the 'occasional' desire

[andrew2005 (imported)]

okay ... here goes ......

I've lurked, read, and posted here for years.

In so many ways I identify as a gay male who desires a vagina instead of conventional male anatomy. No penis -- no balls -- a "cockpit" as some call it. I have had these desires and fantasies since I was a child. I have never identifed as really "male," but never as female either.

'Coming out' as a gay male made a lot of sense to me -- and I have to say I have never felt I was really a woman. I like being a 'fag' and it makes sense to me. However -- the idea of having female equipment (while remaining a "male" in lifestlye) is such a powerful, frequently recurring, and often overwhelming fantasy, that I know it is very, very significant to my psychological make up.

The problem: I'm dating a guy now -- and, ummmmm .....

Uhhhhh ....

I kinda like having a dick.

And my balls are awfully fun too.

And so are my boyfriend's.

I feel so ....... GAY!!

And delighted to be so.

I like his equipment, and I enjoy mine as well ... and when we are together I couldn't imagine my frequently fantisized alteration as part of the equation.

However -- I've had boyfriends before, and as soon as I've broken up -- the "cockpit" desires resume.

The "need" to remove my dick & balls.

This is my question:

WTF???

Sorry to be no more eloquent than that.

Am I two people?

Are my desires purely conditional?

If I were to go through with my interest in surgical alteration, would it be the mistake of my life?

Or the path to fulfillment?!!

Here's the other rub .... I am more than happy sexually with my boyfriend.....

Yet, the one night he is away .... Here I am back on Eunuch Archive.

Reading about penectomies ....

Whaaaaa ....!!??

joey

SERIOUSLY, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN!

I'm basically happy being male, except for this reoccurring fantasy to be nullified, and to have a vagina...but the minute I have a boyfriend, the fantasy fades until I'm alone/single. It's almost as if I don't want him, who I know so personally and affectionately, to be affected by my fantasy, because he wouldn't enjoy it or something...

Maybe the root of it is that we feel so happy with our boys that we don't want to change anything, for subconscious fear that it will alter our relationship? idk...just a guess...and no, I'm lazy and didn't read most of the other posts, so I could be repeating lol

[A-1 (imported)]

okay ... here goes ......

I've lurked, read, and posted here for years.

In so many ways I identify as a gay male who desires a vagina instead of conventional male anatomy. No penis -- no balls -- a "cockpit" as some call it. I have had these desires and fantasies since I was a child. I have never identifed as really "male," but never as female either.

'Coming out' as a gay male made a lot of sense to me -- and I have to say I have never felt I was really a woman. I like being a 'fag' and it makes sense to me. However -- the idea of having female equipment (while remaining a "male" in lifestlye) is such a powerful, frequently recurring, and often overwhelming fantasy, that I know it is very, very significant to my psychological make up.

The problem: I'm dating a guy now -- and, ummmmm .....

Uhhhhh ....

I kinda like having a dick.

And my balls are awfully fun too.

And so are my boyfriend's.

I feel so ....... GAY!!

And delighted to be so.

I like his equipment, and I enjoy mine as well ... and when we are together I couldn't imagine my frequently fantisized alteration as part of the equation.

However -- I've had boyfriends before, and as soon as I've broken up -- the "cockpit" desires resume.

The "need" to remove my dick & balls.

This is my question:

WTF???

Sorry to be no more eloquent than that.

Am I two people?

Are my desires purely conditional?

If I were to go through with my interest in surgical alteration, would it be the mistake of my life?

Or the path to fulfillment?!!

Here's the other rub .... I am more than happy sexually with my boyfriend.....

Yet, the one night he is away .... Here I am back on Eunuch Archive.

Reading about penectomies ....

Whaaaaa ....!!??

joey

You need to find a Man in a Woman's body and then trade bodies...

...or, as an alternative lifestyle, you could each pretend that you were the other one...

[chow_uk (imported)]

I know how you feel. My boyfriend knows how I feel and suports me which is important. I'm gonna try a Vee string (vagina prosthesis) to see what it would feel and look like the have a vigina, when I've got enough cash for one. Could be a good idea for your situation too.

go to: http://www.sexydirectory.co.uk/sexydire ... id/5726675