A few of you responded to a thread I started a few months ago where I introduced myself and stated my interest in going on chemical castration. A few of you (you know who you are) gave me some really good advice.
To save you a trip back through the boards, I mentioned that I thought I was asexual and wanted to bring the physical and mental in line with each other. Basically, I complained that women or thinking of women didn't get me hard, and I haven't really felt much of a sexual attraction toward women.
Well....
The more I paid attention to these things, the more I realized that the issue wasn't whether or not I got turned on, but who and what turned me on. Yep, you can probably guess where I'm going with this. So this guy looked at me while I'm on the bus. I looked back. It moved. IT. MOVED. Then it all began to make sense.
Things like this have been happening more and more, not to mention the occasional crush on a guy friend of mine.Why hadn't this occurred to me before? Well, I'm a guy; I'm naturally a little thick in the head about these things. You all know how it goes. I'd always allowed for the possibility that I might be a little bit attracted to guys some of the time (particularly pretty ones), but my first fantasy as a kid had been about a girl. My first crushes had been on girls. I always emotionally liked the idea of being with a girl, just not so much in the bedroom. But I'd never put 2 and 2 together; I had thought that I was just a bit picky when it came to women. I'm also really conventional and low-key and more than a bit boring, and I've never been with a guy; I've even turned down offers. Basically, the serious thought had never occurred to me that I might be gay. I used to give it at most a 20% chance. Now it's more like 90 to 95% and it might get revised yet upward.
So I'm NOT asexual; it's just that I'm not heterosexual. My testosterone is more or less normal. Things do in fact work down below physically, at least now that I'm a little more comfortable up above. So when I said that I was beginning a journey and had no idea where I'd end up, I didn't know how right I was. I still have a lot to figure out, but I'm sure as hell not a eunuch, at least as now. To those of you who counseled me to hold off, thanks.
I still have a lot to learn. I feel like I'm 28 going on 13; at once it's very exciting and uncomfortable. Much of what I knew about myself was wrong. At least I don't have to go through puberty again or deal with hormonal changes. My problems are trivial compared with those that a lot of others have to deal with.
Since most of you probably don't care about my spilling my guts, I'll end it here. My further journey is not really that relevant to this site. Mostly, I wanted to thank people for giving me some really good advice and taking time out of their busy lives to deal with some random nut on the Internet. You really don't know how thankful this random nut is.
Good night.
