Late onset (yet always there)
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Hairless (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
I third Mr.T. I know I had my scrotum removed and now regret it, but only for SRS/GRS. I have enjoyed not having it, but if I decide to progress to womanhood, it will cost more and be more evasive. If I go the whole way, I want a functional vagina, even if I can't find someone to love me that way. I think it's part of who we are.
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OneBallBoi (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
Saying it in my language.. You, Erica Ann, Danya... The three of you have more courage then I ever thought of.. I so admire you that you can reach out and do what you heart really says.. I so admire you that you can make this transition from Male to Female.. Congratulations....Hugs. I am proud of you three.
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EricaAnn (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:57 pm Saying it in my language.. You, Erica Ann, Danya... The three of you have more courage then I ever thought of.. I so admire you that you can reach out and do what you heart really says.. I so admire you that you can make this transition from Male to Female.. Congratulations....Hugs. I am proud of you three.
Hi OneBallBoi,
Thank you for the lovely compliment. Knowing you makes me appreciate your encouragement even more. You are truly a wonderful and understanding person.
in August.
Hugs,
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EricaAnn (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
mrt (imported) wrote: Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:53 am I'm so happy for you and relieved that you've passed that step or stage where being "you" is not only natural and right but feeling normal.
A new job sounds like a nice clean break from the old you.
One thing I would suggest is this (And sorry this is i know, very personal) but why limit yourself with your GRS surgery? Whats wrong with leaving your options open? I know that having a relationship is not the reason your doing this but why make it more difficult "if" you decide to have one later? It doesn't mean you have to use your new ahh "equipment." I mean if the right person comes along?Why not???
Why not???
Terri,
I'm with Mr. T and all of the others on this point. I know I've mentioned this to you in person and I really think that you should give the dilation issue some more thought.
In my own opinion, if you're going to go through the expense and the pain of GRS you might as well follow through with a regular dilation schedule.
Take my word on this matter, it can be a bit of a hassle at first
by and will quickly become a part of your daily routine, just like doing your hair or makeup.
You never know what the future might hold. Think about it Sweetie.
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tugon (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
Terri I am so happy for you. I know how long you have struggled and I am glad you are reaching your goals. I wish you much happiness as you become your true self.
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
Hi Terri,
I was so happy when I got my new driver license showing not only my new legal name but also 'F' for female. So I definitely relate on that.
You've come a long way and I am happy for you.
Best wishes,
Danya
I was so happy when I got my new driver license showing not only my new legal name but also 'F' for female. So I definitely relate on that.
You've come a long way and I am happy for you.
Best wishes,
Danya
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bryan (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
Hi everyone,
Today on Terri's Diary we are serving up a big steaming plate of DIVORCE!
When spouse got wind of my name and gender change, she called to say, "That's it. I'm filing for divorce." I wonder why she waited so long. It's not like the GID showed any signs of going away.
Received the proposed "Marital Settlement Agreement" from her lawyer on Tuesday. While reading it, felt like spouse was trying to destroy me. Felt like I was BEING FITTED FOR A DOG COLLAR! Here are the basics:
- Bank Accounts: Roughly a 75/25 split in her favor.
- Income: Alimony and child support together are half my current net paycheck, and alimony is set to rise 5% annually. These monies are to be paid thru a state agency, not directly, SO WE HAVE A PERMANENT GOVERNMENT OVERSEER BETWEEN US! If I'm ever unemployed, take a lower paying job, or have financial hardship, I'll have to take it up with a GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRACY, not ex-spouse.
- Custody/visitation: Spouse gets sole custody. The only "visitation" I get is being able to send e-mail and postal mail. No phone calls, no visits. AND GET THIS: IF SPOUSE DIES, I STILL DON'T GET CUSTODY. Spouse's sister and her husband get custody or some future-though-currently-nonexistent stepfather gets custody.
- Life Insurance: The agreement required me to get $200,000 worth of life insurance. However, I'm uninsurable "due to diagnosis of GID in 2004," so that requirement has been removed. (I've been turned down for life insurance at work by two different carriers. Life insurance underwriters are obviously aware of the suicide risk associated with GID.)
WHAT WAS MY RESPONSE TO ALL THIS? First, asked my boss for Wednesday off so I could find a lawyer and "process" this whole thing mentally and emotionally...
