Why do I have these thoughts/

[Enk (imported)]

I am a professional guy 37, I love my wife and 2 kids. In 93 or 94 when I first got onto the web, one of my first searches was for castration, and found to my surprise others who seemed to have the same interests. I have a LOT of questions....

I am a hetero guy, with a moderately high sex drive (which I do not enjoy having- I think about sex a lot and would rather I didn't). My main choice of sex with my wife would be going down on her, which I love doing, the penetrative bit is not all that important to me.

I love reading the stories about me being castrated by women, and find them extremely arousing- virtually every time I masturbate I climax as the woman removes my balls. But I really do think that I would like to have them taken away- I have never liked the appearance and feel of them- I am happy to be a guy, but would just rather be one without my nuts. But how can one tell where fantasy ends and real desire begins?? I reckon that having been thinking about this off and mainly on for over 12 years qualifies as a real wish, but where can I go from here. How do I tell my wife???!!!

I don't know of any place in the UK where I could medically have this done, and I don't see me seeing a psychiatrist ( I wonder how they decide who is "sane" and who is just a nutter)-no pun intended?

I would love to do myself, but I realise that there are significant risks involved. Also, I understand that some guys cannot stand the lack of testosterone, and need to take some- again that wouldn't worry me- I would still be without my hateful balls, but how does one get it, without seeing a doctor- It seems easier for you USA ones who can be done by a doctor, and later prescribed hormones if required- I can't see me flying to Philly every time I need a new prescription!

I would love to hear anyones thought on my "predicament"- I reckon the first step is to try to discuss with the wife and see her reaction, and though I wouldn't like to lose her, and doubt that that would happen, it is still a very difficult subject to bring up.

Fantasy or real desire- how did you guys decide you really wanted it, seeing as it is such a one way trip? ( Though it is nothing lost that can't be replaced from a bottle, without those horrible things between my legs)

Perfectly happy with the penis- I have no desire to lose that.

Apologies for the rambling post, perhaps I should have written all this down first, but I am a genuine wannabe, or am I?

Help

Enk

[allen stretch (imported)]

I was in the same predicament as you and one night while I was drunk I told my wife of my desire to be castrated. Her first reactions were horific, I think because she thought I was telling her our marrage was over, but when I finaly convinced her that I wanted to be castrated because I love her she calmed down. I have raised the subject again a few times since without getting any shock reactions, but as yet no signs of encouragement to go ahead and have it done.I know I will decide to have it done soon and then I will have the same problem as you, finding someone to do it in the UK.

IN my case telling my wife of my desires was the right thing to do, she is slowly coming to accept my wishes, and I feel relieved that I am not coping with my desires on my own anymore.

Goog luck for the future, and if you find anyone to do it in the UK please let me know

[eunuchwanttobe (imported)]

Hi

I too have the same problem, so you are not alone. The research that I've done has lead me to beleive that I would be examined by a psychiatrist who would wish to find out why I need to go down this road. I have this desire to be castrated to either lose or reduce my libido, my libido has lead me in to difficulties previously and I am concerned that if I do not find a way of controlling it I will get into further problems. I will carry on looking, I did hear that there was a "cutter" operating in the UK but the trail went cold. If I have any luck I'll let you know; hopefully you will do like wise.

[philorchites (imported)]

Why would a guy want his balls taken off? A lot of EA guys have tried to answer that question. The results are indecisive. For some it just a fantasy thing (that's where I am) and that is where it ought to stay. As I have said elsewhere, some dreams are better as dreams they ever could be as dreams-come-true. The dreamers need a good dose of reality, and ought to read the thread, "Consequences of Castration." The neat thing about fantasy is that you can have your balls taken off in the most outrageous way, and repeat it as often as you like!

