Decision Made & Going For It!

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Thanks for your assistance Terri. I do appreciate it.

I'm now up to 4 Mg.'s per day on my estrogen intake. That's up 1 Mg. from the past 4 weeks. My breasts have become tender again and I have noticed an increase in their size and rate of development. OMG, it's wonderful!

And thank God, after just 8 1/2 months the estrogen is finally beginning to effect my face. My facial features are beginning to.....for the lack of a better term "soften". I'm also pretty excited about this. It's my understanding that the face is the last part of your body to develop or show the effects of FHRT....in other words....the hardest part to change.

Electrolysis is also going well, but proving to be a bit more painful than originally anticipated. But what can a TG/Girl do? The beard has got to go!

Going out to the night club again this weekend with my spouse dressed as myself. Hope to have the same great time as always.

[EricaAnn (imported)]

To all my friends,

The events of the last few days have become too much of a burden to deal with. My situation has already caused too much pain, hurt and sorrow for my dearest spouse and my children.

I have given much thought to this whole GID issue and it has reached the point in my life where I can't deal with it anymore......so I guess this is..... good by.

Thanks to each and everyone for being my friend. I have appreciated your support and help.

Maybe.....in the next life....I can truly be me.

[lindaleah (imported)]

Dear EricaAnn

I am so sorry things aren’t going well with you but please assure me you will not do anything to hurt yourself!! Life doesn’t always give us what we want when we want it but I will assure you if you think back there were times when you felt things would never happen and yet they eventually did. And even if not how do you know what the future holds??? I Just heard of an 80 year old who transitioned so never never give up. I also am backing off for now but will continue low level FHRT and will do what I can to feed the female in me.

I care

LindaLeah

[bryan (imported)]

Everyone,

I just spoke with Erica's spouse. Erica left work early today and has been missing for five hours. The police have been contacted. Everyone is very worried about her.

Erica: If you are reading this, please let your loved ones know you are okay. Give me a call, too, so we can talk.

To others: Prayers for Erica's safety are appreciated!

UPDATE: Erica just came home and is safe. Very depressed, however.

Change that prayer request to one for Erica's encouragement (and gratitude for her safety).

Terri

[plix (imported)]

Erica,

I am so glad to hear you are safe. You had me very scared for a little while (I didn't read far enough to see Terri's update at first). I just want you to know that I care and you can always drop me a line if you want to chat. I am in a position where I cannot transition, so I deal with a lot of pain everyday and know what GID feels like. I hope you are able to find a way to make everything work the way you want it to, because no matter what, that is always possible.

Stay safe and please don't give up.

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you very much for the concern. I do appreciate it. There was never a chance for any suicidal actions. I'm not that type of person. I could never take my own life for the following reasons.

I firmly believe that life itself is a Gift from God. It is not up to me to decide when this gift of life will end. That is strictly up to Our Lord.

I'm a coward. I can't hurt myself even if I tried.

The last 8 1/2 months since I started transition have been the best months of my life! Why would I choose now to end my life when it's just starting to go my way?

Needless to say, I could not convince the police of this fact.... since my spouse had called them thinking that I was going to take my own life, so I ended up spending Friday night and Saturday morning in the Physc ward of the local hospital. What a HORRIBLE and HUMILIATING experience that was! God, I never want to go through that ever again!

So since the weekend was trashed from the start, I decided to get the rest of what I needed to do done. I went to both my parents houses on Sunday and told them about me and the GID. Dad took it a lot better than Mom....that's for sure. A lot of cussing and swearing on Mom's part.

Oh well, that was my weekend. I sincerely hope that yours was better!

[Taylor (imported)]

Hang in there Erica Ann. There are always people here who understand.

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Hi all,

Well, it would appear that the fall out from my big announcement to my family is starting to come in......and it's not good. My only sibling, my brother, called my youngest son tonight, I guess in an effort to see where he stands on my GID/transition issue. In this conversation he related the fact the he "was going to write me off". Take that for what it's worth. And based on my brother's relationship with my Mother, I've got a feeling that she's pretty much in the same camp...even though I haven't heard from her yet and possibly won't. That's the kind of person she is.

The jury is still out on my Dad and his wife. I haven't heard from them either, but then again it's only been a day since I told them.

I knew that this was going to be a long and difficult journey and many who have traveled this road ahead of me have also warned me of the dangers and the possible losses....and now I'm getting the chance to experience it first hand, but there is an old saying that goes.......No pain, No gain! Acceptance seems to be a very hard thing to find in this world.

My brother did say that if I put aside this "crazy behavior" I could be a part of the family again. WOW! If that's not a case of typical conditional love, I've never see one!

But to put myself away, my real self, Erica, would be too high a price to pay for this conditional love. There is no decision....I have to be me. It's just that simple, besides who knows what the next condition may be for their love. God only knows!

So I may have to continue on in my life without them, which will certainly be both of our losses.

[Robby (imported)]

EricaAnn,

Glad to see you posting again. You know what people say, "There is nothing better than tough love." Not sure who said that but I have experienced it first hand much the same way you are now.

I also know that true love is unconditional love and you have a good head on your shoulders to know who loves you. Mr. Brother has the nerve to say, "

if I put aside this "crazy behavior" I could be a part of the family again.

" Who does he think he is, the second coming of the Mesiah? http://www.eunuch.org/Public/Images/ea1/E9.gif

Your difficulties are not going away soon but you seem like the person who could handle them as they come. Meeting you at the first MidWest E.A. Meeting was fantastic. You and the lovely Miss E are wonderful people and hopefully we will get to meet again.

Be strong, know the one you love and

"Hate new york city

Its cold and its damp

And all the people dressed like monkeys

Lets leave chicago to the eskimos

That towns a little too rugged

For you and me, you bad girl"...

Randy Newman, I Love L.A.

Take care my friend,

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Hi Everyone!

It's been a few weeks since since I posted and my fateful weekend and just wanted to let everyone know that things are going much better.

The weekend before I had dinner with Terri, who has now moved into the area. She was of great assistance in helping me purge some of my heartache from the events of the previous weekend. The spouse and me also went out to dinner with another couple we met while out at a local TG friendly night club. We met Geri, who is a CD, on his first night out dressed. His spouse Johanna is a wonderful person and is on her way to accepting Geri. We had a great time together!

We also went to a rather unique church service conducted by Dignity Chicago and designed to service the G.L.B.T. community. It was a very moving experience for me.....for it was the very first time in my life that I worshiped as myself. It was wonderful!

Things are also picking up with the higher estrogen dosage, as prescribed by my doctor. My breasts are tender again and I'm experiencing a growth spurt. Things are also moving along in the redistribution area. My waistline is continuing to shrink and my hips are wider. Now that's all real good!

I still haven't heard anything from my family since my big announcement of two weeks ago, but that doesn't surprise me. Maybe with some time, they'll come back around, but maybe not! I'm really starting to understand the pain and loss associated with GID and it's hard, very hard. But at least I still have the support of my spouse and a few select friends.

P.S.: I have noticed the same thing Robby....few and few posts on the site. Wondering if it has anything to do with the turmoil over the political forum and recent departure of certain key members of the community?