I went out to lunch with my sister and her spousal equivalent. Or common law husband after all these years. We had a nice time and good conversation along with mediocre food and bad service. Welcome to my town and it's rise to the banal. We ran a few errands and in the process poked a good deal of fun at one another. Our familiar humor seems cruel to others. My friend I was with when I flipped down the hill on my bicycle was shocked when we went to my sister's to have my wounds dressed. Her SO came out and referred to me as Lance Armstrong due to my cycling skills. Typical humor but my friend thought it was too soon since he was not sure if I were truly injured.
Adding to the day and not in a good way is when I was home and checked in on Facebook. I had a notice that the plans for a 40 year reunion was in the works. I was never so glad to get away from a group of people as I was on graduation day. My favorite movie after high school was "Carrie". I did go to my 15th reunion and was surprised all those bastards had amnesia. One woman asked me if I was married. I asked her what she used to call me in passing and does she think I was married. Another guy asked if I remembered all the fun at one of our classmates cabin. I said no I just remember what I was told would happen if I showed up. He responded with "oh we were only joking" and I mentioned that the threats "seemed very real to me". I had planned on being good and acting like nothing had happened but too many stupid questions made that impossible.
After walking my dog and visiting with others out walking their dogs I came home and called my sister. I told her about the 40 year reunion and that I had no interest in attending. I admitted that during much of that time suicide was my plan B. I was surprised when she told me she was surprised I had not committed suicide. She had told some of her friends she did not know how I survived. She struggled with her own stuff in high school but I was shocked she was aware of my struggles. My brother had shared with me how tough it was to have a gay brother but my sister knew how tough it was for me. I had no idea. I do not know if my brother will ever get how tough it was for me to be gay.
So no I am not going to see those people. I am sure they have changed and hopefully for the better. I just do not want to expose myself to them once again. Even the others who are gay now were not kind. Besides if I go to a 40 year class reunion I am certainly not old enough to attend.
