http://teacher.scholastic.com/professio ... onding.htm
The most important property of humankind is the capacity to form and maintain relationships. These relationships are absolutely necessary for any of us to survive, learn, work, love, and procreate. Human relationships take many forms but the most intense, most pleasurable and most painful are those relationships with family, friends and loved ones. Within this inner circle of intimate relationships, we are bonded to each other with "emotional glue" bonded with love.
Each individual's ability to form and maintain relationships using this "emotional glue" is different. Some people seem "naturally" capable of loving. They form numerous intimate and caring relationships and, in doing so, get pleasure. Others are not so lucky. They feel no "pull" to form intimate relationships, find little pleasure in being with or close to others. They have few, if any, friends, and more distant, less emotional glue with family. In extreme cases an individual may have no intact emotional bond to any other person. They are self-absorbed, aloof, or may even present with classic neuropsychiatric signs of being schizoid or autistic.
The capacity and desire to form emotional relationships is related to the organization and functioning of specific parts of the human brain. Just as the brain allows us to see, smell, taste, think, talk, and move, it is the organ that allows us to love or not. The systems in the human brain that allow us to form and maintain emotional relationships develop during infancy and the first years of life. Experiences during this early vulnerable period of life are critical to shaping the capacity to form intimate and emotionally healthy relationships. Empathy, caring, sharing, inhibition of aggression, capacity to love, and a host of other characteristics of a healthy, happy, and productive person are related to the core attachment capabilities which are formed in infancy and early childhood.
I recently attended a family reunion of
They were very nice and I felt welcomed. They were constantly mentioning how much I looked like my paternal grandfather. Even though they were quite nice I did not connect with anyone. I would certainly feel comfortable meeting with them again but I cannot say I would miss anyone if I was not able to return.
I do have to say they were nicer than my mother's family. They were rather shamed based people and I was gay. I was an early disappointment due to my dislike of sports and my interest in my chemistry set and building things. I would rather launch a rocket than throw a ball. I would receive sports based toys as gifts. One time I responded to a radio contest and won. I had no interest in the prize but when my mother found out I won a football we went to get it. It stayed in the packaging for weeks.
Have I developed enough for intimate love? Probably not but maybe in my next life. Sometime my heart breaks that I have no one special in an intimate, loving relationship but I have some very good friendships that fill the void. I wonder what it would be like if I could find a good therapist at an affordable rate to help me with those issues.
I know that in my case, I do have difficulty with forming relationships with others. I feel nothing toward anyone in my family except for maybe my grandmother and brother. I have one close friend, and for me that is plenty.