecut (imported)]

Well I guess by now you guys know how I feel about doing this when your married to a women with a working sex drive. I think (at best) its very poor behavour. And while I would like to suggest you put yourself in her shoes for a second I think the problem with low to no Testosterone is that you really can not except in an purely "analytical" way.

BTW Twice a month? <ugh> Sheesh! Thats not much of a sex life. At least once a week if not more! Perhapes you can view it as your Marital Duty or???

Well, I said it mostly in jest. But really, that's about my wife's interest level. Yesterday, I asked her if she wanted to hook up later as we were preparing dinner. She said "I was beginning to wonder..." (when I'd want some), but I didn't ask the question because I needed to get off. I asked for her sake, but later last night it was not a priority for her. I'm not going to push myself on her, if I feel like I could take it or leave it.

When we'd been married about seven years I told my wife that it really frustrated me when I would ask her if we could make love that night (You know priming the pump.), and she would say "Maybe" or "We'll see." 95% of the time this was a code word for "No". I told her that I'd rather have "No" than the codes.

All this to say that it may seem "poor behavior" to you, but I have a pretty good handle on my wife's libido and it may turn out that I'm overestimating her desire anyway.

When I was describing our sex life to the licensed clinical social worker whom I saw in July and told her about my wife's interest level, she said, "Well, you're describing about 80% of women." That may be accurate, but it doesn't make the situation easier to cope with. Particularly, if you consider that given my presence in the Archive and my course of action, I've got to be ranked pretty high, percentile-wise as far as men go. Add to that that men have higher libidos than women in general and that my wife is not exceptional (Let's put her in the middle 20%.) and you have quite a bit of disparity. I suppose she could take testosterone injections, but hairlips have never appealed to me.

We all have our crosses to bear. I choose to bear mine this way to keep from getting into trouble. If my wife starts feeling deprived, we can adjust, but if I'm offering and she's not accepting then maybe the "Sheesh" and "Ugh" comments should be directed at her not me. However, I've got 15-years' experience that says they won't have much effect.

I guess it's tough for you to walk in my shoes. I understand that we're coming from opposite corners, but I don't really think my experience is dramatically different from any of the guys here seeking chemcast for similar reasons.

[mrt (imported)]

Your right I can't walk in your shoes and my attempt was probably pretty poor. I took that "evil" question comment to seriously. Sorry!:(

I have an incite into female sex drive as I got involved with a group that dealt with male sexual dysfunction and the first thing I learned was that those women are far more interested in sex then I ever thought possible. And to a man (woman) not a SINGLE one was willing to do much about it other then get angry, blame themselves or get angry at their husbands. Few to none will ever initiate sex for any reason.

Women (in general) think that admitting a "need" or desire for sex is a personal failure. Women who want/need sex = sluts. Never mind they are married and asking the man who is supposed to provide the sex.

That said you wife may very well not want or need it. I don't know of course so my comments were out of line.

Female sex drive is about Testosterone but also about Estrogen and her Progesterone mix. If you feel she is not "right" having her GP check her out might be worth doing. I think the path of making your sex drive zero out so that you don't care leads you to a path of her feeling "rejection?" Most of the women on that support group take the lack of sexual interest as a very serious personal insult. When you "choose" to eliminate your desire for her that might compound the issue? Just thinking out loud.

I've been in the position of not having a sex drive and not understanding why anyone would want one but...

[kristoff]

Your right I can't walk in your shoes and my attempt was probably pretty poor. I took that "evil" question comment to seriously. Sorry!:(

I have an incite into female sex drive as I got involved with a group that dealt with male sexual dysfunction and the first thing I learned was that those women are far more interested in sex then I ever thought possible. And to a man (woman) not a SINGLE one was willing to do much about it other then get angry, blame themselves or get angry at their husbands. Few to none will ever initiate sex for any reason.

Women (in general) think that admitting a "need" or desire for sex is a personal failure. Women who want/need sex = sluts. Never mind they are married and asking the man who is supposed to provide the sex.

That said you wife may very well not want or need it. I don't know of course so my comments were out of line.

Female sex drive is about Testosterone but also about Estrogen and her Progesterone mix. If you feel she is not "right" having her GP check her out might be worth doing. I think the path of making your sex drive zero out so that you don't care leads you to a path of her feeling "rejection?" Most of the women on that support group take the lack of sexual interest as a very serious personal insult. When you "choose" to eliminate your desire for her that might compound the issue? Just thinking out loud.

