Looking for support

[Nickks (imported)]

Hello all , hope you are all well and happy.

My names Gail and I am Nickks wife. I am geneticaly female and try to support Nickks fully and do believe I have done so the last 6 years we have been together with his gender dysmorphia.

He has now decided to go down the line of castration and after lots of tears and confusion (on my behalf) we now have a date for the castration with a Belgum clinic. I do understand how sad he has been all his life struggling with his transgenderism and I know (well pray) that castration will now be the answers to both our prayers. He was chemicaly castrated when I first met him and went into our relationship with eyes wide open. I had always hoped it would be enough for him me accepting him as he is, but unfortunatly as I have said its not and the need to remove all male emotions has resorted to him going for castration. I know I am going to suffer because of this....not to feel him make love to me ever again isnt somthing I am happy about. Also the worry of side effects having no testostorone will bring. He plans not to take any hormones after surgery.

Im looking for any wives out there that have gone through or are going through the same thing as me. Its not easy for me to completely accept the castration and do worry myself sick that it will only lead to him wanting more and more surgery and thats somthing I dont think I will be able to accept.

Please if anyone of you would like to reply to this I would be happy, but especially any wives or girlfriends out there that feel they have to always get hurt to make thir husbands happy......but hopfully in the long run will make us even closer than the soul mates I fell we are already. Closure will be wonderfull....best wishes Gail xx

[Kangan (imported)]

I am a genetic male who is not transgendered, but I am planning to have my testicles removed and not use any hormone replacements. My reasons may be different, but I am married to a wonderful woman for almost 42 years now.

You should find that just because your husband lacks male testicles [sic], he will not lack in affection for you. While he may or may not be able to have erections, he will still be able to have sex with you, but perhaps in a slightly different manner.

Please look around the EA and read the other posts. Many of your questions have already been answered.

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Hi Gail,

I am also a transgendered MTF and am fortunate enough to have the full support of my spouse. She has had her "melt downs" over the past year and a half, but she is an absolutely wonderful person.

I'll have her contact you. I'm sure with her past experience with me, she will be able to lend some support to you.

Hang in there, it could be a lot worse.

[Hash (imported)]

Sometimes things don't always work out the way we want or predict. For example, I did not want to take any testosterone replacement when I was castrated, and did not for awhile, but the effects of my castration (depression, osteoporosis, muscle loss) made me change my mind, so did my doctor. She encouraged me to use low dose testosterone to prevent osteoporosis and depression, so I now use a low dose and my testosterone levels vary between 170-220 (Normal intact male levels are between 300ml-1200ml). I also like the ability to control my testosterone levels.

My castration & low testosterone has done several things for me. Since I'm castrated, I feel at peace and I'm where I need to be physically & emotionally. I can get erections, which my wife is happy about. She will tell you that they are not as strong as they once where, but she is not complaining. Also, it takes me an extremely long time to get excited and I seldom have an orgasm. Strangely, I don't seem to miss it. It also seems to be true that a lot of transgendered men who get castrated, lose the desire to pursue further surgery. So wait a little while and see what happens. I think you're very supportive and caring, keep the faith and things will work out.

[liz (imported)]

Hello Gail,

One way to look at your husband's decision is to look at all the trouble testosterone in men causes to women and children. If my ex had decided to become a eunuch, I am sure he would have become more loving, less angry, and less interested in other women.

Also a man and a woman might be emotionally closer.

[sag111 (imported)]

Hello Gail i never had problems with gender dismorphia but my wife and i did relise my need for castration.We never regretted one day of this decission and my wife has been at my side all through this.My prayers are with you Gail hang in their and love him the best you can i can see it isent easy.

[Hash (imported)]

I believe Liz is right, though some may disagree. High testosterone seems to be the reason for a lot of problems and the reduction of it causes most men to become more loving, kind, and generally good natured. That's why we neuter male dogs, to reduce aggression and bring about a sweeter nature. So, as Liz said, look at it from the perspective that you may end up with a better companion, who loves you deeper than before. Hope! My wife said she would never want the old me back. Though there were elements that attracted us, the anger and control issues almost destroyed us.

[JesusA (imported)]

Here’s a link to an older thread that discusses some of the same issues. It includes a newspaper article about a support group of thirteen couples who have remained happily married after the husband has transitioned from male to female.

Spouses of the Transgendered (http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=9280)