Coming Out

[numnuts (imported)]

Hey, Ya'll. I've been lurking here for quite a while and really enjoy this place. So thanks to those who are responsible for it. It's fun and frivolous, but you're really doing a service at the same time.

I finally filled out my profile, so I thought I'd shoot off a short post to say hey. My interest in castration started around when I first went looking on the net and found this place. I've had a hyper libido since I can remember. Since I started puberty I'm sure. It seems specifically to revolve around masturbation. Ever since I first discovered it, I had to have it. I'm an absolute chronic masturbator.

I don't know how to explain it, but I gotta do it just to get through the day, whether or not I even want to. I physically start shaking if I don't play with myself. It's all I can think about. I edge a lot, because it's not necessarily the orgasm I'm after, it's just the urge. So I'll masturbate all through the day, but orgasm only when I can't prolong it any longer. And the orgasm actually seems like it ruins it for me. I don't really get much enjoyment from it at all because all I think about afterwards is having lost that momentum. It seems like such a waste.

It seems like nothing can distract me. I'm either masturbating or looking forward to it. And specifically my ball sac. I like playing with and rubbing my ball sac more than anything. Believe it or not, but I've orgasmed while just caressing my scrotum. And not intentionally. Either way, masturbating or not, it's all I think about.

I never saw it as a problem until a few years ago. And to make a long story short, it completely runs my life. I'm bisexual, and have had sex with a few people, but I've never gotten anything from it. They've tried and I've tried to get something from it, but it's nothing like masturbating. And it's not like I even want to masturbate. I've always felt Asexual deep down inside. It's just this urge, it makes me anxious and controls me. The only way to satisfy it is to play with myself. And that appears never ending. It just goes on and on and on, I'm missing so many other things in life.

I've discussed it as best I can with my doctors. I've been on the SSRI's and everything for anxiety. None of it has alleviated my urge, and it seemed as if I was treating something I didn't have a problem with. It's just so hard to explain, and of course no one will listen.

I do however find relief, and a lot of hope from coming to this place. I don't know what the future holds, but I certainly hope it entails something that will relieve me of this weight on my back. It feels like I'm carrying all this baggage for nothing. And I can only think of one thing that may rid me of it. I've never felt depressed, but actually smile to myself when I think of dealing with my balls, instead of my head. Just the thought makes me breath a sigh of relief.

As I said, I've tried everything I can think of. Even trying to embarrass myself. (as you will see from the link in my profile) But even that doesn't make me feel that way. It's actually a relief to have people see me like that because that's how I actually feel. My whole body feels horny and pumped up sexually like that. It's like electricity. But it feels so good to be honest about it finally.

Sorry if I'm out of line, or this isn't the place for this. It said to introduce myself here, and since I finally filled out my profile, I thought I would. Just getting all of this off my chest feels so good. Thank you to the people responsible for this place.

P.S. If anything in my profile, or the link I put up is inappropriate here, please let me know and I'll remove it. But that's who I am right now, and what controls me. It feels good being honest about all this, because It feels like a step in the right direction. And it feels good thinking about continueing on and following through on this path I've come across. The funny thing is, it seems like it was there all the time. Thanks for letting me open up about it.

[Robby (imported)]

Numnuts,

Welcome aboard. I read your intro with interest. Glad you feel comfortable here and hope you post more often.

Reading your progress on your feelings about yourself would be great. Keep us posted.

[Malecheii (imported)]

Hi and welcome. I really appreciated your post as it somewhat parallels my feelings. Despite being in a committed relationship, I somewhat prefer the thrill of masturbation and autoeroticism.

Not to say that my partner is not "fulfilling"- he is and more! However, I too have become somewhat obsessed with taking matters into hand. The thoughts of a chemical or other more permanent solution both excite me and gives me some hope of control.

Thanx for sharing. Hope to hear more from you soon.

Malecheii

[An Onymus (imported)]

What numnuts describes, actually sounds like an addiction. If you read it as if the autoeroticism were, instead, the act of using crack cocaine, then it would sound quite familiar.

Interesting to speculate whether some people have some sort of susceptibility to chemicals produced or released in autoeroticism, which has a similarily to what goes on in the brain when someone has a chemical dependency. The idea of "sex addiction" does not, so far as I know, include the concept that there are unusual chemical events occurring in the brain, so I think that a genuine addiction-like effect in the brain would be different than the usual notion of sex addiction.

[numnuts (imported)]

I'm not discounting any possibility, or reason or ryme. My doctor suggested everything from bi-polar to obssessive compulsivve OCD, OCCD (which I can't even remember) to depression. I've done the ssri's, the busphar, the paxil and everything inbetween. And I'm willing to do it all over again if I have to. I wish it would work, but so far it's not. I'm just getting really tired of it all, is all. But thanks to everyone for all the nice replies, and advice and understanding.