My Penectomy Fantasy

[Rambler56 (imported)]

I've had fantasies about losing my penis for most of my life. It was as if I wanted to get away from it's constant pull, the nearly constant thought of it in my pants and of the things I wanted to do with it. I suffered from a near obsession with masturbation and with doing masochistic things to my penis. Tying it and banding it and such. I always felt ashamed of it, and embarrassed to have it dangling in my pants. I was in a state of near constant erection through-out my teen years, unless I have recently rubbed one out. It became an addiction. I never had much contact with females in a sexual way. I always feel uncomfortable and embarrassed of my penis. I was a virgin til I was 24, then I met a wonderful girl who would indulge me in my fantasies about such things as this. The sex was very good and very passionate, I learned very quickly how to be a good lover, how to attend to my partners desires, and I discovered that by making her orgasm, with my tounge and fingers, vibrator, flashlight, or whatever, I would have an orgasm of sorts myself, I would feed off her emotional responses and feel her orgasm inside myself, the more times she would cross the threshhold, the more intense my empathic orgasms would become. it was very hard to keep my hands away from my penis and to not stimulate it in any way, for if I did have an actual physical orgasm, I would not be so interested in pleasing her. There were times when we would 'disable' my penis in such a way as to desensitize it and to allow me to better feel to flow of her multiple orgasms. By tying it back between my legs and such, tape too. I am very hetrosexual, I love women, I see the average female form as more perfect than mine, trimmer, softer, one of the most beautiful forms in all existance. But I also see the fair female mind as something equally as beautiful and erotic. I am a very sexual person, though I am also a very attentive lover. Sex, to me and from me, is more about her pleasure than it is about mine, for I recieve pleasure from hers. I lost that girl, after a few years we went our separate ways, sex was the major basis of our relationship for a long time and it just couldn't last forever. It's been years since then and I still have the fantasy. It is like a calling. I would love to find a female who would enjoy being with me sans penis, to be equals, without the psychological pull of my penis. To have it gone and have just a small nub to play with, with my balls hanging below or no penis at all and just a pee hole behind my testicles. To live my days like that with a girl who would love me more because of and along with the fact that I have no penis and cannot enter her vaginally with such a thing. I think the ultimate would be for her female friends to know about it and to tease me and such. Spontanious male orgasm is possible, and I think it would be delightful to experience.

[genderless (imported)]

Very interesting fantasy. I'll give you points for a bit of creativity.

[Rambler56 (imported)]

I read the profiles of the women and all I can say that I am very sorry men have treated some of you so badly in your lives, esspecially as children. It is sad that you have not found a man who would treat you as you should be treated and try and help you to deal with your pasts. I am a kind man, not like the majority of men. I love women and hold them in high regards. I have helped a few women in my time on this planet, to try and help to put right what other men have hurt and ruined. It has been very hard at times, it truely hurts me to hear their stories and to know the things that bad men did to them. I am very empathic and I try to put myself in the place of these women and girls I know, to try and experience what they did, to feel the pain and humiliation they must have felt in those horrible moments. I know I would never truely feel it as they did, but by trying to feel it I try to help her to know that not all men are bad, not all men hurt, not all men are to be feared. I am a very caring, understanding and compassionate person. I am secure in who I am and I am proud of the kind of man that I am and the way I view members of the much fairer sex. I find myself gravitating toward women who have been hurt by men, I sense it, like a vibe. It is sad that many of the women who are hurt by men have a very very very hard time ever trusting one again, though it is perfectly, completely understandable. It seems these bad men's deeds have seemingly manifested itself as a hatred or strong dislike of male genitals and with men in general. Understandable as well. I actually dislike male genitals, not my own so much as those of other men I do not trust. I see them as weapons, to hurt women. I do believe that many men should lose thier balls because of the evil things they have done to women, children and sometimes other men. Women need to be protected from such men and the only sure way is to castrate the monsters, plain and simple, cost effective and quick, really no down side at all.

Anyway, I'll write more here or there.

Love to all, Jesse

[sapient (imported)]

Hi Jess, welcome to EA.

I think you'll find people here with experiences similar to your own. I can certainly recognize myself in your eloquent words. "Empathic orgasm" is a very good way to put it. I know what you mean - and in my experience those are a lot more emotionally satisfying then physical. At least in my opinion.

