The words you are stupid and you will never amount to nothing were often said about me by my dad, but thanks to the grace of God I was blessed with my mom and maternal grandmother, and I did not allow those words to ring as true in my mind or spirit.
From a very young age I was neither athletic, nor was I mechanical like my one older brother. I'd much rather be in the kitchen with mom learning to cook, or in the basement folding clean laundry, rather than tinkering with tools and learning to throw a baseball or football, or shooting hoops with my brother and dad. Summer visits to my maternal grand mother were enjoyed in the kitchen learning to prepare family recipes, rather than any activity other than swimming the hot summer day away, in which I could be myself just floting or doing the doggy paddle in the water, and not have to be competitive like in a sport.
Both my mom and grandmother were encouraging and supportive in my non-macho interests and pursuits, and would say, "don't you pay mind to those who speak negative things about you and your choice of interests. They are just envious.". I figured this statement was directed toward the words my dad would say whenever I was, which was always, clumsy at sports and mechanical things I undertook to do. That encouragement and support led me into a successful degree education and career in hospitality business management. That encourage and support taught me to be a person builder with encouragement and supportive words, to employees and other people. Yet my dad's words were always there in my mind, and drove me to be the best in whatever I chose to do; reinforced by the statements of my mom and grandmother.
Surely we cannot escape our past history, especially that of parents, teachers, and other adults as we were a child growing up, but the one most valuable lesson I learned was that I have a choice how I can and will respond to the words, statements, and proclaimations made to and about me.
The option about having personal choice to respond in a manner different than that which was spoken to and about me by other, s, especially my father, becam strikingly in focus and clear when I became a father to two sons. I realized my dad was doing the best he knew how to rear children based on that which he had observed as a child from his father, my grabndfather. He was not aware of or taught about having a choice to respond differently than what he observed. As a father he simply mirrored his father’s words. When I learned that children mirror their parents words and actions, the option of choice became clear to me. Awareness of having a choice is the key. It is a simple concept, but not an easy one, given our childhood mirror programing. I was fortunate to have two parents, and have two different and distinct mirror programs from which to choose which I would follow in my life, and pass on to my two sons.
sag111 (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 24, 2005 1:29 pm
I have often wondered why i somtimes feel down on myself and why i feel less then.But as i look back on my childhood i remember being called stupid and you are never going to amount to anything more then i care to want to remember it.But its still their and so that part of my past is still their to haunt me and to let me know it will always be a part of me no matter how hard i try to distance myself from it.
I also relize that their are things that i have done and will do because of this thing we call our past.I am just courious how others see themselves and how the past has formed their lives for the good or bad of it