ON WEDNESDAY, had a short time in prayer and realized I am simply incapable of fighting. My actual preference on Wednesday was to die; then spouse and child would get $200,000 from a policy my dad took out years ago and both our families would take comfort knowing there's been an end to this whole tragic affair. But since death isn't an option, the next closest thing is to "roll over and die": just agree to everything without a fight. Like I said, I'm incapable of fighting. I don't have fight/anger in me (see first post in this thread: "wouldn't want to hurt a flea"). Also, my emotions are too fragile. But, too, Jesus' words about turning the other cheek come to mind. So I filled out the paperwork, agreeing to everything. Realized I don't have what it takes emotionally to hire a lawyer and become an adversary to my spouse. (Other Scripture coming to mind on Wednesday: "Bless those who persecute you... In doing so, you will heap burning coals on their head.")
Another reason I'm not fighting: Spoke with my son over the phone and his wishes are in line with divorce agreement. He doesn't want phone calls or visits. And he would want to live with auntie in the event spouse died.
So -- I'm not happy about the whole thing but I do have peace. Any responsibility will be spouse's. Someday she may regret what she has done regarding custody arrangements.
How am I feeling? (1) Reasonably good, (2) stable emotionally, and (3) I just have to avoid thinking about my son or (1) and (2) evaporate.
Life goes on,
Terri
P.S. -- Interestingly, lately I've been I'm wondering if I can avoid GRS. It's a huge expense and there doesn't seem to be too much need for it. So what if locker rooms present a problem such that I can't go swimming? I can live without swimming. I won't be in any romantic relationships, so who cares what sort of genitals are in my pants? Certainly I am ever-so-glad for castration in 2005; if I still had testicles, there'd be more dysphoria.
GID tends to go in waves, and I may be in a lull right now. Or maybe this is in response to the pending divorce. Or maybe -- just maybe -- I've hit my comfort point with regard to GID. It helps not seeing my male name anymore. Seeing "female" on my driver's license is a big psychological relief. Being accepted as a female socially is the main thing for me.
Today on Terri's Diary we are serving up a big steaming plate of DIVORCE!
When spouse got wind of my name and gender change, she called to say, "That's it. I'm filing for divorce." I wonder why she waited so long. It's not like the GID showed any signs of going away.
Received the proposed "Marital Settlement Agreement" from her lawyer on Tuesday. While reading it, felt like spouse was trying to destroy me. Felt like I was BEING FITTED FOR A DOG COLLAR! Here are the basics:
- Bank Accounts: Roughly a 75/25 split in her favor.
- Income: Alimony and child support together are half my current net paycheck, and alimony is set to rise 5% annually. These monies are to be paid thru a state agency, not directly, SO WE HAVE A PERMANENT GOVERNMENT OVERSEER BETWEEN US! If I'm ever unemployed, take a lower paying job, or have financial hardship, I'll have to take it up with a GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRACY, not ex-spouse.
- Custody/visitation: Spouse gets sole custody. The only "visitation" I get is being able to send e-mail and postal mail. No phone calls, no visits. AND GET THIS: IF SPOUSE DIES, I STILL DON'T GET CUSTODY. Spouse's sister and her husband get custody or some future-though-currently-nonexistent stepfather gets custody.
- Life Insurance: The agreement required me to get $200,000 worth of life insurance. However, I'm uninsurable "due to diagnosis of GID in 2004," so that requirement has been removed. (I've been turned down for life insurance at work by two different carriers. Life insurance underwriters are obviously aware of the suicide risk associated with GID.)
WHAT WAS MY RESPONSE TO ALL THIS? First, asked my boss for Wednesday off so I could find a lawyer and "process" this whole thing mentally and emotionally...
ON WEDNESDAY, had a short time in prayer and realized I am simply incapable of fighting. My actual preference on Wednesday was to die; then spouse and child would get $200,000 from a policy my dad took out years ago and both our families would take comfort knowing there's been an end to this whole tragic affair. But since death isn't an option, the next closest thing is to "roll over and die": just agree to everything without a fight. Like I said, I'm incapable of fighting. I don't have fight/anger in me (see first post in this thread: "wouldn't want to hurt a flea"). Also, my emotions are too fragile. But, too, Jesus' words about turning the other cheek come to mind. So I filled out the paperwork, agreeing to everything. Realized I don't have what it takes emotionally to hire a lawyer and become an adversary to my spouse. (Other Scripture coming to mind on Wednesday: "Bless those who persecute you... In doing so, you will heap burning coals on their head.")
Another reason I'm not fighting: Spoke with my son over the phone and his wishes are in line with divorce agreement. He doesn't want phone calls or visits. And he would want to live with auntie in the event spouse died.
So -- I'm not happy about the whole thing but I do have peace. Any responsibility will be spouse's. Someday she may regret what she has done regarding custody arrangements.