I've been in the position of not having a sex drive and not understanding why anyone would want one but...

Not quite having been in the same kind of position - I look from arm's length (or other appendage). Simply stated, your reasoning makes sense to me and seems sound. Think about this, some of you guys. It may be wise to have some VERY forthright, blunt conversations, with insistence upon non-coy, unevasive answers (on BOTH parts). Thanks MrT.

[consideringthecut (imported)]

Not quite having been in the same kind of position - I look from arm's length (or other appendage). Simply stated, your reasoning makes sense to me and seems sound. Think about this, some of you guys. It may be wise to have some VERY forthright, blunt conversations, with insistence upon non-coy, unevasive answers (on BOTH parts). Thanks MrT.

Wouldn't that take all the mystery out of personal relationships;)

Good points, both of you. Thank you MrT and Kristoff

[mrt (imported)]

Wouldn't that take all the mystery out of personal relationships;)

Good points, both of you. Thank you MrT and Kristoff

Yes. that and (I think) some teasing are very nice parts of an intimate relationship.

Guys - The point that really made me think was how upset the women were with THEMSELVES when their men were not sexual because of impotence or sex drive hormonal issues. I spoke to many of them asking if it "might" be possible the reason was a medical issue with the man and not because of some personal fault of the women. Quite a few had a very hard time "getting that."

What really made it bad was the reaction when the Clinical problem was so obvious they got it. THEN they went ape on the men. Anger like you can't believe. Why won't he take care of this? Whew! Angry women either way in so many cases.

Sometimes you just can't win!

[ramses (imported)]

Your right I can't walk in your shoes and my attempt was probably pretty poor. I took that "evil" question comment to seriously. Sorry!:(

I have an incite into female sex drive as I got involved with a group that dealt with male sexual dysfunction and the first thing I learned was that those women are far more interested in sex then I ever thought possible. And to a man (woman) not a SINGLE one was willing to do much about it other then get angry, blame themselves or get angry at their husbands. Few to none will ever initiate sex for any reason.

Women (in general) think that admitting a "need" or desire for sex is a personal failure. Women who want/need sex = sluts. Never mind they are married and asking the man who is supposed to provide the sex.

That said you wife may very well not want or need it. I don't know of course so my comments were out of line.

Female sex drive is about Testosterone but also about Estrogen and her Progesterone mix. If you feel she is not "right" having her GP check her out might be worth doing. I think the path of making your sex drive zero out so that you don't care leads you to a path of her feeling "rejection?" Most of the women on that support group take the lack of sexual interest as a very serious personal insult. When you "choose" to eliminate your desire for her that might compound the issue? Just thinking out loud.

I've been in the position of not having a sex drive and not understanding why anyone would want one but...

I think you are right that most women will not initiate sex. The closest they will usually get to initiating is wearing something extra frilly to bed. Then they need you to take the cue and take it from there. My wife was once in the habit of saying, "if you want some, you better hurry up because i'm tired". One time I wanted to see how long it would take without sex, for her to initiate. That was in 1995 when we used to have sex almost every night unless it was that time of the month. It took about three weeks and she started crying and asking why i didn't love her when all i was waiting for was some hint of initiating sex.

[Kangan (imported)]

I think you are right that most women will not initiate sex. The closest they will usually get to initiating is wearing something extra frilly to bed. Then they need you to take the cue and take it from there. My wife was once in the habit of saying, "if you want some, you better hurry up because i'm tired". One time I wanted to see how long it would take without sex, for her to initiate. That was in 1995 when we used to have sex almost every night unless it was that time of the month. It took about three weeks and she started crying and asking why i didn't love her when all i was waiting for was some hint of initiating sex.

You are right about women not initiating sex.

My wife gets all horny, but never says anything. Then she would start getting bitchy or weepy - eventually I learned that that was the time to bed her.

[mrt (imported)]

One thing I appreciate about men is they are often "direct" and to the point. Women rarely just "say it" no matter what "it" is.

I can't tell you how many times I've asked Mrs T to just tell me what she wants or what the problem is. Its very frustraiting.

"coy" is cute at times but....