Much more serious is a case like Erik's. He really needs to explore and discover why he hates (his word) his balls. I would want to know that I had not mistakenly put the blame for problems in life, real or imagined, on my balls. If so, cutting them off won't solve the problems, and will create new ones (again, see "Consequences of Castration"). Erik should also look in HRT if he wants to go on giving good head to his wife. Without the will, you won't find the way.

However in a day when people may elect to have all other kinds of surgery to modify their bodies, it is strange that men are not given the freedom to have their balls cut off, if they want to, by a competent professional under safe conditions. Meat cleaver castrations are no better than coat hanger abortions.

[Riverwind (imported)]

To Enk, eunuchwanttobe and Allen,

I think the best way is to bring up the subject again with a twist.

Tell her you would like to try this via chemical castration for a year or two first, then if you both agree, have it done. If not you will know sooner then a couple of years.

philorchites,

If you dont understand, then I believe you most likely never will. This is something that is rooted in from a very early age. I can tell you why I was castrated but I would be lucky if you understood. It just Is. It would be like asking a woman what its like to have child birth, I was there for all of mine and I havent a clue. It just Is.

River

[dolphinwolf (imported)]

River has metioned a very good option to telling your wife. I think if I were in your shoes that would be the avenue I'd take.

You'd have to be into serious CBT to have a fantasy about getting cut and having an orgasm in the same breath. I couldn't imagine that amount of pain and being able to climax to. I dont think I'd mention why you would want them gone and put it in the same text with the fantsay. Thats what causes the confusion.

I can only speak for myself, but I didnt think about castration at such an early age. In fact it never crossed my mind until I found out they didn't work in the first place. Then I thought about it. My thoughts aren't related to a fantasy, so I can say that its more reality based. I certainly wouldn't have a woman, or a non-medical person, cut me. Even if it meant that I had to travel overseas.

It just boils down to, don't mix fantasy with reality.

Bright blessings

[philorchites (imported)]

philorchites,

If you dont understand, then I believe you most likely never will. This is something that is rooted in from a very early age. I can tell you why I was castrated but I would be lucky if you understood. It just Is. It would be like asking a woman what its like to have child birth, I was there for all of mine and I havent a clue. It just Is.

River, you may have misunderstood my rhetorical question ("Why etc"). It wasn't meant to imply that there is no reasonable or valid answer, as in "why would you ever do that?" I was just stating the question before going on to answer it. I can well understand that there are reasons which lie too deep for words. Those of us with any kind of body mods know that often the only answer we can give for some of them is, it felt like the right thing to do, and I wanted to do it, and somehow wasn't happy till I did it.

As for understanding your own reasons, all I can do is try. You have to give me the benefit of the doubt until I prove that I am a hopeless case!

[SplitDik (imported)]

I'm in pretty much the same boat as you Enk: 32, professional, happily married, two kids, hetero but strong dislike of my male genitals and the trouble/obsession they create.

I have slowly come to an understanding of what I want and why, so hopefully some of my comments will help you.

1) I was primarily driven toward castration because deep down I resented the loss of control due to overactive libido my balls created. I was very horny all the time, and it adversely affected everything. Basically I was a sex addict, causing me to waste time on porn, to cheat on my wife, to waste tons of money on prostitutes, and basically not be able to focus on anything except my preoccupation with sex.

2) I finally realized that despite my castration desire and attempts I like being a man. I like being muscular, dominant, energetic and much of this is driven by testosterone. While I did actively seek castration since my late teens, castration is (un)fortunately not easy and I mainly just damaged my testicles in various ways. However, now later in life I realize that I would end up being seriously depressed if I was not tough, muscular and masculine. You need to seriously reflect on this.

3) What I really needed was just to take the "edge" off my obsession, not eradicate sexuality completely. I really needed to normalize my sexuality.