Lossing the penis, is dream you share with many here. And a lot of us has also had the "pleasure" of knowing intense torture to the genitals, as part of our stumbling roads. Some still enjoy it, when the final dream is unobtainable. But we try to advocate sense and safety - tiring though that may be sometimes...

Wish you well,

[Rambler56 (imported)]

Thanks for your support. I have fantasies and desires which make it hard to find partners who are open to them and don't find them vile or think I am less of a man for having such desires. I think many people are unconscience to the fact that a man should not be judged by the size of his penis or the lack there of. I am serious to the fact that I would like to lose my dick, but I would want to be in a long-term relationship with a woman who would be open to that and who would help me to make it a reality. I think it would be a wonderful rush to be turned on yet have no penis with which I could get quick satisfaction, for it to be more difficult to orgasm would be wonderful. I would love to meet a woman who wants to be in a relationship with a good man but doesn't want to have actual sexual intercourse, for she either dislikes penises or has a pain with intercourse.

I suppose the most inducing idea is having to sit to pee, like a woman, and having a woman know such a fact about me and to be happy that I would give up my manhood for her.

Don't get me wrong, I love women and I love thier bodies. I have a slight porn addiction, goes hand in hand with the masterbation addiction. It seems to take more and more bizarre porn to get myself off as the years go by. I am into some pretty strange sexual materials.

Here I guess I can find people who are into things that as at the least, less than mainstream.

I think the first time I realized I wanted my penis gone I was about 11. I tied it to a tree and swung on a rope swing. God, that hurt. But I was gradifying too. There have been times when I nearly cut it off myself, but I was held back by the fact that I may never meet the woman who would want to be with me afterwards. I am into hard CBT and find it hard to find partners into such things.

Yet, I know she is out there, waiting for me to find her. Perhaps she is here, or will find me here sometime. Peace and love to all.

[Kangan (imported)]

I prefer to stand to pee.

[sapient (imported)]

Yes, the desire to lose the penis can become very tough, almost overwelming sometimes. To me, that is mostly when I happen to imagine a particularly "truth-like" fantasy, something that is both realistic enough not to jog my natural scepticism and close enough to my ideal fantasy to really turn me on.

Once when I had such a strong fantasy, I decided to take some pictures of my dick on a cuttingboard with a big kitchen knife. Oh dear... I decided not to do that again. Some temptetions are best avoided.

But whatever I decide to do, whenever I decide, should be calm, considered and as safe as possible - that is paramount. There is no rush, the outcome will last the rest of my life - and such decisions need to be right the first time since there's absolutly no going back.

[stewie69 (imported)]

Yes, the desire to lose the penis can become very tough, almost overwelming sometimes. To me, that is mostly when I happen to imagine a particularly "truth-like" fantasy, something that is both realistic enough not to jog my natural scepticism and close enough to my ideal fantasy to really turn me on.

Once when I had such a strong fantasy, I decided to take some pictures of my dick on a cuttingboard with a big kitchen knife. Oh dear... I decided not to do that again. Some temptetions are best avoided.

I'm glad I'm not alone. I've done the cock-on-the-block thing lots of times. I've held a various bits of cutlery against my penis, and have even taken a few pretend swings with a cleaver a few times. (Yes, I've taken photos, too. Looking at them excites me.) As I don't really want to lose my penis, I've scared the hell out of myself that way. But that's where the real rush lies, after all. I get off on the fear. Sometimes during sex, I'll fanatsize that she'll cut my dick off when we're done, or even during the act. I keep that fantasy to myself, but it makes for some pretty intense orgasms.

[sapient (imported)]

Yes, that can be intense... Luckily for me I seem to desensitize to the individual fantasy rather quickly, so then I either have to find a new variant if I want to reach the same hight or the feeling is much less intense.

I used to feel sorry about this, but it's a good thing I've realized. It's what makes me comfortable going in to the kitchen again...

[helen col (imported)]

I've banded my penis several times until it went dark blue with the intention of slicing it off with a very sharp kitchen knife. The last time a few days ago when I did cut myself to a 1/4 inch and chickened out when the blood flowed. I just hate my penis and testicles. fortunately I do have a female friend who is very supportive