Was I oversexed or perverted or normal? What of the future?

[BudleyBare (imported)]

This coming Tuesday will be the 2 month anniversary of my emergency surgery, in which I unvoluntarily lost my right nut. In these two months I have experienced some (minor, by my estimation) "flashes/hot flashes", found this web site, learned a lot, had a lot of lab analysis on my blood, discussed my status with my several doctors, to a minor degree discussed my situation (physical and emotional) with only a couple of very close friends, and read a lot of stuff on the web about castration, eunuchs, etc.

The reason for this posting is that I have started to reflect on events in my past. When I was a teenager (I'm in my 60s now) I had no male role model, even though my father was alive and very caring, but he was almost always involved in making a living for the family. I have 2 sisters and a very domineering mother. The only formal sex education that I got was a film during a one hour class at school, and the rest was all from "talk among the guys". I was never into sports, thinking of things like football as commercial gladiators doing their thing for the money. I did like to watch individual sports such as ice skating, gymnastics and similar sports in which there is a competition with oneself.

I learned about nocturnal emissions, hard ons, masturbation, ejaculation, etc., by a natural course of events. I was so naive that it took years before I knew the difference between menstruation and masturbation; the words both started with a "m" and so my mind just merged them together. That lead to an embarrassing discussion one time with some school chums.

Anyway, I felt like I always had an erection, was obsessed with masturbating, even though many people told me that bad things would happen if I continued doing it, especially at the rate that I did. I was close to marriage once because that is what I was supposed to do, but eventually came out as gay. There has been a strong interest in nudism, but not practiced because I was always hard when nude, and then would beat off and immediately loose interest in things and people, and then ten minutes later be back at it again. An emotional roller coaster.

Now that I am in my sixties and experiencing new and unexpected things post-surgery, I am beginning to wonder if I was perverted in my teens, 20s, and 30s, etc., just oversexed, or what. I have very little interest in sex, being sexual, procreation, etc., but am beginning to think about the difference between skin-skin contact versus sexual contact/intent. Part of this reassessment comes from the fact that I check my scrotum while in the shower (especially so now after the surgery). The sensations that I feel are very dramatically different from all prior sensations during my life. I wonder if there was something physcially wrong with my right nut all of my life, but did not know what the "standard" feelings and emotions were to be, and so knew nothing could possibly have been wrong.

I find myself now thinking seriously about finishing the job and becoming a eunuch. The thing that concerns me the most is the hormones and making an irreversible change in my anatomy. Emotionally and psychologically I think I am about 95% at the "make me a eunuch" point, but I keep coming back to the hormonal changes as a stumbling block. I've thought about chemical castration as a reversible trial run, but something tells me that is not the right thing for me.

If I were to pursue the next step, I would probably include having the scrotum removed as well (concurrently). I definitely don't want a penectomy. Have thought about removal of the prostate for prophyllactic (sp?) reasons. I live in Panama, and so I suspect finding a willing doctor might be more difficult than those in the USA. I've actually thought of a trip to Europe to visit a clinic that was mentioned elsewhere on this web site.

For now, I am just sharing feelings.

[Hairless (imported)]

BudleyBear, Your not perverted unless your chasing children around the park. Did you ever have your testosterone level checked. There are ways of lowering it without castration. Your story is not that diffrient from many here. You should always try the chemical route first to see if you can handle no hormones. I did the chem cast thing first and found I couldn't handle it, even before it got to bad. But I was so obsessed with losing my testicles and scrotum, I found a way to make it happen. I am now very happy as a balless man, but I do take testosterone injections once a month to keep things working. Steve

[BudleyBare (imported)]

Steve, many thanks for your response!

Your not perverted unless your chasing children around the park.

By this definition, then, I am NOT perverted. I definitely do not chase children, anywhere, at any time, and never have. In fact, my tolerance for children is about 5 to maybe 10 minutes.

Did you ever have your testosterone level checked. There are ways of lowering it without castration.

Yes, post-surgery everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that could be tested has been tested through laboratory blood analysis. My testosterone is around 650, which I learned from this board is a "healthy" level. Your comment, however, caused me to pause. I have considered a trial run at temporary castration via chemical means, but your comment really did cause me to stop and think about things again. Thank you.

I did the chem cast thing first and found I couldn't handle it, even before it got to bad.

Could you elaborate on the "couldn't handle it" part? Are you referring to physical pain?

But I was so obsessed with losing my testicles and scrotum, I found a way to make it happen. I am now very happy as a balless man, ....

Did you in fact also loose your scrotum? This is becoming one of my strong interests. It is like I just don't want that "stuff" hanging there anymore. It never has been of any real use to me, and given the pain which preceeded my emergency surgery, I really don't want to go through that again. In the last 72 hours, there is beginning to be some indication that trouble is starting up naturally on the remaining ball, and I will be visiting my doctor shortly. I chatted with my next door neighbor yesterday (he is a retired surgeon), and he thinks my new symptoms are the result of scar tissue from the prior surgery. I suspect there will be more ultrasound and other diagnostics in the immediate future, given the increasing sensitivity in the groin area.

...

but I do take testosterone injections once a month to keep things working.

I do not know how to interpret your comment about keeping things working. What do you mean by that? My question really shows how little I know about the events going on in my body, and the resulting feelings and emotions.

