bruce2 (imported) wrote: Fri May 20, 2005 2:54 pm
well my testicles do seem to be shrinking a little. i'm wondering if DP is ever going to cause "total impotence" ... with 300mg in me and going on a month almost, I can still get erections and orgasm ... I know "give it time" but it seems the only people who get totally impotent are those on Androcur ... from what I read DP only brings you down to "pre pubertal" testosterone levels but not any lower ...
If your testis no longer make testosterone then that is really as low as you can go.
bruce2 (imported) wrote: Fri May 20, 2005 2:54 pm
for those who have been on DP for a year or more, do you feel you've ever achived "total impotence" or asexualization?
You will ALWAYS be able to obtain an erection, either by rubbing it in your sleep or thinking sexy thoughts. Since, I assume, you still have a working prostate you may leak semen during or after these erections or while moving your bowels. And you can still masturbate if you really want to, although ejaculatory volume will be lower than before, depending on how often you do it.
Today I think the "eunuch calm" is starting to hit bigtime. It kinda snuck up on my, I keep thinking "so THIS is chemical castration?" as I was expecting something more dramatic I guess ... but today I was in the bathroom and thinking about masturbating and the desire just wasn't there ... playing with my cock seemed about as exciting as eating on a full stomach ... it just seemed indulgent and like it wasn't "getting me anywhere" ... it took a long time to actually get an erection, and the whole time I wasn't really even careing too much ...
I wanted to see if it were still possible to cum, so I played with my cock for a long time, to my favorite fantasy, yes that of being chemically castrated. And being actually chemically castrated while fantasizing about being chemical castration made it even more "exciting" on that level ... I really had to pull out all the fantasy stops, as I couldn't muster up a sense of "urgency" and I felt as if I could just stop at any minute and I wouldn't even care. Normally if I start to masturbate it's a one-way ticket to orgasm, there's no way I could stop once i started. But today it took alot of concentration to get to that feeling of "urgency" which eventually did come ... and I had a pretty week orgasm, which still felt good.
my question to anybody that knows: I have 300mg of depo in me now, going on about a month ... what do you think the "curve" looks like, in other words, how much longer will the Depo that's in me really supress my sex drive and testosterone levels, and when do you think I might expect things to come back to normal? I know it's somewhere between a month and three months, but I assume maybe two to three more weeks of "active" supression from the DP and then my own testosterone will start to increasingly "win the battle".
right now it feels pretty good to be like this ... my sex drive feels like it's coasting, like a car that's run out of gas ... I do have anxiety though about not having a sex drive, as good as it feels not to have one -- so maybe eunuch hood isn't for me ... my plan now is to let things slowly come back to "normal" and see if I can handle it ... if I start feel out of control maybe I'll just make Depo part of my monthly routine.
well i guess it's too soon to say, as it's only been a day or so of feeling really "calm" and maybe I'll grow to like this feeling and lose my anxiety about being asexual ....
Several weeks into my first two shots of Depo, yesterday I started to really get that "Depo" feeling ... not exactly asexual, but my penis feels small and calm ... but ironically this seems to turn me on. I would love to get to the point of "true calm" where I can have close to zero erections and libido 24/7.
I've got to make a decision now: Go for my third injection and see where Depo really takes me or back off and slowly return to "full sexuality".
I've got my third dose of 150ml Depo Provera sitting on my table, needle attached ready to go.
I really feel I'm at a crossroads, not sure what to do. Any advice or words of encouragement would be helpful.
UPDATE: Shortly after writing my last post, I went ahead and gave myself Depo shot #3, 150mg into my left ass-cheek. I guess I was tryinging to "psyche" myself into doing it, I'm always a little scared when it comes to giving shots, and I'm also still a tiny bit ambivilant about chemical castration. But I've come this far, and I hear that Depo really starts to kick in after the third shot ... so here goes. As I mentioned in my earlier post, it seems the earlier two doses of Depo are starting to kick in, so the addition of this third shot should really put my chemical castration into high gear. I'll post an update in a few days and let everyone know how it is going.
Good for you, B2. As years of monthly injections go by you will feel better & better. I'm glad you are getting over your fear of needles. It gets easier the more you do it. And the glutes are the most comfortable injection sites. For me self-injection is like brushing my teeth.
wow, after the third shot of depo things really have started to kick in. no morning erections and today in particular, my cock is just hanging there with a pretty lifeless feeling. I went in the shower and tried to masturbate, but my cock didn't respond at all. It's not the smallest it's ever been, but it just sits there at about 1", and no amount of stimulation in the shower got it any bigger / harder.
i feel like i'm just starting to experience what "real" chemical castration is.
bruce2 (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 13, 2005 3:34 pm
wow, after the third shot of depo things really have started to kick in. no morning erections and today in particular, my cock is just hanging there with a pretty lifeless feeling. I went in the shower and tried to masturbate, but my cock didn't respond at all. It's not the smallest it's ever been, but it just sits there at about 1", and no amount of stimulation in the shower got it any bigger / harder.
i feel like i'm just starting to experience what "real" chemical castration is.
You CAN masturbate to orgasm while the penis is soft to semi-erect, if you are really determined. But you really have to have a good reason to even bother, like a strong desire to measure semen output, which you will find decreases as the years you spend on DP go by. Or maybe you won't care about that. DP really makes sex boring. BTW, I can't even remember the last time I had "morning wood".
Before I had SRS, I took Provera and it totally disolved my testicles. Just a though. I believe that if someone sticks with the Provera it will disolve the testicles just like a sugar cube in hot coffee.
Lesliegirl -- in your other posts you said you were on oral provera. And then you posted about starting on injectible provera. In any case I've never heard about "testicles dissolving" on Provera, especially if it's oral. This thread is not a fantasy thread, remember, I'm trying to keep other members informed about the actual results of being on Depo Provera, and in all my research I've never heard that it "dissolves" ones' testicles. But thanks for sharing.
Good for you, B2. As years of monthly injections go by you will feel better & better. I'm glad you are getting over your fear of needles. It gets easier the more you do it. And the glutes are the most comfortable injection sites. For me self-injection is like brushing my teeth.