New guy unsure what's okay to discuss

[stewie69 (imported)]

I think you've come to the right place. I've been here for a while, and have learned that interests in this area range from fantasy (like me), to quite serious. I enjoy reading all sorts of posts, and hope others enjoy mine as well. I like the feedback I get, too, whether it be on the boards or in a private message. The only downside so far, is that I've gotten little feedback from women. I did receive one message from a young lady (well, that was what the profile said, anyway) who indulged me by describing how she'd like to tease me and then cut off my penis. I hope you get the responses you're looking for. (Oh, and ladies, I'm still eager to hear how you'd like to remove my cock )

[Kangan (imported)]

You are definitely in the right place. Feel free to tell us about your experiences and fantasies. I may be serious about castration, but I do have a touch of fantasy to go with it.

As I see it, the problems begin when the fantasy collides with reality. For example, someone who desires cutting their penis off, actually does it and ends up nearly dying from blood loss. It is important to know the limits of your fantasy.

Here's some of my experiences:

My mother walked in on me while I was masturbating under the bed covers when I was about 12. She didn't say much other than to indicate that she knew what I was doing. I was more careful about not making any noise after that.

At 16 I had my first genital exam which involved laying stark naked on the examination table while the doctor handled my testicles. It took all of my will power not to have an erection. On the trip home, my mother asked me if I had had to undress. I managed a nod, yes. Then she asked me if it had been a male or female doctor who examined me. When I said it had been a male doctor, she replied, "Oh good, I was afraid that you would be embarrassed if it had been a woman, because I always get a man doctor for my exams."

A high school friend of mine told me that his father had causght him masturbating one night. My friend tried to cover himself, but his father pulled the covers down so he could see his son's erection.

My mother tried to walk in on me while I was changing clothes after school and wanted me to show her my pubic hair. I knew that I would get an instant erection if I did, and so I refused. She never asked me again.

Many years later while I was in college, my landlady walked in on me while I was laying nude on my bed masturbating. (She always knocked on the door after that.)

I have a fantasy about being seen nude by strangers as a result, but I don't go around flashing in public. For me the fantasy only becomes reality when I am caught nude accidentally or under circumstances beyond my control such as in a doctor's office.

[Mr. Frog (imported)]

There's actually a progressive narrative in my assorted anecdotes, though they might appear to be random. It's difficult to put all these feelings and experiences into a coherent presentation, because we're dealing with primitive and illogical drives and emotions. I've been trying to organize my conflicting feelings into some kind of understandable storyline, if you will, that makes sense.

That being said, it occurs to me that I probably hadn't been clear about my reason for talking about the bondage scene from the porno movie Her Name Was Lisa. Though she doesn't threaten him, except symbolically, with the whip, he's in a really vulnerable position, and the scene could easily have gone on to depict her threatening him with castration. I think this scene ,which obviously made quite an impression, formed the basis of my castration fantasies as being both alarming, yet exciting.The exact reason why is another matter.

I'd like to quote from a book by Brenda Love, titled Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, published in 1992. Under the heading 'Discipline', she describes a BDSM scenario with one person as the authority figure and the other person the one to be punished for some imaginary transgression. The agreed upon punishment "...is a game designed to create anxiety or fear and transfer it into sexual arousal and passion." That could reasonably be more or less a description of the bondage scene from Her Name Was Lisa.

I'd also like to point out that castration scenes in themselves are not necessarily erotic. Two examples are from The Valachi Papers, in which a gangster who has been having an affair with the boss's wife is cornered in a restaurant and castrated out of sight in the kitchen, mercifully sparing the viewer the details. This scene is played for sheer terror, as the hoodlum realizes what they're going to do, and begs to be shot instead. The other scene is in Fight Club, in which a politician is trapped in a mens room by a group of young men who bind and gag him, pull his pants down and brandish a large knife at his unseen genitals, and tell him they'll castrate him if he doesn't agree to vote a certain way. Naturally, he agrees. This scene also was played for fright and suspense.

I do not find anything even remotely erotic about either of those scenes. One, they're both played realistically, against recognizable settings, and two, they both involve male characters terrorizing other male characters. They are closer in spirit to the male rape scene in Deliverance than the femdom fantasies I've been discussing.

I'd like to know what anyone else thinks about these ideas. Maybe other people have examples of their own?

[Slammr (imported)]

Although I was never caught by my mother or another adult masturbating, my mother mentioned once that touching myself "down there" would make me nervous. At the time, I was headed into the bathroom to masturbate and probably had an erection. I was spending a lot of time in the bathroom those days, and she certainly suspected I was masturbating.