I was lucky because I did see a psychiatrist (I went to hospital emergency and demanded to see someone after yet another serious attempt at auto-castration). He was good/understanding and treated it as a combo sex addiction and self-harm obsession. He prescribed an SSRI drug called Celexa and it IMMEDIATELY (NEXT DAY) started to work. I went from a daily routine of crushing my balls, seeing dominatrix once a week, and wasting almost every night browsing online porn to rarely even thinking of hurting myself, only seeing an escort about once per year, and being more modest in my porn viewing.

So my first major recommendation is to see a psychiatrist about "sex addiction" and then when discussing why it is a problem discuss your desire to seek castration as a way out of the addiction. This will seem quite reasonable to any good psychiatrist.

If the SSRI type drugs don't help, then you probably should seek moderate chemical castration. Again, this could be administered under a "sex addiction" treatment. I have taken some chem castration drugs (bought from transsexual acquaintances) but for me the SSRI has done better. But since SSRI does not help everyone, then you might need to take this further action.

Anyway, my main point is to seek a psychiatrist's help and probably tell your wife too but put it all in the context of a sex addiction that needs control. In that context, castration desire will not seem to be "nuts".

Hope this helps!

[Riverwind (imported)]

philorchites,

If you dont understand, then I believe you most likely never will. This is something that is rooted in from a very early age. I can tell you why I was castrated but I would be lucky if you understood. It just Is. It would be like asking a woman what its like to have child birth, I was there for

all of mine and I havent a clue. It just Is.

River, you may have misunderstood my rhetorical question ("Why etc"). It wasn't meant to imply that there is no reasonable or valid answer, as in "why would you ever do that?" I was just stating the question before going on to answer it. I can well understand that there are reasons which lie too deep for words. Those of us with any kind of body mods know that often the only answer we can give for some of them is, it felt like the right thing to do, and I wanted to do it, and somehow wasn't happy till I did it.

As for understanding your own reasons, all I can do is try. You have to give me the bene

fit of the doubt until I prove that I am a hopeless case!

OK fare enough.

River

[thefraj (imported)]

Enk,

I know exactly what you're talking about (oh, and I'm from UK too by the way! And castrated!). It doesn't seem logical does it? Why would a male want to intentionally damage the very bit that makes him male?

But the idea that a person can be 'normal' or 'sane' is just an ideological illusion. We are all different. (And we differ in the ways in which we are different!)

But it is important to separate the fantasy from reality. And there are (non-permanent!) ways to achieve this.

You can be chemically castrated by using Androcur or Depo-provera over time. And you will feel (emotionally and mentally) very similar to how you would feel were you physically castrated.

If this idea is not appealing (and only the idea of having your balls destroyed is a turn on), then it is probably a mind-splinter that is better remaining in the bedroom, or your own personal fantasies. But if the idea of being (at least temporarily chemically castrated) gives you that familiar tingly/stabbing sensation and desire, then it may well be worth looking into.

But whatever you do, it is only fair to gently introduce it to your other half beforehand. It is difficult, and needs to be done very gently (most women will be horrified at the idea!)

How she will probably see it:

--------------------------

You have a desire to horrifically mutilate or harm your body

You have a desire to be a freak that is neither male nor female, which throws into question the very nature of your marriage.

She may worry that you will not be (or are not) the same person she married in the first place, perhaps even that up until now it has all been a lie.

Some useful counter-ideas to introduce:

-------------------------------

You will still be the same wonderful person she fell in love with. But more gentle, and calm.

You have had children, and they are no longer essential, and serve much less purpose.

Re-assure her that you still most definitely male, and have no desire to change gender. (I'm sure this will be a deep-seated worry!)

And above all, it will change nothing between the love you share.

Best advice I can offer is a little information at a time. Don't bombard her too much with it (although I'm sure the first mention will cause so many questions it may be unavoidable!)

Try to plant these thought-seeds gently, and allow her own curiousity to naturally bring her closer to the idea.

Anyhow, sorry to sound so preachy, I just want to try and offer everything I can, and I totallly understand you're predicament. Good luck on your voyage of self-discovery!

~Rog.