How am I feeling? (1) Reasonably good, (2) stable emotionally, and (3) I just have to avoid thinking about my son or (1) and (2) evaporate.
Life goes on,
Terri
P.S. -- Interestingly, lately I've been I'm wondering if I can avoid GRS. It's a huge expense and there doesn't seem to be too much need for it. So what if locker rooms present a problem such that I can't go swimming? I can live without swimming. I won't be in any romantic relationships, so who cares what sort of genitals are in my pants? Certainly I am ever-so-glad for castration in 2005; if I still had testicles, there'd be more dysphoria.
GID tends to go in waves, and I may be in a lull right now. Or maybe this is in response to the pending divorce. Or maybe -- just maybe -- I've hit my comfort point with regard to GID. It helps not seeing my male name anymore. Seeing "female" on my driver's license is a big psychological relief. Being accepted as a female socially is the main thing for me.
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EricaAnn (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
Terri,
After reading your post, I was left absolutely speechless and quite dumbfounded. There is a big difference between being incapable of fighting and agreeing to a fair and just settlement for both parties. That's why we have lawyers. We hire them to fight for us so that we don't have to do it.
Your soon to be former spouse has taken advantage of you with this settlement. This whole divorce matter was brought on by her inability to open up her heart and accept you for the person that you really are and always have been. So much for her practicing her so called "Christian beliefs" and yet by agreeing to the terms of this very one sided agreement for have once again allowed her problem to become yours.
Based on the financial terms you have agreed to and your statement regarding your thoughts on the GRS, it would appear that you have sacrificed all your dreams, wants and desires in your life, because you did not have it within you to stand up for yourself and what was right for you.
I hate to say it, but I'm very disappointed that you signed off on such an unfair agreement and gave away your own future and happiness. :realpisse
After reading your post, I was left absolutely speechless and quite dumbfounded. There is a big difference between being incapable of fighting and agreeing to a fair and just settlement for both parties. That's why we have lawyers. We hire them to fight for us so that we don't have to do it.
Your soon to be former spouse has taken advantage of you with this settlement. This whole divorce matter was brought on by her inability to open up her heart and accept you for the person that you really are and always have been. So much for her practicing her so called "Christian beliefs" and yet by agreeing to the terms of this very one sided agreement for have once again allowed her problem to become yours.
Based on the financial terms you have agreed to and your statement regarding your thoughts on the GRS, it would appear that you have sacrificed all your dreams, wants and desires in your life, because you did not have it within you to stand up for yourself and what was right for you.
I hate to say it, but I'm very disappointed that you signed off on such an unfair agreement and gave away your own future and happiness. :realpisse
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Hairless (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
I have to agree with Erica. Just because you have GID, doesn't mean you're OK to be raped. The wife's lawyer always goes for the juggler. That doesn't mean you give in. That's just their first, unreasonable, stand. Please get an attorney and work up a counter offer. Giving up your kids should not be an option, not to mention the unreasonable financial arrangements. Please get some legal help with this. Being a Christian doesn't mean you just lay down and take it. It's all about being fair and what's being proposed, is not fair. 
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plix (imported)
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Re: Late onset (yet always there)
Terri,
It is good to get an update from you. I am glad to hear that you are feeling good even with everything that has happened.
I'm going to agree with the others in that I believe the agreement is unfair and you are being taken advantage of. I doubt very much your spouse and her attorney believed you would actually accept it. Chances are it was a starting point to get negotiations rolling. Also, you might want to consider whether what you heard on the phone is truly what your son wants or what your spouse is telling him he wants.
However, you do mention that you are at peace after accepting it, and if that is true, then I am happy for you. It certainly is not my position to make you give something up that brings you peace. Although ideally the goal would be for you to be happy with the arrangements, peace can sometimes be worth more than happiness.
*Hugs* I hope all continues to go well for you. I do enjoy reading your updates.
It is good to get an update from you. I am glad to hear that you are feeling good even with everything that has happened.
I'm going to agree with the others in that I believe the agreement is unfair and you are being taken advantage of. I doubt very much your spouse and her attorney believed you would actually accept it. Chances are it was a starting point to get negotiations rolling. Also, you might want to consider whether what you heard on the phone is truly what your son wants or what your spouse is telling him he wants.
However, you do mention that you are at peace after accepting it, and if that is true, then I am happy for you. It certainly is not my position to make you give something up that brings you peace. Although ideally the goal would be for you to be happy with the arrangements, peace can sometimes be worth more than happiness.
*Hugs* I hope all continues to go well for you. I do enjoy reading your updates.