i don't kow why

[ballboy (imported)]

hi, i am here every day to read all on the board since i think two years now and this is my first thread. please excuse my horrible english, i was not verry good in shool.

i have also castration fantasys but it is what it is, only fantasie. i love to read everything off it but i dont whant to lose my balls.

but i love to torture them. i love banding and sticking needles throw them. i love the feeling when the needles are in but after the session i have everytime the fear that i have dameged them permanently. what should i do, i cant stopp it! i do this since 3 years. one year ago i hade a surgery on my left testicle where a (good) tumor was removed. the tumor was on the top so they let me my testicle but they removed 25% off it.

first i thougt this was what i need to stopp torturing my balls, but after 2 month the first needles where in.

i love my balls and dont want to loose them but i cant stopp torturing them, so whats wrong with me? can anyone here help me?

ballboy

[bobbie (imported)]

Your English is OK.

You are not alone in this type of desire. Many of us have torture desires but want to be able keep doing it. Very good friend was doing the same things to his balls. He caused great damage to them over the years. When he had his balls removed one was extremely difficult to remove. The Ball attached itself to the sack.

The type of needle that you use can cause great problems. If a stick pin type of needle the plating can easily flak off and be lodged in the ball. Piercing the ball over time will cause damage and resulting in it's possible removal.

Reducing the level of hormones in your body may also reduce the desires to torturing the balls. Not castration levels just reduced. Chemical castration drugs can be taken in less strength and be used to only lower the hormone level.

[ballboy (imported)]

thank you for your answer bobbie!

for ballpiercing i use sterile cannulas 0,4mm in diameter.

you think that my desire for sticking needles in my balls has something to do with my T-level?

my sex drive is normal i think, i need it every day, and i like this level.

which kind of castation drug do you recommend?

is this the only way to stopp me doing this to my balls?

is a lower T-level/sex drive the price i have to pay?

ballboy

[bobbie (imported)]

Most likely you desire to do things to your balls will decrease with lower hormones. I was on androcur for a long time before my castration.

You may want to talk to a doctor or a mental doctor. They may be able to help you with different drugs.

[vesal_mas (imported)]

What has been said about testosterone and self harming was also tru for me.

I think I love to hurt my testicles since 7 or 8 years.

Amongst other surgical tools of which I knew nothing about at that moment I found a tool which in fact is a retractor of the tongue of animals. I still have it. It has two oval rings mounted on a kind of Kocher. I remember clicking it to the 4th , sometimes to the fifth click. Looking at it now, my testicles must have been very small at that moment

I used it until my 11 or 12 years, when they didn't fit anymore. After that I found other instruments to pinch the cord, or the vas. I also experimented with my train transfo and managed to shock my penis until it bled. Not long afterwards electromasturbation was one of my favorites.

I also had a brief period of androcur (1 month) at the end of last year. After 3 weeks until 2 months later I did not want to hurt me once. My genitals were just a peeing tool, that's all. At the end of that month I tried the electromasturbation again. There was an erection, but no excitement. When it began to hurt I stopped, not beeing interested anymore.

Now, elastration, electric experiments and other are almost daily stuff again.

Human kind is strange, very strange.

Vesal!