One time, spending the night at an aunt's house with my family, I was sleeping on the floor, in the dining room I think. I awoke the next morning to people going in and out of the room. I was twelve at the time, sleeping in my white briefs. I was uncovered, and my erect penis was sticking out the side of my briefs. By then, I guess everyone in the house had seen it.

When I first started masturbating, I had a younger friend that hadn't yet gone through puberty, but probably knew more about sex than I did. I enjoyed letting him watch me masturbate.

Once on a school outing, some of the boys went skinny dipping. One of them was one of those dork type kids that no one likes. The others took his clothes and wouldn't give them back to him until he masturbated. When one of those boys told me about it -- although I was reasonably popular and wouldn't have been put in that position -- I wished it were me that had been forced to masturbate while the others watched.

I started masturbating at a late age, fourteen, even though I went through puberty at eleven. I had even had at least one wet dream before I learned how to masturbate. Once I learned how to do it, though, I loved it. I fucking loved it. It's about all I thought about during my fourteenth year. I was in love with my cock and what it could do.

Although I would sometimes tuck my penis and testicles between my legs and look at myself in the mirror, picturing myself without any, I never really had any castration fantasies as a kid. I don't ever remember even considering the possibility of cutting them off. All my castration fantasies started at an advanced age, initiated by sitting long hours at the computer with my balls uncomfortably scrunched up between my legs. One day, I thought, "Why do I even need balls?" I wasn't having sex with anyone and wasn't masturbating often. So, searching the Internet, trying to learn about castration, I stumbled across EA.

For a while, I was seriously considering making a trip to Philly to see Spector -- this was 2002 -- but, although I would still rather not have balls, just because they're always in the way and are uncomfortable, I decided that it wasn't for me. If anything, I would like to have more libido, not less. Age is slowly castrating me, and I don't like it.

I did find, though, that I enjoyed the castration stories and fantasies posted on the Archive, so much that I decided to write some myself. Actually, my first work of fiction was a story posted to the Archive. Now, I no longer have to read stories posted by others. The worlds I create for myself are much more real -- while I'm writing them, I live them -- and the pictures I make are fun, too. I share them on my website, but -- mostly -- they're for me. In many of them, I'm reliving my fourteenth year, the first year I started masturbating, the year I became a sexual being.

If I write a story about a kid, I'm always the kid. I'm living the story from his perspective, trying to imagine what it would be like to be him and to be castrated -- to lose what was the most important thing to me at that age, my sexuality. Now, even though I had no castration fantasies at that age, it turns me on.

[Mr. Frog (imported)]

I want to thank Slammr and anyone else ,who has been brave enough and generous enough to respond to my posts with descriptions of memories and experiences of their own. It doesn't get much more personal than this, and I appreciate anyone willing to discuss these ideas.

I mentioned previously that castration was sometimes a source of nervous jokes among high school boys when I was growing up. The Lorena Bobbitt case must have been about thirteen years ago, I think. The headlines about a wife who cut off her husband's penis while he was unconscious, and then threw it into a vacant lot, unleashed a tidal wave of jokes nationally.Everything from cartoons, to gags by standup comedians, to a radio station somewhere that held a "Lorena Bobbitt Weiner Tossing Contest", in which participants competed to see who could throw a hot dog the farthest through a target that had been set up. There was a sketch on Saturday Night Live that had Stewart Smalley, the sensitive guy, counselling John and Lorena Bobbitt on improving their marriage. One of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life was also on SNL, with guest host Martin Lawrence doing a bit in the opening monologue ,in which he claimed that it was a black man who had discovered the detached member, and proceeded to act out the alleged story, with himself as the puzzled finder of the object in question. He mimed a whole routine of the black guy seeing, and being baffled as to what this mysterious object was, until he dropped it, shrieking, " Oh my God, it's some white man's pillypacker!" The studio audience was in hysterics, until his routine got so raunchy, he was abruptly silenced, with a ' due to circumstances beyond our control' sign appearing on most tv screens across the country.

It has been said that almost all jokes are based on something that scares us; hence, jokes dealing with death. A variation deals with subjects like sudden public flatulence or other embarassments. It's not surprising then, that sexual anxieties would occur often in jokes, ranging from nervous virgins, to men trying to hide public erections, to men ending up neutered in some accidental fashion. At work on one occasion, when Viagra had recently been made available, I overheard a group of women discussing it and laughing. One woman apparently hadn't heard of the little blue pill, and she asked in a very naughty voice, " Well, does it stay up all day?", to squeals of laughter from the others. One can certainly add male performance anxiety to the list of subjects related to castration.

Thanks again to everyone willing to talk about these issues. I welcome responses from anyone with something to add here.