The current status for me is that the last 48 to 72 hours are beginning to tell me that I may not have a choice as to whether I loose my one remaining testicle or not. My retired surgeon neighbor says it is nothing serious like the first incident that triggered this journey two months ago. But there is growing concern on my part based on increased sensitivities and hardening that I feel) that I may not have a decision in this matter. The confusing part for me right now is that a part of me secretly is hoping for the second removal to be done. And the follow on, if that is the case, is why not just have the ball sack (which would then have no purpose) removed as well. Since I am dealing with traditionally western-trained doctors, I suspect that they have a code of conduct that says something like "do the minimum to keep the person healthy".

P.S., I still do not have a clue as to what triggered the first problem. The doctors can only tell me that they have never seen a case like mine. Ever! It was so strange that the [lady!] anesthesiologist (sp?) stopped by my hospital room the day after the surgery to share that the three surgeons had made a bet that my "problem" was simply an infection, but that they had no alternative other than to operate based on symptoms and the doppler ultrasound diagnostics. When they cut open my scrotum (I was totally out, of course), the three surgeons gasped, stepped back from the operating table about a foot upon seeing the black necrotic (dead) right testicle, and said in unison words to the effect of "how is this possible?". There is a thing called "torsion", but that apparently was not a factor in my case, and torsions generally happen to young males (under 20 for the most part, so I'm told).

[Sac_mec (imported)]

I've just caught this thread BB and now I realise just how much is happening to you; physically and mentally at the same time. I hope for a happy resolution for you:)

No, you weren't perverted either. Guess what, we have Nude Beaches and Dunes in the UK and it even gets hot enough to enjoy being nude (in summer)

When I was in my 20s and early 30s we would frequently go to one of several

Gay Dune/Beaches and they would be full. It was (usually) fairly innocent fun with a large number of Sun worshippers strangely carrying binoculars and the game was to be at a reasonable distance from them and then maybe choose to stand up and take in the beach just as the sun had helped give you a whopping hard on. Both voyeur and exhibitionist enjoyed it and no-one was hurt by it.

Of course some Dunes had an area often described in a Guide as "Action derriere de la plage" but I think most of it was just curious cruising.

It is quite frequent to be young and sexual, so don't look back and feel regret or perverted. Good luck with the future I believe that it will be emotionally and mentally both a challenge and rewarding. Keep us posted, please

[Paolo]

Synonyms - young, teen, boy, pervert

No, you were fine.

You're just now realizing this change later in life, through reflection, aided by a lower testosterone level.

Much like the effects of alcohol on the brain, so do sex hormones have this effect. When you "dry out", perceptions change.

I don't think you're any more perverted (or were) than the rest of us. Sounds pretty tame to me.

[Hairless (imported)]

BudleyBear,

I think that 650 may be a little high for you at your age. I'm 54 and am comfortable at 350. But I guess everyone is different. You might ask your doctor if there is a way of decreasing your T level without eliminating it.

I tried depo-prevera for three months and didn't like being without the T. There was no pain involved, I just felt tired, was very emotional and had heart palpitations.

I had my scrotum removed along with my testicles and really like the feel of it. I must admit though, the look takes a little getting use to, but I'm liking it a little more all the time. It's hard not to miss the look of something that had been there for so long. The only reason to keep the scrotum is if you want to get prosthetic testicles to keep the manly look or if your interested in SRS surgery, but I don't think so.

As far as keeping things working, I mean by taking testosterons injections I can still function sexually as a man. What is nice about the injections, is my doctor can make sure I get what I need and not get so much as to drive me crazy. With the correct amount of testosterone I feel great and my emotions are in control. It also means I won't have the physical problems guys go through without it. Read some of the threads on becoming a eunuch and you will see what I mean.

If you want to know what I have gone through, read my thread in the Surgical Castration section titled " Is Dr. Kimmel the way to go". My last entry is a summation of my sugery, since that part of the thread was lost to the computer virus.

There are a lot of good and knowlegeable people her that will advise you, but you can read some of the threads to find out what some of the guys have gone through. Castration should not be taken lightly, there is no going back. For me, I am more happy about myself than ever. This doesn't mean it's the right choice for everyone.

I hope this helps. Just get lots of information before you make your final decision, Steve

[BudleyBare (imported)]

...

But there is growing concern on my part based on increased sensitivities and hardening that I feel) that I may not have a decision in this matter. The confusing part for me right now is that a part of me secretly is hoping for the second removal to be done. And the follow on, if that is the case, is why not just have the ball sack (which would then have no purpose) removed as well. Since I am dealing with traditionally western-trained doctors, I suspect that they have a code of conduct that says something like "do the minimum to keep the person healthy"....

For an update, I have been to my doctor today about the increasing sensitivities in the area of my recent surgery. He is thinking that it is more than likely just scar tissues that may take months to years to heal. However, he is starting me on some anti-inflammatory and anti-something else (I can't remember that word right now) as a precaution.

An important thing about today's visit with my doctor was that I brought up for the first time with him the possibility of just whacking out the other ball. He did not react negatively at all, but suggested we go slowly. The possibility of becoming a eunuch was put on the table as of today for discussion. Wow!! Not what I expected at all. From the follow-on discussion, I got the clear impression that he wants to be sure that we know all of the possible implications, both positive and negative, if such a course of action were taken. This is because of other health issues that I face. Note that this topic and his response was after a very thorough examination, and he did feel some abnormalities about the remaiining testicle and surrounding tissue. I did not raise the issue of scrotum removal, partly because I think I want to go in that direction but am not sure of all of the implications right now. I definitely do NOT want a penectomy (and doubt that he would go there if I brought up the subject).

[tugon (imported)]

I am glad you have a good rapport with your doctor and he is taking good care of you. As far as your original question I will also say you sounded normal to me. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.