Desperate to be a Eunuch

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

tugon, you will outlive me because so many people here love you

[nutless1 (imported)]

You are 80% to true progress by recognizing and admitting you need attention and you are manipulative. The balance of true progress rests in your choice and decision to set aside the need for attention and/or manipulation, and choose the need and desire for true personal growth regardless of the outcome.

One thing I am considering is my doctor's request that I talk with the intake nurse at a psychiatrist's office. I had mentioned some residual sadness and depression due to events in my life. I can be a chameleon and become what the doctor wants me to be. I have always needed someone who could cut through my manipulation and make me be real. I also wonder if I would be going for true help or attention. Sometimes I feel very honest and genuine and at others I am attention seeking. I am doubting the benefits and wondering if I would just be wasting someone's time.

[tugon (imported)]

My older sister who I have struggled with all my years has passed away. Her dream was to move to Florida and live along the beach on the Gulf side. She wanted to spend her final years on the beach. Well she went to Florida to a nice beach house for vacation. During her stay she had a massive heart attack and died. Being a diabetic she had had several silent heart attacks. That massive heart attack fulfilled her dream of her final days on the beach.

Two sibling in two years is a bit unsettling. I have a younger sister that I should warn to be careful next year. Due to personal habits three out of four grandparent died in their 50's. My sister was 62 and my brother was 54. Luckily I am too mean to die.

Another funeral to attend and more time with remaining family. My brother's widow is taking over the job of bullying me. Her phone calls are unpleasant and blaming. Oh well soon I will be back to being a recluse.

[Losethem (imported)]

My older sister who I have struggled with all my years has passed away. Her dream was to move to Florida and live along the beach on the Gulf side. She wanted to spend her final years on the beach. Well she went to Florida to a nice beach house for vacation. During her stay she had a massive heart attack and died. Being a diabetic she had had several silent heart attacks. That massive heart attack fulfilled her dream of her final days on the beach.

Two sibling in two years is a bit unsettling. I have a younger sister that I should warn to be careful next year. Due to personal habits three out of four grandparent died in their 50's. My sister was 62 and my brother was 54. Luckily I am too mean to die.

Another funeral to attend and more time with remaining family. My brother's widow is taking over the job of bullying me. Her phone calls are unpleasant and blaming. Oh well soon I will be back to being a recluse.

Your brother's widow needs to mind her own f-ing business. Your brother is gone, why do you bother with her?

[Paolo]

I have to agree with LT.

If someone isn't a benefit to your life, boot their ass out of it. I will not tolerate someone who makes me miserable. There's no reason that you should, either.

As for your siblings dying, well, you know - it's always the mean and ugly, nasty one that lives forever... LOL! JUST TEASING!

That's what I tell my cousins, though. I'll probably be the last one to go!

Seriously, though - it's the strong ones who survive.

[JesusA (imported)]

It sounds like you are long overdue for some hugs from friends. Any chance you can make it to the MoM this year? I know we'd all like to see you (and give you some of those needed hugs). You are clearly one of the good people. Your family is here on the Archive.

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

I've only been to two MOMS, both here in California. and they were wonderful. I highly recommend it.

[tugon (imported)]

At 61 years of age I still hope to meet someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life. I know it is doubtful but I have lived on hope for many years. I once had someone tell me that they thought my chances were minimal and that hurt and changed the dynamics of our friendship. Never take hope from someone who hopes they can be loved.

When I was 41 and recently castrated and escaping from an abusive relationship I was amazed how my mind and thoughts had frozen in time. The abuse started when I was 23 and when it ended I wanted to return to being 23 years old. Of course that ship had sailed but I found myself interested in 23 year old men and the fashions of that generation but I was 41 years of age. It took me awhile for my chronological age to catch up to mental age. I was very resentful of the lost years. My life was on hold for 17+ years and without professional therapy I struggled alone with these issues for too many years.

Now that I am at peace and accepting of my age, I am happier. Many, many of my friends died during the early AIDS crisis and I have survived makes me happy but with a little survivor's guilt.

Here is to the following years where I will peacefully walk my dog. Live a life as a recluse with my art, music and library.

[Begoneboy (imported)]

Tugon: Your story sounds so familiar to so many people. Peacefully walking your dog and enjoying the art etc is great.

But you can find so much more. Find some thing to volunteer and give of yourself in order to help others. Not being familiar

with your area I can only suggest that there are literally scores of non-profits always looking for volunteers to help in

their efforts. I personally am involved with non-profits who go to third world countries and provide free medical care to

those in need. It is not only very rewarding but has created a family of contacts and interactions that have enriched my

existence to no end. It's just a matter of applying oneself. In life we need not wallow in dispirit when there are so many doors

to be opened if not just to see what's on the other side.

Every journey can be fraught with danger and discomfort but also with excitement and pleasure. Go ahead! Peek through a few of those doors!

[OneBallBoi (imported)]

TheIncuse has the same struggles.. He wants someone for his life too. For both of you the only source is the Eunuch Archives. Better look around here and be prepared to relocate to make for a better life for both of you. Happiness can be found if you look long and hard enough.